


Legend of the Wolf Child

by BittyBlueEyes



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bad Wolf, F/M, Mystery, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-04-21 12:46:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 95,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4829657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BittyBlueEyes/pseuds/BittyBlueEyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor is the lone survivor of the Time War and believes that being alone is exactly what he deserves. A group of villagers insist otherwise. They claim that there is one he is destined to be with. The Doctor has never believed in prophecy, but there is far too much coincidence surrounding the words 'Bad Wolf' to deny that something is at work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's been awhile, but I'm finally posting a new fanfic. And it's a long one! Admittedly, I'm rather nervous about it. It is complete though and will be updated regularly.
> 
> Many thanks to ascballerina for the beta.

The Doctor stood up in the seat of the wooden cart and surveyed the large crowd packed tightly in the village streets, groaning in exasperation before hopping down from his spot. The horse-like pack animal hitched to the cart snorted and stamped anxiously, trying to back away from the mass of people enclosing on them.

“You and me both,” the Doctor told the creature. He turned then to the driver. “Sure you couldn’t have taken us through the field?”

The driver pretended he couldn’t hear the Doctor and went around the back of the wagon to retrieve the Doctor’s heavy duffle. As soon as the heavy pack was slung over his shoulder, the Doctor started wading through the oppressive throng, doing his best to block out all the shouts and cheers. It was nicer to be esteemed by a village rather than residents wishing to lynch him, but he still highly preferred being left alone. They weren’t trying to seize him exactly, but many kept tugging on his leather jacket, trying to get his attention. Try as he might to ignore them, some of the louder cries and those almost directly in his ear, got through to his attention. Each one was worth an eye roll, a huff, a scowl, or a growl of frustration.

The Doctor liked to help where he could, but was not one for fanfare and was irked by ovation. He was often able to escape with little or no notice, but a large crowd had congregated and followed after him even before he arrived at the final site with his equipment. Then he had to wait for his little human helpers to bring the other spikes that he’d set up around the area. By the time they started back toward the village, though he’d have rather his driver take him through the nearby fields, more than a thousand people were following after. The small village couldn’t possibly have a thousand people, so residents of neighboring villages must have come for the spectacle. And now that they were safe, he was the sole spectacle.

A feast, a festival, a tribute they were all offering him. Many were offering to let him rest at their house as the celebration was prepared. Others were asking him if he ate and what kinds of things he ate, all wishing to cater to him however they could. This level of laudation didn’t happen often, but the Doctor had still experienced it a number of times. Even so, these people seemed different. They were a completely human population in the year 7832, decedents of an independent group that set up a private colony on this planet, Ahnier. Humans of this time had quite advanced technology, but this colony on Ahnier denounced technology, returning to the lifestyle of the most ancient of primitive humans on Earth. This village was made up of buildings made of mud bricks in the style of ancient Greek homes. They used wooden carts drawn by animals and those same beasts of burden helped tend the fields. A couple thousand years after the colony was settled, they still had no desire to break from their primitive lifestyle.

If they were happy living this way, the Doctor wasn’t going to judge. The thing he found curious was that they had lost all knowledge of the universe beyond their planet, yet were not at all surprised when meteors began raining down on them. And though there was fear, there was no panic. And then he, a man from beyond their planet, showed up and they didn’t question him either. No, they did question him, asking if he ate and what he ate, knowing he was different. They just didn’t seem surprised or bothered. His coming was foretold, they’d told him. A man from the stars would come and save them when the stars started to rain down. The Doctor found that bit interesting, very intriguing, but not enough for him to press for more. He just wanted them to get the hell out of his way so he could get back to the TARDIS. He still had about a mile to walk once he got out of the village.

“Enough!” the Doctor roared, stopping to look at the people around him. The volume of the crowd dropped to a near silent hush as they all listened for their hero to speak. “I appreciate the gratitude and all, but I’ve already said that I’m not stayin’. Have your little festival, but leave me alone! I don’t want your food and music and dancin’. I want to leave! So just stop pullin’ on me and get out of the way!”

The volume raised again as the villagers began speaking amongst themselves, discussing the Doctor’s commands. The Doctor nodded in satisfaction and began walking again. He didn’t make it more than a few steps before one woman’s voice called above the others.

“But you can’t go yet. You must be rewarded.”

The Doctor didn’t look back when he replied. “Don’t want no reward, thanks.”

“But you must accept! You must! The prophecy… We are to give you a gift. It is our duty, our honor! Please, we beg you to accept our gift!”

When the woman finished her plea, the entire crowd around him began begging in earnest. The Doctor continued to push on, nudging people out of his way, but even more uncomfortable than the cheers were the imploring looks and hands poised for prayer as they beseeched that he accept their gift.

The Doctor rolled his eyes and huffed in frustration. “Fine! A gift. Fine. Just give it to me already and let me get out of here, alright?”

Great relief swept among the people and they parted easily to make a path for a man and woman to approach him.

“Right, they’ll part for them,” the Doctor grumbled to himself.

“Great Hero,” the man said decorously. “It is our greatest honor to present you with the gift of our daughter.”

As the man said this, he held out a swaddled infant for the Doctor to accept. The Doctor’s eyes widened and he blinked at it in disbelief. Recovering from shock, his expression immediately morphed to disapproval.

“ _That_ is your gift?” he asked in disgust. “A baby? You’re trying to give me a baby?”

“A bride,” the man corrected. “I confess, we did believe she’d be older before you arrived, but she is unquestionably destined for you.”

The Doctor scoffed incredulously. “A bride. A baby bride. Are you bloody _mad_?! You expect me to raise a baby and then marry it? Or am I supposed to marry it as is? Not bloody likely.”

The Doctor turned and began forcefully shoving through the horde of stunned and fearful people.

“But you must!” the baby’s mother cried desperately. “It is destined. You must-”

“I must do nothin’!” the Doctor roared, rounding on her. “I saved your lives and you act like you’re obligated to indulge me, but _really_ you’re makin’ out that _I’m_ the obligated one! I don’t want anything from you. I’m not takin’ anything from you. Least of all, a baby! All I want is to get the hell out of this place! If you’ve got even the least bit of respect, you’ll get the hell out of my way and let me alone!”

The people were stunned and silent, moving out of the way as the Doctor passed. After a few moments, the quiet murmurs picked up again, but nobody made to speak to the Doctor again, parting to make a clear path for him. The crowd ended just a little further than the edge of the village and then he was blessedly alone. Free of the masses, the Doctor took a deep breath of relief. He’d met some mad people on his travels, but anyone that thought he’d be fit to care for a baby were imbeciles.

The walk from the village to the TARDIS was just over a mile, which was no bother to the Doctor now that he was alone, but unfortunately, his leisurely pace up the path provided enough time for a beast-drawn cart to catch up to him. The Doctor groaned. So close… He was determined not to stop, already digging out his key so he would be prepared when he got to the door. Even wanting to escape this person, he would not resort to running. His pride wouldn’t allow it.

At the sound of the cart’s approach, the Doctor spared a glance at it. It was only meant to be a glance, but when he realized the reckless speed of it, he couldn’t stop watching. The wagon wobbled and bounced dangerously up the dirt path, the driver nearly unseated. It began to slow as it neared him and the Doctor turned back toward the TARDIS, only a few yards away.

“Please!” the man bellowed, chasing after the Doctor on foot. “Please! I beg you to at least listen. Please!”

The key was in the lock, but the Doctor paused. His shoulders drooped and he sighed in defeat. They were the cries of a desperate man. Were he pleading for his life he could not sound more desperate.

The Doctor turned to face him, arms crossed over his chest in a stance that clearly warned he wouldn’t tolerate any more nonsense. “What is it then?”

The Doctor got a good look at the man then and he fought for more patience. This was the baby’s father. “You.”

“Yes. My name is Cassaun. I am the father of the destined child.”

“I don’t want it,” the Doctor adamantly declared.

“I know, but I beg you to accept another gift from me.” The Doctor looked ready to decline, so Cassaun rushed to continue before he could. “My family might die!”

The Doctor regarded him skeptically, but allowed him to explain.

“There is a prophecy. The Bad Wolf’s Prophecy. It has been in place for centuries, telling of a great event in which the stars would burn and fall upon us. But we were told not to worry because a man from the stars would come and protect us, save us and our lands from destruction. We were told to reward the hero. Consecrated in infancy, a woman would be destined for him. It was placed on me. The duty and honor to reward the man from the stars was mine. My responsibility.”

“I don’t-”

“If I cannot reward you, I will have failed. I will have failed to fulfill the prophecy, failed you, and my people. It will mean more than dishonor. They will kill my family, starting with my daughter. And the prophecy is spread throughout all of Ahnier. It is extremely likely that other villages will attack this one. You do not want my daughter, but please accept the gift of my family’s treasure.”

The Doctor felt defeated again. Stupid people and their stupid prophecies. “Let’s see it then. What is this family treasure?”

Cassaun led the Doctor to the back of his cart where an ornate wooden chest was tethered down. When Cassaun said treasure, the Doctor hadn’t expected a proper treasure chest. It was covered in intricately carved designs. Most were balanced patterns similar to celtic styling and a lattice band was carved around its center. It measured a little over two feet long, about a foot wide, and one and a half feet tall. Small enough for one man to carry, but depending on what was inside, likely difficult for one man to manage.

The Doctor waited rather impatiently for Cassaun to unstrap it from the cart and open it. Treasure… The Doctor rolled his eyes. It was filled with coins, gems, oils, spices, fine cloth, and who knew what other nonsense buried beneath that.

“This? If I take this, your people will decide not to kill your family?” the Doctor asked skeptically.

“That is my sincere hope.”

“Fine,” the Doctor agreed. “Do I need to write you a note so your neighbors know I’ve accepted?”

The Doctor’s sarcasm didn’t bother Cassaun whatsoever. “They know what I have brought you. Your acceptance will not be doubted.”

“Fine.” The Doctor hefted the trunk off the cart and pushed into the unlocked TARDIS, kicking the door shut behind him without even a goodbye to Cassaun. He dropped the chest next to the console and quickly sent the TARDIS into the time vortex. He couldn’t wait to put that planet behind him. In the same mind, he immediately dropped the chest in the box room. Centuries ago, the room had been filled with organized storage boxes dedicated to handy gadgets and other items he might later find use for. At this point, it was a junk room with piles of miscellaneous things. He didn’t care a whit about Cassaun’s ‘treasure’ and could hardly call it useful, but at least it was out of the way. Ahnier was now nothing but a memory.

* * *

Something was wrong with the TARDIS. It was driving the Doctor mad that he couldn’t figure out what. It seemed that the more he tried, the more he ended up hurting things. His first check showed that everything looked to be in working order, but the TARDIS felt off, so he checked again. He found one part that he thought might possibly need replacing, but when he tried landing somewhere to buy a new one, the TARDIS fought him. After that, there _were_ things to be fixed, the reluctant landing having caused damages. When he went out to buy the part he wanted, the TARDIS hadn’t wanted to let him leave, locking the door so he couldn’t exit. He couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her. After a bit of shouting, she did let him out, but things felt even more off when he returned a few hours later. He couldn’t help it if there was trouble in town and it took him a few hours more than he'd anticipated. He’d never imagined that a few hours apart from the TARDIS would be enough time for her to become more… whatever she was. He was determined not to leave after that though. He had repairs to do.

She was still unhappy and still getting worse. The more the Doctor worked on the TARDIS, the more damage was done. He’d try to fix something and she’d shock him so badly that it would damage the perpetrating circuit. Besides burning his fingers, she was giving the Doctor mental nudges. She was trying to express urgency, but it only ratcheted up his frustration, causing him fume at his infuriating time machine. Expressing urgency didn’t help if he didn’t know the problem. He was becoming exhausted, physically and mentally, but he didn’t dare leave the TARDIS console unattended until he fixed whatever was wrong. Exhaustion started playing tricks on his mind. He would swear that he heard something, but nothing was there.

It wasn’t until he took a break to use the loo and get a drink that he discovered what the TARDIS was so insistent about. Walking down the corridor, the TARDIS’s telepathic nudges kept getting stronger. It was like a game of hot and cold that led him to the door of the box room. He thought it odd, but followed his ship’s urging.

A feeling of horror shot through him the second he opened the door. A weak but persistent baby cry crossed the room and the Doctor rushed for the carved, wooden chest. He immediately threw it open and began feeling down the sides through the fabrics and other junk until he came into contact with the false bottom. He hadn’t checked the depth, had never imagined something like this when Cassaun showed it to him. He pulled up the false bottom, which was like a tray, and put it, with all the junk on top, beside him. His heart broke and stomach churned as he looked down at the tortured infant at the bottom.

30 hours. It had been 30 hours and 7 minutes since the Doctor had discarded the chest in the box room. This baby had been neglected all that time. Only a thin blanket acted as padding between her and the wooden bottom. The dimensions of the box hardly allowed her length and the false bottom that had been above her must have almost touched her nose. She hadn’t just been forgotten, she been buried alive in her own little casket. The only reason she had stayed alive this long were the holes in the carved lattice band around the trunk that provided her with air. It was small relief for she suffered in every other way. She was weak, her cry and her movements. There was no question that she must have been starving and dehydrated. He could see that she had spit up on herself and tell by the smell that she’d soiled herself.

He hadn’t known. He kept repeating those words in his head. A statement in self-defense. He might have left her here, neglected, but he hadn’t known.

“I didn’t know,” he told her as he tore off his jacket and pulled his jumper over his head. Very gently, he scooped the tiny girl out of her blanket and wrapped her in the soft wool of his jumper. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know.”

The Doctor got to his feet and started rushing to the infirmary, silently cursing the TARDIS for not being clearer. She should have told him. Somehow, some way, she should have shown him where to go. His accusations changed quickly to pleas for help. He needed baby things: nappies, cloths, dummies, bottles, _everything_. This baby needed it all.

The Doctor knew the little girl would not be happy with a bath after all the trauma, but that was their first stop. Once in the infirmary, he filled the sink and dipped her into it. His merciful, accommodating time ship had provided soft soaps and flannels. And the TARDIS didn’t stop there. She had everything. Once the little one was clean and wrapped in a nappy, with ointment for severe nappy rash, the Doctor put her in the infant medical bed and began giving her IV fluids. For as calm as he could be in critical situations, the poor health of this infant had him in a frenzy. He’d had to force himself to be steady as he inserted the IV and found himself pausing and running a hand over his short cropped hair as he tried to decide the next course of action. What was priority? Clean… Working on rehydrating… Checked heart, lungs, and temperature… Bottle. Bottle was next.

Wrapped in a blanket in the Doctor’s arms with a bottle of formula in her mouth, the baby girl calmed for the first time. A set of honey brown eyes stared up at him, captivated, and the Doctor was just as transfixed, pouring all of his sympathy and remorse through this connection. She was so small and delicate, no more than four months old. Fair skin with even lighter, wispy hair, and light brown eyes… That was probably the reason she was ‘chosen.’ The one ‘destined’ must stand out among the rest of the population. While Ahnier’s population varied in skin tone, dark hair and eyes were the norm. They regarded her as a precious gift, but as the Doctor saw it, her unique features were what had cursed her. She nearly died being smuggled onto his ship, but had she not been here, she would have been killed by her people. Destined, they said. Destined for _this_? “I’m sorry, little one. But I’ve got you now.”

He knew she’d like to eat much more than he gave her, and her cry of disapproval confirmed that, but after going so long without nourishment, she needed to take it slow. The Doctor gave her a dummy to suck on as consolation and began to very gently bounce her in his arms, soothing her to sleep. She was a stubborn one though. She refused to be set down, beginning to cry each time he tried. Giving in, the Doctor continued to hold her. Reclining in an armchair, they fell asleep together.

* * *

The baby, who the Doctor addressed only as 'Little One' or more frequently, 'oi, you', remained stubborn. She didn't like being set down, especially when it came to sleep, and would wail if the Doctor wasn't in the same room. He'd tried numerous times to put her down to sleep in a room near the console room, a room created by the TARDIS just for her, with a comfy little cot and a baby monitor for the Doctor. He tried to let her cry it out for a bit, but it was too heartbreaking when he imagined how much she must have cried when locked away in her small coffin.

And so 'Little One' was granted a place in the console room while the Doctor went about performing the numerous repairs that had become necessary. Her thickly padded, wicker moses basket was rarely out of his reach. The Doctor had worried that she wouldn't be able to sleep with the sounds of his repair work, but he managed to keep rather quiet. Until she fell asleep though, she needed assurance that he was there.

The Doctor hated feeling foolish, and he always felt foolish when he sang, but he was a fool for this tiny girl. Of all songs, all the lullabies in the universe, he wasn't sure what possessed him to choose a Gallifreyan one, but he did. It worked wonders with his tiny companion, but provoked a deep ache within him. It had been months, nearly a year, since the end of the Time War, but the pain was still fresh. There was nothing left of Gallifrey but him and the TARDIS... and memories. There were still memories, but they were all painful reminders of loss. Perhaps the Little One's appreciation of the lullaby changed that a bit. Painful though it was for him, it was comfort for her. He worked to keep Gallifrey in his past, but that one small thing, that lullaby, he could allow that.

When the Little One was awake, she was loud. The Doctor could bang around under the console all he wanted and she'd still drown him out. Cooing, shrieking with joy or displeasure, babbling repetitive noises, crying for attention... The child seemed to have only two volumes - ear-splitting or asleep. That was, until the Doctor started talking to her. She still babbled, but not quite so loud and it was a bit more intermittent. He wasn't really sure what to say to an infant, so he just spoke to her like she wasn't one. He kept her up to date on his repairs, told stories both real and fictional, spouted off fascinating facts on a number of subjects, and though she didn't understand a word, it was comfortable for them both. Through it all, feedings, nappy changes, and playtimes, the Doctor kept telling her things that started off with, "when I find you a new family, you'll..."

She may not understand him, but he still felt he should be up front with her, telling the Little One that the TARDIS was no place for a baby. Really, it was no place for anyone but him. Her stay on the TARDIS was temporary. He lived alone and that was how he wanted it so she better not get attached. He promised to find her a good family, one that wouldn't drug her, shove her in a trunk, and thrust her on a stranger. He realized his tone had become bitter when the baby started fussing and he quickly transitioned back to his optimistic assurances. This Little One deserved a good life and loving family, safety and security and he'd be sure to find the right place for her.

After six days of recovery, the Little One was looking much healthier. Her rashes and bruises had healed up, she was greedily sucking down bottles, she was stronger, more vibrant, and her shrieks and cries were louder than ever. The TARDIS, too, was in much better shape. With the both of them patched up, the Doctor set about fulfilling his promise. In the year 7128, in a quiet community on a planet inhabited primarily by humans, he found a lovely couple that were pleased to take her in.

The Doctor told himself that it was a relief, and it was, but he had to keep reminding himself of that when the TARDIS suddenly started feeling too lonely and quiet without the Little One's wails and coos. The TARDIS was meant to be quiet. Just him. Lonely was better. Just him.


	2. Chapter 2

"Locking me up isn't going to help you," the Doctor told the armed soldiers escorting him down a narrow corridor. "It's not going to bring the other prisoners back and it's not going to help you- Oi!"

One of the soldiers jabbed him in the side with their gun, prodding him into a dark cell. Another soldier followed him in just enough to release the Doctor's wrist restraints and then the thick metal door slammed shut.

"You're making a mistake!" he shouted after them. "Hate me if you want, but if..."

The Doctor stopped wasting his breath, knowing that they'd gone. He gave the door a small kick in frustration and turned around to have a look at his surroundings. It was a small, narrow cell meant for only one occupant, made entirely out of the same dark metal as the door. It was only wide enough that he could lay across it, but the bed ran in the other direction. The length of the room was more generous, providing space for the bed and several more feet between that and the door. Lighting in the room was far from abundant. There was only one small light in the ceiling and it was so dim that the Doctor wondered why they even bothered. Didn't matter. He wouldn't be staying long.

He also wondered why they bothered scanning him for weapons when they weren’t going to check him physically. Arrogance maybe? Perhaps they thought that their technology is infallible? Or maybe they were just too preoccupied? Whatever the reason, it was to his benefit. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and when he was sure the noise outside had completely died down, he tried it on the door. The Doctor then considered the possibility that his captors didn’t confiscate his sonic because it really wouldn’t help him. He groaned and his shoulders slumped. Deadlock seal. Figured. There were no windows in the room, but even if there were, windows on spaceships were rarely good escape routes. The ceiling was his next standard escape plan, but it was too high up, even if he stood on the bed. He did a brief scan of the surrounding walls and huffed in annoyance. He couldn’t do anything until they came back for him. They would, of course. They would need his help, so it was only a matter of time. Leaning against the wall, he slid to the floor. Might as well get cozy…

He decided he was bored the very second he sat and started fiddling with his sonic screwdriver. Were there any new settings he could add? There were numerous settings he could probably delete, ridiculous settings that he’d probably never need again, but he didn’t want to chance it. Oh… but there was one he could use to start a fire. The smoke would go through the vents and set off alarms. They’d definitely come back for him then. Of course, the room would fill with smoke, but it would take awhile and then considering his respiratory bypass, they’d definitely get to him before it got dangerous. It was only a matter of time before they came for him, but he hated wasting time as a prisoner. Was it worth it? How much smoke would the mattress make? How long would it burn? The Doctor stood up to have a better look at it. When he stepped up to it, he noticed a small corner of cloth poking out from under the bed. A blanket? Under the bed? He gave a tug and felt a slight resistance. More surprising was the frightened gasp he heard and the Doctor took a quick step back, eyes narrowed as he stared curiously at the gap under the bed.

“Hello?” he called out. Though rather moody only moments ago, his voice then sounded more friendly. “Someone under there?” When there was no response, he continued, hoping to come off as amiable. “I wasn't expecting a bunk mate. Not really set up for two. Plus the little liberation stunt of mine… I thought I’d cleared this place out. Not that I mind a bit of company… I’m not talking to a pet that one of the crew is hiding away, am I?”

He was pretty certain it was a gasp he’d heard, but he was starting to question it. He’d been in the computers. He’d seen to the escape of the POWs, saw the prisoner count and that the escape shuttle left with that many aboard.

“Hello?” The Doctor dropped to his knees, peering under the bed. The blanket was bundled up in the corner. Perhaps no one was there after all… The Doctor tugged on the blanket again and heard quiet sobbing. Confused and concerned, the Doctor tugged the blanket away completely. Though it was hard to see in the dark, the Doctor’s superior vision could clearly make out that it was a tiny humanoid, terrified and trembling.

“What are you doing here?” he whispered more to himself. A fierce mix of emotions was sweeping over him suddenly. His heart went out to this little one. He was concerned and, at the same time, anger toward their captors was building. “It’s alright, little one. Come on out. It must be cold down there.”

The Doctor held out his hand to the child, very gently beckoning to it, continuing to offer soft encouragements when it made no move to come out. Finally and with great hesitation, the small body crawled toward him. He offered her a smile and praise for her courage, but the ache in his hearts gripped tighter when he got a good look at her. And it was a ‘her’. A small human girl, just shy of two years old if he had to guess, standing there in naught but a little pair of knickers. Her pale skin was smudged with dirt and a bit of mud caked in one small part of her wispy, blond hair. What the hell was a child doing on a warship?! And why the hell was she being held in prison cell? Oh, they were going to answer to him for this.

“Oh, you must be so cold. Come here and I’ll wrap you up.” He folded the blanket in half and wrapped it around her shoulders, encouraging her to hold it closed around her. He set her gently on the bed, kneeling in front of her. He warned her softly that his voice was going to get loud because he was going to try to get someone’s attention. He was just going to try to get her some help. She didn’t respond, but he took an extra moment to soothingly rub her arm before standing and walking to the door. He pounded his fist against it, calling out for attention, explaining that he just wanted to talk, that there was a child in the cell with him, that the child needed help, someone had to care for her. He said all this hoping that the child’s presence was nothing but a mistake. It had to be. He didn’t want to believe it was anything else. This was a warship. Her presence had to be a mistake. But no one answered.

When he heard the girl weeping again, he suppressed his anger and returned to her. “Don’t you worry, love. Someone will come for you. ‘Til then, you’ve got me. What’s your name?”

The little girl didn’t answer, her tiny lip sticking out in a pout.

“That’s all right. I have more important questions – are you hurt? Are you ill? Have they been taking care of you?” He paused after every question, but she only stared at him with her large, honey brown eyes. “I know that you’re scared, but I only want to help you. Will you let me do that?”

Finally she responded with a nod. He reached out affectionately rubbed her cold little calf. She was frigid. His hand slid down to her feet and her even colder toes. His brow scrunched in confusion when he found drying mud between her toes. “Not easy to find mud on a spaceship. How’d you get so dirty? Where?” These were more questions for himself as he had given up on her answering. “Let’s see then…”

The Doctor sat on his bum and went about removing his shoes and socks. He rubbed the dirt out from her toes and slipped his argyle socks on her feet and all the way up her little legs. His leather jacket was next to be transferred and once he’d wrapped her in it, he returned his attention to her tiny feet, rubbing them to create warmth. “Can’t say it’s much, but it’s a start.”

Finally, a small smile tugged at her lips. Oh, how he needed that. “I bet you’re hungry, too.”

He reached around her into his coat pocket and, after some digging pulled out a banana. “Again, not much, but it’s yours if you’d like it.”

That earned him a full smile. He peeled it for her and as she began to eat, he dug through his pockets again. He pulled out an engraved glass bottle that contained about 6 oz. of water. “From the Priestess of Gienoa.  It’s holy water, meant to ward off demons or whatnot, but warding off dehydration is important, too.”

He was sure she didn’t understand him, but she still giggled and took a drink. Not sure what else he could do at the moment, the Doctor had a seat against the wall across from her, pondering her again. It became clear that he’d earned her friendship when she slid off the bed and took a seat next to him on the floor. He chuckled and shook his head. The metal floor was too cold for her, would seep right through both layers of that thin blanket. He scooped her up and placed her in his lap.

They spent much longer in the cell than the Doctor had anticipated, but it was a lot less boring than it would have been. He’d never wish for the little girl to be there, but his time spent entertaining her also meant entertainment for him. He found a top in his pocket. His sonic scorched a series of superficial lines in the floor to play a game similar to marbles. And, oh, the amazing things one could do with a piece of string. He had a few other odds and ends that he made use of also. The girl started showing signs of sleepiness, curling up against him, and as humiliated as he felt, the Doctor began singing her to sleep. Surprisingly, this seemed to keep her awake. Even more surprising, she caught on quickly and began humming along. For all her giggling and smiling and clapping, the girl hadn’t once used her voice. Now she was humming a Gallifreyan lullaby. Though the tune caused painful memories, they were also beautiful memories and he couldn’t bring himself to stop. It’d been several centuries since he sang that to his grandchildren and far longer to his own children. The tune found its way to his lips on other occasions when comforting children, but it was quite rare. The last time he’d sung it was over two decades ago to a baby girl on his ship. An interesting circumstance that was. Interestingly, the girl in his lap reminded him of her. Same hair and eyes. Noise was a stark contrast. This little one was as quiet as the other one was loud. He wondered where that baby was now. Though ‘now’ wasn’t really the right word. He had dropped that baby off more than a thousand years in the future.

Their captors’ arrival was quite sudden. The Doctor heard the voices approaching, pulled on his jacket, and lifted the girl into his arms, holding her protectively.

“What the hell is this?!” the captain among the small group of soldiers gestured toward the child with his pale blue hand. “A child? What is a child doing on this ship?!”

“That’s what I want to know,” the Doctor said venomously. “She’s been completely neglected. She should have gone with the other prisoners.”

“The other prisoners weren’t supposed to leave!” the captain raged, reminding the Doctor that it was a jailbreak he’d conducted, not a proper release of prisoners.

“Fine. She stays with me then,” the Doctor stated firmly. “Now, your ship is falling toward a sun and the emergency vessels were used to evacuate the prisoners. I take it you’re ready for me to help-”

“The child is no use to anyone. Seize him!”

The Doctor shouted his protests and struggled against the men that ripped the shrieking girl away from him and held his arms fast. Under the captain’s orders, he was jerked out of the cell.

“Stop! If she’s not with me, I won’t help! I won’t do a damn thing for you if you lock her up again!” the Doctor threatened.

“You have no choice if you don’t want to burn with us,” the captain told him loftily. “Besides, she won’t be locked up. This ship is no place for a child.” He turned to the man with the child and the two others beside him and coldly ordered, “shoot her.”

He turned and promptly began walking away, the soldiers holding the Doctor followed, but with difficulty as the Doctor struggled, shouting and looking back to where the girl had been. When the girl’s screams stopped suddenly, followed by a gunshot, the Doctor froze, stunned and left cold. Let the bastards fall into the sun. He wouldn’t help them.

In the end, it looked like he wouldn’t be able to help anyhow. Once in the command center, the captain was informed that the computers were locked. Every screen was flashing “Bad Wolf.” They tried to blame the Doctor, but he wasn’t listening. He didn’t care. All he knew was that the utter chaos was a perfect chance to escape. And he did. Once safely tucked away in the TARDIS, he collapsed onto the jump seat. He hadn’t even known her name.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

The Weaspin Market. The Doctor loved a good marketplace and, for reasons he couldn't explain, this was one of his favorites. It was large and outdoor, sunny every time he visited, and the scent of the nearby ocean could be detected even over all of the fragrance of food, spices, leather, perfumes, machinery, and the many other scents weaving about the stalls. It was a rather small planet which used very limited technology, but it was in such a location that it made a perfect pit stop for space travelers. If one had the time, they could stay in one of the rented dwellings on the beach, take a dip in the ocean, get food and souvenirs in the market, or, for those in need of ship parts or gadgets, this was the place for that, too. The natives may not have much technology, but that didn't mean that they couldn't learn enough to sell it.

As chaotic as the marketplace was, it was somehow relaxing to get lost in it. And one could get lost in it if they weren't careful. The market was huge, rows upon rows of stands, the majority of which were permanent structures. Many of the vendors lived behind their shops. Some rows were even set up for that purpose, with private alleys hidden behind the shops, making a small yard shared by neighbors. It was friendly, loud, and full of life and the Doctor immersed himself in it. After pocketing the oscillator he'd just purchased, the last item on his shopping list, he continued to lazily look over the shops on both sides as he passed.

"You look hungry," a young voice called out. Though the comment was projected with good volume, the Doctor still wasn't sure how he'd heard it over rest of the noise. When he found the source, he realized that it had indeed been directed at him. A young, blond, human girl stood behind the counter of a food stall, smiling as she waited for a reply. The Doctor glanced up at the banner above the stand to see that it served noodles. It reminded him of ramen stands in Japan, except it was larger and a permanent building. It was a corner stand with bar seating on two sides, capable of serving eleven customers at once. At that moment, it only had two customers… and then one up and left, leaving only one. The Doctor's perusal was quick and his eyes landed back on the girl who was still looking at him expectantly.

She must have seen that he was about to decline because she was quick to amend. "Maybe not hungry, but definitely thirsty," she said decisively as she appraised him. "A refreshing cup of szori is what you need."

The Doctor smirked. "And let me guess, you happen to sell it, do you?"

"In fact, we do," she beamed. "Just what you need on a hot day."

The Doctor chuckled fondly at the young girl's sales pitch and made his way over, taking the stool nearest her. "Szori, you say?"

"Yep! Fresh tzinshim and coui loma. Perfect combination of sweet and tart. Cool and refreshing," the girl advertised with pride.

Looking at her up close, she was even younger than he'd thought. Her charisma and confidence made her seem older. It was obvious that she was standing on something behind the counter, giving her a boost up. Dazzling smile, bright honey eyes, and shoulder length blond hair with two thin braids framing one side of her face. 7-years-old, he'd say.

"Sounds delicious," he agreed.

"Very. Some people go out of their way just to come and get a cup. But udon's our real specialty. Perfectly seasoned and always fresh noodles. Sure you're not hungry?"

Oh, she was a good sales girl. How could someone tell that little girl no? He could, of course… but he wouldn't. "Alright then, let's have it."

Her face lit up, temporarily losing all professionalism. She toned it back down, but was still grinning broadly as she slid a small menu in front of him.

"Well, I'm not going to choose, am I? I thought you were the expert on what I need," he teased.

She looked a bit uncertain then. "Well, I… You want me to decide for you?"

"Yep. I'm sure you could choose something I'd like."

She looked down at the menu, nibbling her little lip before making her suggestion. She could have easily chosen the most expensive, but selected one in mid-range. When he agreed, she gave him the total and moved to a locked drawer in the counter near them. He was impressed with her math skills as she didn't pause when making change. She then hopped up on a stool to peek through a window into the kitchen, relaying the order to a cook hidden from view. A male voice answered back with an estimation of five minutes, ending with a term of endearment for the girl. The Doctor assumed she be back to relay that to him, but it seemed that it was her duty to prepare his drink. He received a smile with his beverage and when she'd cleared the used dishes from the other customers, she returned to him, as interested in him, as he was in her.

"Seems like you run this place," he commented.

"Yep!" she proudly affirmed. "Bazi helps, too. He does the cooking and cleaning."

The Doctor recognized 'Bazi' as a name for grandfather. "And you do everything else?"

"Yep! Someone has to. He'd be lost without me." It seemed like something that had been told to her many times. He'd seen it many times, children working full time from a young age, but it still felt like they were being cheated their childhoods. But this girl seemed happy, so who was he to judge?

"Do you like it?" she asked, nodding toward his drink.

"As fantastic as you said." And she looked as proud and pleased as he'd expected her to. "So what's your name then?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by the voice in the kitchen. "Palesa, Order!"

The girl hopped up to the kitchen window to collect the Doctor's bowl and placed it before him. She knew she shouldn't watch him while he ate, but she was excited to see what he thought of it. He didn't seem bothered.

"Looks a bit too hot to start right in. I think I'll give it a minute. Thanks… Palesa, is it?" The Doctor knew it wouldn't be too hot for him (superior physiology and all), but this was turning out to be a good day and this was something of a highlight and he wasn't in a hurry to end it.

"Yep, Palesa's me," she affirmed. "What about you?"

"Oh, I'm-"

"Palesa!" a reptilian man called from the other counter. She apologized to the Doctor, grabbed a paper from under the counter and rushed to the man. It was difficult to hear from where he was, but the Doctor picked up snippets of the conversation. He was a grocer and Palesa was placing an order. She was looking at her paper, scratching things out, and the way her fingers were wiggling, it looked like making a few calculations. When she was satisfied, she handed over the paper. 'Satisfied' wasn't really the word for it though. She looked a bit concerned. The Doctor was a bit concerned, too. Palesa really  _did_  run the place. And it looked like they might be struggling. There had been no new customers after him yet. Palesa was just turning away when the man called her back, handing her a small stack of papers. The Doctor got a peek at them before she stashed them away.

"School work?" he asked.

"Yep. I can't go anymore. Since Lami died, I have to work during school, but my friend, Jin, brings me the work. He forgot to bring it when we were playing this morning," she explained. "I'm not really a student, but the teachers still correct my papers. Bazi says learning is still important."

"Very true," the Doctor agreed before finally trying the noodles. What Palesa said was also very true: Bazi was an excellent cook. He was about to tell her so, but stopped when he saw the look on her face. She was staring hard at a place across the street. The Doctor turned to see what she was looking at, expecting to see trouble of some sort, but before he could pinpoint it, Palesa said a hurried 'excuse me' and exited the shop, racing across the street. She rushed up in front of a woman, stopping the woman in her tracks. Palesa's hands were clenched at her sides and she stared up at the woman with a hard look of defiance. The Doctor was ready to intervene if necessary, but he was curious to see how this played out. Palesa shook her head and jabbed a finger at a bump under the woman's cloak. The woman looked down at the place indicated, a young daughter whose hand she held, and then at a market guard that Palesa no doubt brought to her attention.

The Doctor wasn't sure what was said, but Palesa walked out of the road to a small spot between shops. The woman crouched down and revealed the bump in her cloak. Palesa stepped back in surprise. Emotions played on her face as she deliberated. She breathed in deeply before she made her decision. The woman pulled an embroidered cloth out of her cloak and handed it to Palesa. Palesa pointed to her shop and the woman started toward it. The Doctor tried to make out that he hadn't been watching, but still followed Palesa's every move. Her destination was obviously the place where the embroidered cloth came from. Palesa was speaking to the old woman that ran the shop and, by the wild hand gestures, the Doctor was able to understand that Palesa was telling her that the wind had blown the cloth off her display so Palesa was bringing it back for her. Palesa got a pat on the head and ran back to the shop.

"Just a sec," she told the Doctor. She ran to the kitchen window and tried to mask that she was out of breath. "Bazi, I'm feeling quite hungry. May I have my supper early?"

The Doctor couldn't hear the reply, but he was certain it was agreed to.

"I think I might be growing again, too. Do you think I might have an egg in it?" Palesa's sweet voice and choice of words pulled a hearty laugh from the cook. "Thank you!"

Palesa motioned for the woman to wait, which she was, standing with her 4-year-old daughter at the very corner of the stand, not actually a customer. Palesa then returned to the Doctor. "I'm very sorry. I know that was rude. I hope you're liking the food."

"It's fantastic. And don't worry about me. I'm doing just fine."

Palesa's dinner was up much quicker than the Doctor's, not containing meat, only a hard-boiled egg. As soon as it appeared, Palesa did exactly what the Doctor had suspected she would. She poured the noodles into a to-go container and brought it to the woman and her daughter. While Palesa held the bag out, the woman shifted the bundle beneath her silk cloak, taking an infant out of the sling that was hidden. With infant held up against her chest, the woman fished a few fruits and vegetables out of the sling also and she placed them in Palesa's bag.

Palesa had caught the woman stealing a bit of produce and a bit of cloth and had stopped her. Upon finding out that the woman was only trying to care for her infant and toddler, Palesa didn't turn them in. The cloth, she decided, had to be returned. Palesa then gave the woman and children her supper. And the grocer, the Doctor was sure, would be repaid for the produce that was stolen… by Palesa. Extraordinary, that little girl. In all his years, he'd never seen anything quite like it.

"All done, then?" she asked, popping back up in front of him. "Or maybe you'd like another szori to go?" The last bit was said playfully, so she was startled when he agreed.

"A szori and another order of noodles, one of the deluxe ones this time."

"Really?" she asked in disbelief.

"I think I might be growing again," he chuckled.

Palesa laughed, too, not really understanding until after he'd paid. The Doctor stood up to leave as soon as he'd gotten his change.

"But your food…"

"You're the one that's growing, not me," he explained. "Have your supper."

"You saw…"

The Doctor smothered a laugh, thinking he would have been blind not to have seen what had taken place. "You're an incredible girl, Palesa. You take good care of the people around you. People like that are important and need cared for, too. Take care of yourself and enjoy that szori."

He had already turned to go when she responded. "Who takes care of you?"

He pretended he didn't hear and waved as he walked away.

The Doctor buried her last comment and focused instead on the little girl enjoying her supper and imagining the look on her face when she found the coins he left her under his bowl, enough for the grocer and just a bit extra for the struggling business or the next hungry stranger in need of a free meal.

The TARDIS being a considerable distance from the market, the Doctor thumbed a ride on the back of a farmer's cart. Back at the TARDIS, the Doctor took one last look down at the large market and at one section in particular. He might just plan to come back in a few years to get some more szori… and check in… perhaps. Well, no, probably not, but it was nice to imagine.

Once inside the TARDIS, the Doctor remembered that his dear ship was not happy with him. That was clear to him when she'd settled down a couple miles from his destination, but he'd hoped she wouldn't be quite so tetchy by the time he returned. Nope. She wouldn't take off. Grumbling and muttering, he took this time to install the parts he'd purchased. Hopefully that would put his ship in a better mood. An hour and a half later, the Doctor was startled by a large thump against the TARDIS, followed by intermittent scrapes and thuds. Puzzled, he went to the monitor to see what was happening... and his hearts stuttered. It was the ocean, quickly rising around TARDIS. But the ocean was miles away... He didn't need to review the TARDIS recordings to understand what happened, but he did anyway. A tsunami. A tsunami occurred (was occurring) while he wasn't watching, busy with repairs. He was over two miles inland and the TARDIS was completely submerged. The market between those two points was gone, or rather it was the debris bumping against the TARDIS. The whole market... all those people... He was right here the whole time and he couldn't help anyone, couldn't even warn them. He  _still_  couldn't. Submerged as he was, he couldn't open the doors. There were still survivors out there and he could do nothing. Palesa and her bazi, the grocer and his child, the hungry woman and her children, the old woman embroidering the scarves, the merchants he'd purchased from. They were still out there, dead or struggling for their lives. All the kindness and helpfulness that had put a bounce in his step... what did it even matter? All washed away now. Dear, sweet Palesa... all he could do now was hope that it was as quick and painless as possible. He kicked the TARDIS and bitterly growled that she better get them the hell out of there. Just before sending them into the vortex, the Doctor caught one last look at the view on the monitor. There he saw a large sign floating in the water, taking up much of the screen - "Bad Wolf." It gave him an unpleasant feeling of familiarity, but he wasn't sure why. Thinking back, he remembered seeing a few small banners with those words on his way back to the TARDIS. An advertisement of some kind. It had to be. But still those words were unsettling, a feeling of foreboding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again a little blond girl. Again the words Bad Wolf. Again heartbreak. I promise it won't always be like this. It's all a bit separate at the beginning, but it will come together.
> 
> Thank you SO much for the reviews. I'm not very good at replying individually, but I really, really appreciate each one.


	4. Chapter 4

Another war. Another bloody war. A civil war - which were never actually civil - that was none of his business. So why was he in it? Not his business so he shouldn't even be here. Why was he again? Right, because regardless of it technically being a civil war, what it really was was a bloodbath. One side was provided weapons from off-world to mercilessly slaughter the other side. The off-world merchants were already in trouble with the Shadow Proclamation so all he needed to do was destroy the last of the off-world weapons. The side being slaughtered would then have the upper hand and they had already showed the Doctor the draft of the peace treaty they'd worked up in advance. All three weapon holds were destroyed, only one mobile shipment that slipped away to take care of and it'd be a sure cease fire.

"Stupid bloody war," the Doctor muttered to himself as he made his way through the dark woods behind the small town. "Same all across the universe - you're in the space I want so I'm going to kill you for it. You have resources I want so I'm going to kill you for it. The same everywhere, from non-sentient beasts to the most advanced civilizations. Bloody idiots."

The Doctor stopped suddenly, but then so did the noise that he swore he’d heard. He stood frozen, waiting to see if it would start back up. He heard what sounded like whimpering, but before he could go look, the sound was replaced with a very softly hummed melody. If it weren't for his keen sense of hearing, he might not have heard it at all. But he did and he needed to find the source.

* * *

Somi trembled as she held her little brother close, bouncing him slightly in effort to calm and quiet him. His tears were understandable and she felt them stinging her eyes, too, but they had to be silent. She had to keep him quiet or they might be found. She tried whispering soothing words to him, but he just wouldn't settle.

‘Of course he won't,’ she thought angrily. ‘Everyone's dying. How can I tell him it's okay?’

Her little brother was now an orphan, orphaned three months ago when their hometown had been attacked by the enemy. They moved north to stay with a cousin, the government having promised that the enemy wouldn't cross to that point. Lies! ‘Safe,’ they said.

Kimil continued to whimper and Somi was feeling more and more desperate. It was her job to keep him safe. Their older sister died not two hours ago, just to buy time for her to escape out a window with Kimil. Died... She died... She was dead. Tears welled in her eyes and it took great restraint not to break down completely. People died. That's just what people did. Everything has its time and everything dies. Just tonight, it wasn't going to be her or Kimil.

Somi burrowed back closer to the high wall of the muddy riverbed, held her brother close, and hummed a soothing song in his ear as quietly as she could. She stopped instantly when she heard footsteps, but then the footsteps stopped. Had the person already passed? Kimil began whimpering again, his sister's obvious tension raising his own fear again. But his whining was just creating more fear in her. As terrified as she was to keep humming, it was quieter than Kimil's weeping. She started softly, hesitantly, while her ears strained for any sound of movement near them. When she heard footsteps nearing, her breath caught and she clapped a hand over Kimil's mouth. Her heart was pounding rapidly as absolute panic was setting in. She'd chosen their hiding place because it was great for hiding, but there really wasn't defense or an easy escape. She'd trapped them. Somi looked around for anything she could use to defend them with and spotted a decent size branch she could wield, but with Kimil strapped to her chest, she wouldn't be able to wield it well. It didn't matter; she'd go down fighting.

A man's silhouette appeared on the opposite bank of the riverbed, five feet above, and Somi prayed that the exposed tree roots above her head would do enough to block them from view.

And then Kimil whimpered with fear.

 * * *

"No need to be frightened. Well, perhaps, yes, but not of me. I won't hurt ya." The Doctor crouched down as he spoke, trying to get a look at the huddled figures hiding in the riverbed. "'Course this probably isn't the best hiding spot just now. Enemy soldiers are heading north. I'm sure some of them will be cuttin' through here."

There was no response but for a strangled sob.

"I know you're down there. You don't have to respond or show yourselves if you don't want, but I do suggest you head north to the next town while you can. Should be safer there or just beyond."

When there still wasn't a response, the Doctor stood to go. "Alright then, but you be careful. Keep quiet."

He just turned to go when a young girl replied, bitterness in her tone. "That's what they said about this town. ‘Safe,’ they told us."

The Doctor softened and crouched down again. "People say that it can't hurt to be optimistic, but it can, can’t it? Everyone wants to hope for the best - you've got to, really - but things don't always go as we hope. If it helps any, there is a plan in action. Well, it'll be in action once I pick up my feet and get back to it. A cease fire and a treaty, both ready and waiting. Hoping for that cease fire tonight even. The war's almost done. Just keep holdin' on."

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” Somi asked warily.

“You won’t until it happens.”

“The enemy’s really coming this way now?” she worried.

“I don’t know how many will be coming through the woods, but they’re definitely headed north towards Kringat and this makes a nice shortcut for foot soldiers.”

“Okay…” Somi shakily got to her feet, unfolding her four and a half foot frame. “I guess we should head to Kringat then. Or past it…”

She stared up at the Doctor from the riverbed with a look of determination. The Doctor hadn’t been able to see her that well, partly because of the dark, but now he could see that it was also due to the mud caked over her body, masking the fair skin and light hair beneath. The child in the cloth carrier tied to her front didn’t have that problem. Being of different species, the thin layer of dark russet fur blended in well enough on its own. The little boy was obviously Rabsin, but the girl… It was hard to say. While off-worlders did settle on Rabsor, it was rare, and far more rare since the start of war. The Doctor’s instinct said ‘human’ but his favorite little apes were just coming out of the Middle Ages at this point in time. It’d be awhile still for them to touch the moon, let alone Rabsor.

“You’re going to Kringat, right?” Somi asked. “Can we go with you?”

The Doctor didn’t think it’d be safe to travel with him, but with soldiers coming, it’d likely be safer than staying where they were. Rabsins could see even better in the dark than he could so the girl’s muddy camouflage would hardly mean a thing.

“So long as you can do what you’re told,” the Doctor agreed, extending his hand to help pull her out of the riverbed.

Somi climbed up with his assistance, but looked anxious about his condition. “My brother’s hard to keep quiet. I try, but he’s scared.”

“Yes, I heard you humming to him,” the Doctor commented as he started leading the way. “I don’t think we have to worry about noise just yet. They're still a ways back. And you can’t fault your brother for being scared. I’m sure you are, too. Just harder to hold in when you’re small.”

“Yeah,” Somi answered, not knowing how else to reply. He was odd, this man. Danger was nearby and he was smiling. He talked about fear yet acted like it hadn’t touched him. It wasn’t like he was playing down the seriousness. He seemed to be taking it all quite seriously, yet still he made it seem like they were taking a casual stroll through the woods.

“You’re not Rabsin,” she commented.

“Neither are you,” he pointed out. “But it seems your brother is. Or… is that half-brother?”

The Doctor ducked down a bit to get a better look at the young boy’s face. Rabsins had facial features similar to humans, but had wider noses, slightly larger eyes, and their teeth were cut a bit differently. Their ears were triangular shaped and usually had two fur tones to them. That, along with their placement brought him the comparison of red pandas, though the little boy’s russet fur probably also helped that image to surface. Nope, not mixed species; her brother was definitely full blooded Rabsin.

“Not half-brother, just brother. I’m the odd one out though, the adopted one.” Somi’s expression dropped again after she’d given her explanation. “’cept we’re both orphans now…”

“It’s hard losing. It hurts. A lot. It’s hard to feel thankful at all during this, but I’m sure you feel grateful that you’ve still got him. And he’s lucky to still have you,” the Doctor offered.

Somi lost herself in those thoughts for a moment and came out with the bewildered question, “Who are you?”

The Doctor chuckled at her tone. “I’m the Doctor. What about you two?”

“I’m Somi and this is Kimil. But who are you really? What’s a doctor got to do with war?”

The man stiffened just a bit at that, but it didn’t show in his response. “Just the Doctor. That’s me. And wars sometimes need doctors, don’t they? Southern soldiers are ravaging this planet like a deadly virus. They need to be stopped. Healing can’t start until that happens.”

“So you’re a soldier then?” Somi asked in confusion.

“No,” the Doctor said firmly. “Not my war. I’m just passing through. Don’t care for violence so I spoke with Northern parliament and their General and offered a plan on how to fix things. Primary objective – no more weapons.”

Somi tried to keep her eyes on him as she listened, but Kimil was vying for her attention, even going as far to tug on tendril of her muddy hair. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have anything. I’m sorry…. But I bet we can get something in Kringat.”

The Doctor overheard and knew that Somi’s statement was just a weak attempt at optimism. There was no way to know what state Kringat would be in when they got there. He hoped that they’d beat the southern soldiers there, but even if they did, the city might be evacuated or in lockdown. He only hoped northern soldiers were there waiting for him… and that they’d behave as he’d previously instructed.

But finding food in Kringat for a hungry toddler…

“You two care for bananas?” he asked, pulling one out of his jacket pocket. “Just have the one so you’d have to split, but if you’re hungry, it’s yours.”

Kimil didn’t recognize it as food, but Somi did and looked delighted. The Doctor’s grin slipped however when it became obvious that Somi intended to give all of it to Kimil.

“I said you had to share it,” he insisted. “Nice of you to be generous, but remember that his belly fills faster than yours and you’re the one exerting all your energy. Gotta take care of yourself to take care of him.”

She was obviously tempted by the fruit so it didn’t take much for her to cave and help herself to some.

“How old are you anyway?” the Doctor queried.

“How old are you?” she playfully countered.

The Doctor chuckled. “900. Now you?”

Somi got caught up in a string of giggles as she told him, “Me, too. What a coincidence.”

His eye roll made her chuckle again before she answered properly. “I’m seventeen.”

Mental conversion from Rabsor years to Earth years came unwittingly to the Doctor, placing Somi at eleven years old by Earth measurement. How did those endearing apes manage to make their measurements standard to him?

“You know, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve seen you before,” Somi admitted anxiously, staring at the slice of banana rather than him as she tried to place it.

“You’ll have that sometimes. That feeling when meeting someone. But, like I said, just passing through. I haven’t been this way for a few centuries.” Though he brushed it off, the Doctor had been feeling similarly about her. She seemed familiar, but it wasn’t possible. He hadn’t been to this planet in a few centuries in its own timeline and even longer in his personal timeline. And during this little girl’s lifetime, he wasn’t anywhere in the area that she could have traveled to.

Somi looked ready to speak again when the Doctor softly warned her that they were coming up on the town and that they’d have to be as quiet as they could. When the back of a couple of buildings did come into view on their right, the Doctor paused and surveyed them from a distance before declaring they were a bit too far east. He redirected their course a bit and they continued on.

“Just passing through?” Somi questioned his claim in whisper, stroking Kimil’s back in effort to sooth him.

The Doctor smiled and responded just as quietly. “Yep. Just a good sense of direction. That and they showed me a map, not trusting my sense of direction.”

As they walked in silence, Kimil was becoming increasingly anxious, likely responding to Somi’s poorly concealed fear. They were getting near the main streets of the town and weren’t sure what they’d find, or what would find them. Her empathic little brother was overwhelmed by fear that was more hers than his and his whimpers, making a reappearance, only made that fear worse. And so she began humming softly to him again, glancing at the Doctor to make sure he didn’t disapprove.

His expression wasn’t one of disapproval, but confusion. “Where did you learn that tune?”

Somi wasn’t sure what to make of the Doctor’s seriousness over it, but put effort into trying to remember where she might have heard it before. “Don’t know. It’s just my lullaby for Kimil.”

“You just made it up then?” the Doctor pressed.

“I guess so. Why?”

“Because-” The explanation was never given because the Doctor cut off suddenly and threw his arm out to block Somi’s path. There was a building in front of them and they could hear faint voices from the other side of it. It was clearly shouting, but they couldn’t make it out from where they were, unable to tell who the voices belonged to. Or at least Somi couldn’t. The Doctor seemed rather relieved, giving Somi the impression that his hearing must be better than hers.

He led her forward, keeping his voice quiet as he explained. “Northern troops are here, still waiting for the southern army convoy. The town’s not going to be safe with that kind of conflict. I hope to end it quickly, but I don’t want you here when that happens. Sounds like northern soldiers are blocking the roads both in and out of town. Lockdown. I’m going to see just what’s going on and try to get someone to escort you a bit further north. That involves a bit of a chat though. I want you to wait here.”

They arrived at what Somi guessed to be the back of a school or recreation center and the Doctor was pointing at an alcove doorway, positioned in a way that the children could hide in the shadows.

“You’ll be back though?” Somi asked, worriedly guessing he might not.

“Possibly, but I doubt it. I’ll send someone for you though. They’ll call you by name. Even if they won’t offer an escort, I’ll see that someone at least lets you past the city border. Brave heart, Somi,” he encouraged, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Optimism hurts,” she reminded him.

“Sometimes, but it helps just the same. Never lose hope.” He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze with one last warning “don’t wander off” and went to find someone in charge.

Somi shifted restlessly in the shadows, anxious to find real shelter and safety, but also from the terrible ache in her shoulders. Her brother, though small, became heavy quite quickly and the discomfort increased each minute. It had turned from discomfort to outright pain long ago and she was now near tears from the stress of the weight and the entire situation, made worse by the uncertainty of when she’d find relief from either.

Somi listened intently to the voices on the other side of the building, trying to pick up any snippets in the exchanges or the sound of the Doctor’s voice, but the effort was futile. Voices seemed to change directions though, with footsteps approaching from the forest side of the building, _her_ side of the building. North or south? North army or south army? Panic was setting in again, an overwhelming sense of foreboding crashing over her. She turned toward the door in the alcove. It was sure to be locked, but she prayed that it wasn’t. It was, but a whole new level of terror seized her when she saw the large words covering the brick wall beside her. They weren’t there before.

 _‘Run!’_ It was the only thought her mind could conjure and it screamed repeatedly in her head, pushing her tired muscles to the limit. She couldn’t remember actually leaving the alcove and could hardly register the voices anymore. Her instinct was proven correct when she heard the sound of open gunfire. The southern army had arrived, both by the roads and by foot through the same shortcut she and the Doctor had taken. The shouts of soldiers were gaining on her. She wouldn’t escape them. She knew she wouldn’t. The words ‘Bad Wolf’ had already spelled her doom. Her head snapped in the direction of the road as the vibrations of a large explosion assaulted her ears and shook the very ground beneath her feet. The small stumble, though she managed to right herself, had slowed her enough to allow the enemy gain on her. She was just a child. Wasn’t that supposed to garner her at least a small measure of mercy?

The edge of the building was near. She only needed to turn the corner. It was unlikely she’d be safer on the road, but at least she wouldn’t be a sole target and maybe she could find the Doctor.

She never got to find out.

The gunshot sounded, but all Somi could hear were the words ‘Bad Wolf.’

 * * *

The first weapons truck demolished, followed quickly by the second, marked the end of the Doctor’s mission. His next mission was more personal. As soon as he set off the second detonation, he raced back toward the town hall, calling out Somi’s name.

There was no response and when he got to the alcove, he saw why. They weren’t there. Instead, he was faced with two words that made him pause: Bad Wolf. Those words were familiar, from many years past, but he had no time to waste pondering them. Somi and Kimil. They still had to be near. Surely, they’d hear him calling. He rushed north, still calling out, but stopped in his tracks as he neared the north corner of the building and the shadowed heap he saw there. He didn’t breathe as he slowly approached, his hearts clenched as he battled dread, clinging tightly to hope. But sometimes optimism hurt. There, at the corner of the building, he found the small lifeless body of Kimil. The gunshot through his chest was impossible to miss, leaking blood onto the patterned cloth of his baby carrier. But where was Somi? There was no way she’d leave him there. Never. Even more curious, the straps of the carrier were still tied. Why was the boy lying in a tied carrier if his sister was not still in it?

It wasn’t worth pondering. Not now. He knew the ruthlessness of the southern army. There was no way Somi would be apart from her brother and no way the soldiers would spare her life. He failed them. Dear Somi and Kimil, so frightened, just children. They’d trusted him and he failed them.

He wanted to turn and not look back, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave the body there. It would be found, of course, but who knew how long it would take? The Doctor gingerly lifted the baby boy and carried him to the front of the building. He avoided the soldiers and their fray and simply laid the small body in the flower bed in front of the town hall.

He left silently, completely unnoticed. They could clean up their own mess now. He’d done what he could. It didn’t feel like enough, but it rarely did. He simply (or not so simply) had to put it behind him. The words ‘Bad Wolf’ were a bit harder to dismiss. He remembered where he’d seen them before – The Weaspin Market. Words that seemed out of place and somehow important. Was it coincidence to find them accompanying a large death toll once again? Perhaps, but those words didn’t feel like coincidence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those that reviewed!


	5. Chapter 5

The Doctor stood with his hands behind his back with what he hoped was an appropriately amiable smile, trying to appear as though he was paying attention to the businessman and three engineers standing before him. Their words were well-chosen and intended to be discreetly persuasive, but the Doctor was bored by them. Their words were pointless. His psychic paper had convinced them that he was an inspector, so even for his assumed identity it was pointless. Words wouldn’t prevent him from making a proper assessment. Though assessment wasn’t exactly what he was there for.

The men finally finished their babble and began leading the Doctor through the facility. He was frequently handed folders of paperwork, lists of distributors and buyers along with government forms granting permission for their research, laws protecting them, and a disturbingly long list of financial backers. The Doctor showed a bit of interest, but was disgusted more than anything. How could so many people support this? Of course there were many that opposed, but it wasn’t enough. When the Doctor looked up, his sight landed on an adolescent girl peeking out of an office down the hall. She visibly gasped when she caught sight of him, obviously frightened, and ducked back into the office.

What was that about? She might look a bit familiar to him, but it was clear that she knew exactly who he was. He wanted to forget his little tour and immediately go after her, but that intrigue would have to wait for now. There were more important things to worry about.

* * *

Delsani panicked the very second she caught sight of the Doctor. This was bad. Very bad. All this time she spent planning and just now that she was acting, he had to show up. What had been important and something that needed to be executed within a certain time frame had now become absolutely crucial and urgent. She wasn’t about to see this city, this entire province, leveled because he showed up.

Images flashed one to another on the monitor as Delsani quickly moved through the facility’s secure system. Secure – she smirked at the thought. It was _extremely_ secure… from the outside. With access to administrative keys and passwords, however, it was far too easy. It had taken time, of course. Delsani had been working on this for months, devising a perfect plan. Security was extremely tight at the facility, but no one suspected the top man’s teenage daughter to be a threat, especially not her father. There was a twinge of guilt in that. The man had taken her in five years ago, spoiling her with everything a girl could want: a gorgeous home, best education available, most delicious food, fashionable clothes, a generous allowance, and state of the art technology always at her fingertips. He was an affectionate father, but that didn’t excuse the way he treated others. He was a ruthless businessman. He tried to keep her blind to his business dealings, but she wasn’t one to be kept in the dark. She’d seen the way he did business, shouting and jabbing his finger in people’s faces before reining himself in to become the picture of calm. And then, soon after, misfortune met those people that crossed him. Government officials removed from office and companies suddenly going bankrupt, properties unexpectedly condemned, and large protest groups suddenly disbanded. Ted Rippen was one of the most powerful men in the country and therefore on the planet. As kind a father as he was, he was not a good man and Delsani would not sit by and watch as he punished those that opposed him and handed over much more devastating means for others to do the same.

She had monitored her father as he entered his passwords from home, lifted fingerprints from their home to make a mold of his thumb, and managed to extract data from their retina recognition locks at home to design a lens that would get her past high security areas. Pinching his key card from his office during this visit was the last piece she’d needed. Ted Rippen had seen that his adopted daughter had the highest education and she had been using her talent with computers to secretly slip into their systems - again, not hard when she had passwords that enabled her to erase her own presence.

Satisfied that she could slip past security, Delsani stepped away from the computer and finally headed for the most restricted room in the building. No time to hesitate. Urgent. Critical. This had to work.

* * *

Delsani worked quickly once she was in the large, open work space. It was blessedly empty, just as she’d hoped, and she immediately rushed to the large console on the side of the room. Once her disc was inserted, she could only watch and wait as her program did its work. Though she tried to keep her eyes on the monitor, she couldn’t keep from glancing up every few seconds at the large weapon in front of her. It was about six feet across and twice as tall. Once the outer casing was put in place, it would look more solid and indestructible in threatening colors of yellow and red, but Delsani couldn’t imagine it looking more terrifying than it was now. This thing, once completely assembled, would have the capability to break through the strongest spaceship shields or level an entire province. Casing would make it look unstoppable, but without it, it looked unstable.

When Delsani glanced up again, she was startled to find a set of blue eyes staring at her from the other side of the warhead. The Doctor recovered first and promptly asked, “What are you doing here?”

“Me?! What are _you_ doing?! Get away from that weapon!”

“Sorry, busy right now,” he informed her, returning to whatever he was doing to it. “Now what is it you’re doing over there?”

Delsani hesitated, unsure what to do, fearing what could happen here. “I’m deleting everything on the bomb.”

“Oh?” The Doctor was obviously intrigued. “What’s ‘everything’ then?”

“Everything. Plans, diagrams, formulas, testing information, equations. _Everything_ everything. I even replaced the physical copies and destroyed the original. This thing’s dangerous. It should have never been invented. I can’t undo it, but I can erase it.”

“You know, I think I like you,” the Doctor replied with a proud and mischievous grin. “What’s your name?”

“Delsani. But what is it _you’re_ doing?”

“Taking out the chip that makes this whole thing possible, then popping a miniature explosive inside.”

“What?! An explosive?! Are you mad?!” Delsani rushed over to him and seized his arm to stop him.

“It’s just a tiny one. Shrapnel won’t even touch the walls. It’s just enough to mess up the structure so they can’t redo it. It’s nice of you to take care of the data. Saves me a bit of time.”

“But-”

“The bomb isn’t active, isn’t completed. I promise there’s nothing in this thing that will create a larger explosion than I told you. I’m here to stop it, not set it off. Don’t feel much like dying today and definitely not killing millions. I promise it’s safe.”

He had the same attitude that Delsani remembered – sounding light and unperturbed by the danger, yet still understanding the seriousness of the threat.

“Alright then, your program done yet?” he asked.

In a bit of a daze, Delsani returned to the computers. “Just a few more seconds left… I’m still not sure-”

Delsani was interrupted when a door on the upper level slammed opened. Ted Rippen was in a rage when he appeared at the railing, looking down at the bomb and its two vandals. He paused in shock however, when he recognized his daughter.

“Delsani?” he said in disbelief.

“I’m sorry, Dad, but this was wrong and you know it,” she stated matter-of-factly.

Mr. Rippen’s rage returned, ordering armed guards after them.

Delsani snatched her disc the second it popped up and suddenly the Doctor’s hand was in hers, pulling her toward the back exit. She fumbled with the key card, but the Doctor was quicker with his sonic screwdriver. He tried to turn left down the hall, but Delsani quickly pulled him right. She knew the building layout like the back of her hand.

“Dad?” the Doctor asked as he allowed her to drag him after her.

“Adopted. But you should know that shouldn’t you?” She sounded bitter. Okay, so he was supposed to recognize her… She felt familiar, but he still couldn’t place her. Human, looked about fourteen or fifteen, blond, light brown eyes. Where was he during her lifetime that they might have met?

Delsani stopped abruptly and the Doctor nearly knocked her over from behind. She paused only a moment before pushing through the back exit door marked ‘Bad Wolf.’ Once outside, she promptly dropped the Doctor’s hand.

“Bad Wolf. Those words mean something to you?” the Doctor asked, still following after her.

Delsani scoffed incredulously. “You’ve got to be joking.”

“I’m not, actually.”

“Right, in your crazy life it’s probably everyday stuff, yeah? A few thousand dead here, a million dead there. Not your business. You’re just passing through.” She felt guilty even as she spoke those vicious words, but anger, grief, and fear wouldn’t keep her from speaking them and wouldn’t allow an apology either.

The Doctor seized her arm and pulled her to a stop, anger blazing in his eyes. He couldn’t dispute her accusations so instead demanded, “Who are you? How do you know me?”

“You really don’t remember, do you?” Delsani’s anger dropped to reveal the hurt she’d been trying to mask, tears pricking her eyes. Just as quickly, she snapped back to her determined stride, jerking her arm from the Doctor’s grasp. “We can’t stop. They’ll be looking for us, coming after us. The police will be, too. We haven’t got long.”

“Who are you? You look familiar, but I can’t think of anywhere I could have met you. It’s rare I meet anyone twice and I don’t remember landing anywhere in this quadrant of the galaxy in the last fifteen years. Plus, I’d have had to have met you in the last few if you expect me to recognize you.”

“You say fifteen because you figure I can't be older than that. For whatever reason though, I don’t age like other human girls. I’m twenty. And maybe you do deserve a bit of a break for not recognizing me. Last time, it was dark, I was covered in mud, and it was over 5,000 years ago in a different quadrant of the galaxy.” Delsani’s tone, though still clipped, seemed to change. She was explaining rather than blaming. He really didn’t seem to know what was happening so how could he be at fault?

The Doctor stared at her in shock when it came to him. “Somi?”

Delsani just nodded, unable to work past the lump in her throat. He _did_ remember.

“But… but how did you get here? I thought you’d been killed.”

“Did you find my body?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“No.”

“That’s because it wasn’t there. Things happen and I’m sure I’m going to die, but then I don’t. Gunshot rings out, no pain, no wounds, I just open my eyes and I’m somewhere else,” she explained. She knew he would believe her. When she was younger, she’d tried to explain to people and they thought it was stories brought on by some sort of trauma. The Doctor would believe her though.

“It sounds like that happened more than once,” he prompted. Concern was clearly written on his face.

“Bad Wolf, Doctor. It happens when I see you. I see you, I see the words Bad Wolf, numerous people die, and I end up somewhere else. I’m sure you’ve seen the words before.”

He had.

“Palesa?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yep. I served you dinner, saw the words, the tsunami came without warning, people screamed. I was calling out for Bazi, my head washing beneath the water, and then I was by the side of the road on Rabsor, dripping wet and throwing up supper. ‘Course it’s better than how I arrived in Weaspin, dusty, half naked, covered in scrapes and bruises. Or covered in mud when I showed up here.”

“Where were you before Weaspin?” the Doctor inquired, trying to remember seeing the words ‘Bad Wolf’ before the market.

“Malcassairo. The Malmooth Conglomeration. We didn’t really talk. You only asked for directions. I remember you because I hadn’t seen another human for years before that. I say ‘years’ but really it was only two years. Anyway, after you left, I saw the words and then there-”

“Was a giant earthquake,” the Doctor finished. “I’m not human though. I rounded my age down when you asked me last time, but really I’m something around 1,000 years old. It’s been maybe 4-7 years for you? But it’s been 26 years since I saw you last and 44 years since Weaspin. I suppose I should have pieced more of this together, but really… this is just impossible. How can you be traveling through time and space without a device of some kind? Doing it unwittingly when you’re about to die? This… This… I don’t-”

Both went silent as they heard voices approaching and looked over their shoulders to find that armed authorities had finally tracked them down.

“Where are we going?” the Doctor asked, finally looking around at where she was leading them. The facility they’d fled had been on the edge of the city. A few twists and turns had led them to a grassy area they’d been walking across for the last few minutes. Delsani seemed to be leading them toward a dead-end though.

Delsani stopped when the edge of the plateau became clear. The Doctor was about to take her hand and lead her in another direction, but when he saw the tears in Delsani’s eyes, he realized that this location had been purposeful.

“We meet, then Bad Wolf, then countless deaths, then I disappear. Let’s skip the third part, yeah?” she asked, trying to keep her voice light even as her eyes were alight with fear and the tears freely flowed.

“Delsani,” the Doctor spoke gently, clearly prepared to talk her out of it.

“Just try to figure this out, Doctor. Find a way to make it stop,” Delsani pleaded.

“Please, Delsani. We can figure this out. We can do it to-”

“Not worth the risk. Just… I’ll see you again. You know I will. Just… when you do find me… please make it stop.”

The Doctor lunged forward with intent to stop her, but she had already turned and surged toward the edge of the cliff. Though terrified, she didn’t hesitate when she neared the edge. The Doctor could only watch in horror as she dove over the side. The Doctor followed to the edge. He believed her when she told him about being displaced rather than dying, but he was afraid that this time might be different.

As terrible as it was to see her leave this way, it was a relief when he didn’t see a body below. She wasn’t dead, just somewhere else. Somewhere waiting for him, depending on him to help her.

It was time to find out just what this Bad Wolf was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to post this chapter until Saturday, but I've had a rough day and hope posting another chapter might cheer me up.
> 
> So... things are coming together a bit... Tell me what you think?


	6. Chapter 6

The Doctor's mind had been reeling on the way back to the TARDIS. The 'Bad Wolf' puzzle that he'd basic shrugged off as an impossible mystery was coming to light and he felt guilty for it. Guilt – a constant companion of his. There hadn't seemed enough clues for him to have put it together, but he wished he would have tried harder. This girl, whatever she was called, had lost so much, suffered so much. He couldn't believe that the tragedies occurred because of them or Bad Wolf, only that the two of them met just before the tragedies, but the girl, Delsani, definitely believed that their combined presence was to blame.

The Doctor had wanted to immediately start looking into the matter, but in a rare turn, made his way to his bedroom. After collapsing on the bed, he'd worked on calming his thoughts and searching his mind for Bad Wolf. Examining his memories in detail was the best place to start. Delsani mentioned the Malmooth Conglomeration, an appearance of Bad Wolf that he'd completely overlooked. What else had he missed?

Humming. It took him a bit to work it out, but he remembered. Somi had been humming a Gallifreyan lullaby on Rabsor. She had told the Doctor that she didn't know where she got the melody and had come to assume she must have just made it up herself. The Doctor hadn't been able to come up with a plausible explanation so he'd just accepted that possibility. With time and space as vast as it was, simple melodies were created numerous times in numerous places. But if he had been clever enough, he might have put things together. He'd heard a young, blond human hum that tune before. She'd learned it from  _him_. In a cold metal cell on an Mbulaki warship, he'd found a human toddler, completely out of place. No one knew how she'd gotten there and he couldn't figure out where she'd managed to step in mud on a spaceship. The fact was that she hadn't. It came from wherever she was previously. Likely to have just escaped death, she appeared in the cell that he was soon to be contained in. In their few hours together, he'd become rather fond of her… and then she was torn from his arms.

He hadn't paid attention to the alarms at the time, only concerned about the girl. Silence had preceded the gunshot. She hadn't been shot, but displaced. By the sound of it, he'd guess she appeared in the Conglomeration at that point. Regardless of where she ended up, the Doctor had ended up in the ship's control room, surrounded by monitors flashing the words 'Bad Wolf.' The ship and its crew were the casualties of the Bad Wolf's appearance that time. They met, then the words, death, and displacement.

The warship to the Conglomeration, but where was she before that?

A blond, baby girl and a Gallifreyan lullaby… right there on the TARDIS. The infant concealed in a chest, given to him as a gift. Delsani was the tortured baby that had been wasting away from neglect because he hadn't known she was aboard the TARDIS. The baby girl he was meant to marry… according to the Bad Wolf Prophecy. It was no wonder he hadn't thought of it earlier. He'd been annoyed by the man from Ahnier and all but ignored him. The Doctor had heard countless prophecies in his long life and thought them rubbish. Perhaps there was something to this one. There was one way to find out.

Unfortunately, he couldn't land on the planet.

The Doctor couldn't understand it. There shouldn't have been any problem, but the TARDIS just wouldn't land. He tried a few different time points to land in, a few minutes to a century after his last visit and even a time before his previous visit. It wasn't that his ship was faulty, it was just that place. Perhaps it  _was_  his TARDIS though. Was she barring him? She definitely wasn't being helpful when it came to research. He had nothing but memories and guesses to go by. How was he supposed to find her? How was he supposed to save her from being displaced again?

He was ashamed that it took him two days to think of something, believing he should have thought of it immediately. He wasn't sure how much it would help him, but the chest the infant arrived in was still in the box room. After retrieving her from it, the Doctor hadn't bothered looking at the chest's contents. Local currency, spices, folded pieces of fine cloth, and... a letter? There was a small scroll that he hadn't thought twice about.

_The heart of the Bad Wolf will find its place with the man from the stars. Embracing each other, they find salvation. Hand in hand, the stars shine brighter._

There it was then: the prophecy. Or at least a small portion of it. The Doctor was sure there was a great deal more to this whole thing. Below the flowing script, a more hastily written message addressed him directly.

_Take care of her, great hero. You may have your doubts, but I have none. - She belongs with you. May you both be blessed by the Wolf._

A bit of the prophecy and a father's plea. It was all quite vague, but more than he'd had to go on than before. The particular wording gave him even more to ponder. Removing the false bottom, the Doctor looked at the cramped space where the baby had been hidden. Over a century had passed since he scooped her out of this box. He'd been a man mad with panic. Over a century and he could still vividly picture her. Her wispy blond hair... The Doctor reached into the chest, having spotted one of those fine, blond hairs. A large grin spread across his face as he stared at it. If he was lucky, this could possibly answer a number of other questions.

* * *

Rose Tyler was a lost soul. Inside swirled a host of contradictions and wasted potential. She didn't know where her life was headed and hadn't even a clue what she wanted to do with it. She was hopelessly bored, yet overall content… more or less. She was far better educated than anyone else she knew, yet never finished childhood education. She was skilled enough with computers that she could easily hack government systems, yet the only pieces of technology she touched were her primitive mobile phone and the cash registers at work. Her talents were obviously going to waste, but she wasn't sure she minded. Maybe, but maybe not. She had a number of friends, a boyfriend, and a loving adoptive mother, but she was constantly battling herself over how to treat those relationships. She cared for them all, but tried hard to keep some level of detachment. She wasn't sure how long she'd be spending there on Earth, but home never lasted for her. She'd had a number of families and close friends in her past and it tore her heart to pieces each time she lost them. Her hope was that if she could keep herself emotionally distant, it might not hurt as much when she lost everyone. The realistic part of her scoffed at that line of thinking. She could never be emotionally distant. There were many people dear to her and there really wasn't a way of denying it. Part of her was screaming for the universe not to take this away from her while another part of her was begging for the Doctor. She hardly knew the ancient time traveler, but he was the only one who might possibly understand what she was going through. The last time she had seen him, she had viciously laid the blame on him for a horrible number of deaths, but she knew it was just the opposite. He helped people and she needed help. With eyes closed, she sent a quiet plea to him, the one she uttered daily. "Please find me."

The lift's chime brought Rose back to her task and when the doors opened, she stepped out to search for Wilson. The sooner she got this lottery money to him, the sooner she could get out of there. The search wasn't as easy as she'd expected. Fear of missing her bus was quickly replaced by the fear of something else in the basement. While most people would brush off the feeling of being watched as just paranoia, Rose took feelings like those quite seriously. She was trapped and she wasn't alone. She was stunned when it turned out to be a group of dummies, so stunned and confused that sense couldn't reach her. She knew she should be doing something to protect herself. Something. Anything. But it wasn't until she was backed against the wall that she realized her position. She was reaching down for something to defend herself when something - some _one_ \- seized her other hand. Her heart leapt when she saw him. On the Doctor's command to run, she instantly complied, not stopping until they were in the lift.

Rose's eyes widened comically when the Doctor yanked the mannequin's arm right off its body. "You pulled its arm off," she stated incredulously.

"Yep." The Doctor tossed it to her with a grin.

"But... it's plastic," she stated, clearly confused as she examined it.

"Yep."

"But then, what is it?"

"Like you said, plastic. But look at you. You've gone and grown again," he said in accusation.

"Or you've shrunk?" she teased. "Aging - normal people do it."

"You're including yourself in that group? You're a great many things, but I don't think normal is one," he pointed out. Any other time, Rose would likely have felt insulted by a statement like that, but the way the Doctor said it made it seem like she'd insulted herself first and he was just correcting her.

"Oh god, Wilson!"

Rose's sudden exclamation thoroughly confused the Doctor. "Who's Wilson?"

"The chief electrician."

The Doctor's expression hardened. "Wilson's dead... Sorry."

Rose followed him out of the lift and stared up at him as he did something to the lift controls. That familiar fear was returning. She'd wanted the Doctor to find her, but already someone had died. Who next? How many others?

"W-what is it? Those plastic things? What's happening?"

"Plastic. Living plastic creatures. They're being controlled by a relay device on the roof, which won't be a problem much longer because I've got just the thing for it." The Doctor held up a small device that Rose had never seen before, but it wasn't hard to guess what it was.

"A bomb? No! No bomb. No explosives. You know every time we meet-"

"Look, look, calm down." The Doctor gripped her shoulders and looked her right in the eye as he spoke. "Despite what you may think, I do know what I'm doing here. You've got to trust me. You trusted me with that doomsday missile. Trust me with this. This will be a bigger boom, but I've already checked that the shop is empty. You were the last inside. No more casualties."

"But-"

"This isn't happening because of us. No trying to sacrifice yourself this time. This is an alien invasion and you disappearing won't stop it from happening. I'll stop it. While I do that,  _you_  need to go home and stay safe."

"No! Because that's when stuff happens. Even if it's not our fault, when you disappear-"

"But I'm not disappearing."

"But you're sending me away."

"To meet up with you again. Here. On Earth. This isn't goodbye. This is 'get the hell away from the building that's about to explode.' Now go!" The Doctor prodded the girl out the side door and slammed it shut before she could make any further protests. She was just turning to go when the door popped back open.

"By the way, what's your name this time?"

Rose smiled at the out of place question. "Rose. Rose Tyler."

"Good. Now, Rose... Run!"

Rose followed his instructions to an extent. She ran across the street and a bit beyond that, stopping at what she felt was a safe distance. Instead of going home as the Doctor had ordered, she waited. She had decided to trust him, but that didn't mean she wasn't worried about him. Whatever happened, she needed to be there for it. The explosion shook her more than she'd expected, not only physically, but vivid memories of the war on Rabsor and the Great Quake of Malcassairo flashed through her mind. The flames burning in the building seemed surreal, but the screams of the onlookers twisted her insides. They were safe though. If the Doctor was correct about the building being empty, Wilson's death would be the only one. Except… where was the Doctor? Shouldn't he have come out by then?

"Is this where you live then?" the Doctor's voice carried over to her from the street to her right. He shook his head in light admonishment as he approached her. "I believe, Rose Tyler, that I told you to go home."

Rose smiled brightly at his playful attitude and the inflection he placed on her name. "Are you testing out my name?"

"Maybe I am,  _Rose Tyler_."

She rolled her eyes at his teasing grin. "And?"

"It suits you. All of your names have suited you."

"Must be the flower thing. Did you realize that? My first two families named me after flowers and after that, when I went to select a name, I stuck to the pattern."

"I did notice and I'm glad to know that it's purposeful. All these 'coincidences' have been driving me mental."

"So you've worked out-"

" _Home_ , Rose," the Doctor interrupted. "It's late and I've still got other things to take care of."

"This was only the first step in the invasion?" It was clear from her resigned tone that she'd already concluded that.

"Yes."

"But-"

"You really do love to protest, don't you? Just point the way already so we can get you home."

"You're coming with me?" Rose asked hopefully.

"Not inside, but I thought I'd walk you there. You like to talk, I like to talk, there are a lot of things to talk about, so I thought we'd talk on the way."

"Alright, this way then," Rose agreed, leading them away from the burning building.

"So, where to start…" The Doctor blew out a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets. Was there a good place to start?

"I know where I want to start – What  _are_  you?" Rose asked frankly.

"What?" The Doctor's head snapped in her direction, taken aback by her question. He hadn't been expecting that one, though perhaps he should have.

"Well you're not human, so what are you?"

"I thought you wanted to discuss this Bad Wolf thing." The lightness in the Doctor's voice vanished, leaving it flat. While her question made him tense, those two words had a similar effect on her.

"Well, this 'Bad Wolf thing' seems to have tied my fate to a time traveling alien that's like a thousand years old. I think it's reasonable to want to know something about him. This is a level 5 planet, so isn't there a rule that says you have to identify your species and place of origin?" Rose had asked in jest, but when she caught the hard look on the Doctor's face, she instantly regretted it.

"If you're referring to Convention 15 of the Shadow Proclamation, you're spot on. Very good. If I'm hostile, blowing up buildings and such, Convention 15 says I have to stop and identify myself in order to parley. That or just pick up and leave."

"I'm sorry," Rose rushed to say while leading him onto the bus.

The Doctor acted like he hadn't heard her, acted like that part of the conversation never even happened. "It's not fate though. It's certainly not coincidence the way we keep meeting, but it's not fate. Fixed points are the only inevitabilities in the universe. All other events are in flux, having the possibility of different outcomes. I'm still not sure what Bad Wolf is, but I understand how this works a bit more."

He paused to check that Rose was ready to hear more and she nodded dumbly, both hopeful and fearful to finally get some answers. The bus was nearly empty that time of evening, but the Doctor still kept his voice down so they wouldn't be overheard. The soft volume of his voice helped to ease her tension slightly.

"You said before that horrible tragedies occur when we meet. Then tonight when I first told you to go home, you said that it's when we  _separate_  that things happen. There's a bit of truth to both statements because our paths have always met just before devastating events. We meet before them, not cause them. If it rains every time you wear blue trainers, does it mean your blue trainers are what causes the rain? No, you call it coincidence. Our meetings aren't fate  _or_  coincidence. I'm still trying to work that bit out. Your… _displacement_ , though… That bit has to do with our separation. Fate hasn't tied us together, but something else has." The Doctor had been keeping the explanation purely factual, but in this pause, his expression darkened and obvious guilt made it hard to continue. It was several moments before he spoke again, but Rose didn't push him to. "It seems I'm meant to keep you with me. Seems all these meetings of ours are supposed to be another chance for me to take you with me. I take you away before tragedy strikes or you're caught up in it and then get displaced."

Rose blinked up at him in disbelief, shaking her head as if to deny it. It wasn't that she could deny it or even that she doubted the Doctor's word. She just couldn't understand how or why something would play with them that way, why someone or something would toy with her life that way.

The Doctor was waiting for a response of some kind, a prompt to continue or perhaps a request to pause. "Displaced," she managed to say, stepping off the bus at her stop. "You keep saying displaced."

"I mean displaced in time and space. Torn from the life you had to appear in another time and place completely. Thousands of years and even galaxies apart. That shouldn't be possible without a device."

"How then?"

"It's in you, I think. Not a device, but the means and the trigger." At Rose's terrified expression, the Doctor hurried on. "That's not necessarily a bad thing, considering the alternatives. It's easier to study what's in front of you than to speculate over a few clues. Easier to work with something solid than abstract concepts."

"But this trigger is what?"

"A trigger in your mind, I think. A stage hypnotist sets a trigger in his volunteer. Every time a bell rings, she starts break dancing. The bell triggers a subconscious response. The volunteer doesn't know what the trigger is or even what took place. Only once it's passed, she wonders what she's doing on the floor."

"So I'm like hypnotized? Can we remove the trigger just like that?" Rose held her breath in hope.

"Maybe…" The Doctor didn't want to quash her hope, but he still sounded doubtful. "It's nothing as simple as hypnosis, but it's something to work with. And until we can fix it, we at least know how to avoid triggering it."

Rose stopped in the courtyard of the Powell Estate and pondered what this would mean. "You have to take me with you?"

The Doctor looked away, clearly tense and uncomfortable. When he didn't answer right away, Rose pressed on.

"The trigger is us being separated. That means I've got to go with you, doesn't it?" There was little emotion in her voice. She really wasn't sure what to feel in all of this. Leaving with the Doctor would mean losing her home all over again. She always knew that was possible though, even likely. She'd been hoping that the Doctor would come for her, but she hadn't thought much on leaving with him. She didn't even know what his life was like, apart from the few mad moments she'd seen him before. She didn't even know what species he was.

The Doctor seemed to like her well enough… but that didn't necessarily mean that he wanted to keep her around.

"We haven't gotten that far yet," he told her. "I'll know more once I've examined you on my ship, but if you remember, there's a bit of an invasion going on. That comes first."

"You want to examine me on your spaceship?" Rose asked, her cheeky grin making a reappearance. "You know those words are supposed to strike fear into people, don't you?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes dramatically. "You've been around 21st century humans too long."

Rose burst out laughing. "I hadn't actually thought of that. 21st century humans expecting to be strapped down and dissected by little green men. Anal probes." Rose laughed harder, that thought leading into her next. "Though I suppose that part is closer to my original thought. Kids on Earth are warned about taking candy from strangers. People of all ages in Weaspin Market knew that an 'examination' on someone's ship meant sex. Thus children were taught to fear those words. 'Course to the adults, it was just a pick up line. So…  _examination_?"

The Doctor chuckled and shook his head. "I'm not sure which stereotype is worse – the radical scientist or sexual predator. You've nothin' to fear from me though. I won't do anything without your permission."

"Will you be asking my permission then?" Rose asked coquettishly, her teasing tongue caught between her teeth when she smiled.

"Go home, Rose Tyler." Though the Doctor tried to sound exasperated, Rose could still tell he was amused. She however, lost all amusement when he turned to go.

"But what about the trigger?" she worried. "You can't just leave. Or I can't. We-"

"The trigger isn't distance. The trigger is goodbye. And I mean proper goodbye, not 'see ya later.' The trigger is me leaving with no intention of coming back for you. This isn't goodbye; it's me being productive while all you humans spend a ridiculous amount of time sleeping. I'll be back tomorrow."

"Okay," Rose agreed. She was still terribly anxious letting him go, but she had to trust him. Her only hope was to trust him.

"Oh, I'll take that," the Doctor offered, indicating the plastic arm that Rose had managed to forget she was holding. She immediately thrust it in his direction, glad to be rid of it. "G'night, Rose." He waved with the plastic arm and made his way back to the bus stop. Once he moved out of view, Rose finally returned to her flat and her frantic mother. In hindsight, she probably should have called to let her mum know she was safe. It was a reprimand she received several more times that evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO much for the reviews. It really is encouraging and I'm very grateful.


	7. Chapter 7

When Rose’s alarm clock went off the next morning, she didn’t need her mum’s comment about no longer having a job to remind her of all that had happened the night before. Her scheduled shift at work, however, was one of the last things on her mind. Though her first thought that morning involved the shop, it was a set of bright blue eyes, a hand in hers, and a command to run that first flashed in her mind.

Though being unemployed didn’t even register on Rose’s list of concerns, it seemed to be the only matter of importance to her mum that morning who was becoming rather irritated with Rose’s noncommittal responses to job suggestions. Rose was declared to have airs and graces from working at ‘that posh shop’ and accused of thinking herself above her mum’s suggestions, but that wasn’t it at all. Well, perhaps it was true that she wouldn’t have wanted those other jobs, but they didn’t matter because she believed she wouldn’t be around much longer. One way or another, she was going to lose her life there in London. Work didn’t matter. Her adoptive mother, Jackie Tyler, mattered. Her boyfriend, Mickey, mattered. The friends she made over the years, they mattered. She’d miss them all. As dull as her life there was, she’d miss it.

And then there was the Doctor to think about and where she was going to end up. Whatever was toying with her life wanted her to be with the Doctor. She wasn’t really sure how she felt about going with him, but her opinion never really mattered. She never got to decide where she ended up. She’d never had a choice in leaving. But then, maybe going with the Doctor _was_ her choice. Hadn’t she been wanting him to come for her? Still, it didn’t feel like proper consent because she was being pushed in that direction by the threatening alternative – another displacement. What did any of this mean to the Doctor though? None of this seemed to affect him. To him, the words ‘Bad Wolf’ had just been a curiosity, not something to fear. What was forcing _him_?

Rose’s heart stuttered when she realized that he had never actually mentioned taking her with him. He didn’t have any compelling reason to take her with him. When she had asked him if this trigger meant she had to go with him, he’d looked away uncomfortably. When she’d repeated herself, he’d only said ‘we haven’t gotten that far yet.’ The previous time they’d met, she’d explained what was happening to her and asked him to help. He was trying to help, but how much did it really matter to him? He had some answers, but had he really put effort into it? She’d been waiting six years for him to find her. Was this him just stumbling upon her again or had he actively searched? She was feeling smaller and smaller each minute. It was the sound of the cat flap that startled her from her thoughts.

“Mum, you are such a liar. I told you to nail that cat flap down. We’re going to get strays,” she scolded.

Jackie responded, but Rose missed whatever she’d said. She was focused instead on the screws on the floor in front of the pet door. She knelt to examine them. Maybe her mum _had_ sealed it… but then how-?

Her thought was cut short when the flap moved. She flipped it outward to have a look and was startled when she found the Doctor’s face looking back. She leapt to her feet and threw the door open.

“Ah, so this _is_ where you live,” the Doctor commented.

“You could have knocked,” Rose pointed out. “That’s how most people do it.”

“Well, I thought this might be you,” he explained, gesturing to the flat number on the door, “but I was following a signal for something else. What I _thought_ was something else. Must be the wrong signal. Anyway, see ya later.”

“Oh, no you don’t. In!” she ordered, roughly pulling him into the flat and shutting the door before he had the chance to get away.

“Who is it?” Jackie called.

“Er, it’s about last night. He’s part of the inquiry. Just give us a few minutes.” Rose heard her mum claim that her daughter deserved compensation and rolled her eyes at that. She waited for the Doctor in the living room, anxiously running her fingers through her hair. Now that she had him there, what was she going to say? “Don’t mind the mess,” were the first words out of her mouth, followed by an offer of coffee. That would at least give him reason to stick around for a few minutes. Well, that was if he followed common courtesy. The way he’d peeked through the cat flat rather than knocking suggested that proper social conduct didn’t mean much to him.

Rose was still struggling with what to say as she moved about the kitchen preparing his coffee. She was hoping he might have something to say that she could build off of, but his comments were nothing but meaningless prattle over the things he came across while nosily poking about the flat.

“So this investigating you’re doing, the aliens,” Rose started, because really they needed to talk about _something_ of importance. “Have you discovered-?”

“What’s that then?” the Doctor interrupted, glancing toward the entrance of the flat. “You got a cat?”

“No. Used to, but now it’s just strays. It’s why we nailed the flap. But you’re changing the subject. Have you-?” Rose gasped when she turned and saw that the plastic arm from the night before had its hand clutching the Doctor’s throat. She let the mugs of coffee fall to the floor and quickly grabbed the arm, helping to yank it away from him. To her horror, that small achievement only led to it attacking her instead. She tried not to panic, knowing the Doctor would stop it, but the more they struggled, the more painful the plastic fingers gripped. Its strength was proven when the Doctor’s fiercest tug caused them to topple over rather than dislodge it. It was only when the Doctor pulled out his odd, sonic tool that it finally relaxed and then stopped altogether. The Doctor’s pun, ‘armless’, was definitely deserving of the smack on the arm she gave him. He acted like the whole thing was nothing. The shattered coffee table would say otherwise.

“You alright?” she checked, nodding toward the coffee table to indicate the thing that might have injured him.

“’Course,” he answered, a bit surprised she would think otherwise. Although it did cause him to wonder about her. “You?”

“Yeah,” she answered a bit breathlessly.

“Good, no harm done then. Later,” he said brightly with a little wave, taking the plastic arm with him. He’d said it so quickly that it took Rose as second to catch up. He was already on the move when she did and she rushed to keep up with him.

“Wait, where are you going now?” she all but demanded to know.

“Where d’you think? Gotta find the signal, remember? Stop the invasion?” he reminded her.

“Yeah, but you can’t just keep poppin’ up and then leave me behind,” she insisted. “I’m coming with you.”

“No, you’re not. You’re stayin’ here,” he said firmly.

“The hell I am!”

“You are,” he maintained, turning to her with a stern look of authority. “It’s safer for you here, Rose. I’m-”

“Yeah right! That arm thing just came to my flat and attacked me!”

“It was after me, not you. Last night, in the shop, I was there, you blundered in, almost ruined the whole thing. This morning, I was tracking it down, it was tracking me down. The only reason it fixed on you is 'cos you've met me. I’m trying to keep you safe, so you’re gonna stay here. Alright?”

“I just blundered in, huh?” Rose said quietly to herself, feeling small once again. She recovered her fierce attitude quickly, clenching her fists at her side. “You’re not getting away without explaining things at least. Just what is this living plastic stuff? If there’s a signal controlling it, then there’s something behind the signal.”

“Yes, there is,” he affirmed. “I’m working on finding the signal so I can turn it off. Then put a stop to those doing the controlling.”

“Which are…?”

“Aliens.”

“I gathered,” she said in exasperation. “But who? What do they want? I mean, shop window dummies, what’s that about?”

“Dummies are just the start. This is a hostile invasion. They want to overthrow humans and take over the world.”

“And I perfectly safe on my own,” Rose murmured sarcastically.

“Better than with me,” the Doctor replied seriously.

“Yeah, why learn from past experience when we can repeat the past horrors?” she muttered bitterly.

The Doctor stopped and turned to her, meeting her eyes and speaking in earnest. “I told you last night that the trigger is ‘goodbye.’ This still isn’t goodbye. This is ‘wait here and stay safe.’ What would happen if you came with me and were about to be killed? It’d be harder to help you if you’re not here (displaced again) and impossible to help you if you’re dead. I don’t want either, so _stay safe_.”

Rose looked down, losing the energy to argue further. She could see that it was pointless. He would not change his mind.

When Rose made no reply, the Doctor nodded, appeased by her compliance, and went on his way, leaving Rose behind. He’d only made it across the street when Rose called out again. She hadn’t moved to follow and it didn’t appear that she intended to. Though the Doctor didn’t want her to challenge his command, her dejected resignation almost made him wish she hadn’t given up. He’d extinguished that fire and the despondent look left behind was heartbreaking. Her words even more so.

“Just one last thing… I just need to know…” Rose called loud enough to hear, but it took effort to get out. “Did you look? Did you look for me? Or… or did I really just blunder into your life again?”

The Doctor was stunned by the question and it took a moment for him to respond. When he did, he strode quickly across the street again, his eyes meeting hers. Doubt – she was filled with it. Yet the doubt wasn’t accusing; she was doubting her importance. Rose looked down again, shrinking under his gaze.

“Blundered in… I did say that, didn’t I?” he asked quietly. “And it’s been awhile for you again, hasn’t it? Like I said, you’ve grown. I can see why you’d question, but Rose… Rose…” The Doctor tipped her chin up so that she would look at him again. She’d seen a number of his emotions, so quickly changing as they were, and seen the intensity his eyes could hold, but she never could have imagined the soft and sincere look he pinned her with at that moment. “I looked, Rose. The moment we parted, I searched for answers. It’s been years for you - I can see that - but it’s been hardly a week for me. I’d hoped it would have been the same for you, but my search method wasn’t as good as I’d like. When I arrived, I saw that there was a secret invasion starting. I wasn’t going to finish tracking you down until I’d handled it. You ‘blundered in’, already in danger, when I was trying to keep you out of it. You’ve been through enough. I don’t want you to have to go through any more. Let me take care of this trouble and when that’s out of the way, we’ll figure out what I really came here for. One challenge at a time, yeah?”

Rose struggled to keep composure, fighting back tears. Though tears wouldn’t escape, she was sure he could see her restraining them and could hear the tightness in her voice. “You really looked?”

“Yes. And I’m not going to let this hurt you anymore. I know you’ve waited a long time, but I’m askin’ for just a bit more. I’ll be back.” His assurance was so ardent that Rose couldn’t find the words to reply. She nodded in understanding and his warm smile instantly appeared. “Stay safe and I’ll be back soon.”

Rose watched him go and took a deep, cleansing breath. She didn’t like him disappearing and didn’t like him facing danger alone, but she trusted him. If he said he’d be back, then he would. Until then… well, she wasn’t sure what she’d do. If the Doctor really was that committed, maybe she would be going with him after all. That meant this might be her last day on Earth. What should she do with it?

* * *

Television. It wasn’t really how Rose wanted to spend what was potentially her last day on Earth, but she wanted to spend some time with her mum and sitting in front of the telly was where they ended up. Rose had tried other suggestions, but Jackie seemed to have an excuse for all of them. If only she knew. But what could Rose say? Mostly she just listened. Jackie always had something to say, even while watching television. She moved from one topic to another at dizzying speeds, gossip to news reports to food prices to opinions about the characters in the show they were watching. Rose just took it all in, memorizing her voice and stealing glances at her, hoping not to appear suspicious.

Jackie took Rose in as her daughter (something that still surprised Rose to that day) and did so much for her. It had been difficult coming to this place and time period. When Jackie found her, she’d been in a rough state, emotionally and physically. Rose was displaced after jumping off the cliff, just as she thought she would, but she hadn’t anticipated the injuries she’d incurred on the way down. Jackie had found her in the pouring rain, face down on the pavement in front of Bucknall House with a bleeding head injury, a dislocated shoulder and a gash down that same arm, a fractured kneecap, and bruised ribs. Rose wasn’t sure, but she had a feeling that it wasn’t all from the cliff’s jutting rocks. She suspected that some of the momentum had carried over from one place to the next, some of the injuries occurring during her arrival, dropped onto the pavement rather than appearing gently on the ground.

Jackie hadn’t understood what Rose meant when she said she didn’t have anyone, but went with her to the hospital anyway. Learning from past experience, Rose didn’t try explaining how she’d really ended up there. She just went with ‘I don’t remember.’ Amnesia, the doctors had decided. It was odd, like something that only happened in tv and literature, but they couldn’t otherwise explain it. No missing persons reports came in that matched her description. They had Rose choose a name, gave her a birthdate based on medical scans that declared her about 13 years old, and was handed over to social services. Jackie had visited her the entire time she was in the hospital. It was her fondness for the woman that led Rose to choose the last name Tyler. Maybe it was that touching sentiment that led Jackie to take her in as a foster child. It was that or Rose would have ended up in a group home. Jackie never officially adopted Rose, but Rose was 19-years-old and still living with her, as much her daughter as a biological child would be. It wasn’t a perfect relationship, but that’s what made it real. Six years together… How could she explain _now_? How could she say goodbye?

That afternoon, Rose took some time to visit Mickey. After her mum, she’d miss him most and felt just as guilty toward him. They’d been friends for years. She always believed she’d leave London quite suddenly, one way or another. She’d told herself not to get attached. She did and yet she didn’t. She told herself not to enter a romantic relationship because it wouldn’t last. Nothing could come of it. Rose had always had a hard time of following her own advice and so here she was with Mickey. Mickey meant a lot to her and she even loved him in some way, but never quite what Mickey felt for her. Looking at their relationship now, it felt like she had just been stringing him along. He would never guess that she’d always intended to leave him. Looking back now, it felt cruel. Even if it was cruel, she was selfish enough to take this time with him and pretend like it wasn’t the last they’d see each other.

Video games and more telly. Rose and Mickey talked about both and an assortment of other topics – work, the guys at the pub, football… Was her life really that mundane? She always knew it was, but this day was revealing just how dull it was.

Rose couldn’t believe it when the words left her mouth – “Do you believe in aliens?”

Mickey was surprised by the sudden question. It seemed so random and didn’t come out as casually as Rose had intended.

"Er, I don't know... maybe," Mickey answered slowly, giving Rose an odd look. "Why?"

"Dunno. Just wondered," Rose shrugged. She had a feeling she was still coming off as kind of weird, but she was beginning to question her decision to keep everything secret. It couldn't hurt to just hear what he thought on the subject of life in the universe. "So...?"

"Er, dunno. I guess it's possible that there's other stuff out there. I mean, space is pretty big, right? I don't think anyone's actually seen 'em though. Like all those nutters sayin' they've been abducted and stuff? Rubbish, I say. Just lookin' for attention. That or hallucinating, yeah?"

"Yeah, probably right." Rose smiled as she agreed, but it was weak. She'd sort of expected an answer like that, but it was still a bit disheartening. If she told him her story, he'd try to have her sectioned. There wouldn't be time for that if she was leaving, but that wasn't how she wanted to be remembered. She shouldn't have even asked.

"Yeah?" Mickey asked, clearly unsure what to think of her reaction, or her interest in the topic at all. "What's with this all of a sudden though? See some kind of conspiracy thing?"

"Yeah, kind of." Rose let out a soft chuckle. "Lots of stuff out there on the internet."

"That's what you’ve been using my computer for?" he teased.

"No, but I've read articles before. Most of it's rubbish, like you said. It's just... I dunno..." She paused and forced another small chuckle, trying to sound amused. "There's a bloke ‘round here even, has this crazy idea about some guy that travels in time. Has pictures of a bloke that's just called 'the Doctor' and they’re like from different times. The JFK assassination, just before the Titanic, a sketch of him in front of Krakatoa before it blew. Pretty crazy. And he really believes it."

Mickey was still looking at her strangely. She might sound amused by it, but she was still acting funny. "You said that bloke was around here. You didn't meet him, did you?"

"The guy with the website? No," she answered honestly. Not that she hadn't been tempted. The Doctor seemed to frequent this planet so she was definitely curious. She just didn't want anyone suspecting that she was tied to him. Besides, it didn't seem like that Clive bloke really knew anything. "No, just a neat story I read a couple years back."

"Well, somethin' brought this up," Mickey pressed.

Rose nibbled her lip and answered cautiously, still not sure just what she wanted to reveal. "A bloke I bumped into last night after the explosion. We got to talkin'. He really believes in aliens, that some have been here even." Rose laughed genuinely then. "He's sure that the shop blowin' up had to do with aliens."

Mickey didn't laugh like she thought he would. Just the opposite, he looked upset with her. "You gotta be more careful. Don't go talking with people like that. You can't know if nutters like that are dangerous or not. Guys like that need to be sectioned. Can't tell real life and fantasy. Who's to say he won't go around killin' people, thinkin' they're aliens?"

"It's fine, Mickey. He was fine. _I'm_ fine," Rose assured him. "It was just something that got me thinking. Life. The universe. What might be out there. There are those that swear it, people who don't believe it at all, and others that really don't care either way. I just wondered what you thought."

"And what do you think?" Mickey wondered. "There creatures out there?"

"Out there?" Rose laughed. "With the terrifying things growing in your fridge, I think we should be more worried about our safety in here."

"Oi!"

"It's going to turn into a 50s sci-fi film, mold seeping from the fridge to devour people."

"Haha, so clever," he deadpanned.

"I'm just joking. Well... half joking. I'm really not going in your fridge. Pizza?"


	8. Chapter 8

Mickey was quick to agree to pizza, but whinged when Rose asked to make a stop on the way. When Rose had mentioned stopping at a greeting card shop, Mickey was initially worried that he'd forgotten an important occasion. When Rose explained that she was just after a photo album for herself, he relaxed again, but still moaned about going inside. All the cheesy, sentimental stuff... Rose huffed that he should just wait outside and Mickey looked like it was just the order he'd been hoping for. Just for that, Rose considered taking longer than she needed. She didn't though. She wasn't looking for anything fancy, just something to stick some photos in. She'd never been able to bring any keepsakes with her when moving on. She only ever had the clothes on her back. This time, if should could bring one thing, photos were her choice.

When she exited the shop a few minutes later, she was too consumed by her thoughts to notice that something was off with Mickey. She noticed during dinner, but she couldn't make sense of him. He hadn't shown any interest in 'the Doctor' when she mentioned the website about him back at Mickey's flat. Why on Earth was he pressing for more now?

"Oh, Mickey... I've been meaning to ask: Mum wanted to know if you're still coming for tea tomorrow."

"Yeah, of course. Now, about that Doctor-"

Rose leapt out of her chair and shoved the table toward 'Mickey'. She hadn’t invited Mickey to tea and even if she had, Mickey would have griped or tried to get out of it. "Who are you and where's Mickey?"

She knew she was causing a scene, but she wasn't sure how to handle the situation. The way the table had pressed upon the imposter caused its chair to tip slightly, making it difficult to right itself. Had Rose attempted an escape, she would have had a fair head start. As it was, she only stood there deliberating while the other patrons stared.

"Problem?" a voice came from over Rose's shoulder.

Rose whipped around in relief. She'd know that voice anywhere.

"Gotcha!" The triumphant, wicked grin looked wrong on Mickey and caused Rose's insides to twist with anxiety.

"Yes, congratulations. How about some champagne?" the Doctor offered, shaking the bottle vigorously. "Here ya go. On the house!"

Rose gaped, her eyes wide, as the cork that shot off the bottle flew into Mickey's head. A few people around them shrieked, but stayed in place as they watched Mickey's imposter chew up the cork and spit it out. Everyone was startled and astonished when the creature's hand turned into a large paddle, but the real panic didn't set in until the Doctor ripped the head off the living plastic body. Customers were screaming and fleeing. At the same time, the Doctor was rushing Rose out the back, through the kitchen, with the plastic creature close behind.

Once outside, the Doctor immediately went about locking the back door with the sonic screwdriver while Rose searched desperately for a way out. The Doctor was calm again, acting like he had no concerns, and it was driving Rose mad. She raced into the blue box after him and halted instantly. Almost as quickly as she entered, she raced back out, walking around the blue box in confusion before racing back in.

"It's bigger inside." With the her bewilderment and the abrupt delivery of her statement, it almost sounded like an accusation.

"It is, yeah," the Doctor affirmed with a smirk. He glanced up at her, but then went back to his work at the console.

"But it's gonna get in here, isn't it?" Rose worried.

"The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan couldn't get through that door, and believe me, they've tried. Now, a bit of hush, please."

Rose gazed around the console room in awe, taking in the many details, but she quickly looked back at the Doctor when he spoke again.

"You see, the arm was too simple, but the head's perfect. I can use it to trace the signal back to the source. Right..." The Doctor set the plastic head aside, crossed his arms, and addressed Rose properly. "Where do you want to start?"

"This is your spaceship," Rose stated, still a bit overwhelmed by it.

"Yes."

"And it's bigger inside."

"Yes."

"Like... pocket universe kind of thing? Dimensional transcendentalism?" Rose asked uncertainly.

The Doctor looked at her with the same interest as she did the ship. "Yes. How did you know that?"

"It sort of got brought up in school once when we got off topic. Not Earth, of course. Clavix. They said it was impossible. Just a theory. I don't like the word impossible. Improbable, sure, but to say impossible is arrogant; shows lack of imagination. I've _imagined_... but _this_..."

The Doctor looked quite pleased, smiling as he explained. "It's called the TARDIS. That's T-A-R-D-I-S. It stands for Time and Relative Dimension in Space."

"It's brilliant, but... what about Mickey? Did they kill him? Is he dead?" Rose asked anxiously, finally getting back to why they were hiding there in the first place.

"Oh, didn't think of that." The Doctor blinked in thought as he considered it for the first time.

"You're kidding me," Rose said in disbelief, her anger rising. "You rip off his head and don't even wonder about the real person? He's my boyfriend. Nothing but a piece to your puzzle though. Hookin' his head up to your machine and melting him down."

"Melting?!" The Doctor spun around and cried out in frustration. "No no no no no no! Almost there. Almost there. Here we go!"

The Doctor flew out the door before Rose could manage a protest. She followed hesitantly after and gaped when she saw her surroundings. "We moved. We were flying?"

"No. Disappears there, reappears here. You wouldn’t understand," the Doctor answered automatically, still looking around in frustration.

"If we're somewhere else, what about the headless thing? Is it still on the loose?"

"It melted with the head. Are you going to witter on all night?"

"Someone will have to tell his mother. Mickey," she clarified when the Doctor didn't seem to understand. "Someone will have to tell his mother that he's dead, and you just went and forgot about him, again!"

"Look, if I forget some kid named Mickey-"

"He's not a kid."

The Doctor continued heatedly, ignoring Rose's correction, "-it's because I'm trying to save the life of every stupid ape blundering around on this planet, _all right_?"

"No!"

The Doctor had already turned away from her, arms crossed, but his head snapped back around to look at her, not expecting her defiance.

"Maybe our priorities are a bit different, maybe yours are even better sorted than mine, but that doesn't make it okay to act like Mickey was nothin'. If he was worthless then so am I, so are all the other _stupid apes_ on this planet, the _stupid apes_ throughout time and space. _Everyone_ matters. And if you can't see that..." The swell of Rose's anger fell away and she finished quietly, "I guess I just thought you were better than that."

The Doctor was looking away from her once again, obviously upset with her. Brilliant. She was blaming him for things he hadn’t done wrong… just like last time. She wasn’t wrong this time, but maybe she wasn’t right to say it.

“So… you lost the signal, but you said we’re close?” Rose asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, we’ve got to be close. I’ve just got to find it,” the Doctor responded, returning to his search. “I just don’t get it. How do you hide something that big in a city so small?”

“Hold on, hide what?”

“The transmitter. The Nestene Consciousness is controlling every single piece of plastic, so it needs a transmitter to boost the signal.”

“What’s it look like?”

"Like a transmitter. Round and massive, slap bang in the middle of London.”

Rose was pleased to see that the Doctor was loosening up again, passion for their mission putting their heated exchange behind them already. She was, however, wondering if he was serious about not knowing the location of the transmitter.

“A huge circular metal structure like a dish,” he continued on, “Like a wheel. Radial. Close to where we're standing. Must be completely invisible. What?"

The Doctor stopped when he saw the look on Rose’s face and followed her gaze in attempt to understand.

“What?” he repeated, genuinely perplexed.

Rose nodded for him to look again. It took him a second to get it, but when he did, he turned back to Rose with an infectious, manic smile. The London Eye, larger than life and he’d completely overlooked it. “Fantastic!”

Together, they raced across the Westminster Bridge, the Doctor taking her hand along the way.

“So we know it’s controlling plastic and how and where it is, but how are we gonna stop it?” asked Rose.

“Well, first we’re gonna ask nice. If that doesn’t work though…” The Doctor reached into his pocket and pulled out a tube of blue liquid, stowing it away again as soon as Rose had a look. “Anti-plastic.”

“Anti-plastic.” It sounded odd and a bit too simple, but the easier the better, she supposed.

“Anti-plastic. Now then… we found the transmitter. The Nestene Consciousness must be underneath.”

Rose pointed out the manhole they were looking for and followed the Doctor inside, not once entertaining the thought of staying behind. When she caught sight of the Nestene Consciousness, she couldn’t help but stare. She’d grown up in many places, seeing more species of aliens than she could count, but she’d never imagined one like this. It was a tub of living goo. The Doctor spoke to it with respect, though, and with an air of authority. Rose’s regret for their argument resurfaced. She didn’t know the Doctor well enough to judge him the way she had. If he could show respect to a vat of plastic, then, under less stress, he might have had a bit more respect for Mickey.

Just after finishing her thought of him, Rose spotted Mickey on a platform a short way down. She called out in relief and rushed to him. Sharing the news with the Doctor that Mickey was okay only managed to frustrate her again. He had known Mickey might still have been alive, but he hadn’t said. The Doctor groused about domestics and how they could wait, but Rose thought it was likely people skills in general that the Doctor struggled with.

Rose leapt to her feet, calling out a warning to the Doctor when she saw the autons going for him, but she was too late. She watched on in horror as they took the anti-plastic from the Doctor and the helpless Doctor pleaded with the Nestene Consciousness to understand. He commanded Rose to run, but she was frozen in place. How could she run? Where would she run? She was supposed to be with him. He came to Earth to help her. She needed to help him. Of course, the autons preparing to attack the city was a pretty good reason to help, too.

Rose didn’t know what she was going to do, but she began shuffling closer, looking for something she could possibly use as a weapon. Mickey clung to her, protesting her involvement, but she hadn’t even heard him as she surveyed the chamber.

An ax.

But an ax? Could she wield an ax? The idea didn’t sit comfortably with Rose and it had little to do with skill level. It was then that she saw a chain attached to the wall. Following its path with her eyes, her plan was set. She couldn’t say it was a good plan, but she had to try something.

“Bad Wolf, help me,” she muttered as she broke the chain with the ax. She didn’t know who Bad Wolf was or what power it had, but if it wanted her at the Doctor’s side, then this would have to work.

The Doctor caught sight of Rose and realized what she was planning just a second before she jumped. She was obviously frightened, but it was bravery and determination that flared in her eyes. Her aim successfully knocked one of the autons and the anti-plastic into the vat and the Doctor was then able to throw off the other, just in time to catch Rose on the backswing. They clung to one another as they looked down at the Nestene Consciousness, watching as the anti-plastic started to affect it.

“Now we’re in trouble,” the Doctor commented, flashing Rose another manic grin. He took her by the hand and dragged her to the TARDIS. Rose pulled Mickey in after her, but while she felt relieved, Mickey looked just as panicked inside the TARDIS as he had outside. The Doctor didn’t say a word, but gestured toward the doors once they’d landed.

Rose exited slowly while Mickey scrambled away, losing balance as he went. Feeling sorry for him, Rose walked over, squatting to get a better look at him and check that he really was unharmed. “Alright?” she asked.

Mickey was too stunned to speak and Rose shook her head sadly, rising to her feet again. “Fat lot of good you were.”

“Nestene Consciousness? Easy,” the Doctor declared, leaning against the TARDIS doorway.

“You were useless in there,” Rose laughed. “You’d be dead if it wasn’t for me.”

“Yes, I would,” the Doctor admitted. “Thank you.”

“So… It looks like you’re about to take off?” Rose’s nervous statement turned into a question partway through.

“That’s what I was planning,” the Doctor affirmed. “You want to come along?”

They both knew that that was part of the plan, too. Rose really didn’t have much of a choice, but the Doctor still asked if it was what she wanted.

“Is it always this dangerous?” she asked with a smile.

“Yeah.” The way the Doctor said it made it sound like one of the perks.

“Don’t!” Mickey cried out. “It’s dangerous. He’s an alien. He’s a _thing_.”

Rose pulled away from Mickey and rounded on him, her ire flaring suddenly. “ _Thing_? Being alien doesn’t make someone a _thing_. He’s a person. A good person.”

“How would you know? Rose, you’re not thinkin’ straight! You could die goin’ with him!”

“You have no idea,” Rose chuckled, thinking or her many near deaths. “I’m a lot more acquainted with danger than you know. Actually, I’m more acquainted with _him_ than you know, too.” She glanced back at the Doctor with a fond smile. He was grinning, proud and pleased at the tongue lashing she was giving the sorry sod. _Thing_ , indeed.

“This might seem spontaneous and foolish, but going with the Doctor has always been the plan… He was just six years late in getting here.” Her expression when she turned to the Doctor again was a scowl, but clearly just teasing. Now that he was here, she had no hard feelings. Whether the Doctor knew this or not, his apologetic smile held genuine guilt.

“But… but… but…” Mickey was too stunned to make sense of much, but one thought pushed through, “Are _you_ alien?”

“I’m human, if that’s what you mean, but I wasn’t born on Earth. Anyway, time for me to go, I guess.” She gave a small wave and started backing toward the TARDIS. “Take care, Mickey. Thanks for everything. I really will miss you,” she said sincerely.

“I miss everyone I lose,” she added quietly to herself.

“Who said you were losing anyone?” the Doctor asked just at her shoulder. She was startled to find him so close. “You’re not being displaced again, just travelin’.”

“You mean I could visit?” Rose asked excitedly.

“Well… ‘No going back, always moving forward’ has always been sort of a policy of mine. But… if the visits are for you, I guess there can be some exceptions. _A few_. Meaning _occasional_ , because I don’t do domestics.”

Rose was positively beaming, excitement and joy sparkling in her eyes. She didn’t care what he meant by ‘occasional’. This was the first time she was leaving home with a chance to return. She could leave this dull life, live an adventure, spread her wings, but still return to see the people she loved.

“Definitely ready, then,” she told the Doctor. Before he had a chance to reply, she’d rushed past him into the TARDIS and bounced onto the jump seat. Adventure awaited.

 


	9. Chapter 9

"So..." The Doctor smirked as he walked around the console, turning knobs and flicking switches. "Planned to come with me all along?"

Rose shrugged, not at all embarrassed. "I had to hope. You were the only hope I really had. Couldn't keep goin' on as things were and you seemed a good bloke… if not a bit strange."

The Doctor's brow furrowed, not sure how to take the last bit.

"So where are we going?" Rose inquired.

"Nowhere just yet," the Doctor answered, stepping away from the console.

Rose narrowed her eyes, obviously skeptical. "Sure looked like this thing was traveling."

"Left Earth, yeah, but we haven't gone anywhere. We're in the time vortex, outside of time and space."

"And what are we doing here, then?" she asked in confusion.

"Just drifting. The time vortex is how the TARDIS travels. It's where all of time and space comes together. A swirling flow of time that connects all points of n-space, stabilizing the universe. Makes a convenient tunnel for the TARDIS to travel through, offering access to anywhere and anywhen we want to go," the Doctor explained. "But right now, I think the infirmary is our next destination. Time I got a proper look at you."

Rose's teasing grin was back. "Offering that examination, now?"

The Doctor made a show of rolling his eyes. "If you're going for stereotypes, I'm more the creepy scientist. But I'm hoping we can lose the stereotypes and I can just be the Doctor."

"I'm just playin'" she assured him. "If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't be here. So where's this sickbay at?"

Though Rose acted unaffected by everything, the Doctor could sense her uneasiness. He really couldn't blame her, considering all she'd been through. She claimed to trust him, but he worried how that might change when she learned he was partly to blame for her misfortunes. Guilt wouldn't make up for it and neither would solving the issue, but he accepted the responsibility.

"This ship is so weird," Rose commented, warily eyeing the walls as she followed the Doctor through the corridors.

"Oi, she may be different than other ships, but that doesn't make her weird. At least not in a bad way. Best ship in the universe, this."

"I'm not talkin' advanced technology. I mean it  _feels_  weird," Rose tried to explain. "Sort of like that feeling you get when you think someone's following you. There's nothin' else living on the ship, is there?"

She paused in their walk and stared at a door that the Doctor had just passed. It made her inexplicably anxious. Her heart sped up and her stomach felt ill just at the sight of it. The Doctor didn't fail to notice. After pulling in a deep breath, Rose hurried past it. It was the box room, the place she'd been locked and forgotten in when she was a baby. The Doctor had some explaining to do, but he had an awful lot of things he wanted explained to him, also.

"No one else here. No pets either," he told her. "Just you and me. And the TARDIS herself. That's probably what you're feeling. The TARDIS is alive and semi-sentient. Shouldn't make you uncomfortable though. She's pleasant and prides herself in being accommodating. She likes you already, I can tell. She already set up a room for you, close to the kitchen even."

"Hang on," Rose interrupted, shaking her head as she tried to grasp what he just said. "This ship is alive… and it's got feelings… and she makes up rooms on her own?"

"Yep," the Doctor answered with pride. "She moves rooms and corridors about sometimes though, so you've got to mind that."

"Yeah,  _weird_ ," Rose declared. She was surprised again when they entered the medical room. With advanced as the ship was, she was expecting extravagant and high tech. Instead, the room looked much like her GP's exam room on Earth. It was slightly larger and in place of an uncomfortable exam table was a comfy, reclinable exam  _chair_. The computer in the room looked more advanced than her doctor's, but even with three monitors, it hardly looked impressive. There was the standard sink and suspended cupboards, as well as a tall cabinet with a glass front, filled mostly with bottles of liquids and tablets and a few gadgets, but it all seemed so… normal.

"Have a seat then," the Doctor urged, gesturing to the exam chair. "I'll likely want a full, proper medical exam later, but for now, just a few simple tests. Any conditions or other points of interest I should know about?"

The Doctor moved about quickly, but casually. He wasn't rushing, only seemed to know just what he was looking for and didn't pause between tasks. His equipment did turn out to be advanced. The small clear sticker that he placed just below her clavicle instantly brought up her heart and respiration patterns on one of his monitors and a single drop of blood brought up an extensive list of test results.

"Er… I age slower," Rose reminded him. "It's hard to calculate my age because everywhere I went they had different lengths of years, but I did try calculating. I was small but walking and talking clearly when I arrived in the Malmooth Conglomeration and they decided I was 2 years old. I was there for the equivalent of 2 Earth years. So arriving at the Weaspin Market, I was about 4. I was there for 6 years so I was 10 when you met me in the market. Arriving on Rabsor at 10, I stayed for 5 years and arrived on Clavix at 15. You thought I couldn't be older than 15 Earth years old on Clavix, but I'm pretty sure I was 20 at the time. Add another 6 years on Earth would make me 26. I don't look 26, do I? They made up a birthdate when I got to Earth and I just celebrated my 19th birthday there."

"Yeah, I'd definitely say you age slower then. Anything else?"

"Um, I heal faster. Not like  _freakishly_  fast, but it definitely made doctors uncomfortable. About twice as fast? That's for a laceration. Also, I very rarely get sick."

The Doctor nodded in acknowledgement, but didn't seem as surprised as Rose had expected him to be.

"Oh, yeah," Rose piped up again. "Really weird, can't explain it, I understand people everywhere I go."

That definitely caught the Doctor's attention. He whipped around to face her, shocked and obviously concerned as he waited for her to explain further.

"I end up on different planets in different times and never have to learn a new language. I already know it. People would speak all sorts of languages in Weaspin Market and I could speak them all. Some of the shopkeepers would pull me over sometimes to translate. I started pretending I only understood 2 languages on Clavix and 1 on Earth. Didn't want to draw attention. I thought it was just another bit of the mystery… but you're giving me the impression that this might be something more?"

"Yeah… I can't explain how all this came about, but some answers explain others. That doesn't connect," the Doctor answered distractedly, looking over the test results again. He shook his head and sighed deeply. "I'm sure you're tired. I'll show you your room."

"But you said you had some answers," Rose protested. "That's what I've been waiting for."

"It's complicated." The Doctor's voice was flat and he moved to the door without waiting to see if she was following.

"Try me," Rose challenged, keeping right on his heels.

"Tomorrow."

"That's not-" Rose held back the rest of her argument, pinching her lips shut and clenching her fists in effort to hold back. She hardly knew the Doctor, but she understood his stubbornness already. He wasn't going to discuss this tonight no matter how much she argued. She might be angry, but it wasn't worth making him mad, too.

The Doctor led her to her room and very briefly introduced her to it. He didn't set foot inside, but pointed out the door to the ensuite and suggested she check the closet and chest of drawers for clothes. He was sure the TARDIS had picked some things that would suit her. He pointed out the direction of the kitchen and reminded her where the console room was as he'd likely be there when she woke up. Rose was distracted by her thoughts and only just registered his words, managing a small nod in the right places. It was only when he was ready to go that she addressed him properly again. Though she was still a bit irritated with him, her anger had mostly abated. She remembered just how much he was doing for her and sincerely told him, "Thank you."

The Doctor smiled warmly, though there was heaviness beneath. "Sleep well, Rose."

* * *

'Sleep well,' the Doctor had said. Rose thought there'd be little chance of that and she was right. Her mind was whirring as she replayed the events of the last two days, reflected on the more distant past, and tried to imagine what her future might hold. It was hard to guess with as little as the Doctor had told her. She was going to travel with him, but what did that mean exactly and how long would that be for? Where would she go when 'travelling' was over? Already, she was having a hard time considering a return to Earth, permanently anyway. And the Doctor himself – she really didn't know a thing about him. Her life had always been unpredictable, but this was just one surprise after another.

With her mind so active, sleep was far out of Rose's reach that night and so two hours after the Doctor had bid her goodnight, he found her sitting on the grating in the console room, leaning up against a coral strut and nursing a cup of tea.

"Thought I told you to get some sleep," he commented. It was not unkind, only curious as to why she was still awake.

"Didn't realize it was an order," Rose replied with a small smile. "I tried. It just didn't come."

"Too much thinking?"

Rose nodded and took another sip of tea.

"How long you been out here?"

"About 45 minutes. I went to make myself a cuppa just a few minutes ago though."

"You could have come to find me."

"Wouldn't know where to look. Wouldn't want to bother you anyway. You sent me to bed because you didn't want me around." It wasn't an accusation, just a statement. It hurt to be dismissed like that, but she realized that a bit of time to themselves after their crazy day was probably a good thing. "Something about this room, too," she continued. "It feels familiar. Comforting and unsettling at the same time. Intrigue pulled me here, I guess."

The Doctor felt unsettled then, too, but Rose didn't notice, staring up at the glowing column that extended up from the console.

"You said your ship was alive and I feel like I should have realized that from the start. Her…  _presence_  felt oppressive at first, but once you accept it… dunno… it's kind of a friendly, soothing hum. Still a bit of an itch, sort of a twinge that doesn't want to accept it, but I figure I'll get used to it."

The Doctor was quite obviously unsettled then, ready to escape the conversation again. "I can give you something to help you sleep, if you want."

Rose pulled her gaze from the time rotor then, trying to understand the Doctor's latest mood swing. But trying to understand him was exhausting and futile. Perhaps sleep would be a good thing. She really was exhausted and it was pretty clear that the Doctor still needed time.

"That would be great," she agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a pretty short chapter, but more to come soon. I plan on posting a couple more chapters this week.


	10. Chapter 10

Waking after a few hours’ rest, Rose laid blinking up at the ceiling above her bed. There was no confusion about where she was when she woke. The TARDIS's hum stayed with her even in her sleep, part of her always aware of the ship. It was as much a mystery to her as the Doctor was. Her bedroom had been completely dark when she went to sleep, but was the comfortable dim of dawn when she woke, despite there being no windows. It didn't feel like it simulated regular daytime hours though. The ship's light didn't wake her; it was like she woke the ship's light. What gave her that impression, she wasn't sure, but she felt rather confident in her theory. Then there were the clothes that the TARDIS selected for her - all her size and in the styles she liked on Earth. More than that though, it had her favorite type of shoe from Clavix, shampoo with a floral scent she liked from Weaspin, and when she wanted biscuits to go with her tea during the night, she turned around and found a package of her favorite biscuits that she used to have imported from Sentrin Prime. If she’d ever had any doubt that the TARDIS was telepathic, it had vanished extremely quickly. Every time she thought, ‘I wonder if you’ve got…’ or ‘I wonder if you can…’ the TARDIS provided what she asked. She really didn't care for the idea of someone or something in her head, but as the Doctor had told her, the TARDIS did feel friendly and was generously accommodating. The Doctor himself was generally friendly and accommodating, too, but his people skills really needed work. She hoped he was in a better mood that morning… or whatever time it was.

After washing and dressing for the day, Rose set about making breakfast. She decided to make enough for the Doctor, too. She wanted to start the day, and this whole new living arrangement, off on the right foot. As though summoned by the scent, the Doctor appeared in the doorway just as Rose was plating the food.

“Hello,” she greeted with a smile. “Hungry?”

The Doctor was simply surprised at first, but quickly returned her smile. “Sure.”

He seemed quite pleased with the meal, causing Rose to wonder what he ate when he was on his own. She couldn’t picture him doing much cooking.

“Sleep well, then?” he inquired.

“Yeah, and feel much better for it. Usually I feel sluggish in the morning after taking a sleep aid. I don’t think I’ve ever woken up feeling so energized… well, except for mornings of holidays and festivals.”

“Just need the right sleep aid. I’m glad it helped.”

The Doctor seemed in a good mood, or at least not a bad mood. He was smiling and his voice was light. Rose was reluctant to do or say anything that might change that, but she wanted to get back to what he’d been avoiding the night before. She just needed to go about it carefully. “So what’s next for today?”

Even that was enough to flip the switch. He didn’t look angry or irritated, but his expression still hardened. Rose couldn’t take it anymore and completely snapped.

“Would you bloody stop that?!”

Her sudden change took the Doctor completely by surprise and he gaped at her in confusion. Rose felt a bit of satisfaction in that. See how he liked sudden hot and cold.

“I feel like I can’t say anything to you. Happy, teasing, smiling and then the next second you’re closed off or fuming or brooding. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. You want to help me and I thought I’d be getting answers considering you said _we’d_ figure this out, but you clam up and won’t say a thing. Bloody hell, you even sent me to my room! Twice! And the second time I had been minding my own business. I thought we were just having a conversation. _You_ had come to _me_.

“I’ve been trying not to press, but I can’t even ask what we’re doing today without you closing off. You can’t invite me in and shut me out at the same time. You’ve got to pick one.”

The two of them stared at one another from across the table, their expressions hard. While Rose was clearly upset, the Doctor was inscrutable, his face completely void of expression. It was maddening.

“Are you done?” he asked evenly.

“No.” Rose was done shouting, but if she was speaking her mind, she was going to finish. “I want to get along. We’ve always gotten along brilliantly. I don’t want to upset you and I’ll try hard not to, but I get the idea that that’s not going to happen until we get past this hurdle. There’s something you don’t want to tell me so you’re avoiding it, pushing me away. But this is about me. This is my life. Whatever tests or information you have, it’s about me and I have the right to know. Right?”

The Doctor was staring down into his mug and didn’t respond right away. After a moment, he pushed out of the chair and carried his dishes to the sink. Rose was afraid he was going to leave without saying anything, but he sighed heavily, looked over his shoulder at her, and quietly beckoned, “let’s have a look at it then.”

Rose hurried to put her dishes in the sink and follow after. When they arrived back at the infirmary, it was slightly bigger than the day before. Two comfortable armchairs with throw pillows and a small coffee table in one corner of the room were new additions. Rose wasn’t sure where she was supposed to go and just waited for the Doctor who seemed uncertain himself. He gestured toward the armchairs, but as soon as her bum hit the seat he changed his mind.

“No, just… over here.” The Doctor stood at the desk with the computers, but kept his back to them, leaning against the desk as he silently reviewed his thoughts. “’m not sure where to start.”

“Well… what tests did you run yesterday?” Rose suggested. It was clear that whatever the Doctor found out wasn’t good news and she was terrified at what it might be, but she believed she did a rather good job at hiding it.

“Nearly everything. Your iron’s a bit low, by the way.”

“Okay… right.” Rose sighed and tried again. “There were some tests you focused on. You said one answer answers others or something. Some things are connected. The slow aging and fast healing and stuff?”

The Doctor ran his hand down his face and finally turned to the computer and brought up a long list. Each line had one or two words followed by a number. “Radiation levels,” he explained. “Most are just background radiation, things you pick up in everyday life, from the sun, the air, the food you eat. But there are three things here that _very_ few humans would ever come into contact with and those are artron, chronon, and zygma radiation. Those are found in the time vortex. Humans set up the Time Agency in the 51 st century and any agent that traveled through time had to go through the vortex and was exposed to those elements, as does any human that travels in the TARDIS. Low levels though. Background radiation. My people are a bit different. We created the time vortex and over a million years of exposure to it changed our biology. Time is written in our DNA, artron in particular. We produce it. Babies are born with a certain supply and it increases over time. There are instances, such as recovering from severe injuries, where we lose some, but a certain supply is necessary to our survival. I’ve never before seen a human with more than 8 atto-Omegas, and he had traveled for decades. Mine never drops below 48 atto-Omegas, and as it stands now, I’m at 78. Highest I’ve _ever_ gotten was 92. You… _You_ , Rose Tyler, have an artron energy level of 883 atto-Omegas.”

Rose suddenly felt a bit ill. “That’s… bad, isn’t it?”

“Well, I can’t say it’s a good thing, but it doesn’t seem to be harming you. In fact, the artron energy is what’s protecting you from getting ill. It boosts the immune system.” He brought up another screen which she assumed displayed test results regarding her immune system. “It could also explain faster healing if your body knew how to use the artron energy in that way. Human bodies shouldn’t know how to do that, but if they did and if they had enough energy to use for that purpose, their artron levels would go down.”

“Which means, if my body could and did use artron to heal, then my artron level used to be higher?” asked Rose. She fiddled nervously with her earring, knowing that bad news was still to come. It was disconcerting to learn that she was filled frightening, unexplained levels of radiation, but there didn’t seem to be harm in it.

“Yes. If you were using artron to heal, it would be depleting the stores you had.”

“But how did I get it? From the time vortex, yeah? When I’m displaced, one time and place to another, I’ve got to be going through the time vortex. But how come I’ve got so much?”

“Good questions.” The Doctor nodded in approval. “You did likely pick them up from the vortex, but not from being displaced. Those energies are what you _use_ when you’re displaced. I told you before, I thought the means and trigger were in you. It’s the zygma energy that conducts it, that pulls you into the vortex, and the chronon and artron see you through it. People can’t survive the vortex unprotected – their devices shield them – but you manage to make it through unshielded and without device. I can’t explain that.”

“Well…” Rose said slowly, taking a moment to organize her thoughts. “If the energy is making it happen, is there any way that you can like… drain it or something? Take away the energy so I can’t do that anymore?”

The grim look on the Doctor’s face didn’t make her very hopeful. “Not without serious risks. We need to understand the trigger first. You’re thinking – pull the trigger on an unloaded gun, no problem. But I think of the trigger as more like a spark. Think of the trigger like a surge of electricity. The time energies conduct and insulate the spark. Without them…”

“A spark? But I thought you said it was like a hypnotic trigger,” Rose worried.

“No, I used stage hypnotism as an analogy. What I said was that the trigger was a subconscious response,” he corrected. “The problem is, I can’t understand how the trigger works. We know what sets it off, but not what’s behind it. Of course, that’s not the only problem. The problems are numerous. This ‘Bad Wolf’ did a lot of tampering.”

“Meaning…?”

The Doctor rolled his eyes and looked ready to make a sarcastic remark, but refrained. Closing his eyes, he let his exasperation fall away, leaving remorse behind. He wasn’t upset with her, he was upset on her behalf.

“This ‘Bad Wolf,’ whatever it is, is powerful. I can’t fathom how it’s influenced and altered all that it has, but it’s significantly affected your life,” the Doctor told her softly.

Rose forced a small smile. “I’ve noticed.”

“I know.” The Doctor’s speech was grave and his eyes remorseful, and there was gentleness when he explained. “It affects the events in your life, but what I meant was that it affected your life itself - _you_. It’s more than just being _filled_ with time energy. It’s part of you.”

The Doctor pulled up another image on the monitor, a rotating model of a DNA double helix.

“Your DNA, as simple and complex as any other human’s. That would be plain to anyone having a look at it. Except that’s not all there is to it. You remember how I said that my people had time written in their DNA? So do you.” The press of another key revealed a third strand in the helix. It was colored slightly differently to more easily distinguish it from the other two and it appeared to be bound to one of the other strands. “This is what your DNA really is. A triple strand. The reason no one could pick it up is that they didn’t have the proper equipment. The third strand is made of temporal matter so it’s only detectable on temporally aligned scanners.”

“It changed my DNA,” Rose stated quietly, her expression distant. “Does that mean I’m not human?”

“It depends on how you look at it, but I think of it as sort of ‘human plus.’ At the core, you’re still human. The extra strand is temporal so, while very real, it’s not the same as solid matter. It’s also more of an addition than an alteration.”

“Is that what you’re like though?”

“No, I’m something else entirely. We may look similar on the outside, but we’re very different on the inside. My DNA is much more complex. Three solid strands and a temporal one.” The Doctor still spoke softly, gauging Rose’s reaction. She looked hollow, yet still pensive.

“So what does it do then?” she inquired. “If I’m still human, how does that make me different?”

“Time. It affects you differently.” The Doctor paused, searching for the best way to explain. “I explained that artron energy is what helps you heal more quickly, but it’s not the energy that heals you. The artron affects the _time_ it takes for your body to heal itself. The artron doesn’t magically seal a wound and doesn’t make your body function any faster. It affects the _time_ it takes to heal. It’s difficult to understand without really understanding time itself.”

Rose was clearly struggling with the concept, but decided to settle for the Doctor’s explanation, at least for the moment. She knew that couldn’t be the only thing affected. “What else?”

“Your time sense is stronger. Humans in the early 21st century still teach that they have five senses, which I’m sure you’re familiar with. But there are loads more: temperature, hunger, pain, direction, ect. Then there are others that aren’t as strong and so not as obvious: the ability to sense objects and people in a room, low level telepathy, _time_ …”

Rose could tell that the Doctor found this information fascinating (which Rose could agree) and he liked sharing it, but she also got the idea he was stalling with his explanation.

“People talk about an internal clock that helps them wake around the time they desire, especially if it’s the same time every day. But they can also sense the passing of time while awake. If I walk into a room and ask someone how long they’ve been there, 5 minutes or 50, even a small child would be able to confidently give a correct answer. Last night, you were in the console room and I asked how long you were there. You said about 45 minutes, but I suspect you could have given a more exact time. I suspect you know almost exactly how long it took you to make tea. More than that, I suspect your calculations concerning your age are pretty accurate. You likely sat down and wrote it out at some point, but I’m guessing that the conversion of Rabsor time measurements to Earth time measurements came rather easily. Well, the math might have been difficult, dunno, but I bet your initial guess came easily and was surprisingly accurate.”

The Doctor looked at her expectantly, waiting for Rose to confirm or deny his suspicions.

“42 minutes,” she answered. “The water for tea heated almost instantly so it was only 5 minutes from the time I entered the kitchen to the time my tea was prepared. Not 4 or 6 - it was 5 minutes.”

The Doctor grinned with pride.

“What else though?” Rose pressed on.

The Doctor’s gaze averted and his smile dropped.

“Yeah, you don’t want to tell me. I get that. You have to tell me though, so out with it.” Rose didn’t mean to be so commanding, but she was anxious and couldn’t take the suspense anymore.

“It’s the aging thing,” the Doctor confessed. “You’ve noticed that you age slower, but that was aging as a child. It’s in your temporal DNA. It affects your cells’ maturation and degeneration. It takes longer for your body to mature, but once it’s completed the adolescent stage, your temporal DNA will prevent your body from changing or degenerating. You’ll continue to produce artron like me and it will sustain you as you are.”

“So I’m not going to age anymore?” Rose asked with concern.

“Maybe a bit more, a year or two, because despite your actual age, your tests say you’re still at the tail end of adolescence. After that though, you’ll stay the same.”

“But for how long? I can’t be like that forever.” Revelation of what this could possibly mean finally hit Rose and she was quickly becoming distressed and fearful.

“I’m not sure, but it will significantly extend your life.” The Doctor’s sympathy, though kind, was making Rose even more anxious. Such an expression only made her fate feel even more dreadful.

“What about you though? You’re different, but you have temporal DNA, too. You’re not a young adult, but you live a long time. Am I like that? Will I live for centuries like you? You’re sure I won’t age like you do? I mean, how do you know this stuff?” Rose was becoming even more panicked. The tremor in her voice and her quick shallow breaths revealed the severity of her anxiety and the Doctor guided her into one of the armchairs, seating himself in the one across from her.

“I know this is overwhelming, terrifying even. You’ve grown up with expectations. The people you’ve grown up around, even different species, go through an aging process. I’m sure you’ve considered you might have a bit more extended life, considering you age more slowly, but you didn’t expect this. It’s scary and might be hard to come to terms with, but you’ve got to try to calm down a bit. Worrying isn’t going to help. Try not to think about the distant future because that’s a long way off. Plenty of time to adjust.” The Doctor was at his most tender and soothing yet, even more than the day before when he had assured her he’d been looking for her.

“It’s difficult to guess an age expectancy for you because I’ve never seen anything like this before. Your temporal DNA is similar to mine, but not exactly the same. I’ve studied it in great detail, marking the differences in us. I then compared those differences to the DNA of other species. I don’t know of any others that have temporal DNA, but there are some that don’t have any growth stages after they reach adulthood. Their bodies still degenerate, but their hormones don’t trigger any more changes. In some of the places you differed from me, you matched with two of those species. Longevity is nearly impossible to guess, but I believe, barring accidents, you’ve got at least a couple centuries ahead.”

Rose was completely still in her chair, her thoughts racing so quickly that she wasn’t able to hold onto one long enough to examine it properly. Fragments of thoughts just kept repeating: Won’t age, not human, centuries, won’t age, not human, where will I go? won’t belong, centuries…

“I need to lay down.” Her toneless voice echoed her hollow expression and her movements were mechanical as they carried her from the room. The Doctor understood her despair all too well and grieved with her. There were many people in the universe that desperately desired long life or even immortality, but they didn’t understand. The Doctor wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Poor Rose understood, just as he’d guessed she would. It was hard to tell her, but it was right for her to know. If that was true though, it would make it wrong to withhold anything. Right or wrong, the Doctor didn’t have the heart to reveal everything. In truth, he didn’t know how long she could live, but he knew that even if they could stop her from being displaced, she’d still be able to cheat death. Rose had at least one potential regeneration. She could easily live more than a couple centuries in her current body, only to regenerate into another. Perhaps even another after that. There was no way of knowing. After Rose’s reaction to what he’d told her, how could he explain that on top of it? He couldn’t.


	11. Chapter 11

Though Rose had woken up less than an hour before she'd had her talk with the Doctor, she suddenly felt exhausted. Upon entering her room, she promptly climbed beneath the covers on the bed. It did not ease her dizziness, but she found comfort there and it helped to close her eyes.

As difficult as her life had been, she'd never imagined it would get so much more complicated. Even though she really didn't know the Doctor, from the moment she realized they were connected through Bad Wolf, Rose was sure that he would be able to help her. Blind faith, but true faith. She'd believed she would stop disappearing and be able to live out the rest of her life in one place. But where could she live for centuries without aging? People were bound to get curious and it wasn't information she'd want to share. Even if she could, would she really want to spend centuries in one place? Even when she'd sworn that settling was her greatest wish, deep down she'd wondered whether that was really what she wanted. All the way back on Clavix, she realized that that whisper of doubt was transforming into fear. Starting sometime on Clavix, her wish changed from wanting to settle to wanting the Doctor to save her, for him to fix things. She hadn't wanted to think about what would happen after that. She didn't want to be torn away from one place and thrust into another against her will, but the thought of taking root and building a permanent place for herself… Relationships meant to last, a career rather than a temporary job, a home of her own, maybe starting a family… It was what most people wanted, but it terrified her. Rose had always feared her future and suddenly there was so much more of it.

Mental and emotional exhaustion strangely brought relief. She didn't fall asleep, but she became numb. She simply didn't have the energy to think or feel anything else about it.

The Doctor gave her a couple hours to herself, but then appeared in her room with just a quick knock before his sudden entrance. Rose was startled when he entered and was even more surprised to see that he was smiling. But it was more than a simple smile; the Doctor looked energetic and excited. It was the look of someone ready for adventure.

"Come on, up you get then," he said brightly. "Can't stay in bed all day. Things to do. Grab your shoes, spruce up if you need, but I expect you in the console room in five minutes."

As quickly as he'd arrived, the Doctor was gone, leaving Rose to blink in confusion at the place he'd been standing. After just a moment's pause, she clambered out of bed and grabbed her trainers. With a grin to match the Doctor's, she hurried to get ready and jogged to the console room. She wasn't sure what he had in mind, but she was excited to find out.

* * *

The flight was rougher than Rose anticipated, but it only added to the thrill. She'd asked the Doctor where they were going, but he only said that she'd see when they got there. When the TARDIS finally settled, the Doctor and Rose stood across from each other, gripping the console. There was an exchange between them as they stared one another in the eye. Anticipation was building as they fed off one another's excitement.

"Where are we?" Rose asked with a grin.

In answer, the Doctor gestured to the TARDIS door, arm held out in invitation to have a look.

Rose glanced at it and right back to the Doctor. "What's out there?"

"More fun to have a look first, don't you think?"

Though no less eager, a touch of nervousness gave slight hesitance to Rose's steps. It could be anything out there. The Doctor hadn't even given her a clue. She always hated not knowing where she was going, but this time she met the unknown with delight. It didn't matter what was outside those doors; she was choosing to be there.

Rose pulled the door wide and stared in awe at the landscape. Once outside the door, she paused to take it in fully. They were situated near the top of a hill in an area covered with low, coarse grasses in brilliant shades of goldenrod. Dotting the smooth expanse were intriguing rock formations. Two to three times the height of a man, the smooth stones arched and swirled like pieces of art. Rose found the sky to be the most fascinating feature of all. Though the sun was positioned high in late morning, the color of the sky was like a sunrise. Bright and cloudless, it was soft yellow on the horizon, blending smoothly upward into vivid indigo.

"Welcome to the planet Tairngaire," the Doctor said at her shoulder.

"Tairngaire," Rose repeated. "It's gorgeous."

"Glad you think so. Ready to go?" he inquired.

Rose looked over at the dirt road to her right and with her gaze, followed the short distance up to the crest of the hill. Though she had no idea what lay beyond it, she hoped they were going that direction. The other option was the long road that looked as though it only led to farmland. "Which way?" she asked.

"Onwards and upwards. In the literal direction," the Doctor declared with a nod toward the top of the hill.

"So, Tairngaire?" Rose prompted as set into step together.

"Yes." The Doctor easily slipped into the role of tour guide. "Located in the sector 2493 of Mutter's Spiral, though you might call it the Milky Way Galaxy or Galaxia Kyklos. It was first settled by a human colony in the 24th century. It's not really big tourist spot, but it does get visitors. There's a little bit of off-world trade, too, but they remain self-sufficient. I've visited before, but it's been a few centuries. Well, few centuries for me, under a century in their time. It's the year 2754, by the way."

"Sounds pretty peaceful," Rose commented.

"It is. Well, some civil disputes and riots from time to time, but they've yet to have any wars."

"Sooo… what's the mission then?" she asked curiously.

"Mission? What mission?"

Rose might have laughed at the puzzled look on the Doctor's face, thinking it sort of cute, had it not been for her own confusion.

"Well, that's what you do, isn't it? You stopped the war on Rabsor, helped destroy a doomsday missile on Clavix, stopped the Nestene Consciousness from taking over Earth… Right?"

The Doctor smirked in amusement. "You want to know why we're here? Because - why not? I don't work for anyone, Rose. I don't take missions. I told you I'm a traveler. I invited you to come traveling."

"But when I asked if it was always dangerous…"

"It tends to be, yeah. I can't say I've  _never_  gone lookin' for trouble, but quite frequently I just stumble into it. When I went to Earth to find you, that was the only intention. It just so happened there was an invasion going on. When I come across trouble, I try to help out, but my aim is just to see and experience what's out there. Big universe, you know. I want to see what I can of it. That alright?"

Rose smiled warmly with a new appreciation for the Doctor. The man was a hero. Rose had always believed that. He was an advocate of peace, helping to end violence even when it had nothing to do with him. But this man that lived for adventure didn't need danger to get a thrill. All the excitement he'd shown as he brought them to this planet was excitement for sightseeing. The planet was beautiful and that was enough reason to visit. 'That alright?' he'd asked.

"Definitely alright."

* * *

"Cute? They're vicious," Rose argued. "That orange one nearly bit my fingers off."

The Doctor smiled down at her as she examined said hand, still perfectly intact. It had been close, but there'd been many close calls on their little excursion. Luckily, only Rose's hair and the bottom of the Doctor's trousers suffered anything for it. As if reading the Doctor's thoughts, Rose tried again to comb her fingers through the tangled mess of hair, only frustrating herself in doing so. She huffed and tucked it behind her ears, focusing rather on their walk back to the TARDIS.

"I'm not arguing them bein' vicious. Bloodthirsty little beasts, they were, but they were still cute and fluffy. You must have thought so, too, if you were reaching out to pet that one. Let that be a lesson." The Doctor hid his amusement, not wanting her to realize too soon that he was just winding her up. She could look cute and vicious at the same time, too.

Rose gaped at him incredulously, clearly offended. "I'm not stupid. I wouldn't have tried to pet it if I knew it was real. We were in an  _unreality park_. Anyone could have made that mistake." She looked ready to go on, but stopped when she caught the Doctor's stifled smile and the accompanying sparkle in his eye. He was just messing with her, the prat.

"No one will make that mistake again though. We got all the little beasts packed away," he reminded her.

"I see what you mean about stumbling into trouble."

"I'm just sorry they threw us out of town. I didn't get to show you the undersea centre. Fascinating history behind it and brilliant-"

"I'm sure it's great and I'm probably missing out," Rose interrupted, "but I probably would have wanted to take care of my hair first anyway. It's a big universe though, like you said. I bet there's an undersea centre somewhere else that's even better and I bet you know of it, too."

The Doctor didn't doubt that Rose was interested in it, but he also suspected that she suggested it so that he himself wouldn't be disappointed. He let her think his delight was her suggestion, but it was really caused by the little human beside him. "I know just the place. You, Rose Tyler, are in for a treat."

The Doctor halted suddenly. Rose had gone an extra couple steps before she realized and she turned quickly to face him. She didn't see any obvious reason why he might have stopped, but he didn't leave her guessing. It was merely a sudden thought that struck him.

"I keep meaning to ask: what is it you want to be called?" At Rose's confused expression, the Doctor elaborated. "You've gone by many names and I've used a number of them. I keep calling you Rose, but do you prefer something else?"

"I don't know…" Rose's brow scrunched as she thought about it. She wasn't considering her other names so much as coming to realize that she'd never really thought about it before. "I guess they're all alright. I'm sure I'd answer to any of them, but I think I'll stick with Rose." Silently, she added, ' _because I like the way you say it.'_


	12. Chapter 12

Traveling was what the Doctor did regularly, but there was no question that he was purposely using it to distract Rose from the miserable thoughts that might otherwise consume her. Rose embraced the distraction and the Doctor sustained it. There was a lot more to discuss, problems that needed solving – namely Bad Wolf – but they were both keen to avoid it. They were good at avoiding the topic, pretending there was no problem at all. It was never far from their thoughts, but those thoughts could be suppressed and suppressed quite easily when caught up in adventure. Only once had Rose broken their unspoken evasion, shortly after they began their daily travels and after a particularly dangerous trip, and even then it was as brief as possible.

"What happens if I'm displaced?"

The question was sudden and caught the Doctor off guard.

"We don't know if the trigger is just goodbye or if it could happen in other situations that would otherwise be fatal. What happens if I'm displaced?" Rose wasn't worried about what would happen if she  _wasn't_  displaced in that kind of situation. That was rather obvious. If she was in a fatal situation and wasn't displaced, then she'd die. It was as simple as that to her. She didn't want to die, not at all, but she didn't really fear it.

Earlier that day, held hostage with a small group of women, with a gun aimed at her chest, Rose was terrified. She'd been just as frightened as the other women, but her fear was of ending up somewhere else. It may not be permanent loss of life, but it still felt like it in a way. On Rabsor, being hunted by soldiers, Somi feared that she and her brother would lose their lives, and they did, but in different ways. The girl's body was still intact, still moving and breathing, but the life of Somi the Rabsorian human was over. She'd lost her home, her family, friends, and teachers, her possessions, and even her name. Somi was lost that night and a moment later, Delsani took her first breath.

Rose feared displacement because that was what she'd come to expect in perilous situations. If she died instead? Well, she'd never know, would she? Even if she didn't die immediately, she'd be in the process and wouldn't have long worry about it.

A pained expression passed over the Doctor's face that told Rose that the thought of her potential death did not escape him either and that it affected him far worse than it did her. But in usual Doctor fashion, the expression washed in a heartbeat and he seemed completely unconcerned when he addressed her question. "If you're displaced? Then I'll go pick you up."

"You're sure you could find me again? Because you seemed to have trouble last time. You said your method wasn't as good as you wanted. You were six years off. What if-?"

"Wouldn't be a problem anymore," the Doctor hurried to assure her. " _If_  that were to happen, I'd be there within minutes, a couple hours tops. Last time, I didn't have much to track you by. Now, I could easily track you anywhere in time and space. Well, it would take a bit longer on my end of things, but you wouldn't even have time for a snack. See, some individuals exposed to artron energy develop a unique artron print. With as much artron as you have, I would've been surprised if you didn't. You do have one, though, and it's in the TARDIS's records. Whatever fears you still have about disappearing, let 'em go. I've got ya."

It  _was_  a relief, a great big weight lifted from her. And with the Doctor's last three words, Rose forgot that she'd even been worried. Nothing had ever made her feel so safe and secure. She thanked him and excused herself as casually as possible, but the tears came before she even got to her room. 'I've got ya.'

* * *

The Bad Wolf wasn't the only topic that the Doctor and Rose avoided, not by a long shot. They shared times of comfortable silence, e.g., repairing the TARDIS together, time in the library, and while cooking, but they were never quiet for long. Conversation flowed easily between them, often causing them to get distracted or lose track of time. The two of them just didn't share anything personal. They lived in the present. 'Here and now' was who they were, marking their pasts taboo. With so many significant, untouchable topics, Rose herself had to wonder how they held such long conversations. The Doctor seemed to have knowledge on just about everything, so she supposed that helped. They talked about history, cultures, food, and he explained his work on the TARDIS. There was television, books, comparing technology, and discussing their latest adventures. They learned a lot about one another through both shared and unshared opinions and interests, but it still felt like there was so much more they were missing. Perhaps what they had would have been enough if it wasn't that they were deliberately hiding themselves.

Rose knew the Doctor's past was painful. He didn't have to say a thing for her to see that. She could see it his eyes, the fleeting expressions of grief, and that cold, dangerous stance he took that could strike fear or doubt into any man. There was no doubt that he had suffered much in his life. She gathered from small things he said, and even more from his deflections, that at least some of it had to do with his people. She still didn't even know who they were, what  _he_  was. The few times he spoke of them, it was in past tense. There were feelings of bitterness, guilt, and loneliness connected to them. Wherever he was from and whoever his people were, Rose knew she would never see them. She still wished she knew  _something_. 'Here and now' was who they were… but there was so much more buried beneath it. Rose kept her past to herself also, but the Doctor already knew so much more about her. He knew the places she'd lived and for how long, knew her different names, and even more details of her biology than she did. No one had ever known so much about her and, with how guarded the Doctor was, Rose already felt so exposed. Both wanted more, but neither wanted to give, and so neither pushed and the past was left untouched.

* * *

Rose was cradled awkwardly in the Doctor's arms, dazed and mesmerized as she watched the Doctor struggle to unlock the TARDIS door. "I can help," she offered.

"No, you can't." It was a statement of fact rather than declining assistance. Once he managed to get them inside, the Doctor headed straight toward the infirmary.

"My legs still work. I can walk, you know," Rose informed him. Her voice was airy, her speech a bit slow, and her muscles weak. That she honestly believed she was fit to stand was a another sign of how the poison was affecting her: she was delusional.

"No, you can't. You can't even balance your head," the Doctor argued.

"That's 'cos you're squishing it. If I can-" Rose hissed and cringed when she attempted to extricate herself from the Doctor's arms.

"Enough of that," the Doctor scolded. "You'll push the darts in further and I'm having a hard enough time, thanks. Just relax. We're nearly there."

Usually, the Doctor wouldn't have any difficulty lifting Rose, but with two long, thin darts protruding from her back on her right side, one in her lower ribcage and the other in her shoulder, it made for an awkward hold. The Doctor's muscles started tiring even on the walk back to the TARDIS. He knew he had to treat her quickly, but every step took more effort. Rose, for her part, finally obeyed, relaxing as the Doctor had instructed. Pressed snugly to his chest, she rather wished she'd indulged in this closeness sooner. Oh, the number of times she'd been tempted to snuggle up to him…

"Alright, don't move," the Doctor commanded as he laid her face down on the exam table. "I mean it. Don't move."

"It's cold," Rose commented, her cheek pressed against the vinyl-like surface of the bed. But it wasn't vinyl like she thought it would be… more like rubber… but not that either because it was rather squishy like memory foam. Soft, memory rubber foam? Or…? Rose poked it experimentally. "What is this stuff?"

"Stop moving!" The Doctor yanked her arm back to her side. "You've got a 5 inch needle dart stickin' out of that shoulder."

Rose cried 'ouch' but the Doctor continued without pause. "If you'd like to keep movement in that arm you'll bloody hold still while I take it out."

"But you just took it out."

"Not yet."

"But that was the – Ouch!"

At Rose's perfectly-timed, second 'ouch' the Doctor chuckled. "Nope, it was  _that_  ouch. It's out of your shoulder, but I still don't want you to move. One more ouch in your back and you'll be feelin' much better."

Rose whimpered in pain, but added a quiet 'ouch' to fulfill the Doctor's statement. He instructed that she still not move because he needed to finish cleaning the puncture sites, but he promised 'no more ouch' and it would only take a minute. By that point, Rose had become comfortable in her position and was content to stay that way. When the Doctor started gently stroking her back with a gauze swab, she was more than content, wishing she could ask him to keep going. But what would she say - 'I think you missed a spot'? She felt a bit guilty taking pleasure from this moment when it wasn't intended, but she felt many things for the Doctor that she'd never intended.

"Alright, how ya feelin'? Think you can roll onto your side now?" the Doctor asked from somewhere just out of view.

"Um… yeah," Rose said with some surprise. "I think so anyway. Can't believe it's wearing off so quickly."

The Doctor chuckled and appeared at her side to assist her. "That would be the first 'ouch' at work. It was an injection. I thought we should start by cleaning that poison out of your system."

"Makes sense. It'd be a pretty rubbish poison if that was all it could manage."

"Rather dangerous actually. It's usually just intended to subdue someone, but it is potentially fatal. A single dart usually knocks someone out in less than a minute and could last a few hours. Two to three darts could cause someone to go into shock - rapid heartbeat, sweating, vomiting, seizures… Humans aren't affected by it as much as the natives though. We were lucky for that."

"Oh, no you don't." Rose wagged her finger at him. "You can't call it luck when I finally have the opportunity to claim 'superior physiology.'"

The Doctor laughed and shook his head. "Alright, well done, Miss Superior Physiology. Now, if you think you can manage sittin' up, I can finish lookin' you over and send you on your way."

Rose was still slightly lightheaded and her muscles were still achy and a bit weak, but she was recovering quickly. She was pleased to see she had no difficulty shifting into a sitting position, but that new position also shifted her shirt. Rose gasped when the sleeve of her shirt slipped off her shoulder. Cool air on her back told her that the fabric behind her had fallen away, too. The garment was cleanly cut from her right hip up to the right side of the collar in back. Rose turned a glare on the vandal. "Was it really necessary to cut it? I liked this shirt."

"You should have told that to the natives. Maybe they wouldn't have shot holes in it." The Doctor looked smug when his snarky comment made Rose sheepish.

"Okay, so maybe they ruined it first," she conceded. "Do you have something else I can put on?"

"No, but there's really no need. I'm sure you're going to want to clean up when we're done. We'll be quick."

The Doctor checked her pupils and eye movement, examined the tips of her fingers, and tested her reflexes. Rose shivered when his fingers ghosted over her back. "Well, Miss Superior Physiology, you might not pass out like the natives, but it looks like you're having an allergic reaction. Lift your shirt."

"What?" Rose worried.

"Nothin' bad, just a bit of a rash. Not severe, just a few blotches on your back. I want to check your front to see if it's there, too." The Doctor was confused when Rose looked hesitant. "You're not bashful, are you? This is purely medical, you know. And you've still got your bra on."

Rose wasn't bashful, but she still didn't feel comfortable revealing herself. She was trying to think of a reasonable excuse or argument, one that wouldn't make him suspicious, but she could see him becoming more suspicious every second she was silent. "That injection you gave me to get rid of the poison, that will get rid of the rash, won't it?"

"Should do." The Doctor's arms were crossed as he leaned back against the desk, studying her intently. "Now you're going to tell me that you can keep an eye on it yourself, right?"

Rose's temper flared suddenly with indignation. "Well, I can, can't I? There either are or aren't red spots. Why should I need you to check?"

"You don't." The Doctor shrugged, attempting nonchalance though he was distinctly cross. "I was trying to be helpful, not pushy. If you want to look after it yourself, fine. You didn't need an excuse to say no. You just had to say 'I'd rather not'. Thing is, you didn't. That wasn't bashfulness and it was more than just discomfort. You began to panic. That leads me to think that you either don't trust me or that you're trying to hide somethin' from me. So?"

"Oh, that's brilliant comin' from you!" Rose retorted. "Imagine Rose not wanting to share something personal. Must be disloyal then? Dishonest, am I? You're bein' just a  _bit_  hypocritical, don't you think? You never tell me  _anything_  about you. I can't believe you just suggested that I don't trust you when that's all I do, all I've ever done! I know nothing about your past, where you're from, what species you are, or even your  _name_ , but I'm here aren't I?" Rose sighed and her anger deflated. Her voice was quiet as she fought to remain calm. She couldn't look at him or she might break. She refused to cry. "I mean, I'd like to know more about you, but I don't need it to trust you. And I don't ask so that you don't have to hide it. I don't ask because I know sometimes things are hidden because they hurt." With that, Rose pulled off the remains of her shirt, revealing a long scar that started at the center of her chest, just below her bra, and curved downward to end three inches right of her navel. It was an old scar, faded, but on the otherwise flawless expanse of her belly, it immediately drew one's attention. "I don't really mind sharing sometimes, but it can be a bit scary when you're the only one undressing."

Rose placed her shirt on the exam table and silently made her way to the door. She cast one last look at the speechless Doctor before she left. "Thanks for patching me up."

* * *

Trust… The Doctor groaned and plopped onto the jump seat. Yet again, he'd managed to hurt someone he cared about and make an ass of himself. Forget saving the universe, those were his two greatest talents. Rose  _was_  acting suspicious though, he argued in defense. It was a poor defense and he knew it. Just what had he imagined she'd be hiding beneath her shirt? That was part of the problem - he hadn't thought. He'd accused her only because he didn't like that she might be keeping something from him. He  _was_  a hypocrite. He didn't want her keeping things from him, but he kept everything from her. The Doctor knew Rose trusted him and that was partly why he closed himself off; he didn't want to give her reason to stop trusting. He had countless faults that could lessen her opinion of him… significantly. At the same time, there was a bit of him that wanted to share, to have faith that she'd still have him.

 _Have him?_  The thought startled and confused him. Where had that come from and just what did he mean by it? Perhaps just hope that she wouldn't turn away from him. That was true. It made sense. There were many good reasons that he couldn't let that happen… and one reason he didn't want to acknowledge. He needed her. He couldn't handle the thought of losing her.

It had been over a century since the Doctor had someone travel with him. He might have taken a select few on one or two trips, but had no intention of taking a full-time companion. Then there was Rose. He'd felt it was his responsibility to take her with him, but now, just the thought of losing her was unbearable. It wouldn't be general loneliness or the TARDIS feeling empty again, it would be the loss of Rose. He wouldn't even attempt to replace her if he lost her. But all those thoughts were ones the Doctor refused to entertain.

Rose was important to him, though. There was no denying that. He wasn't all that good at apologies, as it meant reviewing his wrongs, but he needed to reconcile with Rose.

* * *

"It  _is_  my real name," the Doctor said without preamble.

Rose's head snapped up from the book in her lap to see the Doctor standing in the library doorway. She was so startled that she hadn't time to figure out what she felt about his presence there.

"'The Doctor,'" he clarified. "It may sound like an alias, but it is my real name. I was registered as that in the courts on my home planet and addressed that way by everyone, including immediate family."

Rose was stunned further when she realized the Doctor was sharing with her what she'd brought up in her argument. He was trying to open up. She wanted to reply encouragingly, but only managed, "oh."

The Doctor chuckled in amusement at her response and walked over to sit on the sofa with her. His voice was a bit heavy when he continued, but Rose had already known it wasn't easy for him. Though difficult, Rose could see that he wasn't forcing it out; he was sharing openly.

"Time Lord. 'S what I am. My people. Time Lords. Oldest race in the universe. Geniuses. They brought the universe out of the Dark Times, stabilized it and influenced its development. A stuffy and arrogant lot," he added with a smirk. It turned into a guilty grimace and Rose wasn't sure what she could say to comfort him. Instead, she reached over and took his hand.

"I would say that 'The Doctor' is a bit strange as an official name, but considering I've never kept a name for more than six years, and all of them were words for flowers… I guess I can't say much," she teased, bumping his arm with hers.

The Doctor smiled down at their linked hands and gave a little squeeze. "I didn't tell you that to try to get you to talk – I really hope you believe that – but I do need to ask, for medical purposes, what that scar is from. It looks surgical."

Rose released a heavy breath, surrendering to the inevitable. She knew the Doctor wasn't trying to manipulate her. They both knew back in the infirmary that she'd have to tell him for the very reason he just gave. It didn't feel as painful as it did strange to tell someone. "I've never told anyone the truth about it," she confessed. "On Earth and Clavix, I had them believe I had amnesia so they didn't expect me to know how I got the scar. On Rabsor, I told them it was an accident. The truth?" Rose chuckled at the irony and looked at the Doctor out of the corner of her eye. "I was talked into an examination on some bloke's spaceship. On Weaspin, but the Earth cliché."

The Doctor regarded her skeptically, trying to decide whether she was having him on.

"I mean it. It was a real problem, people being lured from the markets. 'Examination' and 'being examined' really were euphemisms for sex, but unsuspecting shoppers were lured for all sorts of reasons. Residents and shopkeepers often knew better and weren't taken in. I got ill though, very ill, very quickly, and by quickly, I mean in the span of an hour I went from healthy to on my deathbed. No one knew what to do. We didn't have a way to get to the clinic quickly and they wouldn't have taken us anyway. Longer story, that. But this friendly, off-world surgeon offered to help us. No charge. Good Samaritan and all that. My appendix, he said. 'A strange problem humans are prone to.'"

"That's not where your appendix is located," the Doctor pointed out.

"Really?" Rose said sarcastically. "I know that now, thanks, but I was only about 7 or 8 at the time. Turned out that the surgeon was the reason I was ill in the first place. I don't know all the details, but he was testing some sort of poison and slipped me some while eating at our restaurant.  _Conveniently_ , he was passing by again when everyone was freaking out. He refused to have an audience while he operated, but Lami (Grandmother) insisted on staying. She got more and more suspicious as he operated and did tests. She pretended that watching the surgery was too much for her and excused herself. She went for help, then.

"That scamming tosser stole a piece of my liver. He wanted to take it with him to test, I guess. My blood, too. I was hooked up to machines, so he was getting my vitals. The purpose of it is mostly speculation. What I do know is that a few of our merchant neighbors burst onto his ship and had weapons aimed at him, making the surgeon seal me back up. There was a big argument about what to do with him. Courts worked differently there and it was a mix of residents and off-worlders that decided punishments. Lucky for the surgeon it wasn't just residents because fellow merchants are like family. They took it as personal offence and wanted him to pay for it and some of their ideas of fair retribution were absolutely barbaric. Bazi, even. On his home planet, if a man severely abused a child, they'd cut off his testicles and make him wear them around his neck."

"What'd they decide then?" the Doctor asked curiously.

"Bazi refused to talk about it and Lami thought I was 'too young to concern myself.' I don't know what they decided in court, but four days later, someone killed him when he was being escorted to the port."

"And you?"

"You're the Doctor; you tell me," she teased.

"I never gave you a proper exam like I said I would," he answered regretfully.

"Well, I've gotten checkups before. I was told that my liver appeared intact, which means it must have grown back. Barring accidents, I've never really had any health issues. All I've got to show for it is a scar."

"And traumatic memories."

Rose shook her head. "I don't remember much. Some, but apparently not enough to teach me a lesson. About 18 years later, I still ran into a strange man's ship so he could examine me." Rose nudged the Doctor with her elbow and gave him a brilliant smile, her mischievous tongue poking through her teeth.

"And have you learned your lesson yet?" the Doctor asked in playful admonishment.

"Yep," Rose answered brightly, leaning her head against his shoulder. "There's only one mad Doctor for me, thanks."


	13. Chapter 13

"Rose!" the Doctor called out as he rushed through the TARDIS door. His shout was unnecessary as Rose was in plain view, just sitting on the jump seat, but it was a testament to his level of concern. "Are you alright?"

Rose rolled her eyes and sat up from her reclined position. "Yes, I already told you I was fine."

"Are you sure?" the Doctor pressed, searching her face for a sign that might say otherwise.

"I'm fine. I told you not to worry."

"You've told me before not to worry and it was definitely worth worrying," the Doctor reminded her. "Nearly three months traveling and you've never once asked to go back to the TARDIS on your own. 'A bit too much for you' you said. And I'm not supposed to worry?"

"It was just the telepathy thing," Rose explained. "It was kind of uncomfortable with all of them communicating like that around me. You said everything was complete on my end of things. When we were done talking on the com device, there was no more talking at all. I was on my own with all of them like… not talking, but at the same time, they were talking over my head… or more like behind my back."

"No one tried to… force communication then?" the Doctor probed, staring her in the eye. The way he said it made her wonder just how great an offence it was from a telepath's perspective. She knew she'd be furious and feel violated if someone forced their way into her mind, but from the Doctor's reaction to all of this, she had a feeling that if anyone _had_  violated her mind, the Doctor would hunt them down and they would not escape punishment.

"No," Rose declared seriously. "A few more of them tried to do that greeting thing, just that 'hello' on the surface, but word spread not to do that. I was just feelin' out of place, the way they looked at me. Thought I'd just wait here for you. It wasn't long."

There was more to her discomfort than that, but she wasn't sure this was the time to bring it up. The trip had been hard on him, too. As far as danger went, this was mild compared to other experiences. The TARDIS had picked up an emergency signal, a cry for help. A planet's atmospheric shields were failing and they basically needed a fix-it man. The biggest danger was if the Doctor was unable to fix it in time. Rose had had no concerns there. Her concern was the way that the peaceful, telepathic natives addressed them and the way the Doctor had reacted to that.

The natives did communicate verbally, too, but they hardly spoke to Rose at all in either form. To the Doctor, though… They called him 'Ancient One' and, outside of his company, 'The Bereft Lord.' She had heard people offer their condolences more than once. The Doctor's severe look and perhaps a telepathic exchange must have warned them off because Rose suddenly heard no more said to him about it.

Rose desperately wanted to ask how they knew he was a Time Lord when she was sure he hadn't told them, but she was afraid to ask. She wanted to know what the condolences were about, too, but that was even more invasive. "Are you alright?" she asked instead.

The Doctor sighed heavily, realizing he should have expected Rose's concern. Honestly, no, he wasn't alright, hadn't been for a long time. He was coping, but this was a painful reminder of his loss.

"Sorry," Rose said quietly. It had been a stupid question considering she knew the answer. "Up for a cuppa?"

The Doctor sighed again and wearily plopped down on the jump seat next to her. "How much did they tell you?"

Rose was surprised by the assumption. "About you? They didn't tell me anything," she assured him. "They really didn't say much of anything around me at all, verbally anyway. In fact," she added ruefully, "I think the only time they spoke to me directly was to offer me a drink."

Her small smile and sideways glance at him was as subtle as communication could be, but the Doctor understood. Rose was letting him know that it was okay if he didn't want to say more. She was there if he wanted to, but this was a perfect opening to change the subject if he didn't. She wanted so badly to know more about the Doctor and what the natives knew, but only if the Doctor wanted her to.

"My planet's gone," the Doctor stated plainly, staring blankly at the console. "There was a war and we lost. Everyone lost."

"And your people?" Rose asked gently.

"That's what I meant. Everyone lost. They're gone. Our side, their side… no survivors. Just me. Last of the Time Lords."

"So that's what their condolences were," Rose said softly. It was overwhelming to imagine what it was like for him. She knew what it was like to lose her home and people she loved, but she knew that even though the losses were devastating, the people there were rebuilding. The Doctor was the very last of his race. Not even his planet survived. She wanted to say something comforting and supportive, but what could one say to that? Her hand slipped into his and squeezed gently. "I'm sorry."

The Doctor nodded in acknowledgement. "It's not exactly what the condolences were for. Time Lords were just legends to them so they were surprised that I even existed. The legends aren't pleasant ones though. They aren't sorry that Time Lords are gone. Their sympathies were for the emptiness, the silence. They could feel it." The Doctor needed a moment before he continued. This was a pain he never shared. "My people were telepathic. Every living Time Lord was connected. Not a hive mind or anything, but there was a presence. We could feel the life of each person, billions. I felt them dying by the dozens,  _hundreds_ , during the war. It didn't matter where they were, I could feel their lives extinguish. Then, suddenly, all at once, silence. Complete silence. Empty. Just me. Alone."

Rose's heart broke for him. She'd known he suffered loss, but this was more than she could have imagined. The grief in his expression, the pain in his voice, and the sorrow in his eyes as tears gathered there... Tears welled in her eyes, too, and it was hard to push her voice out through the tightness in her throat. "You might not have what you did before... your people, that connection... but that doesn't mean you're alone. There's me."

The Doctor looked down at her and she tried to muster a supportive smile. His lips quirked up a bit, too. Rose Tyler. He knew he'd never deserve her, but oh, how he needed her. Rose leaned her head against him and hugged his leather clad arm. This was the closest they got in quiet moments. Firm enthusiastic hugs were given in celebration or relief, but in quiet times, they only got so close. But just this once... The Doctor slipped his arm from her grasp and wrapped it around her shoulders. Rose accepted the invitation instantly, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her cheek to the collar of his jacket. No more words were exchanged. They just sat there and let the minutes slowly tick by. When Rose asked again if he'd like some tea, life resumed.

* * *

"Why Earth?" inquired Rose as she and the Doctor walked down the busy Las Vegas strip. "There are so many places out there and you rarely visit the same planet twice, but this is our 7th trip in the three months I've been travelin' with you. I mean, being a silly ape that's lived here,  _I_  like it well enough. I'm definitely not complaining. But why are _you_  so fond of it?"

"Good question," the Doctor replied. He was quiet for a moment, gazing around at the bright lights and the many people moving from one building to the next to get a taste of the many entertainments that Sin City had to offer, or perhaps they were in search of more generous slot machines. The Doctor smiled at Rose. "You know, I'm not sure I have a good answer for that."

Rose laughed. "How did I know I'd get an answer like that? I have my own guess, but I was hoping you would say."

The Doctor was both intrigued and amused. "Go on then."

"Well, it's where humans started out. You get to watch them grow up. Horse and cart to automobiles to airplanes to space shuttles and beyond. I'm guessing that's why you like the planet, your fondness for humans, yeah?"

"Makes sense," the Doctor agreed.

"Yeah, but that's the part I really can't understand. What is it about us silly apes? Loads of other brilliant sentient races out there. What makes humans special?"

"If you can figure a good answer for that one, too, be sure to let me know."

Rose rolled her eyes and took the Doctor's arm. "Come on then, you promised me trouble. I didn't get dressed up for nothin'."

At the mention of her appearance, the Doctor stole another quick look at her. When he told her there was a dress code where they were going, he'd expected her to wear a dress. He wasn't, however, prepared for how she'd look in it. The top halter part of the dress fit perfectly against her skin, accentuating her figure, while from hip to a point just above her knee were covered by the flowing skirt. It was practical, she'd explained. The top was secure and the loose skirt wouldn't restrict her movement in case they needed to run. The Doctor might have pointed out that her shoes were far from practical, but his busy Time Lord brain had stalled and the only thought he had left slipped out his mouth:  _Beautiful_. Feeling like a fool and embarrassing himself further, he'd qualified it – beautiful considering she was human. Though a bit uncertain then, Rose didn't let him get away with it.

"Time Lord standards so much different then?"

The Doctor didn't have standards, only liked what he liked, and gods help him, there was Rose. The feelings he was developing for her were baffling and uncomfortable, coming completely without consent. He felt dirty and foolish and obstinately opposing, but there was no denying the way his hearts picked up when they touched or she smiled that certain way, or the jealousy that flared when another man caught her attention. It was impossible to deny, but he did his best to. Seeking troubles elsewhere made it easier to forget his own. So… trouble in Las Vegas.

* * *

"Told you my dress was practical," Rose said smugly as they made their way back toward the TARDIS. "I can't say I mind a tight skirt sometimes, but did you see how many women were shuffling towards the exits rather than runnin'?"

The Doctor chuckled. "I think the shoes had something to do with it, too. I didn't know you were hiding schnotins in that tiny handbag."

"I would have brought trainers, but they wouldn't fit in my handbag. You're holding out on me with the 'bigger on the inside' technology. I might have been able to save the heels, too. I had to leave them behind." Rose looked down at her feet and their strange coverings. Black in color, the thin fabric molded to her feet like spandex. The bottoms were slightly thicker, but still only about a quarter inch thick and extremely flexible. Heavy wool socks would look more protective, but schnotins offered unexpectedly strong defense. The broken glass on the ground hadn't fazed her at all. However, fashionably, they did stand out. Then again, when it came to dress code, so did the Doctor. Maybe she should still try to talk him into seeing a show...

Before Rose had the chance to ask, they were approached by an enthusiastic young couple, a man and woman with the impulse to get married within the next hour. Due to the spontaneity of this decision, they were in need of a best man and an additional witness. Rose and the Doctor just happened to be the first couple to walk past. Rose was stunned by the whole thing and wasn't sure what to say. She'd heard that loads of people eloped in Vegas, but she just couldn't imagine making such a big decision like that so suddenly. As soon as that thought crossed her mind, she remembered how she threw herself off a cliff on Clavix and the way she never questioned running off with the Doctor and the countless impulsive decisions she'd made since she started traveling. But still... marriage?

Rose looked up at the Doctor to see what he thought. He was wearing his bright, goofy grin and when he turned to her, it was to whisper that they'd have to take turns with the psychic paper to make it look like two separate IDs. It turned out that while her mind was still reeling from the concept, the Doctor had told Charlie, the groom, that they'd be honored.

"This, Rose," he told her as they waited for the wedding to begin. "This is why I like this planet's silly apes."

"Because they pledge their lives to one another on a drunken whim?" she replied sarcastically.

"Yes," he agreed. "Humans. Passionate, determined, and spontaneous and it manifests in so many ways. Passionate about people - compassion and relationships. Passion towards learning and invention. And you never know what they'll do with it. It doesn't matter how much time I spend around them, they still surprise me."

Rose smiled and shook her head. "You'll never stop surprising me either. The man who flees from all things domestic strolls into a chapel to assist with a marriage, which is the epitome of domesticity."

"I don't do domestic myself, but someone's got to. The human race would die out otherwise. Some species mate and leave the baby to raise itself, no domestics necessary. Humans raise their young in the home, teaching and nurturing them. It's what makes humans who they are. I think it's fantastic -  _for them_. I just keep my distance."

Rose got quiet after that, making the Doctor a bit concerned. Clearly, something he said had gotten her thinking and, considering the topic, he worried what it might be. He didn't get a chance to speak with her during the ceremony or while signing the marriage certificate, but he didn't know what he would have said anyway.

To confuse him further, a look of shock came over Rose's face while signing the marriage certificate. '1992' was all she said. She was beaming and laughing to herself as they walked back to the TARDIS. Unpredictable humans...

"Just what's so funny then?" His question was more like an accusation, but it didn't faze Rose.

"Nothin', just something I read awhile back." She bit her lip as she smiled up at him, like she wanted to say more, but was hesitant to.

"About 1992?"

Rose laughed again at his puzzled expression. She looked extremely conflicted.

"Out with it," he ordered.

"You're not supposed to know your own future, but if I'd thought about it sooner, I already did," she explained. "A bloke named Charlie got married in Las Vegas in 1992, pulling two people off the street as witnesses, a Doctor John Smith and a blonde about 19 years old. It was  _me_.  _I_  was here."

"Wait, you read about this? When? Where?" The Doctor's surprise morphed quickly into a deep, serious tone.

"The internet, a website I found a couple years ago. I couldn't find anything on you when I searched on Clavix, but I found some bloke's website on Earth." At the Doctor's narrowed eyes, Rose shrugged. "I couldn't help it. I was curious. It's called like… 'Who is Doctor Who' or something. They've got pictures of you in different time periods - just before the Titanic and in the crowd at the JFK assassination. A sketch of you in front of Krakatoa, even."

"Tell me you're joking."

"Nope. They have this section where people write in, telling where they've seen you. It's quite extensive."

"You didn't-?"

Rose quickly interrupted before the Doctor could finish his stern and fearful demand. "Of course I didn't write in. I was just curious, especially since it looked like you visited frequently. I was wondering if there was a pattern of some kind so I could keep an eye out for you."

"And what, Charlie writes in?"

"Yep."

"What else?"

"You're not supposed to know. It could still be your future," she protested. "I didn't know better at the time. Well, sort of. When I did see somethin' that might have been me, I left it immediately and didn't look again."

"What did you think was you?" It looked like Rose was going to protest again, so he clarified. "Will you recognize the situation when we reach it? Will foreknowledge mess with events?"

"Er… I'll probably recognize it, but I don't think it will change things because I can't remember what they said you were lookin' for. You took somethin' from the bloke, said you needed it for… It's somethin' about me getting in trouble. It actually said my name."

"What kind of trouble?"

"See, you're wantin' to know too much. I shouldn't have said anything. Whatever that adventure is, it will be like any other. You just better steal whatever it is and save me when the time comes," she warned.

"Fine, I'll let it slide then. That foreknowledge, I mean. The website's definitely coming down. I don't want gossip about me on the internet." The Doctor wagged a finger in her face like it was somehow her fault. Rose just rolled her eyes and let them into the TARDIS. "A whispered rumor, fine, but a gossip forum? With photos, you said?"

"The photos might be a bit more difficult. I'm guessing the bloke that runs the site has hard copies," Rose replied distantly, her thoughts already elsewhere. Like a switch had been flicked again, she was quiet, settling down on the jump seat with a pensive and worried expression. The Doctor intentionally ignored it as he moved around the console, taking them back into the vortex.

"So, I was thinking," he started brightly, "maybe tomorrow I could show you Barcelona. Not the city Barcelona, the planet Barce-"

"Actually," Rose quietly interrupted. "I've been thinkin'… I thought… I dunno…" She took a deep breath and just said it. "I want to go home. To London."

The Doctor was speechless and just stared at her. He hadn't seen that coming at all. Outside of a few offhand comments about her mum or Mickey the Idiot or someone named Shareen, she never even mentioned home.

"You did say you'd take me back, didn't you?" Rose asked uncertainly. "It's been more than three months now… I should have gone back a while ago. I'm just not used to going back, you know? Sort of nervous about it. Sort of  _really_  nervous about it, but I miss my mum."

"You want to go home," the Doctor repeated, still struggling with the request.

"Not just yet. I was thinking I could get some rest first, if that's alright." Rose could see that the Doctor wasn't very happy about the idea, but she wasn't sure what she should say. She really did miss her mum. She couldn't be faulted for that, could she? "You wouldn't have to come with me, you know, if you didn't want. Domestic and all. It wouldn't be long. Just a few hours, maybe. You could wait in the TARDIS or, I dunno, go for a walk or-"

Realization dawned on him and the Doctor nearly laughed at himself. He told her that he would take her home for visits. She just wanted to visit. But that realization brought another. Rose had always been afraid of losing her home and loved ones, he'd known that, which is why he'd made that offer. She'd been thrilled when he did, but she'd been with him for a little over three months and had never said a word about it. She was afraid to visit?

"I'll take you to visit if that's what you want, but what's brought this on so sudden?" The Doctor leaned against the console, arms crossed, as he studiously watched her, trying once again to work out this puzzle of a girl.

"Dunno. Been thinkin' about it for a while, or maybe tryin' not to. That talk about domestics, raising kids and all. That's my mum. She took me in when I was on my own, just a stranger. If you knew her, you'd know how out of character that is. She didn't just support me, though; she made me her daughter. She's my mum and I just up and left her. She'll worry about me and I'll worry about her, too," Rose explained.

"You're reluctant though?"

"Just nervous. I mean, what am I supposed to say? I've never gone back before. There was never even anyone to go back to. How do I explain where I'm going? Or why? Do I tell her I've been lying all these years about not knowing where I came from? That I've been raised on alien planets,  _by_  aliens? In case you haven't noticed, humans in that time period don't really believe in aliens and think people who do believe are nutters. Which I have to admit, most  _do_  sound like nutters. I don't know what to say, but I can't just let her wonder what's happened to me. She'll be out of her mind with worry. She loves me and I love her, so I owe her  _something_."

The Doctor nodded in understanding. "I can't tell you what to say, but I will take you for a visit."

"We can be back the next day, can't we? I should have asked that ages ago, but being a time machine, you can take me back the day after I left?" Rose asked hopefully.

She didn't want her mum to worry. The Doctor smiled warmly. "Fine by me. Now go get some sleep."

The Doctor automatically turned to the console when Rose stood to go, but instead of heading straight toward the hallway, she stepped up to the Doctor's side. Before he could say a word, she raised up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Thank you," she said sincerely.

The Doctor only nodded in response.

"Goodnight, Doctor."

The Doctor smiled softly. "Goodnight, Rose."

When she had left the room, he let out a heavy sigh. His hearts shouldn't be beating as quickly as they were and he knew he shouldn't be able to still feel tingling on his cheek, but they were and he did. That girl was going to be the death of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A great thank you to the lovely readers that left comments!
> 
> Perhaps you might be interested to know - Charlie writing in about his wedding in Las Vegas and the Doctor and Rose being there really is on the BBC "Who is Doctor Who?" website. I read it and just thought it would be neat to write about. If you haven't seen the website, you should. Google it or look under the tag "who is doctor who?" on my blog on tumblr.


	14. Chapter 14

"And it's been how long?" asked Rose as she stepped out of the TARDIS.

"Twelve hours since we left good ol' Rickey in that alleyway," the Doctor informed her.

Rose cringed with guilt, remembering how she'd treated Mickey. He was supposed to be her boyfriend and she'd been so nonchalant and teasing about everything. She told him she wasn't born on Earth and then ran off with an alien. Yeah, she could have handled that better.

"Alright, I'm not sure how long I'll be. Few hours maybe. Don't you go swanning off!" she ordered with a commanding finger pointed in his direction. "The TARDIS doesn't move without me, got it?"

"Oi, who's in charge here? Need I remind you whose ship it is?" The Doctor's mock offence drew a cheeky grin from Rose. Before she could add a cheeky comment to it, the Doctor gave her the assurance she needed. "I'm not leavin' without you. Now get goin'"

The Doctor shook his head as she jogged away. It might be his ship, but it really was questionable who was in charge anymore. He wasn't sure what he'd expected when he brought her on board, but it wasn't this. They were supposed to solve their Bad Wolf problem, but they'd hardly touched it. He felt responsible for the suffering she'd gone through and it was therefore his responsibility to care for her until he was sure she was safe from Bad Wolf. But neither wanted to approach the topic so it was left untouched. Rose couldn't leave him until the problem was resolved. The Doctor would never admit, even to himself, that it was one of the reasons he put it off, neither would Rose admit to that motive.

Visiting family… That girl had him wrapped around her finger. That should bother him.

Something suddenly caught the Doctor's eye and he jogged over to a flyer posted on the building. Oh, that was not good. He took off at a run, racing toward the danger rather than away.

"Rose!" the Doctor called as he ran into the flat. "It's not twelve hours. It's been twelve months. You've been gone a whole year. Sorry."

"Who the hell are you?!" Jackie demanded.

"Oh, er, I'm the Doctor." He pasted on a smile, trying to hide his discomfort.

"I was… I was traveling," Rose said guiltily. She shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say. "I went with the Doctor. Traveling."

"Traveling?" The way Jackie kept from shouting, cold and disbelieving, was far more frightening than if she'd been screeching. "With him? Just traveling? Alright, that's it. Don't you move. I'm calling the police."

"Mum," Rose began protesting.

"That means you, too. You sit your arse down and don't move." Jackie pointed a commanding finger at both of them and nodded to the seats in the living room. So  _that's_  where Rose picked up that authoritative gesture.

The Doctor glanced toward the door, but Jackie caught it and looked like she might get violent if he made even a step toward it. He'd faced creatures far more dangerous than her and could have laughed at the 'threat' if it hadn't been for the look on Rose's face. She looked miserable and pleading. This was a nightmare to her. With a sigh, he walked into the living room and plopped down onto the couch. Wouldn't this be interesting?

When Jackie left the room, Rose glared at him, pain and accusation in her eyes. "Twelve  _months,_  not hours?"

"Twelve months  _and_  twelve hours. Got the years mixed up. 2005 and 2006… they're close. Easy mistake," he said with a shrug.

Rose knew him well enough not to take his light, unaffected tone seriously. When he said he was sorry, he really meant it. It didn't make the situation any easier, though. She came back because she didn't want her mum to worry. Failed that spectacularly.

* * *

"She's never going to forgive me," Rose stated miserably. Sitting on the roof, looking out over the city, it all felt surreal. It was home, but it didn't really feel like home anymore. Maybe it  _wasn't_  home anymore. Only her mum was. That was, if she could ever put things right. "I can't believe it's been a whole year."

"I can't believe she slapped me," the Doctor countered, rubbing his cheek. "A thousand years of time and space and I've never been slapped by someone's mother."

"Your face," Rose laughed.

"It hurt!"

"She thought you were some sexual predator that stole me away. What'd you expect?"

"Woulda been nice to have a bit more support on my side," he muttered.

"I told her you weren't! That we weren't…" They had both blushed when they'd been asked if they were in a sexual relationship and they were blushing again at the mention of it.

"All of this is just so mental," Rose continued. "I've got to tell her, but if she doesn't believe me about traveling, how's she going to believe me about the rest? People in this time, Mum included, wouldn't believe in aliens unless they saw 'em with their own eyes."

"Your mum just slapped one," the Doctor reminded her.

"Yeah, but you look human. I'm talking obvious, indisputable aliens. Spaceships and-" Rose stopped and gaped as a spaceship sailed over her head, heading straight into central London. She and the Doctor exchanged incredulous looks and the Doctor's face spread with a manic grin.

"Oh, come on… that's not even possible…" Rose said in disbelief.

"It's fantastic!" The Doctor took her hand and ran.

* * *

Television. First contact on his favorite little planet and the Doctor was watching on television. Or trying to anyway. The flat was packed with people, all gathering because of the spaceship that crashed into the Thames, but none of them were interested in it. It was maddening. The domesticity was killing him.

"And where do you think you're going?" Rose demanded.

The Doctor stopped in his tracks, trying not to cringe. He'd hardly set foot out of the flat and she'd caught him. "Nowhere. It's just a bit human in there for me. History just happened and they're talking about where you can buy dodgy top-up cards for half price. I'm off on a wander, that's all."

"Spaceship in the Thames and you're off to 'wander'?" she said skeptically.

"Nothin' to do with me. Not an invasion. First contact. This is human business. First contact's when the human race finally grows up. The world was small this morning, now it's gotten unimaginably bigger. You don't need me right now. Go and celebrate. Spend some time with your mum."

Rose still looked doubtful. "Promise you're not taking off?"

"I promised ages ago that I'm not going to abandon you. Still true so you best keep it in your head. Now, enjoy your visit. I'll see ya later."

The Doctor disappeared down the stairs and forced down a twinge of guilt as he entered the TARDIS. This definitely wasn't abandoning because he was coming back. It was a wander. A wander that required TARDIS transport. Snooping was acceptable on a wander. He wasn't going to interfere, just… wander.

* * *

Rose gasped and froze when Mickey entered the flat. She managed a simple apology and tried to assure him that she was intending to go see him, but it all felt pathetic. She  _had_  intended to go see him, but as she often did, she put it off. She was having a hard enough time deciding what to tell her mum. Mickey already knew so much, yet not nearly enough.

Mickey rushed into the kitchen and once he, Rose, and Jackie were alone, he immediately lashed out, speaking the many things he'd been holding in for a year. "You disappear, who do they turn to? Your boyfriend. Five times I was taken in for questioning. Five times! No evidence. Course there couldn't be, could there? And then I get her, your mother, whispering around the estate, pointing the finger. Stuff through my letterbox, and all 'cos of you."

"I'm sorry," Rose said meekly. "I didn't think I'd be gone so long."

"And I waited for you, Rose. Twelve months, waiting for you and the Doctor to come back."

"Hold on. You knew about the Doctor? Why didn't you tell me?" Jackie demanded.

Mickey slammed the door and serving hutch closed. "Yeah, yeah. Why not, Rose? Huh? How could I tell her where you went?"

"Tell me now," Jackie commanded.

"I might as well, 'cos you're stuck here. The Doctor's gone. Just now. That box thing just faded away," Mickey announced smugly.

"What do you mean?" Rose worried, her heart suddenly racing.

"He's left you," Mickey taunted. "Some boyfriend he turned out to be."

Rose raced out of the flat, rushing for where the TARDIS had been parked, followed closely by Mickey and her mum. Mickey continued taunting and her mother was demanding answers, but Rose could only repeat that the Doctor wouldn't leave her. He promised. He couldn't anyway or Bad Wolf would return. She couldn't help looking for the words on everything she passed. He wouldn't leave… and yet the TARDIS was conspicuously missing from the place they'd left it. She had faith in him, she really did, but it didn't stop the fear from creeping in.

Rose felt the TARDIS key warming against her skin and she realized she should have known all along. That hum in her mind had never stopped. The TARDIS had been on Earth the whole time. The Doctor was still deserving of a tongue lashing. A new panic set in as the TARDIS started to materialize.

"Mum! Mum, go inside. Mum, don't stand there, just go inside. Just, Mum, go. Oh, blimey," she groaned.

Without turning around, the Doctor started speaking the moment Rose entered. "Alright, so I lied. I went and had a look. But the whole crash landing's a fake. I thought so. Just too perfect. I mean, hitting Big Ben, come on. So I thought 'let's go and have a look.'"

"My mum's here," Rose warned.

The Doctor groaned. "Oh, that's just what I need. Don't you dare make this place domestic."

Rose's head was reeling, one world colliding with another. One life meeting another. The Doctor and Mickey were snarking at each other and her mum looked like she'd forgotten how to breathe. Brilliant.

"Mum!" Rose called, running after Jackie as she ran out of the TARDIS. "Mum, it's not like that. He's not... I'll be up in a minute."

The pull of the alien mystery was too strong and she rushed back into the TARDIS. "The crash landing was fake? So it's all a pack of lies? What is it, then? Are they invading?"

"Funny way to invade, putting the world on red alert." For the very first time, Mickey impressed the Doctor.

The Doctor quickly climbed beneath the console and got to work on the TARDIS. Rose had some idea what he was up to, but she knew there was no way to assist, so she stood to the side, her thoughts returning to her mum and Mickey. She knew she should be giving him an explanation, but he was attempting conversation with the Doctor. It didn't last long as the Doctor irritably sent him off.

"He's just winding you up," Rose assured Mickey. She didn't want him to get the wrong idea about the Doctor. "I  _am_  sorry."

"Yeah," Mickey said quietly. He told her again what he went through, showing her how much hurt she caused and Rose was consumed by guilt again.

"We didn't mean to be gone for a year, meant to come back the next day. Time machine, you know. It hasn't been anywhere near a year for us."

"Time machine. Of course. It's what you were trying to tell me, wasn't it? That website. Some nutter thinks there's a bloke called 'The Doctor' that travels in time. I looked at it after you left. Why didn't you just say?"

"Would you have believed me?" Rose challenged.

"But you knew him. You said you've known him, that you were waiting for him. What the hell is going on, Rose?" Mickey pleaded. "I've been waitin' a year for this, just what the hell  _is_  all of this?"

Rose nibbled her lip, trying to figure out where to start and how much she should say.

"You said you weren't from Earth, but you're not an alien…" Mickey prompted. It was clear that he was uncomfortable with the idea. "You didn't have amnesia, did you?"

"No… no amnesia, but I can't imagine things would have gone well if I told the truth," Rose explained gently. "Aliens? Even with that spaceship crash there are skeptics."

"But  _you_ , you're not an alien?" Mickey pressed.

"Technically, she is, isn't she?" the Doctor commented from his place under the console. "When you say alien, you mean an extraterrestrial being, which, by definition means any being originating beyond the Earth's limits."

"Thanks, Doctor, but you're really not helping," Rose responded irritably. She sighed and turned to Mickey. "I wasn't born on Earth. I was born in the distant future. I'm not sure which planet, but definitely human parents. Ending up on Earth was an accident. I don't know how it happened. But I did know the Doctor would come for me, so I was waiting."

"So what was I, then? Just a way to bide your time?" The hurt look on Mickey's face made Rose's stomach turn. She wasn't really sure… sort of… but she couldn't tell him that.

"Got it! Ha ha!" the Doctor cheered, racing to the TARDIS scanner. "Patched in the radar, looped it back twelve hours so we can follow the flight of that spaceship."

* * *

UNIT and an escort to 10 Downing Street. It was unbelievable. Rose had dined with royalty and met loads of famous people in history, including some on Earth, but there was something different about this. This was in her own timeline on Earth, where she grew up, with people she knew.

Of course, being just a girl from the council estates, she wasn't extended the same invitation as the Doctor. In fact, she was told she'd have to wait outside. It turned out that waiting outside was not without action. If she thought visiting 10 Downing Street was exciting, it was nothing to  _being hunted_  in 10 Downing Street.

Not just exciting, it turned into a nightmare. She and the Doctor had been in loads of tough scrapes. She was familiar with the tension and fear - it was thrilling and terrifying at the same time - but again, this time was different. This was the Earth at stake, her home. A phone conversation they held with her mum and Mickey had shaken her more than anything. Her and the Doctor's lives were at stake, but really that was nothing new. Her mum and Mickey, though. Shareen and Keisha, the people she'd worked with or gone to school with, her neighbors, the lady she chatted with at the market, mates she met up with at the pub… She'd lost so many homes and now this one was ready to be utterly destroyed. This beautiful planet and the billions of people on it. She feared for them all… and there was her mum, whose sole concern was her daughter. The Doctor couldn't promise to keep Rose safe, but Rose didn't want him to.

"If I don't dare, everyone dies," the Doctor said solemnly, the painful conflict showing through the stiff set of his shoulders and the expression on his face.

"Do it," Rose commanded without hesitation.

"You don't even know what it is. You'd just let me?" He looked so exposed, so hopeless. The Doctor was touched by Rose's trust in him, but he felt it was misplaced. He didn't know how to save her. He needed to save her, but it would be unforgivable to put her life above billions. She would never forgive him if he did. "I could save the world but lose you."

Rose was caught in his eyes, her heart pounding. With all that they said to each other, there was so much more they never said. Rose knew that she meant something to the Doctor, that he cared about her, but this was more than she'd imagined. Beneath his words was a more powerful statement: nothing was more important to him than her. To the universe, she was but one person, a speck that would flicker in and out of existence without notice. She was nothing at all compared to the influence of humans in the future. The Doctor was dedicated to saving those he could and preserving timelines. The only reason for his hesitation was her. He gave all he could in protecting people, but he couldn't stand the thought of losing her.

It was overwhelming and a bit frightening, this revelation, and Rose wasn't sure how to respond to it. It brought into question her own feelings. But they were not thoughts she could entertain at the current moment. First, she had to find a way for them to survive. The Doctor may have lost hope, but she wasn't about to. They were not going to die. Not today.

* * *

Stepping out of the cabinet room, into daylight and the ruins of 10 Downing Street, a light spark in Rose wanted to cheer. It made her want to cheer and throw her arms around the Doctor. They survived! But they were still shaken. There was relief, but it was heavy relief, solemn after all the tension and fear. Her hand in his was enough, always enough, more than enough. As long as they had each other, they were okay.

* * *

Rose was sure she'd never had a more difficult discussion in her life. Sitting on her mum's sofa, with Mickey and Jackie listening intently, Rose finally spoke about things she'd only ever told the Doctor. She by no means shared everything. Her lives before this one were held close and buried deep, only examined on occasion in the privacy of her own mind. She was comfortable enough to give them brief descriptions of the places she had lived and for how long and even managed to tell them a bit about her families, though they were described in the simplest ways - 'An old man and woman that I called my grandparents. They weren't human, but they were family. Real family. They owned a stand in Weaspin Market that sold noodles and I helped them with it.' She described the marketplace with slightly more detail. And then, 'There was a tsunami and everyone died.' It was spoken quickly and factually and then she moved on. Mickey and Jackie seemed to know just where they could and where they absolutely  _shouldn't_  ask questions.

"All this time and you never said," Jackie said quietly, struggling to keep her emotions in check. A few tears had slipped free during Rose's tale. Rose had done her best to keep detached as she talked about her past, telling it like a bedtime story, but some parts were more difficult. Jackie found it more heartbreaking to hear it told that way. Her sweet Rose had obviously suffered so much and suppressed it for so long that she didn't even know how to let it surface. Her daughter had been suffering in silence and she hadn't even known.

"You wouldn't have believed it," said Rose. There was no blame or bitterness; it was simple truth.

"If you'd told me like this-"

"You wouldn't have believed it," Rose repeated. "You might have thought I was playing some game or might have worried and had me checked out. I didn't want to mess things up. I just wanted where I was. A home and a family. Probably selfish and cowardly of me to keep it to myself, but that's how I thought it needed to be. What  _I_  needed it to be. But I didn't mean to hurt anyone. And I definitely didn't mean to be missing for a year. It was just supposed to be twelve hours."

"So what about this life with the Doctor?" inquired Mickey. "He's fixing whatever the Bad Wolf thing is?"

"Yeah, we're working on it." Guilt struck again. No, they weren't.

"And then what? He'll bring you back?" Mickey asked, trying to catch Rose's gaze which had fallen away.

"Honestly, I'm not sure yet. Can't really know until we know what we're dealing with," Rose reasoned. How could she tell them she didn't want to leave the Doctor? Especially when she couldn't even tell the Doctor himself. "He did say he'd bring me to visit though."

"And just where's he, then?" Jackie asked tartly. "Couldn't bother to come up and explain himself?"

"Families aren't really his thing. Besides, can you really blame him after the way you slapped him?"

"He had it comin'." Jackie maintained. "But I'd still like to meet him properly. Learn a bit more about him and this crazy life you two are leadin'. Maybe you can invite him up for tea. I could make shepherd's pie. Do aliens eat that?"

"He eats just the same as us, but I can tell you already that he'd say no. He doesn't like to stick around long and really, it's not his thing to revisit people. He's comin' here for me so I'm not gonna ask more of him. I'll be back for visits and the Doctor even fixed my mobile so I can call across time and space. He wants me to keep in touch, but he'd rather keep out of it himself."

"Right grump that he is, doesn't exactly make the best company anyway," Mickey muttered.

"He saves that just for you, Mick," Rose chuckled. "I better get packing. First time I've been able to do that. I gotta figure out what to take."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so rehashing episodes is not really my strong suit... I still hope you enjoyed it. Thank you to the incredible people that left reviews. It means more than you know and I can't thank you enough


	15. Chapter 15

After all that had happened on Earth, Rose knew there was a lot that she and the Doctor needed to talk about, things they’d been putting off for far too long. Bad Wolf. Rose was sure that the Doctor must know more than he’d said, she had some things she thought she should tell him, and they hadn’t even tried to understand this ‘trigger’ he’d talked about. And those were just the first steps. They still didn’t know what Bad Wolf was. Then there was the future that was bothering her. Her future. What would happen once the Doctor was safely able to say goodbye? Would he? She didn’t want goodbye, didn’t want to leave him, but if that was how it was going to be, she wanted to know. And where would she go if that was the case? Back to Earth with her mum? If she couldn’t age, Earth in that time period wouldn’t be safe. Not many places would be. She’d have to rely on the Doctor to find someplace safe for her. But he wouldn’t want goodbye, would he? She knew he didn’t like getting attached to people, but… She thought back to the cabinet room in 10 Downing Street. ‘I could save the world but lose you.’ Those words kept echoing in her mind. If he didn’t want to lose her, he wouldn’t send her away, right?

So many things that needed to be discussed… But then they were back aboard the TARDIS. The Doctor and Rose Tyler, as it should be. Why mess with a good thing?

* * *

“Yeah, ‘shanghorn-running ceremony’, you’ve said a few times, but just what is a shanghorn?” Rose pressed. In all the facts that the Doctor could toss around, he often left out key facts that would help Rose keep up. “And since I’m assuming it’s a beast, should I be looking out for one now?”

The Doctor chuckled when he saw Rose vigilantly scanning the arid landscape. “Won’t find them here. They’re kept on protected land, with exception of today, being the running ceremony, and they’re all gathered near the town. They’re a bit similar to rhinoceroses but with two horns.”

“Is this anything like the Running of the Bulls?” Rose guessed.

“Similar, but it’s done for different reasons. More ceremonial, more beasts, a little more organized. No show of bravado. You’ll see,” he assured her. “The Sangi have inhabited this planet for millennia, but the shanghorns were only brought here a couple centuries ago, a gift of peace from a planet in a neighboring star system. That planet has two races, the Zivran and the Helmi. The Helmi were more technologically advanced and so were the ones to visit here first, but there were communication issues, the Helmi and Sangi speaking very different languages and neither having translation devices. But the Helmi realized that the Sangi were telepathic and wondered if telepathic communication would transcend the language barrier. The Zivran back home were telepaths, so the Helmi brought them along and they found that it worked! Doesn’t work that way for all telepathic races, but… Rose?” The Doctor was so enthralled by the history himself, that he hadn’t seen that Rose had fallen behind. But she hadn’t just fallen behind, she’d completely frozen on the spot. “What’s wrong?”

“Er… It sounds great and all, really it does, but I think I might sit this one out…” Rose spoke the words uncertainly, shifting uncomfortably like the words felt wrong in her mouth. And they were. This was just Rose’s sort of thing. That’s why the Doctor brought her.

He closed the gap between them, stopping just in front of her with a serious look of concern. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’ really. I just…” Rose gave up pretending or trying to talk around the issue. What excuse could she give? Shifting again and keeping her eyes from meeting his, she appeared just as anxious as she felt. “It’s just that they’re telepaths. I’m not really comfortable with that.”

“Because of the telepaths we met on Deitis?”

“Yeah.”

“Bit different here. Verbal communication is their primary form of communication. Telepathic communication is one on one and considered more intimate, _rarely_ used with strangers. No awkward silences or communicating behind your back, and if anyone gives you a mental ‘hello’ you just say no thanks. There’s-”

“No,” Rose answered. “I don’t want that. No mental hellos. No… no… I don’t know! Just the thought of it makes me sick. That they _could_.”

“That they could what?” The Doctor’s dark look returned, the same threatening look he’d worn on Deitis when he asked her if someone had tried to force themselves into her mind.

“Say hello!” Rose cried in frustration. “The thought that they could touch my mind at all… I don’t want… I don’t want them to…” Rose could feel it building inside, the sensation that led to tears, and it only frustrated her more, anger building steadily with it. “I just can’t, alright! You can go if you want. That’s fine. _Really_ , I hope you have a great time. But I can’t. I’m going back to the TARDIS.”

She couldn’t trust herself with more words so she turned suddenly and began walking back the way they came, hoping he’d let it drop, though she was sure he wouldn’t.

“That’s fine. If you want to go back, we’ll go back. That’s fine,” the Doctor assured her as he followed behind. “But I want to know what happened on Deitis.”

“I already told you. I felt uncomfortable,” she said irritably.

“Yeah, but I can see that it’s more than silence and communicating over your head,” he gently insisted.

Rose swiftly marched on, her face set with an angry glare directed at nothing in particular.

“You’re going to have to answer me,” the Doctor stated. It was a fact, not a request. He wasn’t going to let this go.

Rose ignored him as she fumbled with the TARDIS lock and let them both in. She paused at the top of the ramp and closed her eyes, accepting the TARDIS’s comforting hum. That was the only presence she wanted in her head.

“Rose,” the Doctor persisted.

When she opened her eyes again, the Doctor was there with his arms crossed, waiting expectantly. She’d wanted to return to the safety of the TARDIS, but now that she was there, there was nowhere else to run. She’d have to face it.

Her shoulders drooped and the anger she’d been using as a shield fell away. She recalled the faces of the people on Deitis and the wretched feeling inside returned full force. The Doctor’s eyes were on her, watching her closely and waiting. It bothered him to see her look so defeated, but he couldn’t help her unless he knew what was wrong.

Rose slipped onto the jump seat and stared at the grating. “They said I’m telepathic,” she confessed. “And they were scared of me.”

The Doctor was surprised and confused, but his expression was serious, his eyes narrowed as he tried to process this information and recall the interaction between Rose and the Deitisians.

“Anytime one of them tried that mental greeting, they’d look shocked and scared and take a step back. I could tell they were discussing me.” She chanced a glance at the Doctor, but she could read nothing from that scowl of his. “Wasn’t long before I was fed up with it and asked them why they kept lookin’ at me that way. That’s when one of them told me that I was telepathic. I told them I wasn’t, but they said I was. They said my mind was violent, a storm with barbed teeth.” She chuckled mirthlessly. “With a description like that, it’s no wonder they were afraid to get near me. ‘There’s a wolf at the door,’ they said. A wolf. Of any description, they had to say wolf. No, no more friendly, mental greetings for me, thanks.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

The Doctor was clearly hurt that she didn’t come to him, but the answer should have been just as obvious. “Because we don’t talk about that kind of thing.”

And there it was, out in the open – their denial, their avoidance. It was a silent agreement not to discuss the Bad Wolf or anything related to it. Verbally acknowledging the eschewal was like pointing out the elephant in the room; it could no longer be ignored.

“I need to know things like that, Rose. I _want_ to know,” the Doctor told her earnestly. “If I’m going to keep you safe, I have to know what’s going on.”

At the same time he was encouraging her, he was scolding himself.

“I think it’s time to stop running from it. It’s time to figure it out. How about some tea in the library?” he suggested.

* * *

Sitting on opposite sides of the library sofa, the Doctor and Rose were lost in their thoughts. Rose wasn’t really contemplating the problem so much as just anxiously waiting on the Doctor. She had no idea where to start so she was planning to take her cue from him. Except he didn’t speak.

“We can face any crisis head on. We can natter on for hours about anything and nothing. But add anything personal… How is it we’re so rubbish at this?” Rose said with a nervous smile.

The Doctor sighed, set down his cup of tea, and turned to face her. “It feels safer to ignore the monster scratching at the door than it does to open it and face it, doesn’t it? Problem is, the threat won’t go away until we do.”

“So…?”

“So I need to finally examine that trigger. Need to see what we’re dealing with and what I can do to fix it. If we’re lucky, it could be an easy fix. It might be uncomfortable, but I’ll be as gentle as possible. It will start with a light brush like the Deitisians, but not as coarse. A stroke rather than a sudden knock, followed by gentle nudging.”

“What?!” Rose cried in alarm. “You’ve got to go in my head?”

The Doctor was confused by her reaction. “I’ve told you before, from the start, that the trigger is in your mind. I-”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you meant you’d use telepathy. When you said you’d have to take a look, I thought you meant some medical thing. Brain scans or something. You never said anything about poking around in there.”

Rose was clearly upset so the Doctor was careful when he replied. “The mind isn’t quite the same as the brain. It’s more complicated. The brain is the physical place where the mind resides. The brain is an organ that handles the mechanics of the body and makes thought possible, but the mind is consciousness: awareness, thought, imagination, emotion, perception. The mind can be influenced by stimulation to the brain, but the complexities of the mind cannot be mapped and manipulated in detail from the outside. Whatever the Bad Wolf did to your mind, it wasn’t conducted physically. It’s hidden in your subconscious and examining it closely is the only way for me address it.”

“So you... what exactly?” Rose nervously inquired.

“The mind is complicated and difficult to navigate, but I know sort of what I’m looking for. I won’t go poking about, won’t look at anything personal. You’ll feel my mind touching yours and you’ll know where I am and what I’m looking for. If there’s anything you don’t want me to see, you imagine a door there and I won’t touch it. If at any point you want me to stop, I will. I don’t want to invade. I won’t do this without your permission. It’s up to you.”

Rose considered it a moment and shook her head. “No. It’s not that I don’t trust you; it’s what the Deitisians said. The storm and the wolf. They made it sound dangerous. They made just touching sound dangerous and you want to go in. What if it… What if it’s dangerous to you? If minds can do so much, what if… I don’t know, what if my mind attacks yours or something? I don’t know how it works, but if a race that regularly communicates telepathically were terrified, it’s got to be dangerous somehow.”

The Doctor smiled warmly. “I’m not afraid. If a touch feels dangerous, I’ll have to think of another approach, but I’m not afraid. Whatever other influence is there, it’s still you. You said that you trust me. Please trust me now.”

Rose was extremely reluctant, but she did trust the Doctor. They’d waited all that time to take this step, so it was time to push fears aside and face it. When she nodded in assent, the Doctor scooted closer to her and she turned to face him. He took a minute to explain the process again and when Rose was ready, he placed his hands on either side of her head, tenderly placing two fingers on each of her temples.

The Doctor gave Rose another few seconds to relax before gently reaching out for her consciousness. Though he tried to appear calm, his hearts were racing as quickly as hers. Though he experienced telepathic communication from time to time, it was rarely more than superficial contact, like a handshake and a chat in one. This was altogether different. This was deeper and more intimate and that it was Rose, it was so much more. A caress and an embrace. It was meant to be clinical and the Doctor would conduct it as such, but the emotions attached… it was a guilty pleasure to connect with Rose in this way.

The welcome sensation the Doctor had hoped for was not the greeting he received. At the light touch of his mind to hers, a violent force lashed out. He’d met many mental barriers in his life, usually quite weak, but almost always with the likeness of a fortifying wall. The Deitisians’ description was quite accurate. The protection around Rose’s mind wasn’t a solid barrier, but a mass of constant movement. It was not a barrier that could be torn down. To try to pass through it would be like trying to step through the winds of a cyclone, only more dangerous. Not only would one be swept up by violent winds… there were shards of glass that could tear one to shreds. Teeth, the Deitisians had said, and the description was understandable because the swirling barrier did not just lie in wait for one to approach; it lashed out viciously and threateningly, a fierce wolf snarling and snapping, offended by even a brush at the surface of Rose’s mind.

With Rose’s safety so important to the Doctor, a part of him respected this protector, but it was also guarding the Bad Wolf’s secrets. Though there was concern, the Doctor was undaunted.

“Do you feel me, Rose?” the Doctor asked, his voice just above a whisper.

“Yes,” she answered breathily. Her brow was creased as she focused. “You’re so quiet.”

“That’s because your barriers are so strong,” he explained, understanding that she meant his mental presence rather than his voice. “Most people have to learn to erect mental barriers. You’re going to have to work on lowering them.”

“Like the storm and wolf? Like the Deitisians said?” Rose worried. “But I didn’t do that. I-”

“You didn’t erect it,” the Doctor gently interrupted before she could get any more worked up. “You didn’t put the barrier there, but it’s still _your_ mind. It’s still your permission to grant.”

“But I don’t know how…”

“Relax. I know you’re worried, but you have to let it go. Relax.” The Doctor’s voice was so soothing that when she let it wash over her, Rose instantly felt some of her tension release. “You said I was quiet, but you can feel me there, right? Right on the edge of your mind.”

Rose nodded slightly, but remembering the Doctor’s fingers on her temples, she verbally added, “yes.”

“Then focus on the in-between. You’re on one side and I’m on the other. I’m so quiet because of what’s between. Don’t be afraid of it. It’s part of you. It’s a wall, a wind that protects you. Try to find it.”

Only two seconds later, Rose suddenly stiffened.

“Don’t be afraid of it,” the Doctor repeated. “It’s just protecting you. That’s okay. The only problem is that it’s protecting you from me, too. I need you to relax, focus on that storm and calm it, too. It’s your mind and you’re in control. Meditation. The same way you can relax your body and your mind, you can relax this. Picture it as storm and picture the winds dying down. Violent gusts hushing into a soft breeze. That’s it... A light, soft breeze. Just stay nice and relaxed. You’re doing fantastic. Now, I’m going to nudge a little deeper, cross those winds, alright? Stay relaxed. It might feel a bit strange, but please don’t fear it. It’s a friend coming to call. Are you ready? Do you think you can do that?”

A twinge of anxiety returned, but Rose was quickly able to suppress it. This was the Doctor. She trusted the Doctor. Though she was embarrassed by it, she even wanted the Doctor there. “I’m ready.”

The Doctor willed away his own nervousness. He couldn’t let Rose feel it or it would spark hers again. Rose needed to trust him, but he had to trust her, too. That storm was unlike anything he’d encountered before and he wasn’t sure what would happen if it was raised while he was in her mind, but it was sure to be extremely unpleasant. The fear was easier to forget when he met her there. He felt her, Rose, and all the warmth and kindness she exuded. This was what he’d hoped for from the start, a caress, an embrace, completely enveloped by her.

The Doctor allowed himself only a moment to savor it before moving on. He addressed her verbally so not to startle her with any more new sensations. He explained once more about how he would make his way through her thoughts and memories, assuring her he wouldn’t probe unnecessarily and that she could mark something as private and he wouldn’t touch it. Though there were so many things he was curious about her, he was as respectful as he’d promised. It became more difficult to resist as he went further back in her life. He remembered the tiny girl in the prison cell and wondered how she’d gotten there. He wondered what happened to the family that he’d left that little baby with. Young as she had been, there would still be memories of the infant with her birth parents. He wanted to look, but he wasn’t sure that he should when Rose herself didn’t remember. He especially didn’t want her to remember what happened when she was first aboard the TARDIS as a baby, that she was even here as a baby, when he hadn’t yet shared that information with her.

And then there was a door, a golden door. Just facing it, the Doctor could feel the power radiating from it. Bad Wolf.

“Doctor,” Rose practically whimpered with fear. “Doctor, you have to stop. Something’s happening. You have to stop.” She was absolutely panicked then, her hands gripping his forearms tightly.

“Rose.” His tone was a gentle warning, though fear was beginning to rise in him also.

“Stop it! Stop it!” Rose cried out. She wasn’t demanding that _he_ stop; she was begging him to stop _it_.

The Doctor tried to pull away, pull away from both her mind and their physical connection, but Rose wouldn’t let him. Her grip on his arms was painfully tight, holding him in place, while at the same time, his mind was trapped and tangled in hers. The Doctor’s eyes flew open and the conflict of images of the physical world and the images in their minds overwhelmed him, making him feel dizzy and ill in both worlds. He was terrified and panicked, made all the more so by the sight of Rose. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her fingers biting into his arms as she continued shrieking for help. He wanted to break physical contact, but the way she was desperate to hold him there made him afraid to try. She had him trapped in both senses. His mind felt like it was being ravaged and he completely lost all physical senses. Images in _both_ their minds… The realization finally became clear. Rose was in his head. She’d sunken her teeth into him, pinning him, paralyzing him, leaving him completely at her mercy as she tore through his mind. She was a storm, a whirlwind, snatching up each of his memories faster than he could keep up and throwing them aside with no regard. Meaningful and trivial snippets of his life thrown about like they were nothing.

 _Somewhere there’s danger, somewhere there’s injustice, and somewhere else the tea’s getting cold. Come on, Ace. We’ve got work to do._ –A man with an umbrella and panama hat led a teenage girl across a field.

 _No, obviously the Time Lords have programmed the TARDIS always to return to Earth. It seems I'm some kind of a galactic yo-yo!_ –An old man with a ruffed shirt looked distinctly petulant.

Many faces, many people, many planets. They were the Doctor’s to share or not share as he pleased and they were being rifled through without care. Rose saw each of them and more as the Doctor failed to keep up. All the while, Rose cried for him to make it stop.

And then there was burning. A golden light seared his mind and Rose released her hold both inside and out. The Doctor immediately tugged free. His breaths came quickly as he stared at Rose with fear and horror. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so powerless and violated. No matter what happened to him physically in life, his mind was his own. He’d been mentally assaulted before, but he’d always been able to fight back in some capacity. He’d been absolutely powerless as Rose picked him apart. She saw everything, from infancy to the present, she saw all that he was. She took it all.

Despite how frantic Rose had been, her breathing wasn’t labored, nor did she look anywhere near as terrified as he felt. Her face was completely void of emotion. Her lips were parted, revealing a spot of blood where she’d bitten down hard. But it was as she stared blankly at a place over his shoulder that he caught sight of her eyes. It was only there for a moment, but Rose’s unblinking eyes were illuminated with golden light. It was the same golden light that had broken their connection. When the light faded, Rose blinked a few times and finally looked at the Doctor.

If Rose took note of the Doctor’s expression, she didn’t show it. After only a few more silent seconds, she announced that she was going to be sick. Conveniently, a small rubbish bin appeared at her side and she emptied the contents of her stomach into it. The Doctor, still frozen in shock, just stared at her.

When Rose looked up at him again, there were tears sliding down her cheeks. “It wasn’t me,” she said weakly. “I’m sorry… but it really wasn’t me. Please,” she pleaded, “please don’t hate me.”

A torrent of emotions were coursing through the Doctor and there was a great urge to get as far away as he could from this encounter, away from _her_. But when he saw the look on Rose’s face, her tears, and remembered her panicked screams… She hadn’t wanted to do this at all for fear of what they just suffered. She’d been afraid that he’d be hurt and he was. She’d been afraid and he pressured her. She’d been as terrorized as he had and it was because of his insistence. With Rose still hurt and afraid, with her pleading for comfort, how could he leave? Part of him wanted distance, but when the Doctor took Rose in his arms, he realized that he needed her far more.


	16. Chapter 16

The Doctor and Rose embraced quietly in the library for quite some time. It wasn’t the kind of embrace that Rose had found herself longing for at times, but it was the comfort that she needed. It was a need, not just a desire. The horrifying telepathic experience had left them both shaken. Rose had apologized again, trying to make him understand that it wasn’t her, that she didn’t even know what happened. The Doctor tensed when she said it, but held her a bit tighter. He could never say that it was okay, but he did assure her, “I know,” and that was enough. The silence stretched on until, by unspoken, mutual agreement, they felt comfortable enough to move on.

“Lunch?” Rose asked as soon as she was on her feet.

The Doctor nodded in agreement. “Need something for a headache?”

Rose affirmed and smiled appreciatively. She was already halfway through lunch preparations when the Doctor joined her, the gift of pain relief in his hand. Only a couple minutes later, they were both feeling much better, the release of physical tension lessening the intensity of mental and emotional stress. Outside of the library and immersed in the mundane task of preparing lunch helped them to detach from the trauma… slightly. There were still many thoughts and questions to entertain. It was part way through lunch that Rose finally asked, “What all did you see?” She tried to just sound curious, but it was still underlined with nervousness.

The Doctor looked confused. “You mean what did I see in _your_ mind?” Her affirmative nod confused him further. “Rose, you saw everything I touched, which was hardly a thing. I didn’t see anything more in your mind once it…” He couldn’t bring himself to name it or describe it.

“I’m sorry,” Rose whispered again.

“I know.” Before Rose could try to explain again, he went on to assure her. “You didn’t mean for that to happen. You didn’t have control. I understand that.”

“But I don’t even know what happened,” she lamented.

“Not at all? You don’t remember?” The possibility never occurred to him.

“Well, there are bits, sort of. I can’t know how much I forgot if I don’t know what happened. I just felt it. It was loud in way that wasn’t noise. It was strong and fierce and wouldn’t let go. It hurt, but it was more terrifying than painful. I heard you shouting. I think that scared me most.” Rose couldn’t meet the Doctor’s eyes when she spoke.

‘Shouting,’ she told him. The Doctor knew he hadn’t shouted out loud. She must have meant telepathically. While she had been begging him to make it stop, it was _her_ that assailed and restrained _him_. Of course he’d been crying out. It was all he could do. Rose didn’t know why, but he wasn’t about to tell her.

“You don’t remember being in my mind?” he pressed.

It took a moment for Rose to think about it. “Maybe a bit. It felt like you were everywhere, so I guess that was it… There were… things I saw that weren’t mine. Things I’ve never seen before. I can’t really remember though. Pictures and voices, but I don’t know who they are. A posh bloke with a cravat, shiny metal men, red robes with high collars, the… the TARDIS looked really weird inside? Was that the TARDIS? …Anyway, I know you must hate it that I saw stuff, but I swear I don’t remember much and even what I remember doesn’t make any sense. I’m sorry. I’m _really_ sorry.”

“I know. And… thank you. Those things are… private. It’s comforting to know that…” the Doctor couldn’t find the words that he was looking for.

“They’re still yours, Doctor,” Rose reassured him.

The Doctor nodded, but he wasn’t sure she was right. It all happened when he approached that golden glow in her mind, the locked door. Why would she be forced to search his mind if she would only forget it? Unless it wasn’t forgotten, just locked away. The Bad Wolf guarded her mind. The Bad Wolf attacked. Were the protections in Rose’s mind triggers left like traps, or an active presence? Just what was the Bad Wolf?

* * *

The afternoon passed quietly. The Doctor hadn't mentioned the TARDIS needing any repairs when they'd landed on the planet, but suddenly he had a list of things that needed attention. There were definitely times the TARDIS needed repaired, and routine maintenance was frequent, but other times, it was Time Lord therapy. When Rose offered to help him, he accepted, but the only words spoken were the names of his tools when he requested them and perhaps a description of them if Rose didn't know what she was looking for. After an hour passed and the Doctor appeared to be doing alright on his own, Rose decided to take a little time to herself. The only problem was, she wasn't sure what to do with it. The number of entertainment options on the TARDIS was incalculable, but what did one do when they didn't want quiet, currently lacked the ability to concentrate, and didn't have the energy or drive to do something active?

The Doctor found Rose, hours later, by following the soft song she was humming. He'd meant to look for her in the kitchen, but when he heard the song, he followed it a couple rooms further to an open door. An art room, specifically for drawing, painting, and pottery. Rose sat at an easel with a palette in her left hand and a table to her right covered in tubes and bottles of paint. There, also on the table, was a music player not in use. Perhaps it had been interfering with concentration. The song she was humming didn't seem to distract her, nor did her painting give any pause to the song. Immersed in her work, she didn't notice the Doctor in the doorway. When she turned away from the easel in order to get more paint, the Doctor felt it was safe to announce himself.

"I didn't know you painted," he commented. As he’d expected, Rose's head whipped around to find him. It was a good thing he waited until her paintbrush was far from the canvas before speaking or the result would have been disastrous.

"It's been a few years," she answered as she set down her tools. It was a bit difficult to press on because she had a hard time talking about her past, but since their argument about never sharing anything personal, just after the incident with the poison darts, Rose would allow herself to reflect on her previous lives and share little pieces with the Doctor. “I started painting on Rabsor. My older sister, Mielu, liked to paint. She used to laugh when I tried to paint a person or animal because the eyes were always crooked and disproportionate. She’d help me with it though and give me pointers. I’m still not very good with eyes. I haven’t painted in a long time though. I used to on Clavix, but it was a rare hobby. Considered outdated, old fashioned ‘cos most art was done on computer. On Earth… I did a bit during the time I was at school, but it must be over three years since I last picked up a brush. And it shows,” she chuckled, regarding her painting with slight dissatisfaction. It wasn’t bad, but there were parts she felt lacked the right detail.

The Doctor, on the other hand, was rather impressed. She certainly had talent. He was even more proud of her for the subject of her painting. It was a view from a small hill in a forest. Tall, branchless trees with smooth, grey bark were spread out into the distance, fading into the thin, suspended fog. Each was slender, yet solid and sturdy. The forest floor all around them was carpeted with lush, violet grass, interspersed with green ferns. Winding between the trees, accentuating the gradual slopes of the land, a well-worn footpath of deep orange soil, curved into the distance. Rose had painted a forest of Rabsor. The Doctor wondered whether she knew there were similar forests on Earth. There was no purple grass, but the bluebells that coated Hallerbos, a forest in Belgium, looked rather similar. He could offer to take her there, or even to Rabsor, but he was sure it would be too much for her. This painting was beautiful and he was glad she allowed herself this. It was often hard to reminisce about the past, the Doctor understood that more than most, but it was important not to forget.

“Never cheat yourself satisfaction by being too critical,” he told her, stepping closer to get a better look. “It’s fantastic. You’ve really got a talent for it.”

“Thanks.” She flashed him an appreciative smile and began cleaning up her supplies. The painting was finished, had been for a little while. She’d only been agonizing over details. Had the Doctor not shown up, who knows how much longer she’d have fussed with it.

“So you still remember the lullaby.” It was impossible to say whether the comment was more of a statement or a question.

“The what? Lullaby?” Rose puzzled it over as she rinsed her brushes. “Oh, my humming. Yeah, I guess I do. Hadn’t thought about it. I used to hum it to my brother. You were there.”

Rose’s time spent reminiscing had been bittersweet, but that last memory stole her smile. The night the Doctor was on Rabsor, when he found her hiding in a mud bank, trying to sooth her baby brother with that lullaby, was the night the soldiers killed her brother and sister. Her life ended that night, too. Her new life on Clavix then began, but surviving didn’t feel like a gift when everything else was lost.

“I’m sorry to bring it up. It’s just been a long time since I heard that lullaby. It surprised me that you knew it. I’m surprised again that you still remember it.”

“Wait…” Rose said slowly, trying to fix pieces of her memory together with the Doctor’s statements. She turned to face him, appearing quite baffled. “You know it? It’s a real song then. You asked me where I learned it.”

“That would be ‘yes’ to all of those,” the Doctor affirmed. “Yes, it’s a real song and I know it. It’d been a long time since I heard it even before Rabsor. It wasn’t one I’d ever expected to hear again. When you thought you must have come up with it yourself, it seemed a lot more plausible to me than you learning it from anyone.”

“Why? Where’s it from?” Rose tried not to come across as eager as she felt. That tune was what she had used to comfort Kimil, but it had been with her long before that and long after as something soothing for herself. The Doctor knew its origin.

“It’s Gallifreyan. It’s a Gallifreyan lullaby. It has words to it, too, but you’ll not hear me singing.” He thought it best to make that clear before she even dared to ask.

“Gallifreyan? A Time Lord lullaby? But…” Rose shook her head, unable to come up with a reasonable explanation.

“Yeah, odd, that,” the Doctor agreed. “Ancient, that lullaby. It was sung to me when I was but a time tot. I’ve sung it to little ones myself when there’s been need for it. On their own and scared, sometimes a little lullaby is just what they need for calming.”

“Was it your own kids? I mean… Did… Did you have kids ever…?” Rose had forced the question out before she had a chance to change her mind, but she had changed her mind partway through. Now she could only try not to cringe outwardly as she was doing internally. Part was for prying into personal things and part was uncertainty of how she might feel about the answer. The Doctor with children and, with that, quite likely a wife… Rose and the Doctor were not together, not in the way others suspected they were. They weren’t a couple, but that didn’t mean that Rose might not feel a bit jealous… or maybe feel a little smaller. She wouldn’t try to define her feelings for the Doctor, but he was important, so important. She knew he was centuries old, more than a thousand years old now, but somehow, the thought of him having kids made her feel like little more than a kid herself. She desperately hoped he didn’t think of her like that.

“Did have, yeah. That was lifetimes ago. I was hardly more than a child myself, barely over a hundred when they were born. Was still in my finishing years at the Academy.” It surprised the Doctor as much as it did Rose how openly he spoke about it. “I sang to them from time to time and sang to a couple of my grandchildren. I didn’t stay on Gallifrey long though. I hated it there. I had a wanderlust like no other and wanted to see the universe. My life started on Gallifrey, but the TARDIS has been my home nearly all my life. But even as you move on, you can’t forget where you’ve come from. All that’s left of Gallifrey is with me… and you, I suppose. That lullaby is a piece of Gallifrey I carry with me.” It was hard for the Doctor to talk about, but as he’d been proud of Rose for embracing pieces of her past, he’d decided to do the same. It was surprising to find that he was able to speak of it without being overwhelmed by grief. Focus on the better memories.

“And you won’t teach it to me?” Rose asked tentatively. “The words to it?”

The Doctor chuckled. “The little girl I sang it to last, ages ago, didn’t seem to mind the sound of my voice, but a refined ear might be traumatized.”

Rose smirked. “Try me.”

“Nope, not going to chance it,” the Doctor insisted as he left the room and started down the hall. He wasn’t dismissing her, but expecting that she’d follow.

“If the little girl wasn’t traumatized, I’m sure I’ll be just fine, too.”

Rose couldn’t see the weary look on the Doctor’s face and he was glad of it. This was exactly where he was hoping their discussion would lead, and exactly what he’d been avoiding for so long. It was what he did and did not want to divulge, but _should_ regardless.

“She was traumatized to begin with. Thus the song.”

“Oh.”

“I got myself in a bit of trouble on an Mbulaki warship. I’d let out all the prisoners and sent them off in an emergency ship. The Mbulaki soldiers weren’t so happy about that and stuck me in a cell. Unknown to any of them, and a surprise for me, too, there was a little girl in there. Tiny, little thing, she was; just shy of two years old, or maybe just barely. She’d been terrified and hiding under the bed. Freezing, too. It was cold in that small metal room and she was in naught but a pair of knickers.”

“What-? Oh.” Rose’s question cut off when she realized where they were. She’d followed the Doctor to the library where he plopped down on the couch. “Er, sorry. If you’re going to read-”

“Hadn’t planned on it. ‘m just sittin’ here.” He lounged back in the corner with one arm resting on the back of the couch and the other on the arm as if to demonstrate.

“Just sittin’ there?” Rose asked skeptically.

“Well, we were talkin’ and just standing around doing it. It thought it’d be more comfortable to sit.” The Doctor nodded to the other end of the sofa to acknowledge it as an open place for her.

Rose found the suggestion interesting. They talked often, but rarely did so while idle. They were always doing something: exploring, repairing something, preparing meals, and even when they were relaxing, it was while playing a sport or swimming or something. Just sitting and talking was rare and usually when it was something serious. Just sitting and talking… Rose shrugged and took a seat.

“So no one knew that little girl was still in the cell? And what was she doing on a warship in the first place?” Rose asked, returning to the Doctor’s interrupted story.

“That’s what I wondered, but there was no one to ask. The ship was having a bit of trouble and they were stuck on a course headed straight for a sun. They were a bit busy to be guarding a prisoner.”

Rose smiled and shook her head. It was just like the Doctor to get into a situation like that. “So… what happened?”

“Well, I found her shivering in the corner under the bed. It took a bit of coaxing to get her out. I took off my socks and put them on her. They went all the way up her little legs. I folded the blanket and wrapped it around her and then put my jacket over that. She never said a word. Not one word. She sat in my lap and I handed over a banana. Always bring a banana with you. Never know when you could use one. Anyway, I thought she could use the comfort and might fall asleep so I sang her that lullaby. Had the opposite effect in that she sort of perked up. Never said a word, but she started humming along. I managed to find enough in my pockets to entertain her for a few hours, until the captain decided that they couldn’t do without my help. The two of us were separated then.” The Doctor had tried to keep his voice light, but when he got to ‘until’ his smile became strained, the opposite of a smile inside a smile, and his casual voice had an undertone of enduring enmity. “I tried to keep her with me. I swore not to help them unless she was. I thought that when it was said and done, I could find a family for her. Didn’t get the chance. They took her away and were ordered to shoot her. My moral dilemma was solved for me. The computers weren’t working. I couldn’t help even if I wanted to. Not for me to say if they deserved it or not, but the sun burned their ship less than an hour later.”

As always with this kind of story, Rose didn’t know what she could offer except a sympathetic, “I’m sorry.” It was yet another story of loss. He may have only known the child for a few hours, but he mourned her.

“There was another time I shared that song, only the young listener was far more vocal. She screamed her bloody head off almost anytime I put her down. I had to bring a tiny crib into the console room because she didn’t like bein’ on her own. Just a baby, she was. Say about four months.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Hang on,” Rose interrupted. “Are you sayin’ you had a _baby_ on the _TARDIS_?”

“An accident… sort of. It was sweet, if not exhausting, for a bit, but really…” Guilt and sorrow surfaced again. “She suffered, that little one. I really hadn’t known…”

Rose could see that this story was even harder on the Doctor. He was a man of many regrets, hoarding much undeserved guilt, but this was a little more significant than others he shared.

“It started down on a little planet called Ahnier. Though their species had advanced technology, this colony reverted to a more primitive lifestyle, denouncing technology. Through the generations, they lost knowledge of what was beyond their planet. They weren’t so surprised to see me though. I had used the TARDIS randomizer, so I was there by chance, but the people there talked about some prophecy that foretold stars attacking the planet and then a man would come down from the stars and save them. They believed it so much that when meteors started crashing down around them, they weren’t even bothered. I saved the day and suddenly I was the hero from their stories.”

Rose tried and failed to stifle a giggle, but the Doctor looked up at her to share a smile. This part of the story wasn’t troubling.

“So you know how I don’t care for fanfare and they were getting annoying rather quickly. The whole village was gathered round and followed me about, making it hard for me to make my way back to the TARDIS. They parted well enough for another man. They were insistent about giving me a gift and I told them to just hand it over then so I could get out of there. The bloke they’d let through tried puttin’ a baby in my arms. Their prophecy said something about giving me a wife.”

“What?!” Rose asked in astonishment. “They tried to marry you to a baby?”

“I don’t think they cared if or when I married her just so long as I took her with me. They admitted that they thought she’d be older when it came time for their prophetic hero to arrive. Which means she was selected ahead of time,” the Doctor pointed out.

“And you told them yes?” Rose said incredulously.

“’Course not,” the Doctor replied, clearly offended by the assumption. “I told them ‘not a chance’ and if they really wanted to show their gratitude they could clear out and let me get back to my ship.”

“But then-”

The Doctor continued on, not giving Rose a chance to interrupt. “So they all cleared off, but it was a long walk back to the TARDIS and enough time for a man with a cart to catch up. Reckless, he was, with as fast as he was going. Desperate, I found out. It was the man that had tried to offer me his baby. He explained that it was his duty to reward the hero. If I didn’t accept his gift then he’d have failed. His family would be killed, starting with the baby. And then this prophecy was planet-wide, so their village was even likely to be threatened by other villages. He begged me to accept his family’s treasure. He showed me a trunk in the back of his cart. It had money and spices and whatnot so I said fine. It was all ridiculous, but if this stupid gesture saved them, whatever, hand it over.”

“Was that enough? Money and spices instead of the prophetic baby? Or… but…”

“I’m gettin’ to that.” The Doctor sighed heavily and Rose could tell by his demeanor that this was where the story took a turn. “I didn’t care a bit about this ‘treasure’ and just put it in a junk room. Over the next day, things felt off in the TARDIS. It was an unsettling feeling from the TARDIS herself and I kept swearing I heard something when there was nothing. Finally, I’d had enough and was able to let the TARDIS show me what was wrong. Not always easy, that. She led me to the junk room and I heard a weak baby cry. There was a false bottom in the trunk and the baby had been stuck inside.”

Rose gasped and a chill ran through her. “She was just left there?”

“I didn’t know!” the Doctor said vehemently. He blamed himself, yet he was desperate for her to understand that he didn’t mean to leave the baby there.

“I know,” Rose quickly assured him. “It wasn’t your fault at all. It’s just… the poor baby. How long was she there?”

“30 hours and 7 minutes. They’d drugged her so she wouldn’t wake until she was onboard. It was like a coffin, only just big enough for her to fit. She had air, but that was about all. She was weak, starving, dehydrated, soiled at both ends, and had a few rashes and sores. It took some effort to patch her up, constant care, but she recovered fully and six days after I found her, I dropped her off with a new family. Didn’t imagine I’d see her again…”

“…But you did?”

“Yeah… It… It seems there really was something to that prophecy.” These words were the hardest yet for the Doctor to speak and he did so hesitantly. “I hadn’t thought anything of it at the time. It took me a very long time to remember… The baby’s father was insisting that the prophecy had to be fulfilled, he’d referred to it as ‘the Bad Wolf Prophecy.’”

The Doctor looked up to gauge Rose’s reaction and she was frozen in shock. She was staring straight at him, but he wasn’t sure she was seeing him at all. The Doctor gave her time to recover, waiting quietly while she took a few moments to process it all.

“I was the baby?” It was a statement of astonishment more than it was a question. “You knew then. How long did you know?”

The Doctor couldn’t look at her then. He’d kept it from her far too long and it had only become more difficult to tell her the longer he kept it to himself. “It really did take me over a century to remember and put it together. I hadn’t even realized I was meeting the same girl repeatedly, remember? Took you explaining it on Clavix.”

Rose’s brow creased with displeasure. She was waiting for his answer before deciding just how she felt, but she knew for certain she was not happy. She finally learned a piece of her past, but it was spoiled by the knowledge that the Doctor waited to tell her. “How long?”

The Doctor looked down in shame. “I knew before I came for you on Earth.”

Rose’s jaw clenched and her eyes shot daggers. But beneath that, fueling her anger, was how wounded she felt. “Four months! You’ve known for four months and you never said?! This is my life! My past. I thought we were supposed to be in this together, but you’ve still been keeping things from me! And this isn’t just memories; this is where I _came from_. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wondered where I came from, where I was born. You knew and didn’t tell me. But then there’s Bad Wolf! You know where the damn bloody prophecy is from and, what, you don’t think that’s important?!”

“Rose,” the Doctor started softly.

“Oh, no. No, you don’t get to defend yourself this time,” she growled as she jumped to her feet. “You should have told me from the start. Day one. You threw around theories about this trigger thing, but didn’t tell me what you actually knew. Facts. You knew where Bad Wolf started and that there’s a prophecy to do with it. I was specifically chosen to be tied to you. That planet should have been our first bloody stop.”

“Rose…” The Doctor whispered tentatively. He paused to see if she’d allow him to speak. “I did try to go back to Ahnier. Once I remembered after Clavix, it was my first stop. Only it wasn’t. I couldn’t. The TARDIS won’t land there. I tried different locations at different points in time, but the TARDIS can’t land on that planet. I couldn’t learn any more from it.”

“It doesn’t matter!” Rose shouted. She knew it probably did matter, but not at that moment. “We put things off, that’s what we do, but you should have told me this. You _knew_ you should have. I told you every place I lived and how long. You knew two other places I lived, one being where I was born, and you didn’t say. That’s not just avoiding a topic, that’s keeping me in the dark, hiding things from me. I trust you…” Her voice started to break. “I trust you and I can’t understand why you’d keep secrets about me _from_ me. You knew I’d want to know…”

The Doctor just nodded, accepting the blame, shame, and guilt. For some reason, it only hurt Rose more.

“Why?” she asked quietly. Moments passed as she waited for an answer. When it appeared she wouldn’t get one, she shook her head in exasperation and turned to go.

“I was afraid to,” the Doctor confessed.

Rose turned to look at him again, wondering whether she’d heard him properly. “Why?”

“All those times you were displaced was because I left you. All you’ve suffered is on me.” Rose opened her mouth to speak, but the Doctor continued. “I explained it to you when we first met on Earth. I told you that the trigger was me leaving without the intention of coming back. I got the impression that you didn’t understand. My actions caused you to be displaced. It was hard coming to realize that. That baby girl I patched up, I sent her off and that started it all. If I hadn’t dismissed the prophecy so quickly-”

“What? If you hadn’t dismissed it, what? It sounded mad. Who would suspect there was anything to it? And if you did ask what it was about, you think you should have believed it and guessed that there was a trigger in the infant’s mind?” Rose’s rant was laced with sarcasm even as it was used to defend the subject of her ire. “There’s no way you could have guessed it and even after you’ve looked in my head now, we don’t know how to fix it. You think you should have realized I was the same girl? You said it was like twenty years between the times you saw me. I wouldn’t realize if some bloke I said hello to in a chippy was the same one I’d greeted a _week_ earlier at the bus stop, let alone a couple decades. I don’t blame you for not realizing. I’ve _never_ blamed you for not figuring it out sooner. And you have no right to decide who should be blamed for what happens in _my_ life.”

The Doctor made to reply, but Rose was sure it was to contradict and she wasn't finished. The scolding finger she pointed in his direction warned him not to interrupt.

"I mean that. It is _not_ your right," she told him vehemently. "You think you can blame yourself for everything that happens around you. If you can't prevent something you blame yourself, but this is _my_ life. If you claim blame, then you claim regret. Who are you to regret the life I've lived? Just what would you undo? I've lived through a number of terrible tragedies and suffered loss and fear in a way no one else has or could even imagine, but as painful as it is, I can't bring myself to regret it. What would I change? Which part of my life should be pitched out? Should I wish I never lived in Weaspin Market with Bazi and Lami? Wish that I never met my family on Rabsor, help care for my baby brother, paint with my sister? All that I learned and saw and accomplished on Clavix? Forget Earth and Mum and Mickey? Should I regret traveling with _you_? I don't. As much as some of it hurts, I wouldn't change a thing. I have a lot of happy memories and I've never been happier than where I am now. So unless... unless you regret me ending up here... there's no wrong you can take blame for... right?"

The Doctor stood and walked over to her, his face unreadable. He’d heard the waver of uncertainty at the end of her speech and could clearly see the vulnerability in her expression as he stopped in front of her. Rose had been confident and passionate, knowing she had every right to be upset with him, but slowing down, she began to wonder what would follow her tirade. The Doctor was not a man to cross. She had no fear that he would ever hurt her, but she couldn’t bear the thought of him closing down, pushing her away, holding a cold distance which could well fit into his character. Things had already been tested earlier that day with her unintentional telepathic assault. What if he even went as far as to drop her off somewhere for a while? He knew he could find her anywhere, so what was to stop him from dropping her off and trying to sort everything himself? Her heart was then racing. He wouldn’t, she firmly assured herself. But that didn’t quell the fear.

Rose nearly jumped when the Doctor took hold of her hand. “I don’t,” he said soberly. “I don’t – _couldn’t_ regret you being here.”

Rose closed her eyes, taking comfort in those words. She startled again when his free hand cupped her cheek and looked up into his eyes. His expression was solemn, but there was such affection in his gaze. “You have to know that, Rose. I wouldn’t wish you anywhere else.”

Rose had no idea how to respond, but she couldn’t look away. She was already overcome with emotion when the Doctor leaned forward and placed a tender, lingering kiss to her forehead. She felt like she could burst. She was filled with such longing when he met her eyes again. She hoped the Doctor could see it, hoped that he would give her more. The temptation to pull him to her and kiss him properly was overwhelming, but she feared pushing too far. It was obvious affection, but wasn’t in the way she hoped.

The moment stretched on, but then the Doctor pulled away, a bright grin spreading across his face. “Dinner then. What do you say to Zimmer Prime? You liked that crustacean pie, didn’t you?”

Rose repressed a sigh. The moment had passed and life resumed. But as she’d told the Doctor: she’d never been happier. She loved her life as it was now and she’d try not to be greedy by hoping for more.

 “Sounds fantastic.”


	17. Chapter 17

Dinner on Zimmer Prime had been great, just what Rose and the Doctor had needed to lighten things after their emotional day. The lights, the music, and lively atmosphere were similar to New Orleans, so the Doctor had told her. But he seemed to forget, as he often did, that Rose didn't tie things to Earth like he or humans of Earth might. There was no need to compare one of their stops to a place on Earth she'd only heard about. She'd heard tales of Zimmer Prime long before she ever heard of Earth. Earth was only one of her homes. The TARDIS was her home now and the universe was her backyard.

Slightly buzzing with the effects of alien wine, Rose walked with the Doctor back to the TARDIS, swinging their clasped hand back and forth between them. Her silly grin had something to do with the wine while the Doctor's silly grin was more of amusement at seeing Rose under the effects of it.

As soon as they stepped into the console room, she informed the Doctor of her plan to shower and prepare for bed. Her smile didn't fade as she executed said plan. It wasn't just the wine; it was relief. They had genuinely enjoyed their time on Zimmer Prime. Everything had changed that day. That morning was the nightmarish telepathic experience that had left them feeling violated and traumatized and after a few hours of recovery, she'd been shocked with information about her past and, worse, learned that the Doctor had been keeping it from her for months. Finishing off with a tirade, Rose feared how the overwhelming day would affect her and the Doctor's relationship. There was forgiveness on both their parts, but that didn't mean things would go back to normal.

But then there was Zimmer Prime. She and the Doctor were okay. Fantastic even. This day hadn't changed anything.

But then, maybe it had…

There was a quick knock on Rose's bedroom door. "Dressed?"

"Yeah, come in," Rose called back.

"Wine still got ya?" Though it was part teasing, it seemed that the Doctor really wanted to know.

"It's mostly gone. I metabolize it quickly, remember?" It had been him who explained to her why she sobered faster than others and never got hangovers.

"Good. I was hoping so." He had that smile again… Genuine smiles all evening and now one that took a bit of effort. "I had a few more things about earlier."

Rose's stomach twisted in knots as she waited for him to continue. She wasn't sure if he was waiting for a reply from her or if he was hesitant to say it. Either way, there was a short pause.

"Right… well, I gave you a few stories, but there's a bit more I thought you'd want." Another pause. Was he waiting for her to start shouting? "You said that I told you two other places you've been and I assume you meant Ahnier and the family I took you to after I found you. If that's the case, I'm not sure that you realized that the girl in the prison cell with me was also you. I just wanted to make sure you understood that."

"Oh." She hadn't, in fact. He hadn't tied those two stories together. Another place she'd been then.

"A bit of speculation about how you got there. I think you were only there for a few hours. The guards had no idea who you were or how you got there. I was the one that let the prisoners out and I didn't see any life signs in the cells after I did. The number of prisoners in their system was the same number on the escape vessel. There shouldn't have been anyone there. And then there was, in the exact cell I was in, when there were 74 others available. I think you just appeared. You were displaced directly into the cell, coming from the planet I'd left you on. The little girl had mud drying between her toes and I couldn't even guess where it had come from. I think that was the first time you were displaced. We were separated and there was the order was to shoot you. The screaming stopped just before I heard the gunshot, but I hadn't questioned it at the time. I told you that the ship's computers weren't working. That's because they all said Bad Wolf… So… yes… Just wanted you to have that, too." The Doctor kept looking everywhere but at her, except the occasional lightning-fast glance. He was clearly uncomfortable and possibly nervous, so Rose didn't hesitate to offer her gratitude.

"Thank you, Doctor."

Though finding some relief in Rose's response, he was still uncomfortable. There was more. "I'm not hiding it… I don't know if you want to see it, but I'm not hiding it if you do want to see it, now or another time. Er, that trunk from Ahnier, I still have it. Still in the box room where I first put it."

Rose's jaw dropped. She hadn't thought of that. A physical thing from her birth planet. The box she was smuggled onto the TARDIS in. It was part of what started everything. And the Doctor wasn't hiding it. He made sure she understood everything about her hiding in the warship. She thought that the events of the day had not changed things between them, but she knew the Doctor wouldn't have done this before. It took a lot for him to talk to her earlier, took him four months to get to it. They had put all of it behind them and moved on, but he still came back to it. No hiding. No more hiding. And it meant so much.

"Even if you'd rather not or rather wait, there was a note inside, a bit of the prophecy you might like," he offered.

"I'd like to see both. Would you show me?"

The Doctor led her to the room and pointed it out, but stood back a few steps as Rose knelt at the chest. She lifted the upper part just to have a peek at where she'd been hidden, but then she turned to the 'treasure' that had been given. She examined the contents far more closely than the Doctor had expected. She looked over the details on the coins and the few jewels were examined individually. With the intense interest she showed, the Doctor moved to her side and began explaining what was there and its significance to her people.

"After Clavix, I tried to piece things together. It was hard to remember those two instances I told you about. I tried to go back to Ahnier, like I said, many times. Daft as I am, it took a bit for me to remember that this was here. There were a couple little hairs at the bottom that I examined. It wasn't much because they were only hair shafts, not roots, but using the unexpected excess of artron and the mitochondrial DNA, I was able to track you down. I found one other significant thing in here." The Doctor took from his pocket a thin scroll only four inches in height. "I'm sorry I didn't show you earlier."

Rose could hardly breathe when he handed it to her. There was, of course, some excitement, but Rose mostly felt nervous. Unrolled, it was only about twelve inches in length. There in her hands, in flowing script, was the prophecy.

_The heart of the Bad Wolf will find its place with the man from the stars. Embracing each other, they find salvation. Hand in hand, the stars shine brighter._

Rose read it three times over before moving on to read the hastily written note below it.

_Take care of her, great hero. You may have your doubts, but I have none. - She belongs with you. May you both be blessed by the Wolf._

Rose's eyes narrowed. "No wonder you didn't feel the need to share. It's rubbish. You still shouldn't have kept it from me," she felt the need to point out, "but this isn't anything more than you already knew. There's got to be more to it than this. This doesn't say anything about the stars falling or why I was the one chosen, or what the Bad Wolf even is. Just romantic drivel."

The Doctor chuckled at the way she glared at the scroll. "That's what I thought, too. It's still pretty useless, but I think it's worth noting where and how the Bad Wolf is mentioned. 'The heart of the Bad Wolf' will be with the man from the stars, meaning me. Does that make you the heart of the Bad Wolf? If so, what does it mean by 'the heart'? Many cultures, including this lot, refer to the heart as the seat of emotions. These words would usually translate to 'the Bad Wolf will find love with'. The man writes below that  _you_  belong with me and wishes us blessings from the Wolf like the Bad Wolf is a deity. So I think that proves more that they consider you the 'heart' of this god. The people seem to have no doubts that you're this 'heart'. That's what I want to know most, right after who this Bad Wolf is, of course. Then there's also wondering whether the other bits are just poetic or if they have additional meaning."

"Embracing each other, they find salvation," Rose read thoughtfully. "Embracing each other – meaning I accept you, you accept me. We're together and we find salvation. Obviously, I get saved from randomly popping up throughout the universe. But 'they' find salvation? Does that mean I'm supposed to save you, too?"

The Doctor made a noncommittal hum. He could add some romantic drivel of his own about how he felt she saved him from himself - the loneliness, bitterness, and brooding he'd submerged himself in - but it'd be a cold day in hell before those words ever passed through his lips. "I'd say you've saved my life a fair few times. Nestene Consciousness for starters."

"I suppose…" Rose agreed, not fully convinced. "'Hand in hand, the stars shine brighter.' Okay, I can't see another one for this. Just 'together, things are better' yeah?"

"I hope so. Stars shining brighter is fine for poetic, but could cause some serious problems if it was literal."

"No more hand-holding then? Or you think we're safe?" Rose teased.

"I think we're doin' alright, don't you?"

Rose's smile grew to match the Doctor's and widened further when she stole use of his favorite word, "fantastic."

There was a small exchange about how they'd proceed from there. Having finally reviewed everything they knew pertaining to Bad Wolf and their peek into Rose's mind spectacularly failing to solve anything, they had run out of ideas. The Doctor declared business as usual. If they learned something new or an idea came to them, they'd look into it. Until then, they'd keep traveling.

Though the Doctor declared the plan rather than asking for Rose's opinion, he still watched for her reaction. Rose, for her part, was trying to contain the glowing feeling inside. Grinning was acceptable, but she didn't want to reveal just how much his words meant. There was no telling when or even _if_  they'd find out more about Bad Wolf. The length of Rose's stay on the TARDIS had never been clearly defined. The few times it had been brought up, it was always attached to the word 'until'. It was never that she would be there  _only_  'until', as though 'until' was the cut off, but it was more that she was stuck with the Doctor  _at least_  'until'. It still wasn't defined, the permanency of her stay, but ' _at least until they solved the Bad Wolf problem_ ' had just become a lot longer. If 'until' didn't come for a century or two, that'd be okay by her.

The Doctor helped her tuck everything back in the trunk, including the prophecy, and they bid each other goodnight.

"Thanks for this, Doctor," Rose said sincerely, indicating the trunk. "It really meant a lot."

The Doctor didn't get the chance to reply. Rose gave him a kiss on the cheek and then was gone. It had been a long, extremely exhausting day, but in the end... it was good. The Doctor had a tingling sensation lingering on his cheek to prove it.

* * *

Business as usual. But in Rose and the Doctor's lives, 'usual business' tended to be anything  _un_ usual. And it was fantastic. There were relaxing days and days that they ran for their lives. The Doctor swore that the most unpleasant had been their trip to visit Jackie. Rose had somehow talked him into coming up to the flat for a cuppa. He hardly spoke a word, but that he had just come along, even for just a few minutes, had Rose beaming for hours. Worth it, he'd decided.

One month had passed since the trying day that they'd faced everything they could with the Bad Wolf, and even on the hardest days they could manage a smile. At the end of the day, it was the Doctor and Rose and that alone deserved a smile.

And then came the Dalek… and Adam Mitchell.

Rose should have handled it better, she knew that. She'd been an idiot and she realized that, too. She didn't think everything was a mistake, but the timing couldn't have been worse.

In all of her time with him, Rose had never seen the Doctor so terrified, frantic, and… The word 'dangerous' didn't cover it. She knew that he could be dangerous, violent if necessary, but he'd actually looked deranged in his fury. Though the gun he'd held was meant for the Dalek, it was pointed right at her. She saw the manic look in his eyes, the pain and vengeance, the wrath of a Time Lord, and she really hadn't known what he was capable of. She quickly understood why. The Daleks were the ones that had been at war with his people. One survivor left on each side and the Doctor was going to make this creature pay. He was going to finish the Time War… again.

She couldn't let him. Rose had had her suspicions already. There were tiny things the Doctor said, his extreme guilt, and the fact that he was the single survivor out of billions… It was because he was the one who finished it. Finding out there was one more survivor, this Dalek, he couldn't be the one to end it again. In the end, it was her. It was just an order - two words – 'do it.' But it was her words that made the Dalek take its own life. She told herself she shouldn't feel guilty while also wondering if she should feel guiltier.

It was a challenging day and they could have both used a bit of recovery time… but then she'd invited Adam to come with them, pressuring the Doctor into it. That was her idiotic mistake. She didn't think it was wrong to invite someone for a trip or two, but her timing was bad and Adam was not a good choice.

It was fun to see people's reactions to the TARDIS, but Adam asked a lot of questions. It was understandable, but also incredibly annoying at the time. The Doctor had disappeared into the depths of the ship almost immediately. He was not interested in playing tour guide. Neither was Rose, really. She showed Adam a few highlights and then left him off in the media room, warning him not to get lost or blow anything up.

And then she went to find the Doctor.

Rose had a feeling that the Doctor hadn't expected her to find him so soon, his destination being one they both considered an 'interesting choice,' yet it still felt like the Doctor had been waiting for her. The usually bright lights were dimmed and the Doctor sat alone at one of the tables they used for board games. A large circular wooden game board was in front of him. Crokinole, he called it. He taught her to play just a few days before. She thought of it as circular table shuffleboard. Rose stood in the doorway for a few moments, watching the Doctor flick the small discs across the board, lazily yet too forcefully.

"And I thought I played poorly," she teased. The Doctor's lips twitched in a small, humorless smile.

"I'm sorry." Rose didn't know how to explain her apology, but she was sure the Doctor understood. She was sorry for everything, that which was her fault and all that wasn't.

"Don't you think you should be keeping an eye on pretty boy?" the Doctor inquired.

"I'm sure he's fine. We can patch him up later if not."

There was a hint of amusement in the Doctor's subtle smirk that time.

"You're the one I'm worried about," she declared, finally stepping into the room.

"I'm alright, Rose." His assurance wasn't convincing, made even less so when he added, "Always alright, me."

One of the game pieces was flicked so hard that it flew off the end of the table. Rose retrieved it and joined him at the table. "Yeah," she agreed. "Except when you're not."

The Doctor sighed in exasperation. "I don't want to talk about it, Rose."

"Okay," she easily conceded. Her own game piece was flicked onto the board.

The Doctor glanced up at her in question before playing one of his discs properly. "Pretty boy?"

"He'll be fine."

When one game ended, another began without question. Not a word was spoken, but none were expected. It was obvious that the Doctor wasn't making an effort to win. Both games lasted longer than usual and Rose almost won the second time. Neither moved to start a third game, but neither did they move to go.

Finally Rose spoke. "We can just take him home, you know."

"Thought you wanted a new lodger." The Doctor was able to keep his voice relatively even, but there was no way to fully hide his scorn.

"Lodger?" Rose spluttered in shock. "I never wanted him to stay. I'd only thought a trip or two."

"Good, because I wasn't going to let him stick around," the Doctor grumbled.

"Okay, so the question is, do you just want to take him home or do we give him a quick trip first? He might not have seen the stars, but the TARDIS has been enough to blow his mind, I think." Rose shrugged, leaving it completely up to him. She still thought it'd be interesting to show off for Adam, but not if it upset the Doctor.

"One stop," he declared. "Just a quick trip."

"Okay."

"Alright then, let's get this over with now. The TARDIS won't have to worry about preparing a room for him."

"Sounds good," Rose agreed. The Doctor studied her for a few seconds, trying to understand her attitude to all of this, but he gave it up in the end.

"Grab 'im then and I'll meet you in the console room." The Doctor started for the door, but Rose called for him to wait. She looked a bit nervous and embarrassed, but managed to put words to what she was thinking.

"I was… I was kind of hoping to show off a bit." It was harder to explain than she thought and her choice of words so far only earned her a confused and skeptical look from the Doctor. "Well, Adam thinks he's all brilliant and genius and that I'm nothin' but an assistant… I just wanted to… I don't know…"

"Assistant? He thinks that unimpressive?" The Doctor looked displeased. "You're not just some assistant and you're far more impressive than he'll ever be. But if he's too stupid to see that, I suppose I could give you a few facts to spout off. That's how genius translates to dolts like him. Someone knows the right kind of facts and how to use a computer and, 'wow, have you ever seen someone so brilliant?' Come on, Rose, let's go show off to your moron."

Rose smiled and followed after. This was more like her Doctor.

* * *

Bad Wolf.

The Bad Wolf channel was broadcasting from Satellite Five. Rose saw it just as they were seeing Suki off to floor 500. It put her into a panic. She wasn't sure if the Doctor had seen it, too, but if he had, he was hiding his reaction as much as she was. She couldn't tell him. If she was going to be displaced, it might mean that the Doctor was going to leave her behind. Things in van Statten's bunker were tough and the Doctor didn't like her bringing Adam aboard, but she didn't think he'd leave her for that. But what then? Panic, but she wouldn't show it. She'd be alright. Or maybe she'd die… But, no, she'd be alright.

* * *

Adam the idiot, who willingly allowed someone to put a hole in his head, was dropped off the very minute they left Satellite Five. Good riddance. But once alone in the TARDIS again, Rose and the Doctor fell back into silence.

A number of words kept cycling in Rose's head: Dalek, Time War, Doctor, Bad Wolf

It was the Doctor that eventually broke the silence. "You look tired."

"No," Rose quietly denied.

The Doctor raised his eyebrows in challenge, declaring his obvious disbelief.

"Okay, maybe," she conceded, "but I can't sleep."

"You haven't even tried."

"Do you want me to leave?" Rose had asked that question in the past, but it had been playful or sarcastic. This time she sounded a bit unsure. The console room  _was_  what she considered the Doctor's space. If he'd rather she go…

"Of course not." The Doctor was bewildered that she would even wonder. "Long day. I figured you were worn out."

Rose shrugged in response. With his easy and honest reaction, he immediately dispelled her fear of rejection. However, that attitude bothered her in another way. The Doctor didn't seem as affected as she was. She knew he had been earlier. Did he let it go easier or had it been repressed to be examined another time? Either way Rose was envious.

The Doctor moved about the console, tinkering with things and performing unnecessary scans. He hadn't actually planned on staying in the console room any longer, but he didn't want Rose to get the idea that he might be leaving because she was staying. He didn't know where she got the idea that he didn't want her around, but he wasn't going to make it worse. Neither did he plan on asking about it. Ignoring that kind of thing was his preferred way to go about it. Ignore it and it would sort itself out. They were both pretty good about that… except when Rose wasn't. But she would bring it up if it was something big, if it was really bothering her.

No, she wouldn't. Rose brought things up if she felt  _he_  was burdened by something. She didn't like to burden him with what bothered  _her_. He would have to trust that she would though. He didn't get into that kind of thing. He didn't pry. Wouldn't ask.

The Doctor groaned internally and walked around the console to stop in front of her. He leaned back against it, crossed his arms, and waited for her to look up. All he got was a pitiful glance.

"Long day," he repeated.

"Sorry," Rose quietly replied.

That was unexpected. "Wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't it?" she disagreed.

The Doctor was even more perplexed. "If you mean Adam, that was his screw up, not yours. And we worked it out in the end."

"It was his screw up, yeah, but I still invited him. Poor judgment on my part and I invited him onto  _your_  ship when you didn't want him here. You can't even pretend you didn't mind."

"I can't say I wanted any other passengers, but I understood you wantin' to spend time with people 'round your age. I-"

"What?!" Rose cried incredulously. "People…  _What_? I don't care how old he was; he acted like a  _kid_. And I told you I didn't plan on keeping him around. I thought it'd be fun to show him space because it's somethin' he'd always dreamt of. Thought it'd be kind of fun to show off, too, 'cos he had this idea I was less than him. It had nothin' to do with wanting to be with 'people my age'. It was for a bit of fun. I'm happy how it is – you and me. Age don't matter. It's the person. I'd choose you over anyone anyday." Rose got a bit nervous then, thinking she probably said too much. Doubts were arising again. "Unless I'm just a kid to you…"

The Doctor smiled warmly. "Rose Tyler, do you really need to ask?"

"Maybe… if you were doubtin' what I wanted…"

"Did you not hear me just tell Adam that I only take the best? Did I not just tell you I didn't want any other passengers? I like things just as they are. You and me," he assured her.

"You're not upset with me then?"

The Doctor chuckled. "No."

Rose wanted to ask him if he was upset with her about the Dalek, her being what caused it to repair itself. That was what started all the killing. She was sure he blamed himself though. It was a subject better left untouched. She wasn't sure whether she should bring up the appearance of the words 'Bad Wolf' either. That's what had bothered her the most. She had worried that it might mean the Doctor had considered leaving her behind. Those fears were assuaged and she now felt certain that the Doctor had never had the intention of leaving her. It raised the question of why she had seen it… but she wasn't ready to go into it. It might not mean anything. Just a coincidence.

Rose's goodnight kiss on the Doctor's cheek was becoming almost customary. Increased frequency, however, never made the contact feel any less significant. Each one left them both glowing.


	18. Chapter 18

The London Blitz…

Considering Rose only attended school on Earth for three years (years 9-11, having skipped sixth form), her Earth history was rather lacking. Were she to be quizzed on main events of the Earth Empire from 26th thru 62nd centuries, she likely wouldn't do too badly, but Earth history up thru the 21st century…

The Blitz, however, she did remember hearing about. German air raids dropping bombs all over, even on strictly civilian areas. She thought it was horrible when she read about it, but being present for it brought a whole new level of horror. Clinging to a rope dangling from an escaped barrage balloon, holding on for dear life as she floated upward toward the attacking planes, wearing a union flag on her chest no less… that… That was just her life.

Rose had been panicked from the start, but she believed she'd done well at keeping herself together. When her grip began to slip, she remembered what true fear and panic was. She spent most of her life dreading the possibility of displacement, but at that moment, she was praying for it, just one word - 'please.' The rope slipped free from her fingers and a shriek escaped her. A surprise stop in midair cut the sound short. She was suspended in some sort of beam and a friendly voice was offering up assurances.

"Okay, okay, I've got you."

"Who's got me? Who's got me and, you know, how?" Rose wondered aloud.

She might be grateful,  _incredibly_  grateful, for the save, but whoever this was, he seemed to think he was funny. She knew for a fact her mobile wouldn't affect his ship. It was from the 26th century and it was a crime to sell communication devices that could affect ships' systems. Maybe he was testing her.

"I've got you. You're fine. You're just fine. The tractor beam, it can scramble your head just a little," the man comforted her as he steadied her in his arms.

"Yeah, I know. Um, thanks." Rose blushed as she stepped out of his arms. It turned out her funny man, hero was rather fit. The few steps back were a bit too much movement and she had to steady herself against the wall. "Er, hello, by the way."

The man laughed and flashed her a charming grin. "Hello to you, too."

"Yeah, hello." Rose was uncomfortable with how flustered he was making her. This whole thing had her unbalanced. What now? Names. "So who are you then?"

Rose rolled her eyes at this ''Captain Jack Harkness" claiming to be part of the RAF and also his attempt to use psychic paper. Maybe she had him off-balance, too, if his use of it only advertised him as eligible and in good physical shape. She cursed herself again when she handed over her relationship status, too.

"Says you're 'sort of taken, but not officially'?" Jack asked with a cheeky smile. "What are we talking about 'sort of' and 'not officially'?"

Rose deflected by bringing up the spaceship and it being a bit out of place. It was an inquiry she was going to make anyway, but she also wanted to get away from the relationship talk as quickly as possible. The 'sort of taken, but not officially' was regarding the Doctor and it had completely taken her by surprise. She'd never put it into words like those before.

The talk about the Time Agency definitely had her interested. It made sense, but she never imagined she'd meet a time agent, though perhaps Jack wasn't one if he was waiting for an unknown agent to show up. Rose's knowledge of the Time Agency fit into her history trivia. Having learned about them in the 62nd century, a thousand years after the Time Agency was disbanded, it was little more than a short paragraph or two in her history book.

Serious and flirty at the same time – this Captain thought he was so impressive. Though… Rose had to admit he was pretty slick. Dancing on a spaceship tethered to Big Ben in the middle of an air raid… It was exciting in a way she didn't get with the Doctor. She kind of wished it was now.

* * *

"Good evening. Hope we're not interrupting. Jack Harkness. I've been hearing all about you on the way over."

The Doctor looked at Rose in confusion and she had a hard time keeping a straight face as she spoke. "He knows. I had to tell him about us being time agents."

"And it's a real pleasure to meet you, Mister Spock." Jack shook the Doctor's hand and when he walked into the medical ward, Rose couldn't hold in her laugh any longer.

"Mister Spock?" The Doctor spat out.

"I thought it was funny," she teased.

"Glad to see you're havin' fun," he replied sarcastically, "but where've you been? We're in the middle of a London Blitz. It's not a good time for a stroll."

"Who's strolling? I went by barrage balloon. Only way to see an air raid." Rose's tongue poked out of her amused smile, anticipating the Doctor's reaction.

"What?!"

"Yeah, later," she said, suddenly serious. "Quick, is Chula familiar to you? He said Chula Warship."

"Chula…" the Doctor said thoughtfully.

* * *

Rose was conflicted. Despite Jack being a con man, she rather liked him. The Doctor, quite clearly, did not, and the Doctor's certainty that the gas mask zombies were because of Jack's con gone wrong... Rose wasn't sure what to think. People made mistakes didn't they? Jack was trying to help fix it… Until he disappeared... Jack said he was going to help them though. She could trust him, couldn't she?

"What's that then?" the Doctor asked when Moonlight Serenade began to play through the small radio.

Rose blushed. "Our song..."

"Right," he answered shortly.

"He's doing it to block the signal. Also, he thinks he's funny, which I guess he is... You know he tried to tell me my mobile could interfere the descent pattern of the beam he'd caught me in?" Rose chuckled.

"Had a good time on his ship then?" asked the Doctor. Rose wasn't sure how much of the Doctor's jeering was meant to be playful and how much was scorn, but she decided to ignore his bitterness.

"I was pretending to be a time agent and was being charmed by a con man. Champagne and dancing on top of a spaceship during an air raid. It was hilarious. Never going to forget that one. Or the barrage balloon..." she added thoughtfully. "What are you doing over there?"

"Trying to set up a resonation pattern in the concrete, loosen the bars," he answered moodily.

"You don't think he's coming back, do you?"

"Wouldn't bet our lives."

"I think we can trust him."

"Trust a con man? You think you know him that well already, do you?" the Doctor challenged.

"Him savin' my life already lends a bit faith. And-"

"Optimism is all it is," he declared.

"Maybe it is, but you're the one that said optimism helps. Even if it ends up hurtin' in the end, you gotta hope," Rose reminded him. "And faith is more than just optimism. Maybe I don't know Jack well, but I still trust him."

"And why's that then?"

"I dunno. Something about him, in some way... he's kind of like you. Different, yeah, with the dating and dancing, but- What?" The Doctor's scowl wavered, revealing what Rose thought might be hurt and disappointment.

"You just assume I'm…" The Doctor returned his attention to the concrete, sonic screwdriver buzzing uselessly.

"What?" Rose pressed.

"You just assume I don't dance."

The Doctor's bashfulness Rose could have handled, but she wasn't sure what to make of the hurt feelings that came with it. "So you're saying you do dance…?"

"A thousand years old, me. I've been around a bit. I think you can assume, at some point, I've danced."

"I never doubted," Rose replied honestly. "I've just never seen you show any interest."

The Doctor paused and looked at her. Both wore expressions of uncertainty, neither sure just what level of 'dancing' they were talking about. It felt like a sliding scale intimacy – stepping to music being at one end and sexual intimacy at the other, with any number of undefined levels in between. The Doctor looked uncomfortable and Rose was sure he was going to turn away again. He did, but he still replied quietly. "Just because I don't express an interest, doesn't mean I'm opposed."

"So…" Rose chanced, "If  _I_  expressed an interest in dancing…?"

"I thought you already had. That Jack seems all too happy to oblige." The Doctor's bitter tone was back and he was facing the wall again. Rose had to fight down her irritation.

"You know, I don't know why you do that," she said quietly. "You get jealous. You can't deny it. You do."

The Doctor had looked ready to argue, but Rose had cut him off in time.

"I never understand why. What could you possibly be jealous of? Someone sharing a few minutes of my time? Who is it I go home with, Doctor? At the end of the day, it's always you and me. Who cares if I shared a dance with Jack? You could ask me any day if you wanted… and maybe… maybe I've been waiting for you to express interest… if… if you had interest."

Rose was startled when the Doctor hopped off the counter he'd been standing on and her breath caught at the way he moved toward her, like a prowl. Without a word, he took her hands in his. He placed one of her hands on his shoulder and then placed his on her waist. Their other set of hands he readjusted and positioned just to the side of their bodies.

"Like this then?" His voice was slightly deeper than it had been a moment before, but it still seemed a bit casual considering his purposeful movements and the tension between them.

"Yeah," Rose answered breathlessly.

"Is this what you wanted, Rose?"

The Doctor stared into her eyes and she didn't know how to respond. She looked down at their still bodies and the Doctor took it as a point she was making and started to sway with her, taking the tiniest steps. Though Rose had noticed they hadn't actually been moving, looking down had just been to steal a moment to make sense of things.

"Maybe… sort of…" she answered hesitantly. "I don't want you to dance with me because you think that's what I want. I've been waiting to see if you had any interest in it… with me."

Rose was waiting anxiously for a response, but the Doctor had stopped dancing altogether and was staring at the palm of her hand. "Barrage balloon?"

Rose blinked in confusion. "Yeah, thousands of feet above London in the middle of a German air raid, with a union jack on my chest. Do I get another 'jeopardy friendly' comment from you?"

"Hanging from a rope above London, but not a cut or a bruise?"

"Oh, yeah, that's Captain Jack. He fixed me up."

"Oh, calling him  _Captain_  Jack now, are we?"  _That_  tone was back.

"Don't you start that again," Rose told him with exasperation.

"Because you want to dance with me?" the Doctor inquired, positioning their hands again.

"I want to know what  _you_  want," Rose maintained. She didn't think she could chance the rejection. He was the one she went home with. If she was wrong about all of this…

"Tell me first what you mean.  _Dancing_."

Rose's heart raced as his intense gaze bore into her. She understood what he meant. They were  _dancing_  around a definition just as they'd  _danced_  around each other for months. He was as reluctant as her to define anything. Defined territory meant lines to be crossed. Were they ready to cross lines?

"Tell me what you mean, Rose. What dance have you been waiting for?"

The move was sudden. Words were just too difficult. Rose grabbed the collar of the Doctor's jacket and pulled him to meet her, her lips pressing firmly to his. It wasn't hard or insistent, nor was it too soft. Rose kissed him as she needed to, to define what she wanted with him. She wanted something firm and intense, but not something that would overwhelm them or something so light that it hardly existed. She wanted real and undeniable. She wanted the Doctor. To her relief, the Doctor responded, reciprocating with equal pressure. His tightening hold on her hip was added assurance that he was acting with desire and not just obliging her.

Unfortunately, it was quite short lived.

"You guys are so sweet," Jack interrupted them. "Most people notice when they've been teleported. So, is this 'Mister Sort-of' then?" he asked Rose with a cheeky smile.

Rose was still stunned to find herself on Jack's ship and used that to hide her embarrassment.

"Mister Sort-of?" the Doctor asked gruffly. His surly attitude could mask a lot, but couldn't conceal the pink tinge of his ears. At least Rose wasn't the only one affected.

"Never mind," Jack insisted.

It took Rose an extra second to recover and push personal matters aside, but she did so successfully. There were more important matters to attend to.

* * *

The Doctor was bursting with joy, practically skipping around the console with his most brilliant smile, his eyes shining with mirth.

"Everybody lives, Rose! Everybody lives! I need more days like this."

"I'll say," Rose chuckled. "But Doctor."

"Go on, ask me anything. I'm on fire," he beamed.

Rose felt a bit guilty returning to serious matters, but it had to be addressed. "What about Jack? He said goodbye."

It hurt to see the Doctor's smile slip, but it only confirmed what she had already suspected.

"He said that the bomb was going to detonate but he put it in stasis," Rose pressed on. "He said the stasis wouldn't last long. He's not going to be able to get rid of it, is he? He's sacrificing himself, isn't he?"

The Doctor sighed heavily and dragged his hand down his face in frustration.

"So not everybody lives after all…" There was a question in Rose's eyes when they met the Doctor's, a plea. If the Doctor could save Jack, he would, wouldn't he?

"We might just have a chance…" The Doctor turned to the scanner and Rose watched hopefully from the other side of the console as the Doctor worked it out. When he sighed again, it was with resignation more than anything else. "Another pretty boy onboard…"

Rose swelled with joy herself and she hoped the Doctor didn't take it the wrong way. It was just… everybody lives!

"You're not jealous, are you Doctor? Because I thought we talked about that," Rose reminded him. Jack seemed like a great guy and it might be fun to have him on the TARDIS, but with things as tentative as they were between herself and the Doctor, she just hoped this wouldn't upset things.

"We'll have to be quick," the Doctor told her, ignoring her previous statement. "Once we land, we've only got about two minutes before the bomb goes off. Maybe less."

The Doctor opened the TARDIS door as soon as it finished materializing and then his head snapped up to the console. Rose's hand was hovering over the TARDIS controls and "In the Mood" was playing throughout the console room. He looked up at her and was met with her coy, expectant expression.

"Am I supposed to ask you to dance then?" he asked playfully.

"I told you – I'm waiting to see if you express any interest."

His smile returned, he stole Rose's hand, and twirled her. "Dance with me then."

The lively dance was nothing like their first, but it was perfectly them.

Rose saw Jack pop his head through the door. "Well, hurry up then!"

"And close the door," the Doctor added. "Your ship's about to explode. There's bound to be a draft."

The Doctor reluctantly released Rose to start dematerialization. "Welcome to the TARDIS."

"Much bigger on the inside," Jack commented.

"You'd better be," the Doctor warned.

"Blimey, can't we just stick to 'welcome'?" Rose prodded the Doctor in the side.

"Rather continue dancing."

The Doctor  _did_  seem to like dancing with her, but Rose got the feeling this was also a kind of show for Jack. Staking a claim of some kind. Rose couldn't say she minded.


	19. Chapter 19

"So you do this kind of thing often?" Jack rung out his sopping shirt and hung it on a nearby branch.

Rose finished hanging hers and turned to him with a smirk. "Which part? Relaxing in the shade on a beautiful beach? Going on an excruciatingly long swim with clothes on? Or trying to evade a barrage of arrows?"

"Any? All?" Jack prompted. "I'm wondering just what I've gotten into with you and the Doc."

"Well," Rose said pensively. She took a seat against a palm-like tree across from Jack. Though she was only in her bra and knickers, she didn't feel uncomfortable around him. The Doctor probably wouldn't have liked it, but flirty Jack Harkness was still respectful, not leering, which was more than she could say for a lot of blokes.

"Let's see… We see a lot of beaches, but don't often relax on them. I've ended up sopping wet in my clothes a fair few times, but it's not always water… maybe even  _usually not_  water. Can't say I've ever gone on a swim that exhausting. I swear, my every muscle is crying right now."

"I hear ya," Jack agreed, massaging his bicep. "And the arrows?"

"Depends on what you consider often. Depends on what you consider arrows."

"You two are mad," Jack declared, shaking his head. "I love it."

"No better life than this," she agreed.

"And just how did a girl like you get into a life like this?"

"Girl like me?" Rose questioned. Her eyes narrowed as she waited for his potentially offensive remark.

Jack laughed at her expression. "I only mean how'd you get into traveling with the Doctor? He doesn't seem like one to pick up travelers and you… I guessing you're from Earth, somewhere near the turn of the 21st century?"

"Um, yeah. The Doctor picked me up in 2005. He blew up my job. He saved me, I saved him, and then I went along with him." There was so much more to it than that, but Rose wasn't sure she was ready to share it. This was only their second trip with Jack.

"How long have you been with him?"

"Six months, give or take."

Jack smirked again. "And how long has this 'sort of' thing been going on between you two?"

Rose frowned and looked away. It was still 'sort of.' Two nights before, she and the Doctor had shared two  _literal_  dances and a kiss, and there'd been nothing since then. It seemed they were dancing around it again.

"Impossible to say," she said glumly. "Don't comment. You don't understand."

"I was just going to tell you there's a twig in your hair." Jack pointed it out while Rose blushed. "I'll try to keep my mouth shut about it, but you two better figure it out. The tension and the way you look at each other, it's maddening. And I've only known you for three days."

"He looks at me how?" Rose asked curiously. She caught herself as soon as she'd asked and vehemently shook her head. "No, don't answer that."

"Alright, I won't. But regarding the Doctor, are you sure he's going to meet us here?"

"Of course. If I thought he might not make it here, there's no way I'd be just sitting around," she replied confidently. "However, I'm only going to believe that for another fifteen minutes. If he's not here by then, it's time for a rescue mission."

"You know, I like you, Rose Tyler. You've got gumption."

"Not so bad yourself, Captain."

* * *

"It's been too long," the Doctor declared tersely. Shoulders tense, he strode down the TARDIS ramp and threw open the door.

"No!" Rose seized his arm and jerked him to a halt. "He said he's got it. You've just got to trust him."

"Trust? This isn't about trust. Out those doors-"

"I mean trust when he says that he knows how to-"

Just then, Jack half jogged, half staggered through the TARDIS door. Rose and the Doctor stepped off the ramp to let him in. Jack was bent double with his hands on his knees, sweat dripping down from his hairline. The sound of his heavy breathing filled the silent room.

"Did-?"

Jack requested that the Doctor give him a moment with the simple raise of his finger. Even that small gesture looked exhausting. Jack raised his hand to his side, Rose presumed to soothe a stitch that developed from running. However, the hand came back up with a small piece of electronic equipment that he offered to the Doctor.

"All set," Jack panted. Without another word, he staggered into the depths of the TARDIS.

"See?" Rose told the Doctor smugly. "You're not giving him enough credit."

"He's alright in a crisis. I'll give you that," the Doctor conceded, flipping the electrical part over in his fingers. "Maybe a bit handy with machine work."

"Admit it," said Rose, playfully bumping the Doctor's side, "he's growin' on ya."

The Doctor flipped the object over again and grunted what Rose believed was an affirmative.

* * *

"Keep going," Rose insistently urged the Doctor. Each time she spoke, her encouragements became more demanding. The drug in the Doctor's system was causing paralysis. While it started out as just a little numbness here and there, it kept worsening to the point that Rose was practically dragging him through the forest. He leaned on her heavily with his arm around her shoulders. Rose's arm wrapped around his waist where she gripped the waistline of his trousers to both balance and hold him up. The deep wound in his thigh only made things worse. Although, the delirious Doctor thought it was fine because he couldn't feel it anymore.

"Come on!" Rose ordered. "I can't do this on my own."

"Can't… Rose." He was even losing the ability to speak. She could hardly understand him. "Go."

"That's what I'm trying to do!" Rose knew he was trying to tell her to leave him, but he was lucky for his own sake that he couldn't get it out. She was frustrated enough without having to put up with that self-sacrificing nonsense of his. And where the hell was Jack?

The Doctor's legs gave out again and this time he couldn't get back up. Rose was forced to lower him down.

"No, don't do this to me," Rose ordered and pleaded in one. "The TARDIS is too far. I can't get you there on my own."

She looked up in the direction that they'd come from. They had made an impressive distance under the circumstances. The military base was completely out of sight. That had a lot to do with the thick foliage of the forest, but they were still far enough that no one would likely search this far for them. She'd heard the news while sneaking into the base that enemy soldiers had been spotted a few miles west. They were too busy preparing for possible attack to worry about the prisoner that had escaped.

Rose worried again about Jack, not with anger and frustration, but genuine fear. He'd been captured, too, but he wasn't there when she went to get the Doctor. The Doctor assured her Jack was fine, that he'd gotten away. But where to? And how could the Doctor know he was alright?

Sinking to the forest floor, Rose knelt at the Doctor's side, rechecking his leg. It was still bleeding rather badly. She'd taken off her hoodie and tied it tightly around the wound, but it only did so much. She needed to get him back to the TARDIS, but it was still so far and the Doctor… Rose looked him over with doubt. He was a good eight inches taller than her and had to weigh about thirteen stone… plus an extra thirteen for the jacket and boots. She chuckled at the thought, but it came out as more of a sob.

The Doctor often made her feel like she could take on the universe, but it was times like these that Rose remembered how small she was. She wasn't sure what to do. The TARDIS was a little more than a mile away. Could she drag the Doctor that far through a forest? Or should she go on her own and come back with something useful to collect him? It'd be quicker that way, but she didn't want to leave him.

Rose jumped and looked around frantically at the sound of rapid gunfire. The base. It must be that their enemies had arrived. As if their situation wasn't dire enough. Wind began swirling violently overhead throwing the tops of the trees waving wildly. The movement and the sound that accompanied it headed in the direction of the base. Aircraft. Helicopter or the like. Whose side, she didn't know, nor did she care. She wanted away from them all. As a second aircraft passed, the ferns around her and the Doctor swayed. A glint of metal caught Rose's eye and she pulled back the fern to have a look. An old sign, rusted around the edges: Bad Wolf.

Rose leapt to her feet. The decision was made instantly. There was no way she was leaving the Doctor now and she'd wasted too much time already. She knew it couldn't be easy to move the Doctor, but she knew how she could at least make it a bit easier. She jerked the Doctor's arms out of his jacket and laid the jacket on his chest. She tucked each jacket arm under the Doctor's arms then tugged on the leather sleeves to pull him along. A simple harness and pull straps. It was far from easy, but it offered better leverage and a better grip than trying to drag him by the upper arms.

It was still too slow. Moving backward as she was, the Doctor was right in front of her. Unconscious, paralyzed, and bleeding, he was depending on her. Each inch was progress, but not enough, not nearly fast enough. The sound of gunfire was getting louder.

Rose heard a branch snap somewhere off to her left and froze. Slowly, she lowered the Doctor back down and she crouched beside him. She didn't hear anything else, but she knew someone was near. Her heart was thundering in her chest. Two military groups converging in battle just around the corner while she was completely helpless, hiding in a forest, desperate to keep a loved one safe… It all seemed a bit too familiar. Rose spotted a branch to her right that would make a decent club and grabbed hold. She wouldn't go down without a fight.

"I know you're there. Show yourself," a voice demanded.

"Jack?!" Rose cried with relief. She jumped up and rushed at him. He caught her, wrapping her into a hug.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Jack pulled back and wiped at the tears Rose had completely ignored.

"The Doctor. He's hurt and I can't move him. Well, I have been, but it's not enough. He's bleeding, Jack, and we've got to get him to the TARDIS. And the gunfire's getting closer and-"

"Hold on, hold on. We've got this. We'll take care of this, alright?" Jack assured her. "Let's have a look at him."

Rose led him to the Doctor and gave him the basic medical report. The Doctor had lost quite a bit of blood, but not a dangerous amount. Jack assured her they'd be okay once they got him to the TARDIS. Rose had already assumed that, but in her state, she couldn't trust her own assessment. The drug in the Doctor's system was something else. They didn't know what they were dealing with.

"Now, how do we get him back to the TARDIS?" asked Rose.

"We've got to find it first," Jack pointed out. "I know it's this direction, but none of this looks familiar. Maybe we're a bit too far south?"

Jack was looking at his wrist strap, presumably at a map.

"You forgot to check where we parked?" she teased. Her smile vanished at the sound of an explosion. "It's that way. About a mile."

"You're sure?" Jack asked skeptically, following the path of her finger.

"Positive. Now what do we do? Should we both carry him or should one of us-?"

"It'd be a lot faster if we had a levitation mat for him. We could practically fly him through here. You'll find one in the infirmary. Be as fast as you can and I'll carry him in the meantime."

"I don't know what I'd do without you." Rose took off running. The TARDIS's hum was like a homing signal to her. She could feel exactly where the beloved timeship was and it was calling her home. With all the walking and running she did on a regular basis, Rose had become quite fit and made it to the TARDIS in good time. Once there though, she didn't go to the infirmary as Jack had suggested. He'd given her a better idea.

Only twelve minutes after Rose had left Jack's side, she was back. Jack's eyes widened comically. "Is that a Jaxta Maaten Hoverbike?" He stared at it in awe and Rose became impatient.

"Come on already," she insisted. "Put him in the side car and hop on."

Jack obeyed but he was shaking his head. "You two have been holding out on me."

"You can drive it later, just  _please_ , Jack."

* * *

The Doctor laid on the exam table in the infirmary, already divested of his shirt, boots, and socks. Together, Jack and Rose were working to carefully remove his trousers.

"It looks pretty nasty. Do you know what they stabbed him with?" asked Jack.

"He didn't say. He just said they stabbed him so he couldn't try to escape again. It'll be alright though, won't it? You know how to work that… er… the healing thing?"

Jack chuckled. "Yeah, and you said you know how to run the blood test, so you get on that."

Rose was already on it. As soon as they had taken the Doctor's shirt off, she'd placed a clear patch just below his collar and another on his temple to monitor him, and then took a small blood sample. A couple drops from his finger were all that was necessary.

"He's not showing any signs of movement at all," Jack reported. "Not even a flinch."

"I know," Rose said quietly. She was well aware of that fact and it terrified her. "I don't know much about his physiology - or human physiology either, really - but I have his previous scans here. His hearts are a bit slower and brain activity is… well, less. It doesn't show brain damage though… I think."

"And the toxin?"

"I don't know. I'm getting to it. In case you can't tell, I don't actually know what I'm doing."

Jack did look a bit surprised at that, but from her place, Rose didn't see it. She certainly wasn't a doctor and was lacking some confidence, but she seemed to know her way around.

"I can see what it is, like chemically, but I don't know what it  _actually_  is. Like what it does. And how do I know how it's affecting him personally?" Rose growled in frustration and Jack came up next to her.

"His leg's alright. I cleaned up some other little scrapes, too. Now, let's take a look and see what you've got." Jack looked at the screen directly in front of him, displaying the Doctor's hearts rhythm and brain activity. "That's what his brain looks like? That's  _less_  activity? Never tell him I said so, but maybe he wasn't exaggerating."

"Let's get him back to a state where it would matter," Rose replied dejectedly. "What I really want to know is if it's temporary and will wear off or if it's permanently doing damage."

"You said you know the chemical composition?" Jack looked at Rose's screen in confusion. "Hang on, that's the Doctor's language. That makes sense to you?"

"Yeah."

"But the Doctor said that the TARDIS doesn't transl-"

"I can read it. That's what matters. Looks like it's called Mastiviu."

"Can you spell that?" asked Jack, entering a search in his vortex manipulator. When he didn't get an answer, he looked up to find Rose giving him a pointed look that clearly told him he said something stupid. After reviewing his request, he looked up at the complex geometric language on the monitor. "That spelled with one hexagon or two?"

Rose shook her head and allowed herself a small smile before returning to the problem.

* * *

Rose forgot how to smile. So did Jack.

It hadn't taken them long to research the drug. It was unique and local, only used in two neighboring star systems, but the TARDIS was able to provide them with information regarding its uses and effects. The problem was that the effects they read about weren't the effects they were seeing. It was supposed to cause paralysis in just a few minutes and wear off in a couple of hours. It had taken a lot longer to fully take effect with the Doctor, which Rose had attributed to his superior biology, but now the effect wasn't wearing off. And then there was the coma… There wasn't supposed to be a coma. The drug was meant to paralyze, not make unconscious. One of its uses was torture, paralyzing a person and forcing them to stay conscious. It drove people mad. Rose was sure that there was more to their tactics, but refused to think about it. The Doctor was her concern.

As time passed, Jack and Rose became wildly more panicked. The Doctor's hearts slowed to a terrifying rate, as did his breathing, and his internal body temperature drop several degrees. Neither of them knew what to do. Rose searched through the TARDIS computer for anything she could on Gallifreyan physiology, but she wasn't finding anything useful.

"I'm going to look for something. I'll be right back." Rose's voice was high and strained in her tearful state. She pointed at a button on the computer key pad and directed, "if anything changes, press that and I'll come right back."

"Where are you going?" Jack worried.

"Just the library. There has to be  _something_."

Jack agreed, praying that if there was any 'change', it'd be a good one. The Doctor's vitals had stabilized, but not in a healthy way. They weren't fluctuating, but they were incredibly low. With a pulse of twelve beats per minute and respiratory rate of one or two breaths per minute, the Doctor couldn't sustain himself like this. His vitals were steady, but it was a half-step up from death. They needed to fix him quickly… if they could at all.

Rose ran back into the infirmary a few minutes later with a stack of books in her arms. After asking about any changes, she plopped onto a sofa in the corner of the room that hadn't been there before. Jack went over to assist, but growled "not helpful" when he saw that they were only written in Gallifreyan.

"The only people to write about Time Lord biology were Time Lords," Rose explained.

"Then the TARDIS should stop being stubborn and translate it for me," Jack said irritably.

"It's not stubbornness; she just can't." Rose didn't say anything more, too busy poring over the texts and diagrams. Coming across information on regeneration made her angry and then hopeful and then angry again.

"It's a healing coma," she declared, jumping up from the couch and rushing to the computer with her book. Jack, who had been sitting by, helpless, frustrated, and worried, was startled by the sudden movement.

"Right, healing coma. Which is what exactly?" he asked, following her over to the computer.

"Time Lords have the ability to slip into a coma to heal when severely injured or ill. In that state, they devote all the energy they can into healing. To most 'lesser' lifeforms, they may appear to be dead. Their hearts can slow to 33 ditans or 16 sautins per  _µ_ -span."

"Which would translate to…" Jack prompted.

"I'm working on it, Jack," Rose answered snappishly as she entered information into the computer. Their irritable tones didn't offend each other. Contrarily, it was somewhat comforting. They were equally impatient and concerned. "Okay, looks like that would be about 10 beats per minute. They have a word for the beating of two hearts or one, in case one heart is too weak to work. Either way it's similar to a pulse rate of 10. Core body temperature can even drop below freezing, blimey… Respiration varies, especially as they may intermittently use respiratory bypass."

"So this is okay then," Jack said slowly and calmly, working himself down from his state of extreme anxiety. "This is a natural Time Lord response."

Rose nodded, but she wasn't coming down from her frantic state in the same way that Jack was. Many tears had been shed in the last couple hours, but Rose had pushed them away, forced them down so she could focus. Now that she knew the Doctor would be okay, that restraint broke. The tears fell fast and she could hardly breathe. Jack pulled her into his arms just before her legs gave out. They sank to the floor right where they stood and Jack held her as she wept.

"You really love him, don't you?" Jack whispered.

"He's everything to me," she managed to get out. "You think you understand, but you don't. He's been my life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so very much for the lovely reviews! They really mean so much.


	20. Chapter 20

As Jack and Rose waited for the Doctor to recover, the anxiety began to return.

"It's good that he can go into a coma to heal himself," said Jack, "but I still don't understand why he had to. Superior physiology, yet he can't recover from what average 'lesser' lifeforms can manage in a couple hours?"

"Superior in many ways, but not invulnerable. His body's reacting differently. Allergic reaction, maybe?" Rose proposed. "Acetylsalicylic acid is beneficial to humans, but deadly to Time Lords. Aspirin, that is. Take two and call me in the morning? One dose can kill a Time Lord in minutes. The Doctor's not reacting to this well."

Several more hours passed. And then it was a couple days. Rose retested the Doctor's blood from time to time to check the level of toxin in his system. It was unchanged. Her hope was beginning to slip again. He didn't appear to be getting worse, but it didn't look like he was getting better either.

"I hate him," Rose told Jack. "He walked out to meet the soldiers so they wouldn't find my hiding place. If it were me instead, we wouldn't be doing this."

Jack could argue, but he didn't. Her mood would change again. At that moment, Rose just needed to be angry, needed someone to blame.

Jack couldn't get Rose to leave the room for more than a few minutes at a time, half an hour at most, so he brought meals to her. He also brought games and books and even a small screen to watch tv. He gave her time alone when she needed it, but mostly kept her company. He slept in his own room, but only for a few hours at a time. Rose was almost always awake when he walked in. He brought her clothes and the TARDIS had added a bathroom off the side of the infirmary on the first day.

The Doctor was ill, but stable. Rose's health was deteriorating.

* * *

Partway through day four, though it was hard to count days with uneven sleep patterns, Jack stopped outside the infirmary door. He had come by to tell Rose that he'd finished his shower and was going to get a bit or rest, intending to ask if she needed anything first. At the scene in front of him, he couldn't bring himself to interrupt.

Rose stood at the Doctor's side, stroking her fingers over his short hair and down his jaw. She planted a kiss on his forehead and then his cheek. After a hesitant pause, she very lightly touched her lips to his. It was so sweet and delicate that Jack thought it looked fairytale. But the Doctor was no Sleeping Beauty, so while it was beautiful, it was so very heartbreaking. That girl loved him so much that it made  _Jack's_  heart ache. He decided to just check on her later.

Only a two hours later, when Jack returned, Rose was no longer passively waiting. The Doctor wasn't improving and she refused to just wait and see if things progressed on their own. A couple open books were spread out in front of the computer and one on the counter. She typed slowly, concentrating hard as she looked between one of her books and the monitor. Jack could see it in her expression and the set of her shoulders: Rose was determined.

"How can I help?" he asked as he stepped up beside her. He was relieved to see that the books were in English, or at least being translated for him.

Rose gave him a small appreciative smile. "Any good at chemistry or biology?"

"Depends on what you mean by 'good.' What I do know doesn't really fit into this area of study," he stated. "But I'll do what I can."

"I'm sure you know more than I do, but I can learn. We've got to. He's not getting better on his own so we've got to do something."

"Like I said, how can I help?"

* * *

Rose brought the view under the microscope up on the monitor to examine with Jack. They'd examined it a number of times before, but they were beginning to understand what they were dealing with.

"At the same time his body is trying to metabolize the toxin, it's sustaining it?" Jack said in confusion. He realized that's what was happening, but he didn't understand how. Neither of them did. "Well, since Mister Superior Physiology is being rather useless with it, I guess we've got to figure out how to break down the toxin ourselves."

"And not kill him trying." Rose's voice matched Jack's dry yet teasing tone, but it was only covering fear.

* * *

More books, more computers, and a lab appeared in the room as they were needed. To Jack's relief, they were computers he could read and navigate.

Frustration. Tears. Anger. And a bit of smoke.

Jack had completely lost sense of time. Though Rose hadn't, she ignored it.

After nearly seven days of worry, 164 hours since the time they brought the Doctor into the infirmary, just as Jack and Rose were near hating each other  _again_ , they thought they had something. After a short rest to pull themselves together, they went about reviewing and testing, several times over.

"Even if it doesn't help, it shouldn't hurt him," Jack reassured Rose. He'd reminded her a couple dozen times, but she was still all nerves. It was all for nothing if they didn't try it. In the end, she couldn't administer it herself and stood back while Jack did.

And then they waited again.

* * *

The diligent pair knew it wasn't a miracle cure, if it ended up being a cure at all, but it was still difficult waiting. It took restraint not to test the Doctor's blood every five minutes to see if there was any change. They saw no difference after the first hour, but an hour after that, a joyful whoop filled the room. Jack punched his fist in the air in victory, but Rose was too stunned to do anything but smile. It was just a small change, but the toxicity level had gone down. Their experimental…  _whatever it was_ , was working. And just as important, it didn't look like it was having any ill effects on the Doctor's system. A tiny change, but a good change. Waiting wasn't any less difficult, but far more hopeful.

Six hours later, Jack felt another urge to cheer. Desire not to wake the sleeping girl on the sofa was enough for him to internalize it. Rose had tried so hard to stay awake, but she'd been battling sleep for days. She was exhausted and finally succumbed an hour and a half ago. She'd want Jack to wake her for this, but he decided to give her just another ten minutes.

When he did wake her, Jack had the pleasure of informing her that the Doctor appeared to be rising from his coma. He was still not responding to stimulus, but all his vitals were elevating, hearts rate, respiration rate, and temperature. Rose shot off the couch and scrambled to the computer, quickly scanning everything Jack had mentioned. Together, they looked at scans of the Doctor's brain. It was hard to tell if it was improving, but the brain patterns were changing.

"He's going to wake up," Rose whispered. It was a statement, a declaration, yet Rose looked at Jack in question, desperate for him to concur.

"Yep. We just have to wait."

"The toxin? Clean, right?"

"All clean." Jack pulled up a chair and placed it next to the Doctor's bed. "Sit. Not too long now, I think."

Rose sat and took the Doctor's hand. It was still too cool, but warmer than earlier. Jack stayed by the computers, keeping her updated as the Doctor rapidly improved. He was waking much faster than Rose or Jack had imagined he would. Jack's excitement was growing as if he was counting down to New Year, but the mounting anticipation in Rose was overwhelming and she fought back tears. She'd waited so long and she'd questioned nearly the whole time whether he was going to pull through at all. When the Doctor's hand gave hers a light squeeze, a few tears slipped free.

"Doctor?" Rose asked softly. She got to her feet and stood at the Doctor's shoulder. After wiping her tears and taking a steadying breath, she tried again. "Doctor?"

Jack and Rose nearly jumped out of their skin when the Doctor's eyes flew open. He looked disoriented, but alert. From unconscious to wide awake. Rose's face was the first place he focused and his brow scrunched in confusion.

"Rose… you look terrible. Are you alright?" he asked.

Rose's face contorted with fury even as she restrained tears. She tore her hand away from his and gave his shoulder a shove. "I hate you, you stupid, bloody alien! You… you… just… I can't..."

Rose turned to go and the Doctor reached out for her. "Rose?"

"No!" Rose had managed to dodge his grasp and pushed down on his chest to keep him from sitting up. "No, don't you dare move!" She then pointed a demanding finger at Jack. " _Don't_  let him move. And the monitors  _stay on_." She was halfway out the door as she finished giving her commands and was out of sight before they could reply.

The Doctor started sitting up again, clearly planning to chase after her, when pressure on his chest pushed him down again. The Doctor shoved Jack's hand away and glared.

"I really wouldn't if I were you," Jack warned. "Honestly, I don't know what the hell you need right now, but she needs you here. So relax."

"What on are you on about? What's going on?" The Doctor quickly glanced around the room and down at himself, lifting the blanket to see he was only wearing boxer briefs. Did he even own boxer briefs? "What the hell happened?"

Jack snorted and ran a hand through his hair. "Where do I start?"

"Well, evidently, I was injured. Now, I'm not. Why's Rose mad at me?"

" _That's_  where you want to start?" Jack shook his head and sighed, stealing just a moment to collect himself. "Look, Rose isn't really mad at you… well, she is maybe, but it's more that she's overwhelmed, I think. Sort of like she's feeling everything right now. She's been going through hell and when you finally wake up, the first words out of your mouth are 'you look terrible'? You might deserve it a bit."

"Is she alright?" the Doctor worried, propping himself up on his elbows, looking again like he was going to get up.

"I thought we just covered that. And you better lay down," Jack said sternly. "I'll raise the bed up a bit if you want, but you've got to stay in it. You go jumping up too soon and she'll hate us both."

"You said she's gone through hell. I wouldn't call that 'covering' the topic," the Doctor argued. "And why exactly am I being  _ordered_  to stay in bed?"

"Because you've only just woken up and we'd like to monitor your vitals a bit longer."

"Oh, you're a doctor now, are you?" the Doctor said sarcastically.

"One of your two acting physicians, yeah. In gratitude of services rendered, you can stop griping and just give us some peace of mind by keeping the monitors on. If you're worried about Rose, then that's what you can do for her."

There was a pause while the Doctor considered the matter and then he found the control to raise the bed himself. "Okay, let's start over. First, is Rose okay?"

"Physically, she's... uninjured." Jack was going to say 'fine', but remembered what the stress had done to her health. "She's been stressed, but some sleep and a few good meals should put her right."

"Stressed? Jack, just what-?"

"You nearly died, Doctor," Jack forced out. "You've been out for seven days. At least, I  _think_  it's seven days. Maybe eight at this point? There's no night and day on the TARDIS and sleep's just been a few hours here and there, meals whenever, so hell if I know. Rose seems to keep track. Last I remember, she said 164 hours since we got you in the TARDIS, but I've had a couple naps since then."

"Wait, I've been out  _how long_?!" the Doctor cried incredulously. "Beginning. Start at the beginning. I can't even remember where we were last. My time sense is all messed up."

"All the more reason to stay in bed and recover for a bit," Jack pointed out. "Planet Costis in the Piori Cluster. Ring any bells? We happened upon some soldiers and you were taken to the base. They stabbed your leg when you tried to escape and gave you some kind of drug. Do you remember?"

The Doctor remembered vaguely, but took a moment to try to recall details. "I remember that, but it gets a bit fuzzy then. The drug's fault maybe. I remember Rose. She was worried about you, but I told her you'd gone. My fingers were numb, then it got harder to walk. Paralyzed?"

"Yeah. Rose said you managed to make it pretty far by leaning on her, but then you just collapsed. When I came across her in the forest, she was dragging you toward the TARDIS. We were still about a mile from it, gunfire getting closer, explosions in the distance, and aircrafts going overhead. I sent her back to the TARDIS to get a levitation mat and I started carrying you on my back until she returned. Clever Rose came back on a hoverbike. A  _Jaxta Maaten_  Hoverbike that I had no idea you owned. If you'd like another idea for a gesture of gratitude, letting me take that for a spin isn't a bad idea."

"Jack," the Doctor admonished, "keep going."

"Right," Jack conceded. "I healed your leg up easily enough and Rose got the monitors on you and ran some blood tests. We found out that the drug is called Mastiviu. Sound familiar?" The Doctor shook his head, so Jack explained. "It's meant to cause paralysis. Supposed come on quickly and effects fade in about two hours. You're not supposed to go unconscious. You didn't just blink out for a bit; it turned into a coma. Your hearts and respiration were stopping, your temperature plummeted, and brain activity decreased. You want to know why Rose and I were stressed? It's because we had no idea that Time Lords could go into healing comas. We thought you were dying."

Jack's explanation had begun to get heated, but he calmed himself down when he saw that the Doctor looked properly chastised. "We were panicked and felt completely helpless. We really didn't know what to do. Rose ran to the library for some books on Time Lord physiology and learned about healing comas from that. Just a warning - not mentioning that 'regeneration' trick you've got, Rose isn't too happy about that either. It's kind of important stuff."

The Doctor cringed and Jack pressed on. "So, according to Rose's book, your stats were okay. But you were in the healing coma longer than we expected. We were concerned from the start that you needed to enter a coma when people recovered from it so easily. Turns out your body doesn't like the stuff. After four days, the toxicity level was the same."

"Four days and no change?" The Doctor was definitely shocked. "I never need to heal for that long."

"Yeah, we didn't like it either. I was worried,  _really_  worried, but Rose was beside herself. She didn't want to leave you, afraid that something might change while she was gone or... maybe she just didn't want to be anywhere else. I haven't gotten more than four hours of sleep in a row since this started and I felt guilty the time I slept that long. Rose... I doubt she slept more than two hours at a time and she wouldn't even go to her room to do it. She slept on the couch in here. There's a bathroom through that door. I'd bring her clothes so she could shower there. I don't think she'd eat if I didn't bring her food."

"She never left the room?" There was a mix of disbelief and disapproval in the Doctor's voice, but also a soft spot in his expression, his deep affection for the girl.

"I got her to leave a bit. A few meals in the kitchen and she went to the library to borrow some books. She got bashful about your sponge baths. She helped with most of it, but when it came anywhere near the waist, she turned that over to me. She didn't mind leaving the room to go get you some underwear," Jack explained.

The Doctor was a bit embarrassed at the thought of sponge baths, too, but he masked it the best he could. "When did I start to improve?"

"You didn't. We were worried so Rose pulled out some more books, the TARDIS expanded the room, and we became scientists." Jack gestured toward the lab area of the room and grinned mischievously, knowing that the Doctor would be horrified at the idea of him and Rose playing pharmaceutical chemists and experimenting on him. The Doctor's look of horror did not disappoint. "Turns out, your body had a hard time metabolizing the drug. Somehow, at the same time it was trying to destroy it, something in your blood was sustaining it. You were getting nowhere. It took us days. I mean, seriously exasperating, pulling our hair out days. Rose nearly slapped me... twice. We got it in the end though. Just needed something to counteract the drug without hurting you. We've got all our sciency stuff logged if you want to see it. We administered it a few hours ago. It was hell, Doctor.  _Seriously_. But you're back."

"Yeah..." the Doctor answered distantly.

"And I'm really glad you are," Jack added solemnly. "You really had me worried."

The Doctor nodded. "And  _you_  were alright? On the planet? And now?"

Jack gave a lopsided smile. It was a rather delayed show of concern, but the Doctor had been able to plainly see that Jack was currently in good health. He may not have been at the top of the Doctor's list of concerns, but no one could push Rose out of first place. Jack was still touched that the Doctor cared. He knew that if he ever ended up near death in that bed, the Doctor would care for him with just as much devotion. Even a sponge bath, if necessary. His grin widened at the thought. "I'm just fine, Doc."


	21. Chapter 21

Rose curled up in her bed on the TARDIS, a place she hadn't visited in a week, and clutched a pillow to her chest. It offered a strange sort of comfort and security and she needed both, something to ground her.

The Doctor was awake. He was okay. There was nowhere in the universe Rose would rather be than by his side… except for anywhere he wasn't. She was just too overwhelmed to see him. She had worried she'd never see the light in his blue eyes again or those silly expressions of his or hear the sound of his voice. And then he woke so suddenly and there was all of that at once. He was bright and absolutely himself again, like nothing had even happened. But it had. He'd recovered, but she hadn't yet. How could he understand what she went through, all the pain and fear, all the emotions that were tied in?

Rose had known for a while that there was nothing and no one that meant as much to her as the Doctor, but this harrowing experience made that so much more real. With as much danger as they got into, the terror of the Doctor nearly losing his life had gripped her a number of times, but things always happened so quickly, there was so much adrenaline, and the threat was over so quickly, that it never really had the chance to sink in properly. This long, drawn out experience had Rose really imagining her life without him, a universe without the Doctor, and it was just too painful to cope with. And this experience was nothing to the Doctor, just a little nap. How could he ever understand?

With as exhausted as she was, Rose expected to fall asleep, but instead, fell into a trance-like state, numb and staring at the wall. A gentle knock on the door startled her out of it. She felt for her time sense – thirty-one minutes since the Doctor had woken up. Had Jack let the Doctor up already or was Jack himself checking on her? Her heart raced at the possibility. When she didn't answer, another knock was followed by the soft call of her name, "Rose?"

The Doctor.

"Yeah," Rose responded quietly.

The Doctor tentatively entered, once again wearing a jumper, trousers, and socks. His gentle voice was little more than a whisper. "Alright if I come in?"

Rose didn't sit up, didn't move more than a small nod. "Yeah."

He crossed over to her bed and Rose shifted to the other side to give him space to sit.

"It was an awful thing to say, wasn't it? I'm sorry," he apologized sincerely.

It took Rose a second to realize what he was talking about and she smiled a bit when she did. The Doctor's first words upon waking had been that she looked terrible. "Not as awful as telling you I hate you. And your words are probably truthful. I'm sure I look a sight."

The Doctor shook his head and tucked Rose's hair behind her ear. "I only meant your health. I was afraid you were ill. Jack says this past week's been rough. It's taken a toll on you."

That was putting it lightly.

"I'm sorry, Rose," he repeated, stroking her hair back again.

"Not your fault."

"I'm sorry that you struggled, sorry that you were scared. Sounds like you were quite the hero. I owe you a lot. Thank you."

Rose didn't think she'd ever heard the Doctor apologize so much. It wasn't that he never apologized, he just didn't like this, so softly and generously. He was being so gentle. "Don't say that, that you owe me, 'cos you don't."

The Doctor smiled warmly. "Don't I? If it wasn't for you, I-"

"I'm not a doctor, I'm… You don't pay someone for caring about you, for…" Rose's eyes welled with tears and she swallowed back further argument. It was too hard to talk.

"Not 'owe you' then. Poor word choice. I mean I can never express how grateful I am. That alright?" The Doctor leaned down to the side at bit, trying to get a better look at Rose's face.

"You have no idea how scared I was." She didn't want to break down in front of him, but there was no holding back the tears. Her voice was high and strained as she wept. "I was afraid I was going to lose you. I know what it's like to lose, but nothing ever hurt so much."

"Oh, Rose…" the Doctor whispered. Rose looked up in surprise as the Doctor laid down beside her, resting his head on a pillow next to hers, and there met her gaze.

"I could never lose you. Please not ever," she pleaded.

The Doctor reached out and gently wiped at her tears. The effort was futile as they were quickly replaced with more. He cupped her cheek instead, staring at her with deep affection.

"My precious Rose…" He leaned up and pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead.

"I love you," Rose whispered. The Doctor pulled back immediately to look in her eyes. He looked startled by the words and searched her expression for confirmation that he'd heard correctly.

"I love you," she repeated. "So much... I could never be okay without you again."

The Doctor kept her locked in his gaze. He didn't reply, but his answer was in his eyes: devotion, intense longing, and pure adoration. It was him that moved first, slowly but purposefully. Rose met him halfway, touching her lips to his. It was delicate, only a touch, but was so much more than what they'd shared back on Jack's Chula ship. This kiss held understanding. Their lips parted only to press again more firmly. And again. One small kiss turning into a series of kisses that became increasingly ardent. Though passionate, it didn't become hurried. It was difficult to part, but they both believed this wasn't something that should be rushed, especially with emotions already running so high. Rose had further fear that the Doctor might retreat again like after the first time they'd kissed. He'd leave her bedroom and when she emerged later, he'd pretend nothing happened. She couldn't voice that fear, but a silent plea was in her eyes.

But the Doctor didn't leave as Rose had expected he would. He removed the pillow Rose had been holding from between them and pulled her to him, holding her firmly against his chest. Rose let out a shaky breath in relief and nestled into him. He wasn't running.

* * *

The Doctor didn't run, didn't pretend that nothing passed between him and Rose. However, that didn't mean he didn't take a tiny step back. He was much more openly affectionate. Their hugs were far more frequent and were warm rather than the enthusiastic ones they shared in celebration. Rose could freely walk up to him and slide her arm beneath his jacket and around his waist and he wouldn't hesitate to wrap his arm around her, too. He'd walk up behind her, place hands on her shoulders and nuzzle his nose in her hair or kiss the top of her head. In the library or the media room, it was simply expected that she curl up next to him. He would stroke her cheek at times and kiss her forehead. It was all so much more intimate than the regular contact they'd indulged in before. But the Doctor hadn't kissed her again and Rose could just tell that she shouldn't try. It was obvious that the Doctor liked what they had, that it was what he wanted, too, not just indulging Rose, but there was still a slight bit of hesitation and uncertainty. When he touched Rose's cheek, it looked like he wanted to kiss her lips, but went for her forehead instead. When he came up behind her, there was a desire to slip his arm around her waist, but he touched her shoulder instead. When he nuzzled her hair, he really wanted to nuzzle and kiss her neck.

Rose loved the new level of intimacy and might have been satisfied where they were at if it weren't for that look of desire that told her that the Doctor wanted her just as badly as she wanted him.

"And I thought the sexual tension was bad before," Jack told her.

Rose wanted to bring it up, his reluctance, but she decided to give him time. And during all that time, from the day after the Doctor awoke, their travels had changed a bit as well.

The Doctor had informed them that they'd be taking it easy for awhile while they all recovered some. He said while they  _all_  recovered, but really he meant Jack and Rose, which all three of them knew really meant Rose especially. She did need a bit more rest and a bit of relaxation, but the Doctor worried most of all about Rose coping in dangerous situations. Approaching conflicts that could threaten his or Jack's lives might be a bit much for her so soon after what she went through.

However, 'relaxing' and 'taking it easy' with the Doctor definitely didn't mean just lounging around somewhere. Quiet days meant sightseeing, fixing the TARDIS, and visiting bazaars and festivals. But adventures meant sand sailing, hang gliding, sidling up rickety mountain paths, taking out the hoverbike for Jack, and all sorts of thrills. It was all absolutely incredible, but just as with her relationship with the Doctor, Rose wondered just how long the Doctor intended on holding back.

* * *

"I need the rotations of the colodic disc," the Doctor called from beneath the console.

"The... colodic disc?" Jack asked, scanning the information on the console monitor. "And I'd find that number where?"

Jack didn't need to see the Doctor to know that the man had just rolled his eyes at him. "It's read by the magnetic speed sensor."

"I know that, thanks. I mean where in your system?"

"It's the tertiary system under-"

"No, that's not the problem. Your stupid computer goes back to your ruddy language once I get to regulation. I thought you said you fixed the translation. You can't expect me to-"

"Still trying to calibrate that stabilizer?" Rose asked as she entered the room.

"Rose!" the Doctor crowed happily from under the console. "I need the rotations of the colodic disc. It's in the tertia-"

"I can get her that far," Jack grumbled, leading Rose through the system. He watched as Rose dug deeper and found what the Doctor had requested. His arms were crossed as he leaned against the console in a moody, very Doctor-ish manner. "It's really unfair, you know. The TARDIS shouldn't allowed to play favorites. Don't you think it'd be easier for you to get your ship to translate for me rather than translating the computer systems?"

"I've told you before," the Doctor argued as he climbed up from the grating, "the TARDIS can't translate Gallifreyan. If she could, do you think I'd bother translating the computer for you myself?"

"But Rose-" Jack jumped when the grating clanged back into place.

"The TARDIS doesn't translate for Rose," the Doctor stated, "so stop your whingin'."

"Wait, but that means Rose actually speaks it?" asked Jack, straightening up and looking between the two of them. "But she's only been here six months longer than I have and you never even speak it. How could-?"

"When he says that the TARDIS doesn't translate for me, he means ever," Rose cut in. They'd traveled with Jack for a few months, but Rose and the Doctor still hadn't told him anything about Rose's interesting history. It had only taken a look between them to agree it'd be okay to answer a few things.

"Rose has never heard a language that she didn't understand," the Doctor claimed. "Ever."

"Wait... what?" Jack asked in confusion. "How...?"

"Not a clue," Rose answered with a shrug. "There's a lot of things we don't understand about me."

"So I'm not the only one confused by you? Good to know," Jack commented.

"And just what else has confused you about her?" the Doctor asked with a smirk.

"Oh, I get question time, do I?" Jack smiled, recrossing his arms. "Now that I know not all might be as it seems... Rose is from 21st century Earth. We've been there. I've seen her flat, met her mom and ex-boyfriend, and even saw her job that you blew up, favorite chippy and everything. She's a 21st century girl. But if I hadn't seen that, I would have wondered... still do wonder... You know an awful lot about what's future tech for your time and future events and such. On top of that, a few times you've told me 'back in your time' like  _you're_  the one from the future."

The Doctor and Rose's grins kept growing as Jack spoke.

"Quite the mystery, Captain," the Doctor agreed. He drew it out for another few seconds and then looked to Rose, letting her tell what she felt comfortable with.

"I am a 21st century girl, but I'm a 62nd century girl, too," Rose explained. "I only lived on Earth for six years. I lived on Clavix before that. My education of the Earth Empire came from there."

"62nd century, that might explain it." Jack nodded. "So how'd you end up in the 21st century then?"

Rose chortled. "I jumped off a cliff and landed in London."

Jack's smile faded to concern. "A rift or...?"

"No, it wasn't really the cliff. Well, it  _did_  happen like that, but had nothing to do with location. Have a bit of problem, me." Rose glanced at the Doctor, not really sure how or what to explain. "Sort of a mystery. I get displaced in time and space without device. It's happened six times. Clavix to Earth was the last time."

"Wait, what?!" Jack looked Rose over from head to toe and then looked at the Doctor in question.

"Like she said, a mystery," the Doctor concurred. "So long as she's with me, she doesn't have to worry about it."

"But how? Without a device? Even if the device isn't on her there has to be something that influences the-"

"No device. It's complicated," the Doctor said firmly. It was apparent that he believed they'd said enough.

Rose, however, thought a little more was warranted. "Still a mystery, no device, but we can't say it's without any influence. There's something called Bad Wolf that's sort of playing with my life. We don't know what it is, but I've always seen those words just before I died. I mean before I was  _displaced_. I always saw the words 'Bad Wolf', was about to die - like be shot or drown or go over a cliff - and then I was displaced."

"But... But I've seen those words. Traveling with you," Jack claimed. "I thought it was weird, those words in odd places. Hell, that German bomb had it written on it when I first met you."

The Doctor and Rose exchanged troubled looks and then turned their eyes downward. They had both seen those signs, too, but hadn't brought attention to them. It was their long played game of 'ignore the Bad Wolf' or the larger scale game of 'ignore what's uncomfortable'.

"We've noticed," the Doctor said quietly. "We don't know what it's about. There was a pattern when everything started, but we haven't seen a pattern since she started traveling with me."

"When was the first time you saw it?" Rose finally asked the Doctor.

"Satellite Five."

"Me, too. I'd wondered if you saw it."

"So you don't know what it is?" Jack persisted. "What the Bad Wolf is or the significance of seeing the words? Is it an omen? A warning?"

"Not a clue. Might just be a friendly hello," answered the Doctor. "We just take things as they come. Whatever it is, it's not touchin' Rose."

"Right," Jack agreed uncertainly. He'd do anything to keep Rose safe; there was no question of that. But the idea of a being with the power and ability to transport someone through time and space, that could strategically spread its name through time and space... that was a bit alarming.

"Right," the Doctor repeated in a more cheerful voice as he stepped up to the console. "Where to next?"


	22. Chapter 22

Jack chose their next destination. He saw the Doctor's skeptical look and that he was ready to shoot Jack's idea down, but Jack had mentioned his suggestion to Rose beforehand and she was quick to agree. Jack was always welcome to make suggestions, but the Doctor always had the final say. However, the Doctor's 'final say' wasn't always so final if a certain young blonde played the right words and her dazzling smile. And so, with a groan, the Doctor set Jack's coordinates and they were off to the beach.

"He's going to dress properly for the beach, though, right? Swim trunks and such?" Jack asked as he exited the wardrobe room with Rose, slowing his steps so she didn't fall behind. "Not going to sit in the sand in his leather jacket?"

Rose laughed and finished tying a sarong around her waist. "Jacket, no, but other than that, I can't say. He'll wear swim trunks on the TARDIS, but I've never seen him go swimming in public."

"All this time with him and he's never taken you for a proper swim?"

"It's not a big deal. Like I said, we swim on the TARDIS. Can't say I'm not looking forward to this though. What'd you say, pink sands and turquoise sky?"

"And clear water that's the perfect temperature. Cooling after being in the sun, but perfectly comfortable to walk right in," Jack advertised. "By the way, what's with the cover-up? Kind of defeats the purpose of rocking a two piece swimsuit."

"Well," said Rose, nervously fidgeting with knot of the calf-length sarong again. "It's my first time wearing a bikini and I might be a bit self-conscious."

"Showing your middle so you're compensating by covering your legs?" Jack nodded in understanding.

"Yeah, I guess. I'll take it off when we've got our spot set up. Oh, did you get a towel for the Doctor?"

"Yeah. I'm hoping he'll need it. A thousand years that man's been around, how is he still so prudish?"

Rose didn't get a chance to reply as they stepped into the console room.

"Ready then?" The Doctor tried to keep a positive attitude, but it was clear in the way he shifted in place and didn't look up when he spoke that he was a bit uncomfortable. More than bit. He was out of his element and felt awkward in his selected attire. Jack was glad the Doctor didn't look up right away because it gave him a free moment to look him over. He was thrilled to see that the Doctor was indeed wearing swim trunks, knee length with a fine checkered pattern of white and dark blue. His shirt was his preferred v-neck cut, only with short sleeves and thin cotton. And then Jack realized that it was the color choice that was really stepping out. It was pale yellow. The Doctor usually stuck with darker colors. To finish off the ensemble, dark leather flip flops replaced his timberland boots. It was startling to see him look so different, but it also felt like a privilege. The Doctor didn't usually let people see him so dressed down. Now if only the man could get comfortable.

"Yep! All set," Rose said brightly, perhaps a bit too brightly. She was nervous with her look, too. And the Doctor noticed instantly.

"You… you're… but…" The Doctor's eyes were narrowed in confusion as he looked at Rose. He pointed at her bare stomach, trying to figure out what was going on. It was in no way flawed, but that was precisely the issue."Your scar."

"Finally notice, did ya?" asked Jack.

The Doctor scowled at Jack and then looked back at Rose in question. She used to have quite a conspicuous scar. When had that changed?  _How_  had the changed? And why did Jack know when he didn't?

"Jack removed the scar for me a few weeks ago," Rose informed him. "We had a lot of time to talk while you were in the infirmary, and since we were in the infirmary… Well, he'd seen the scar a few times and he'd asked why I hadn't had it removed. I told him I never brought it up to anyone and no one ever offered. Well, a few people suggested it to me on Earth, but there was no way I was going to trust anyone with their primitive technology. Jack and I were in the infirmary and so was the equipment, so he helped me out."

"A few weeks ago and you didn't say anything? And you trusted  _Jack_?"

"Hey!" Jack protested. "I did a fine job. I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't sure I could. And frankly, with as close as you two are, I'm surprised you didn't see it sooner."

"Jack!" Rose scolded. She knew he wasn't surprised at all. Jack knew perfectly well that her and the Doctor's intimacy was extremely limited.

"Well, at least you got a private viewing before we head out for the grand unveiling. Ready?" Jack was beaming, the Doctor was scowling, and Rose was catching on to Jack's plan. This wasn't just a relaxing trip to the beach. 'Grand unveiling' suggested she was meant to capture the attention of others and the Doctor didn't like others looking. She had just been hoping for some fun and Jack was going to provoke the Doctor's jealousy and possessiveness.

"Fantastic," she muttered to herself as she walked out the door.

"What was that?" Jack asked over her shoulder.

"A good day, Jack. I want a good day."

"Oh, you'll have it."

Rose paused once outside. It was just as beautiful as Jack had said. She played with the pale pink sand with the tip of her sandal and looked up again to take it all in. It was a busy public beach, but not uncomfortably crowded. There was a variety of humanoid races and groups of all sizes, large families, groups of friends, and couples walking hand in hand. There were as many people entertaining themselves on land as there were in the water, but Rose stopped and stared when she saw a group playing volleyball.

"You said this planet just entered the Earth Empire," said Rose, "and they've already adopted beach volleyball?"

"Yep," Jack answered, leading them over to an open spot to set up camp. "Pixeeli goes crazy over culture of the Earth Empire, particularly human culture, particularly humans. This place sucks it all in, trying to keep up with every fad it can."

"Great to taste another culture, but it's kind of sad, don't you think? What about their own culture?" Rose was distracted as she laid out her towel and her head snapped up to look at the Doctor when she realized she'd just covered his empty sandals. The Doctor smirked as he retrieved them, and for the first time since Jack suggested the trip, things felt right. The Doctor's goofy smirk… Rose took hold of his wrist and yanked him over to have a seat beside her. "So…" she prompted.

"Pixeeli culture?" he asked, making sure he had the right topic. "There was actually quite a clash culture-wise before this. The planet started to become a tourist stop, so there were lots of people setting up shop. The problem was, they were three different races with three different cultures and dialects. They needed to find a way to fit together, but they couldn't or wouldn't compromise on many things. The Earth Empire extended an invitation to join the club and the Pixeeli became their number one fans. Everyone turned to standards of the Empire. It is sad to see people lose what makes them unique, but it did bring everyone together, and they were happy to adopt it, not forced. It will settle before long and they'll find their own identity again."

"Doctor." Rose took his hand and waited until he looked at her to speak. "Thanks for this. I know it's not really your thing."

The Doctor smiled and chuckled. "You're trying to get me into the water, aren't you?"

"Will do," Rose admitted, "but I really was saying thank you."

"You're welcome, then, and I'll think about the water later."

"Okay, but I'm not waiting," she declared.

"You're right about that," Jack agreed. He took her by the wrist and tugged her toward the water. "Come on!"

Rose used her free hand to untie her sarong and let it fall behind her as she ran. Jack was a bit off about the water temperature being comfortable enough to walk right in, but it didn't slow Rose down. She splashed in at a run until the water reached the top of her thighs and then dove the rest of the way in.

* * *

The Doctor watched from his place on the beach. He tried  _not_  to watch. He'd brought a couple books to entertain himself with, but he just couldn't keep his mind on them when there was Rose. She was beautiful, vivacious, smiling, laughing, and playing…. And he was here on his own, missing it. He asked himself time and time again why that was, but he never had an answer for it. He loved swimming, loved beaches, loved Rose… but here he was… watching. He watched as  _Jack_  played silly games with her and  _Jack_  made her laugh. He liked Jack and didn't feel threatened by Jack, but he was still jealous of him in that moment. And then a few others joined them, talking and splashing. After a group countdown, one of the other men gave Rose a forceful boost into the air and, with an inelegant twist, she flopped back into the water. The Doctor's jealousy was growing. He was sorely tempted to go join them and just as tempted to return to the TARDIS, but there he sat. It wasn't like him and yet  _so very_  like him. He could go after what he wanted or turn and put it behind him. Instead, he sat undecided.

The Doctor became even more upset when Jack moved away from the group with someone else, leaving Rose with the others, three men and a woman. All of them seemed enthralled by her, which the Doctor could understand, but it looked like two of the men were flirting with her and - damn his possessiveness -  _she was his_. The conflict was much more fierce – go to her or walk away. He sat.

Rose exited the water with them a short time later. They were chatting airily or maybe specifically discussing plans as they made their way up from the water. Rose was making hand gestures as she spoke, pointing to herself, others, down the beach, and toward the Doctor, all without glancing at him. She waved and finally looked in the direction she'd been walking – toward him. She'd been smiling brightly until she saw him standing there, and then she looked uncertain.

The Doctor had gotten to his feet as Rose approached and when she looked at him, he finally decided. Rose hesitated at the edge of their small group of towels, unsure of what to make of him. The Doctor closed the distance between them and, without a word, gently cupped her face and kissed her. For all his jealousy, the kiss was in no way possessive or demanding. This was something else. A decision finally made. Rose couldn't read his thoughts, but somehow she knew that this wasn't a jealous kiss, wasn't at all for show. It was a long, lingering touch and a series of tender kisses following, just as he'd kissed her before. The kiss alone was unexpected, so Rose was further surprised when the Doctor took it further. His fingers wove into her wet hair and his mouth tempted hers open, tongues touching tentatively at first, but growing bolder with desire. When his arm wrapped around her bare waist, pulling her body flush to his, Rose suddenly remembered how little she was wearing and where they were standing. She pulled away slowly and was dazed as she stared up at him. She saw desire in the Doctor's eyes, but also vulnerability. But what was he afraid of? Surely he knew how she felt. She'd made it quite clear.

"I… er…"

The Doctor looked away as she stammered.

"TARDIS," she said decisively. With a look that she hoped was encouraging, Rose took the Doctor's hand and led him back to the TARDIS. When they were up the ramp into the console room, Rose turned to him suddenly, took hold of his face, and pressed her lips hard to his. The Doctor was startled by the sudden action, but responded quickly, his hands going instantly to her hips as he kissed back. But Rose hadn't intended it to last and released him far sooner than he liked.

"Why?" asked Rose. "Why now?"

The Doctor looked away uncomfortably. He much preferred the kissing.

"Please, Doctor," Rose implored. "I don't understand. It's been weeks since you kissed me. That's okay, but I know it's been purposeful. There's a reason behind it. So what's changed so suddenly?"

Rose paused for the Doctor to answer. She could see him struggling, but she needed him to stop that. Just before she spoke again, the Doctor finally responded. His voice was low and he sounded defeated, but he managed to meet Rose's eye as he tried to explain. "I don't do this, Rose. This kind of..."

"Relationship?" Rose supplied. As expected, the Doctor merely nodded. "I know that and that's what scares me some. You've been purposely holdin' back. And I'm not just talking about physical, that's just an example that can be pinned down. It just feels like you want me close while wanting to keep a distance, too. If you want to take your time, that's okay, but I've been a bit worried that you just don't know what you want. Then this... All of a sudden, no holding back. I want that, want  _you_ , but I don't know what's changed. Whatever your reason for distance, you suddenly changed your mind. How do I know you're not going to change your mind again?"

There was another extended pause, but Rose waited patiently for the Doctor to collect his words. "I don't want to lose you." He said it like he was divulging a grievous concern that he rarely confided to anyone. And likely it was. There were many things that the Doctor tried to bury even from himself. "It will happen someday. It always does one way or another. I lose people. I've lived so long and known so many, had many people come travel with me over the centuries, but they never stay. Some leave because they should or because they find someone else. Some die, some leave wishing that  _I_  had. It doesn't matter how many times I lose, it never hurts any less. With you, I know it will hurt a lot more. I don't know how I could handle that."

"I'm not going to leave you," Rose stated as though the very idea was absurd.

"I didn't say you would."

"But you said some leave because they should or they find someone else. That won't be me and you better not doubt that, because I made my choice a long time ago and I'm never going to leave you." Rose's declaration was strong and ardent. The Doctor was pinned under her steady gaze. Her words filled him with longing and desperation, but hope was still restrained.

"That doesn't mean I won't lose you."

"To death then?" she asked. "I can't promise that, no, but neither can you. No one can. It's an inevitability, but you never know when. According to your tests, I've got quite a bit of potential. Regardless, you can't distance yourself from people because you're afraid of losing them. Because if-"

"But I have," the Doctor interrupted. "I  _have_  distanced myself. Friends kept leaving, and they were right to. They deserved proper lives with homes and families and such, not runnin' with me, riskin' their lives day after day. But the loss was piling up. And then there was the war. No more companions after that. For their sake and mine. Distance. I kept it up for over a century, travelin' on my own… until you. Everything hurt and then… you.

"I had still had fun traveling, met good people, wasn't miserable every second, but at the same time, underneath, I was. I didn't know how much having someone with me again would change that. But you weren't just anyone… you're you." Rose could see this was difficult for the Doctor. He didn't do this either. He kept these thoughts and feelings to himself. She was still afraid of where he might be going with this, but that he was sharing with her at all was just as big a step forward as the kiss he'd surprised her with. He was opening up. That was encouraging, wasn't it?

"I care about you, Rose. More… more than anyone before… and different than anyone before. The more I have, the more it could hurt to lose. And that's the struggle, what I've struggled with for so long. What's the point in bein' happy now if I know I'll just be sad later? The answer, of course, is because I'll be sad later. It's just taken me awhile to grasp that," he confessed. "I don't want to spend my time trying to decide what's best when I already know what I want."

Rose swelled with both relief and desire, desire to touch and hold and keep, but she was still in need of confirmation. "So you've decided?"

The Doctor had had enough of words. In answer, he cupped her cheek and pressed his lips to hers. He was definitely decided. He wanted this woman, needed this woman, and would withhold nothing. If he would give anything to keep her, shouldn't he give everything while he had her?

Rose was once again reminded of how little she was wearing when the Doctor's hand came to rest on bare skin at her waist. The contact excited her and she poured that passion into the kiss. She'd wanted him and loved him for so long and she wanted him to feel it here, in her kiss and in her touch. The Doctor matched her in intensity. As his tongue glided with hers, his hands glided over her skin, causing Rose to shiver even while heat pooled inside her. The rhythm they had built was thrown off the moment Rose's hands slipped beneath the Doctor's shirt. To touch Rose was a glorious pleasure, an intoxicating study, but to have her hot little hands on him overwhelmed his senses, dizzying him as he chased the sensation of each stroke. The kiss lost all elegance as the desire escalated and became clumsier still when their lips rejoined after tugging the Doctor's shirt over his head. Rose abandoned the battle between their mouths, planting hungry kisses along the Doctor's jaw and down his throat. The Doctor groaned and dove to kiss and nip the joining of her throat and shoulder. Her gasp and moan caused another jolt desire and, gripping her bum, he pulled her body to his. He groaned again, relishing the feel of her waist pressing against his. As he'd once told Rose, he'd 'danced' before, but it was never with anyone that actually meant something to him. This was so much more and he wanted so much more.

"Bedroom?" he whispered in her ear.

Rose gasped at the suggestion. Whether from excitement or surprise, he didn't know. "Are you sure?" she asked breathlessly.

"Oh yes." His husky voice sent shivers through her. Without further hesitation, she took the Doctor's hand and hurried down the corridor.

* * *

Jack was just leaving a local inn with a new friend, off into town for dinner, when he paused in surprise. Earlier that day, he'd watched smugly from a distance as the Doctor snogged Rose. He'd set the scene as best as he could, everything that would make the Doctor most jealous and possessive. Rose and the Doctor had been so near the breaking point and had just needed the right pressure to snap whatever pesky inhibitions they had. It had looked to Jack like it worked: a heated snog and Rose tugged the Doctor back to the TARDIS. He figured they'd be wrapped up in each other for the rest of the day, while he'd find someone to wrap up in, also. He hadn't expected to see them outside the TARDIS again and for a moment, he doubted the success of his plan. Upon closer study, all doubt was banished. Rose and the Doctor may have returned to the beach, but something had happened, because the Doctor had joined Rose in the water. More important was their demeanor: looks of open adoration, lack of uncertainty, familiar touches, and ridiculous grins that Jack recognized unmistakably as smiles that proclaimed 'I just got laid.' Finally! Jack declared it a job well done and wondered as he moved along whether he should tease them later or just stick to looking smug.


	23. Chapter 23

"'kay, see you soon," Rose finished her phone call brightly. To herself she added, "Much sooner for me. I love time travel."

"Who doesn't?" Jack agreed, wiping his hands and throwing the rag onto the console. "Can't help my curiosity though. Why exactly have you invited Boyfriend Mickey to Cardiff?"

" _Ex_ -boyfriend," Rose corrected.

"Right, 'ex'," Jack acknowledged. "I don't have anything against him, really. He's kind of…" Jack fished around for the right word and the Doctor was quick to supply.

"An idiot?"

"Well, sort of," Jack allowed after a second's genuine consideration. At Rose's displeased looked, he hastened to continue, "but in an endearing way. Really, I don't mind him. I'm just wondering why you're dragging him out to Cardiff."

"'Cos I miss him. He's still my mate, and since we're going to be on Earth for a whole day, it'd be nice to see him."

"Right, I get that, but I still don't understand dragging him all the way to Cardiff. It's quite a distance for Boyfriend Mickey, isn't it?" Jack pointed out.

" _Ex_ -boyfriend," Rose repeated, "and maybe, but I can't help that the rift is in Cardiff."

"I get that, too. I just don't understand why you wouldn't just visit him in London after we're done in Cardiff," Jack explained.

"Oh god, I'm an idiot," she groaned. "Maybe if I can ring him back really quick-"

"Too late. Already arriving," the Doctor informed her. "Not so bad though, is it, Cardiff?"

"You're just glad 'cos you don't have to see Mum," Rose accused him. The Doctor made no argument.

There was a knock on the TARDIS door and Jack threw it open. "Mickey Mouse!" he greeted enthusiastically.

* * *

Rose felt a bit guilty as she walked around the bay with Mickey. She hadn't intended to drag him into danger when she invited him. And it just had to be a Slitheen again. It may have been months ago, but the last incident with the Slitheen was still fresh in his mind. He didn't handle dangerous situations with the same excitement that she, Jack, and the Doctor did. In addition, he was upset when he saw the Welsh words 'Blaidd Drwg'. The words, large and bold on a banner, were instantly recognized as the words 'Bad Wolf' to her, the Doctor, and Jack. Mickey seemed just as upset by them once they were translated for him. The Slitheen called Margaret didn't really choose them. She did, but they made no sense to her. The words were put there by influence of Bad Wolf. Rose had seen them many times while traveling with the Doctor with no significant consequence, but it didn't keep from frightening her and putting her on guard. This time, for reasons she didn't know, they felt more ominous. The sooner they could get Margaret the Slitheen back to Raxacoricofallapatorius, the better.

Mickey thought of it another way. If Bad Wolf only came up when she was with the Doctor, why couldn't she just stay behind and let the Doctor deal with the trouble? If the Doctor was supposed to be protecting her, leaving her somewhere safe was best. Rose, bitter at the suggestion, pointed out that Cardiff was rather close to home, the spaceship that crashed into Big Ben was close to home, a Neanderthal in Bromley, and porcupine aliens in Peckham were especially close to home. She was safest with the Doctor and there was nowhere else she'd rather be. Regardless of all that was the obvious point that the Doctor  _couldn't_  just leave her somewhere safe.

Their argument was cut short when a crackling beam of energy like lightning shot into the sky and the Earth began to quake beneath their feet. Rose felt sorry when she left Mickey there, but the Doctor needed her just as much as she needed him.

What followed after was a blur to her and always would be. She vaguely remembered Margaret the Slitheen explaining her intricate plan and remembered the Slitheen's large hand squeezing her throat, but after that, everything was just light and sensation. A hand tugged her away from the alien and, more importantly, away from the light pouring out of the TARDIS, but she was no longer aware of her surroundings. Her hands were clamped firmly over her ears and her eyes squeezed tightly shut. Her mouth was moving as though she was speaking, but if any words were coming out, she didn't know.

Jack and the Doctor were terrified by Rose's response. Even Margaret was startled and quickly released her. Margaret's attention turned to the light, wondering what it was that caused Rose's reaction, and was entranced by it. The Slitheen became a background concern to Jack and the Doctor as they focused on Rose. She had fallen to her knees the moment Jack pulled her a safe distance from the light. With hands over her ears and eyes screwed shut, she rocked forward and back, alternating between soft mutterings and distressed shouts, none of which made sense to them and weren't sure whether Rose was aware of speaking.

"The singing, the song, too much! Wrong. Wrong. Wrong! Too many. Not together. Not the Wolf. Not yet together. Lost. Last. Lost. Last. Too much! The singing..."

The Doctor and Jack were on either side of her, attempting to sooth her with soft words and touch. When the Doctor tried to pull one of her hands from her ear, she shouted 'No!' and he instantly released her. Sparing a glance at Margaret, he saw the moment she disappeared from sight and rushed to shut the open console. He hoped the light being locked away from Rose would stop whatever was happening to her, but he also couldn't neglect that the rift was being torn open. In seconds, he had the TARDIS stabilized and was back at Rose's side. She was no longer rocking, but she wouldn't open her eyes or uncover her ears. Any quiet words that slipped through her lips were broken by a whimper or sob. Whatever had assaulted her had stopped, but she was still suffering from the traumatic, lingering effects.

"What the hell was that?!" Jack demanded.

"The heart of the TARDIS. I told you this ship is alive."

"You didn't say it could kill people just lookin' at it!"

"Keep your voice down," the Doctor admonished gently, not wanting to upset Rose further. "I don't think it killed her, Blon."

"Coulda fooled me. She just burnt up. And what about Rose? It could have fried her brain. We've got to get her to the infirmary," Jack insisted.

The Doctor didn't like leaving Rose's side, but he had to be sure himself. He walked over to the skin suit Blon Fel-Fotch had been wearing and reached inside. "An egg," he told Jack, holding it up to show him. "She reverted to an egg. The TARDIS gave her a fresh start. As for Rose… I have no idea what happened. She hadn't even looked at it."

The Doctor squatted beside Rose again, stroking her back in comfort. She appeared to be calming down so he tried again to gently remove her hand from her ear. She allowed it to be lifted away just enough to let sound in, as if testing before committing to release. "Rose," the Doctor whispered. "Please?"

Rose opened her eyes first and turned her tortured gaze on the Doctor. He was frightened by what he saw, but hid it well. There'd been a golden spark in her eyes, so small that he almost didn't see it. Under any other circumstance, he might have thought he imagined it. But it had been there, a tiny golden spark that faded instantly. Left behind were the beautiful, familiar eyes of his precious Rose, so overwhelmed and confused. Comforted by the sight of the Doctor, Rose finally let her hands fall away from her head to rest on her knees.

"She's still too loud," Rose said quietly, looking down at her lap. "The TARDIS, she's too loud, isn't she?"

She asked as if they might agree, but Rose already knew that they hadn't heard it and couldn't hear it now. Neither wanted to answer, but Jack did offer a reply, "Sorry, Rosie, but we can't hear it."

"I know…" She couldn't look at either of them, couldn't face their concerned expressions. "But it's real. Not in my ears. In my head. It's so loud, it hurts. I need to lay down."

"I'll help you to bed," the Doctor offered.

"I can do it," she assured him. "Just don't go to Raxacoricofallapatorius without me."

The Doctor wanted to protest, to follow after her, but he accepted her refusal. As soon as she left the room, the Doctor and Jack got to work on repairing the TARDIS. They had many questions about what had happened, but kept their thoughts to themselves. Any questions the Doctor had, he was sure Jack wouldn't be able to answer, and though Jack assumed the Doctor could answer some of his, it was likely he wouldn't. Therefore Jack took his time deciding which question he most wanted to know that the Doctor might consider answering. In the end, it was much more than a question. A quickly spoken theory with prompts for affirmation with a proper question tacked to the end. He didn't pause until the end, not wanting the Doctor to terminate conversation before he'd gotten everything out.

"Rose said she was hearing the TARDIS in her head. It wasn't just a hum though, it was intense telepathy and it was overwhelming her, right? I couldn't make sense of anything she was saying, but I know she mentioned 'the Wolf'. She said 'not the Wolf' meaning the Bad Wolf, right? Your ship knows all sorts of things about the universe, often puts you in places that need help like she knows you should be there. You've seen Rose many times and places in the past and just  _happened_  to be there. You don't know what Bad Wolf is, but do you think the TARDIS does? If the TARDIS was in Rose's head and Rose mentioned 'the Wolf,' then maybe it tried to tell her something? Is there any way the TARDIS can tell you more?"

With his head still bowed over his work, the Doctor spared a glance at Jack and then returned to his project. He gave no further response that he'd heard or intended to answer, but Jack felt that was a promising sign. Jack had been with the Doctor long enough to have an idea of what to expect when a topic the Doctor didn't like was raised. Had the Doctor wanted the subject dropped, Jack expected to hear 'don't' or 'leave it' or the Doctor might have simply walked away. But he hadn't, which meant that he might be considering it.

It was another minute before the Doctor answered. When he did, he still didn't look up from his work. "I do believe the TARDIS chooses the destination at times. I can't even guess the extent of her knowledge. She might have taken me to find Rose in the past, but I really don't think so. I think it was orchestrated by Bad Wolf. I don't know if the TARDIS has a better understanding of Bad Wolf and there's no way for me to find out. She may be sentient, but there's nothing else like her. She might be the absolute most intelligent thing in the universe, but she can't communicate with us so we can't know. If she does know anything about Bad Wolf, she hasn't helped us with it yet."

The conversation was clearly over then because the Doctor put down his tools and left the room. Their little question and answer didn't help them any, but Jack was still grateful that he'd gotten a response or the questions would have plagued him. In fact, there was still one question begging for answer. If the TARDIS couldn't communicate, then what was it doing in Rose's head?

The Doctor left the console room to avoid more questions from Jack, partly because it felt like Jack's questions were pointing out all the things he wished he knew and partly because he had some questions of his own to ask… just not of Jack. Most importantly, he wanted to check on Rose. He'd given her some time, but she had to know he couldn't keep away for long. He had to know that she was alright.

Arriving at their bedroom door, the Doctor knocked lightly. Rose had told him before that he didn't need to knock as it was his room, too, but there were times, such as this, that he thought she might be seeking privacy there and, as a man who enjoyed privacy himself, thought respect for that should be afforded.

"You can come in," Rose called just loud enough for him to hear.

The Doctor still entered tentatively, unsure of how she was feeling and not wanting to upset her if she was still distraught. The lights were dim, likely for a calming effect, but the Doctor instantly feared it could also be eye strain or headache. Both were probable.

"I'm feeling a bit better," she offered before he could ask.

The Doctor felt relief, of course, but as Rose only felt a 'bit better', he felt only a bit of relief. Rose was beneath the blanket on her side of the bed so the Doctor automatically moved to his own side. After removing his boots and jacket, he climbed atop the covers to join her. When he was situated, Rose was on her back. Her eyes were closed and she was taking slow even breaths. 'A bit better,' she had told him, but it was clear that she was still suffering.

"So," he prompted, "you said it was the TARDIS."

"Yeah. Bit of a mess that was, huh?" She looked over at him with a weak, lopsided smile.

Just as the Doctor had signs that he was uncomfortable with a topic, Rose had her own - trying to make light of things and avoiding answering directly. They both knew she couldn't skirt this, but that didn't make it easy to address.

"Rose…" the Doctor frowned.

Rose sighed heavily. "Yeah. I really don't know what happened. There was just a flash of light and then…" She wasn't sure what to say. She focused on recalling the sensation and shivered when it so vividly replayed. There were no thoughts to recall, only sensation. She didn't know how she could ever describe it, but then it suddenly just poured out. "I was filled with it, the sound, a tangible sound… it was everything, everywhere… It was like I was filled, but there was too much to actually fit inside. It felt like I was bigger on the inside and still far too small. A stadium of people packed into a pub. It fit, but it didn't. So loud. It was a song, singing, beautiful, but wrong. An orchestra playing two different songs at once and I couldn't make sense of it. It hurt. Angry and soothing. A storm like a cyclone, but bright as a sun and it burned. And I sound like a nutter, don't I?"

"No."

Rose snorted. "Liar."

"No," the Doctor disagreed. "I don't understand it, but I don't doubt it. That was the heart of the TARDIS, her soul exposed. Time Lords knew how to handle TARDISs, but no one has ever really had understanding of them. I know the heart of the TARDIS is powerful and potentially dangerous, definitely something that should never be exposed, but I don't understand it or know the TARDIS's full capabilities. I know that the TARDIS is telepathic and a powerful enough telepath to slip into a person's mind without their notice. She can give nudges, but I've never heard of one communicating on a stronger level."

"Without notice?" asked Rose. "Like Jack? He says he can hear the hum sometimes when he focuses, but I've always wondered if he actually understood the feeling I meant. Do you mean he doesn't actually  _hear_  her? He can't actually feel the TARDIS in his head?"

The Doctor stared at her pensively and Rose nibbled her lip as she waited for him to reply. It seemed the answer wasn't an easy one. When she thought about it, it really wasn't. If Jack and others didn't feel the TARDIS in their heads, why did she? But the Doctor could, right? So…?

"You first seemed surprised that Jack only hears her sometimes? Does that mean you hear it at  _all_  times?" the Doctor inquired.

"Yeah. I told you the first day I stepped into the TARDIS. I said the ship felt weird. It felt like something was following me," she reminded him. "It was uncomfortable at first, but I got used to the feeling. It's a comfort now… well, until today. It's always a comfort to know she's there. Running for our lives, I always know where I'm goin' and count down how many meters, thinking 'almost home.' Feels like  _she_  says it sometimes, 'almost here.' Kind of a strange feeling, but comforting, you know?"

The look on the Doctor's face suggested that maybe he  _didn't_  know and Rose felt even more anxious. "You feel it too, don't you?" she questioned. "You've talked about her giving 'nudges', so you have to feel her, too."

The Doctor explained slowly and quietly, what could be considered consolingly. Rose thought that the Doctor being so gentle might just have made her feel worse. What she felt wasn't normal. "I  _can_  feel the TARDIS, Rose. I can feel the hum and she does give me encouraging or warning nudges, but it's not constant. The presence is constant and I can feel it every time I seek it or she gives those nudges, but it's not something I'm constantly aware of. You said you got used to the feeling. Is that breaking in a new pair of shoes? They get comfortable and it's like you hardly realize you're wearing them, only noticing them when you think about them or some sort of shifting reminds you? Or is it more like having a pebble in your shoe and learning to live with it? Constant awareness but something you've accepted?"

"I don't think I'd compare it to a pebble in my shoe 'cos that's painful and you can't really get used to that, but it is that constant awareness. It's not something still. It's alive and active," Rose explained. "Why is it different for me? Wait, what about my telepathic barrier? The TARDIS has to be getting past it. How does that work?"

"That's what I was wondering myself," the Doctor admitted, "but I'm wondering if the TARDIS has ever gotten past that barrier. Before I entered your mind, I was able to make contact, brush your mind. You could feel that. That was light contact without attempting to breach your mental barrier. Perhaps the TARDIS has stayed on that level. She's never needed to translate for you like she has for others. I can't think of any other reason that she would need to get past your defenses. One exception, of course… Just now, in the console room, the TARDIS's heart was exposed, all that energy, and then she filled your mind. It felt like an assault, yeah? It felt like quite an assault when I entered your mind, didn't it?"

"The storm. The clash," she replied distantly.

"And the burning," the Doctor added. "The TARDIS is filled with time energy and so are you. She didn't possess you, didn't fill you with time energy, but that's not to say it didn't stimulate the time energy in you. That couldn't be comfortable. Quite painful, I imagine."

"A bit," Rose snickered. Putting it so lightly made it  _feel_  a little lighter. "So that's it then? An accident? One time thing?"

"If the TARDIS never tried to force into your mind before, I can't think of a reason why she would again," the Doctor reasoned. He hoped that was reassurance enough for Rose. It wasn't enough for him.

The Doctor wished he could do more than just provide a pain reliever, but Rose accepted it gratefully and assured him it would calm down soon. After bestowing a few tender kisses, he left her to rest, hoping he could calm down, too. It would be easier for Rose because she wanted to. While the Doctor hoped he could, he knew he wouldn't because there was another part of him wanted to rage. Rose wasn't upset with the TARDIS, but he was furious. He may have just put the TARDIS to rights, but he had the sudden urge to return the console room and rip it all apart.

The TARDIS entering Rose's mind wasn't an accident. His ship was more intelligent than he had known. He had known his ship had access to near infinite information and was intuitive, but like he'd told Jack, he didn't actually know how much the TARDIS could understand, how much was programming and how much was independent processing. The TARDIS knew about Rose's fierce mental barrier from the start and had been gentle with her all this time. She must have known it would hurt Rose if she pushed too hard, but she did it anyway. And what for if Rose couldn't remember? The TARDIS knew things, important things that the Doctor was dying to know, but it wasn't told to him; it was told to a girl who could no longer remember. Rose didn't even remember the words she spoke. 'not the Wolf' - 'not together' - 'last. lost.' - 'not yet together.' What did it mean by 'yet'? 'Yet' suggested foreknowledge. There was mention of Bad Wolf. These were things he needed to know, things his ship knew, information he was being denied.

Something was coming.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm absolutely terrible at rehashing episodes.

The Doctor's eyes flew open and he leapt to his feet in a panic at waking in a tiny cupboard. He had absolutely no idea where he was or how he got there, no idea at all. He called out and pounded on the cupboard door. To his surprise, it opened without resistance and he spilled out onto the floor. It wasn't often that he woke up in confinement and was able to just walk out. Stumble out, in this case. He was greeted by a friendly, perky, young blond woman, but couldn't focus on her words. 'Young blond woman' gave a flash thought of Rose, but his head was swimming as he tried to figure out what was going on. He was so disoriented that he could hardly stand. 'Transmat?' 'Chosen?'

"You're a housemate! You're in the House!" the chipper girl offered enthusiastically.

"What?" The more the Doctor heard and saw, the more confused he became. Once properly standing, or standing well enough, he began a perusal of his surroundings. There were two other people in the room griping about rules. What rules? Eviction? They all stood in a living area with couch and tv, brightly colored décor, and cameras in the ceiling. Cameras in a house?

An electronic voice spoke from the ceiling, inviting him into 'the diary room.' He plopped in the bright red chair and a short but concise statement finally told him where he was. On television, channel 44,000. Big Brother House then. Bloody hell, how did he get into this? More importantly, why didn't he remember? More importantly still, where were Rose and Jack?

The perky, blond woman, who introduced herself as "Lynda with a 'y'" continued to be friendly, giving helpful explanations to the Doctor's many questions until finally his memory returned. Transmat. He, Rose, and Jack had all been on the TARDIS. On the TARDIS and they were somehow brought here, wherever 'here' was. But what could do that? Lynda thought nothing of it, but this was no game. He needed out and to find his companions. This was a lot more dangerous than just a game.

And then the Doctor saw that the game itself was dangerous. The showrunners killed the contestants? Worse, the contestants seemed to accept it. Not happily, but they still just accepted it. What the  _hell_  was this place?

Those questions could wait. He needed to find Rose and Jack.

It wasn't hard getting  _out_  of Big Brother House; the challenge started once he was on the outside. He recognized it instantly as Satellite Five, but it was dark and empty, so very different from the last time. Or maybe not so different as they were still corrupt and holding back the human race. Lynda's knowledge once again proved valuable, but wasn't pleasant. Sixty Big Brother games, but that was just where it started. A hundred different games, she claimed. It was an estimation, but how close was that estimation? Each game she mentioned, he couldn't keep from picturing Rose inside it. He needed to hurry.

This whole thing was giving him a very bad feeling. Of course the human race killing themselves off was upsetting on its own, but he felt there was something bigger. Sometimes he hated it when he was right…

He asked Lynda who was behind the games, who was in charge, and when she flipped a switch, the bold, powerful words stood over him. They never failed to make him feel unsteady, but they had never looked or felt as imposing or domineering as they did then and he actually staggered back.

Rose. He need to get to Rose. Now.

But they were stuck and he had no way to find her. As if he couldn't feel any worse, the Doctor found out that all of Earth's suffering for the last hundred years was his fault. When he'd stopped the corruption on Satellite Five, he'd walked away without assisting them further, leaving them in chaos that they were still struggling with one hundred years later. It was his fault. Was that what this was about? The first time he saw the words Bad Wolf while traveling with Rose was on Satellite Five. Now here again, one hundred years later, the words loomed down on him, a guilty man. Were the words leading them back to this? If Bad Wolf was the judge, let it be on him, not Rose.

"Hey, handsome, good to see ya!" The Doctor whipped around at Jack's voice. "Any sign of Rose?"

"Can't you track her down?" the Doctor asked hopefully. However he might criticize Jack's vortex manipulator, it did come in handy at times for reasons outside of travel.

"She must still be inside the games. All the rooms are shielded," Jack informed him.

"If I can just get inside this computer… She's got to be here somewhere," the Doctor replied as he struggled desperately with the Game Station computer.

"Well, you'd better hurry up. These games don't have a happy ending," Jack pointed out.

"You think I don't know that?!" the Doctor snapped.

Jack huffed in exasperation. He understood why the Doctor was upset, but he didn't care for being an outlet. He was worried about Rose, too. He removed his wrist strap and handed it over to the Doctor. "There you go, patch that in. It's programmed to find her."

"Thanks," the Doctor answered automatically, already at work with the two computers. He heard Jack's introduction and tried not to be annoyed by it, but this wasn't the time for flirting. How could Jack act like this was just another day?

"Oh god," Jack uttered quietly. At the sound of dread in Jack's voice, the Doctor instantly looked up to see what had caused it. Jack had finally taken notice of the Bad Wolf sign.

'Good,' the Doctor thought to himself. 'Properly scared now, as he should be.'

"Got it!" The Doctor crowed. "Found her! Floor 407."

"Oh my god, she's with the Anne Droid," Lynda cried. "You've got to get her out of there!"

The Doctor didn't hesitate, running immediately to the lift. He didn't know what 'the Anne Droid' was, but he could find out on the way. His mind was racing, all of theirs were, as they worked their way to Rose.

And then he heard her voice. She was terrified. And then he saw her. She was terrified. And then there was a beam, a flash of light, a zap. And then she was gone. His Rose… gone. It had all been happening so quickly. Thoughts, speech, movement – all rushing and racing. And then it stopped.

The Doctor fell to his hands and knees, unable to believe what had just happened. He'd seen it, but it couldn't be real. Just 9.7 seconds, from the time he entered the room to the time… But she couldn't be. Her voice still ringing in his ears was evidence of life, but… The Doctor picked up a pinch of the ashes in front of him. Though his mind kept repeating that Rose couldn't be dead, Jack's voice penetrated his foggy mind, screaming at others 'you killed her!', acting to confirm what he didn't want to accept. Jack raged on his behalf. At that moment, the Doctor was too numb to care about any of them.

He'd lost Rose. What else was there?

At first, it was numb disbelief. The words kept repeating - ' _she's gone._ ' Then the ache set in. With the words' relentless repetition, realization of what that really meant began to sink in. No Rose. Never again. No hand to hold. Never on the TARDIS. Never any Rose. No more. Not ever. The ache grew. It burned. It simmered. It boiled.

Game Station security finished processing them and he and Jack pushed their way out with ease. Taking up a large gun, the Doctor led the way. Jack was with him, and in more than just the sense of physical presence. They were of the same mind. Jack had thought all along what the Doctor was thinking now – someone was going to pay.

The Doctor had no intention of harming those that worked in the control room. He only wanted to face who was in charge of all this. But the more the staff spoke, the more upset and disgusted he became with them. They killed innocent people without regret and called it a job. Not a single one there cared that Rose was killed. The one called 'the controller' told him it didn't matter. Didn't matter…

Then the mood suddenly shifted again. Anger and confusion paused as Jack produced another shock and the greatest words the Doctor had ever heard: 'Rose is still alive!' But after an exuberant cheer and fierce embrace of shared joy with Jack, they had to refocus their efforts. Rose might be alive, but she was still in great danger.

Not just danger – a nightmare. It was a living nightmare come to revisit the Doctor. Daleks were the masters behind the Game Station. A full Dalek fleet had been hiding in the dark and Rose was in the center of it. The horror of it could not be diminished, but the power of the Doctor's fury surpassed all other emotions. He would destroy them, every single one. When he was finished, there wouldn't be a single Dalek left in existence. And Rose… he wouldn't lose her again. He didn't know how he'd do it, but failing wasn't an option. He would succeed.

It was war then, the same war he thought he'd finished long ago. And just as it was long ago, the Daleks were afraid of him - as they should be. Unpredictable, he was. The Doctor wondered whether Rose really understood the gravity of it all. He was manic and she fed off that energy. He had no doubt that she understood the destructive nature and strength of Daleks and she also knew that Time Lords had failed to defeat them in war. Perhaps her faith in him was just that strong. He wished he could be as confident.

In the end, it was the same decision that the Doctor had had to make when he ended the Time War. Was the destruction of a planet worth the death of the Daleks? Sacrifice billions or allow the Daleks to spread across the universe and destroy  _countless_  races. The Earth slain by him or the universe exterminated by Daleks. The Doctor hated that it was once again on his shoulders, but he knew it was his responsibility. He would do what he had to… but he couldn't if Rose was there. He'd promised to keep her safe and he would.

* * *

"Rose Tyler, you're a genius!" the Doctor cried with excitement. The next thing Rose knew, the Doctor's lips were on hers with a quick, enthusiastic kiss. She chuckled as he expressed incomplete thoughts of his new plan. The consequences of crossing one's own timeline still didn't make much sense to her. She'd tried to think it through before, but as with much of time travel, the more she thought of it, the more turned around she got. One thing she did understand was that it was risky. Risky, but the Doctor seemed to have found a loophole and was thrilled by it. If he was so excited and confident, then why did she suddenly feel so anxious? Still, she grinned broadly and obeyed when the Doctor instructed to hold down one of the TARDIS buttons.

"Just got to go and power up the Game Station. Hold on," he said.

Rose's anxiety increased each second he was outside the TARDIS doors. Her heart began racing. Something felt wrong. She wasn't sure what it was, but something felt very wrong. The TARDIS, she realized. It was the TARDIS. The TARDIS itself was troubled and it was sharing with her. She was about to call out when the time rotor started moving.

Panic. Absolute panic. And then she did call out for the Doctor. This was his doing, but  _what_  was he doing?

"Doctor, let me out! Let me out!" Rose shrieked as she pounded on the TARDIS door. "What have you done?!"

Rose sagged against the door, her mind reeling. It was too late for her to do anything. The TARDIS was already in flight. What the hell was the Doctor thinking?

"This is Emergency Programme One." The Doctor's voice suddenly filled the room and Rose's head snapped up. There, in front of the console, was a hologram of the Doctor and it was addressing her. She was so stunned at first that she almost missed what it was saying. "Rose, now listen, this is important. If this message is activated, then it can only mean one thing: we must be in danger. And I mean fatal. I'm dead or about to die any second with no chance of escape."

"No!" Rose lunged forward, ready to argue, but had no one to argue with. He'd given her no choice. He tricked her here, tricked her into this. He'd lied about his plan. He'd been planning to die…

"And that's okay," he assured her. "Hope it's a good death. But I promised to look after you, and that's what I'm doing. The TARDIS is taking you back to London."

"No! I won't let ya!" she shouted at the hologram.

"And I bet you're fussing and moaning now. Typical. But hold on and just listen a bit more. The TARDIS can never return for me. Emergency Programme One means I'm facing an enemy that should never get their hands on this machine. So this is what you should do: let the TARDIS die. Just let this old box gather dust. No one can open it. No one'll even notice it. Let it become a strange little thing standing on a street corner. And over the years, the world'll move on and the box will be buried. I know this is scary, Rose, but you've got a brilliant future ahead. I won't let anyone extinguish that. You shouldn't have to fear the Bad Wolf anymore. It was all about putting you with me, but that won't be possible anymore. You know how dear you are to me, Rose, and I can guarantee you're my last thought. And if you want to remember me, then you can do one thing. That's all, one thing." The hologram's head turned and looked straight at her, causing her breath to catch. "Have a good life. Do that for me, Rose. Have a  _fantastic_  life."

"No!" Rose shouted defiantly. She rushed to the console and began looking over the controls. "You can't do this to me! You can't! Take me back! Take me back!"

The TARDIS landed and Rose rushed to the door, hoping that the TARDIS had somehow defied the Doctor's commands. But when Rose jerked the door open, she was staring out at what was once her home neighborhood in London. Was before and was now again?

"No," Rose growled again. She slammed the door shut and ran back to the console. "How do you fly? We need to go back."

The Doctor had been showing her how to fly, letting her help him, but it was explanation more than instruction. She should have made him teach her. She shouldn't have allowed herself to remain ignorant. She hated being this helpless.

But ignorant meant lacking knowledge. She could learn! She'd done it before. She hadn't known a thing about Time Lord physiology, but she studied and taught herself. Not only did she learn facts, she put them to use saving the Doctor's life. She could do it again. She would!

Rose stepped up to the console monitor with determination, but her hopes were dashed immediately. It wouldn't turn on. She was sure with a bit of tinkering she could get it back up, but that was only if it was powered off by mistake, and Rose had a feeling that wasn't. She quickly pressed a few buttons on the console that she knew were safe to touch and none of them worked, not even the one for music. Emergency Programme One didn't just take her to London, it locked the TARDIS controls so she couldn't even try to leave.

The shock really settled in then, making it difficult to think. She didn't have any other ideas. She wasn't sure what to do. The Doctor thought of this as keeping her safe, but to Rose, it was being displaced again. She called the TARDIS her home, but that wasn't quite right. Her home was with the Doctor, wherever he was, and so the TARDIS was only home by extension. She liked to visit her mum and Mickey, but London wasn't home anymore. She was displaced from the life she loved best. She couldn't accept it, but she didn't know what else she could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Terrible at rehashing episodes. Necessary events, but I didn't want to draw them out so it ended up rather choppy. Can you tell it's not my favorite chapter?


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I decided to post an extra chapter today. :)

Rose had hardly set foot outside the TARDIS, when Mickey came into view at the end of the street. Though deeply distressed, Rose hadn't felt the urge to cry until she saw him. Seeing Mickey there, same old Mickey, made everything feel more real. She was stuck here. It wasn't that she didn't love Mickey and her mum. She just didn't belong here anymore. She really was stuck and she had really lost the Doctor.

Rose missed the words in Mickey's excited greeting and just turned into him, crying against his chest, accepting any comfort he could give. Her mum showed up just a minute later, having heard the TARDIS engines just as Mickey had. Rose didn't feel very much like explaining, but she did, in part, at least.

Two hours later, her mind hadn't gained any further clarity. Her brain was buzzing like it was working overtime, but she could hardly put any thoughts together. It was just the same weary thoughts cycling: the Doctor was dying, she could do nothing, she was stuck here, and then there were the many things that meant for her future. Just the basic facts because they just couldn't sink in.

Her mum and Mickey tried to be consoling, but it wasn't very effective. They didn't want the Doctor or Jack to die, but they weren't close enough to the two men to really feel any sting from it. As for Rose being sent back to London to stay with them permanently, Mickey and Jackie told her sorry, meaning they were sorry Rose was upset about it, but they themselves were relieved.

Their condolences didn't last long. It had hardly been a half hour before Jackie and Mickey thought Rose should be moving on, putting the Doctor and everything behind her. They didn't put it like that. No, they just pushed conversation in other directions, making awkward small talk. They tried at first to make small talk with Rose, filling her in on things she'd missed while she was gone, but when Rose didn't respond, Jackie and Mickey started talking to one another in front of Rose, throwing just an occasional comment in Rose's direction.

Sitting down in a local restaurant, it was clear that they were running out of topics. 'New pizza place?' - 'What's it selling?' - 'Pizza.' Rose just ignored them. Couldn't they see that she just didn't care? Couldn't they see there was only one thing that she did care about? She needed to get back. They just didn't understand. They  _really_  didn't and when she snapped and tried to explain, it only came out wrong. It wasn't that Rose believed she was better than anyone else, as she had been accused. It was only that she knew she didn't belong there. As much as she loved them and would treasure the time she lived there, her life with the Doctor was the better life for her. He was the most incredible man in the universe, she loved him, and he was dying and there was nothing she could do. Emotionally overwhelmed by her rant, she fled the restaurant and the company of her mum and Mickey.

Rose was granted a bit of time to herself, but it wasn't long before Mickey found her wandering about the play yard. After a short apology, he started right back in with, "You can't spend the rest of your life thinking about the Doctor."

"And just how do I forget 'im?" Rose responded quietly. She wouldn't. She knew she could never forget the Doctor, so how could she move on then?

"You've got to start living your own life," said Mickey. "You know, a proper life, like the kind he's never had. The sort of life that you could have with me."

Rose scowled, ready with a biting remark, but her attention was stolen by something else. Fresh paint on the tarmac in the play yard, huge letters that read 'Bad Wolf.'

"No…" Mickey anxiously denied with a shake of his head. "No, this can't happen anymore, right?"

Rose was staring without blinking, her foggy brain clearing and frantically considering possibilities. There were more possibilities than she could think up, but she  _knew_  what it meant. "It  _is_  happening. Bad Wolf means I'm supposed to be with the Doctor so I'm going to get back. I'll find a way. This is proof."

Mickey called out as Rose raced across the play yard. "It's just spray paint! Anyone could've done it!"

Mickey shook his head and raced after her. Who was he kidding? Rose was going back. He had to do what he could to help.

* * *

"All the TARDIS needs to do is make a return trip. Just reverse." The way Rose stated it made it sound like an easy feat.

"Yeah, but how are you supposed to do that if the controls are locked?" Mickey pointed out.

"Well, I was thinkin'… I told you that this ship is alive. Not just alive, but telepathic. She can listen," Rose said emphatically.

Her bubbling hope was obvious, but Mickey was still pretty doubtful himself. "Right… not listenin' now though, is it?"

"Course she is. She always is. She's in my head right now." Mickey looked unsettled by that news, but Rose continued unaware. "Problem is, she doesn't get into my head right. She's just about the surface of my mind. Or… maybe the problem is that my head's not big enough for a proper chat…" she said thoughtfully. "Anyway, last time I saw you, in Cardiff, everything was breakin' apart, right? So was the TARDIS. A bit of the console opened up and I made contact with the heart of the TARDIS. Well, more like she made contact with me.  _That_  is what I need. I know it is now. I can feel it. I can do this."

"So… what? You hafta break open the TARDIS?" Mickey asked skeptically. He was becoming more and more uneasy about this whole thing, which was saying something considering he didn't like any of it from the start.

Rose smiled softly at the glowing column. Terrified as she was, she still felt safe in the TARDIS. "You know… I don't think I do."

"But I thought you just said-"

"I think I need it open, but I don't think I need to break it," Rose explained. "This, er, might not work. But if it does… Well, I'll try to come back if it can, but still… just tell my mum that I love her. And you, Mickey… thanks."

"Wait, but you haven't said how you're going to open it."

Rose flashed him a smile. "I'm going to ask nicely… beg if I have to."

"But…"

"Best if you stand back," she suggested, placing both her hands on the edge of the console. She was going to be humiliated if this didn't work, but humiliation was the least of her worries. There were too many other feelings. Hope was a big one. She liked hope. Fear was another big one. She remembered quite well how horrifying it was the last time the console popped open. The third towering emotion was desperation. Hope and desperation were strong enough to tamp down the terror. She knew the Doctor would risk anything for her. It was time for  _her_  to rescue  _him_.

Rose blew out a slow breath and closed her eyes. She'd never tried to initiate a telepathic connection before, but then she realized that she still didn't have to. She could feel the TARDIS, just as she always could. She just needed to slow down and reach out to that sensation. She was astonished at how different it felt this time. There was no fight. The TARDIS was welcome.

"Go, Mickey!" Rose ordered. "Go now!"

"But, Rose, what-?"

"Just leave!" Rose turned her head to look at him and Mickey staggered backward. He stared at the golden light in her eyes for just a second before turning and fleeing as instructed. In his rush, he forgot to close the TARDIS door. It appeared that he didn't need to worry about it as it swung forcefully shut on its own.

"Bloody hell," he muttered.

Rose refocused her attention. Though the console still needed to be opened, she wasn't afraid anymore. The TARDIS was a calming presence in her mind. There was no more fight, no more storm. Harmony. It was time.

The console opened at her request, bathing her in light, an exquisite light that blinded the eyes, but brought clarity to the workings of the universe. She could see everything. She could see her Doctor. And she could see that the time had come.

* * *

Coward. Any day.

The Doctor had done everything he could to prepare. The delta wave was ready for use. One press was all it would take for him to wipe out every single Dalek. He could exterminate them all with no regrets. But the Earth, the people there… that sacrifice… He told himself that he had to, but in the end, he just couldn't. He didn't have it in him to make that kind of decision again. He was going to die either way. He wouldn't live to see the consequences. Let him die standing for peace, not murdering the masses. Let someone else fight them…

Rose was safe. That was enough for him.

The Doctor closed his eyes and breathed calmly, waiting for the Daleks to exterminate him.

And then he heard it. So did the Daleks, so it wasn't his imagination. The Doctor whirled around and stared in shock as the TARDIS finished materializing. The doors opened suddenly and he shielded his eyes from the overwhelming light streaming out. It wasn't just streaming, the light was flowing and swirling, all around a silhouette in the doorway. Rose.

The Doctor tripped backward and stared up at her with wide, terror-filled eyes. The light wasn't just coming from the TARDIS. Rose herself was encompassed by a nimbus of light with a golden glow swirling in her eyes.

"What have you done?!" the Doctor demanded in horror.

"I showed my heart to the TARDIS and she shared hers with me." Rose's voice was as ethereal as her appearance. Gone was her South London accent, her enunciation polished and her tone impassive and regal.

"You looked into the Time Vortex. Rose, no one's meant to see that."

"I am," she disagreed.

"This is the abomination!" the voice of the Dalek emperor boomed.

A beam shot out of the weapon of the nearest Dalek as it cried "exterminate." Rose lifted her hand in front of it and the beam stopped where it was and then retraced its path to the source.

Rose continued speaking with the stunned Doctor as though nothing had interrupted. "I am the heart of the Bad Wolf. I created myself. I take the words and I scatter them in time and space." When Rose waved her hand, the letters in the Bad Wolf logo lifted away from the wall and dispersed, scattered just as she'd said.

"A message to lead myself here," she explained, "just as they were scattered before to lead you to me."

"Rose, you've got to stop this. You've got to stop this now," the Doctor implored. "You've got the entire Vortex running through your head. You're going to burn!"

Rose looked down at him, her eyes directly on him, and the Doctor saw her then, beneath the power and light, his Rose as he knew her. He saw the emotions of love and fear that were driving her. "I want you safe. My Doctor. Protected from the false god."

"You cannot hurt me. I am immortal," the emperor proclaimed.

Rose's attention snapped back up to the emperor and the warmth that the Doctor had glimpsed was gone. "You are tiny. I can see the whole of time and space, every single atom of your existence, and I divide them." When she raised her hand at the nearest Dalek again, it wasn't in defense. She held the power as judge and executioner. She needed no weapons, only thought. The raise of her hand was only for show, a formal decree, as she caused the Dalek to slowly disintegrate. She spoke again, but there was a distinct waver in her voice. "Everything must come to dust… All things. Everything dies…" Her voice choked, but the strength returned to declare, "The Time War ends."

The Doctor watched from his place on the floor in silence, awe, and fear as all of the Daleks disintegrated. It should have felt like a victory, but Rose was the weapon. Rose was burning. Any scenario in which he lost Rose could never be called a victory. "Rose, you've done it. Now stop. Just let go."

"I can't," she said simply.

"You can. You have to," the Doctor told her, finally climbing to his feet. "Just let it go, Rose."

"But I can't," she repeated, her voice breaking. This was his Rose again. Though her voice was still unnatural, vibrating with an unworldly echo, the air of authority had vanished. She seemed so much smaller this way, more delicate.

"Rose," he pleaded. "Y-"

"I'm not holding it anymore, Doctor," she tried to explain. "The Bad Wolf is holding it. I can't let go."

"No!" The Doctor seized her by the arms and stared desperately into her eyes. "Let me take it.  _Please._  I'll take it and I'll-"

"We won't let you die. We came to save you."

"We?"

"Bad Wolf," she answered. "I've finished what she wanted. The Time War has ended. Bad Wolf is done with me now. It's over, Doctor."

"NO!" the Doctor bellowed. Rose's body began to steadily glow brighter, burning the Doctor's hands as he tried to keep hold of her. "No! No, just stop! Please!"

"Don't forget me, Doctor," Rose implored, her voice fading in the light. "Don't forget me."

The light had completely enshrouded her and the Doctor hissed in pain from the scalding heat in his hands, but he refused to let her go. As soon as Rose finished her last word, the light burst, throwing the Doctor across the floor. He immediately looked up and Rose was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Both sorry and not sorry for any painful feels this chapter evoked. Only two more chapters after this, but I assure you, I'm a happy ending kind of writer.
> 
> So... things are going rather differently than canon. Let me know what you think?


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst and answers

The Doctor had long lived with the self-assurance that, no matter what his future held, nothing could ever be more horrific and painful than the Last Great Time War. Only he hadn't known that there was one final battle of the Time War still to come. As though the guilt of committing double genocide and the loss of his people weren't enough, he had to face his greatest nightmare again… and lose Rose.

His precious Rose that had made life beautiful again. She made every day something to look forward to. Her touch, her voice, her smile... they had been healing balms. No matter how troubled he ever was, a supportive look from her could mollify him. Not that she hadn't challenged him. She had and he'd needed that, also. Whether he felt lost or was blinded by his own arrogance, Rose had been there to guide him. She rebuked him when necessary, but was always there to comfort and support him after. He didn't know how he'd ever gotten on without her. Now that she was gone, he questioned how he was ever going to go on without her again.

Thoughts of her were with him no matter what he did. He couldn't escape them, couldn't run from them no matter how he tried, and couldn't even distract himself from them.

The moment after he lost Rose, after seeing and feeling her burn up with time energy, he stood frozen in absolute shock and horror. His mind had shut down as he stood alone in the silent, empty Game Station. Several minutes passed without a single movement. The Doctor acknowledged his tears with a touch… and then he ran. Once aboard the TARDIS, he immediately set a random course and exited the TARDIS as soon as he landed. The TARDIS was filled with memories of Rose and he couldn't bear to dwell on them. He couldn't accept that she wasn't there or that she never would be again.

Going to new places, places he'd never been with Rose, didn't help though. He only spent the time imagining what Rose would think of the things there, what things would draw her attention, what would make her smile and laugh or crinkle her nose in disgust. He just couldn't push her from his mind. It wasn't that he wanted to forget her. He only wanted to forget that he'd lost her. People everywhere he went should have been grateful that she remained with him in spirit because amidst the sorrow, the Doctor harbored anger, bitterness, and resentment. Thoughts of what Rose would and wouldn't approve of still guided him, dissuading him from lashing out as his anger compelled him. Many times anyway. Even when he did lash out, it wasn't too aggressive.

Except when it was…

Bad Wolf. The words still followed him. The first time, he was on an uninhabited planet and the words were carved into a cliff. Next, it was a poster in a market. He'd looked about wildly, even though he knew he wouldn't find Rose there. He tore down the sign and shredded it, which led to a heated argument with a shop owner. The third time Bad Wolf showed up, it was from the mouths of a few villagers, speaking about a voyage that 'Bad Wolf' was to make. The Doctor knew he'd gone too far that time, but as he watched the brigantine sailing ship called Bad Wolf go down in flames in the harbor, he couldn't bring himself to feel guilty. No one had been aboard. It was just the vessel. It was something physical touched by the Bad Wolf, something tangible connected with it. He wanted to burn the Wolf itself, but it was still nothing but words.

The Bad Wolf of prophecy spoke of Rose belonging with him, but in the end, it was Bad Wolf that took her from him. The Bad Wolf wanted Rose with him just so she could get to the Game Station with the TARDIS. The Bad Wolf used Rose and the Time Vortex to end the Time War. And then Bad Wolf was 'done with her.' Rose was played as the Bad Wolf's pawn. The Doctor still had no idea what Bad Wolf was, but he hated, loathed,  _despised_  it with more ferocity than he'd felt for anything or anyone before. It offered him something more precious than he'd imagined and then it burned her.

The Doctor felt no guilt watching the burning ship sink into the water, but all other emotions overwhelmed him and he returned to the TARDIS. He thought of revenge, but all he really wanted was Rose. He was caught between wanting to hold onto every bit of her that he could and wanting to forget everything about her. Trying to suppress it all was doing nothing to ease the pain, so for the first time in sixteen days, the first time since he lost Rose, he returned to their shared bedroom.

The Doctor spent a few hesitant moments standing outside the bedroom door before his tentative entrance and he was accosted by memories the second he stepped inside. Rose was everywhere. A few pieces of jewelry were on the chest of drawers near the door, along with an odd assortment of items that she'd emptied from her pockets. A few photos and mementos from their trips were on surfaces around the room, but only her favorites. The Doctor had set aside a room just for her souvenirs and keepsakes as they had been taking up too much space in her old room and would clutter up  _their_  room (previously  _his_  room) unless he gave her somewhere else to put them. A pair of trainers were near the door to the ensuite. They were covered in the congealed, purple-tinged slime of a giant alien gastropod. Rose kept meaning to put them in the cleaner in the boot cupboard, but never got around to it. Against the wall opposite the bed, the Doctor's pillow lay on the floor. The Doctor stepped further in the room, closed the door, and went to retrieve the pillow. He wasn't sure whether to smile or cry at the memory that explained its location. Rose had been exhausted the night before and was moody and sleepy when he went in to wake her a few hours later. Her mumbling was unintelligible as she spoke into her pillow. He'd made some teasing remarks and she returned with grumbled banter. At his mischievous, lewd reply, she rolled over and threw his pillow at his head. She'd dragged herself out of bed and headed for the bathroom. She paused as she was passing him to give him a quick peck on the lips and advise that sexual suggestions were better accepted if one didn't annoy the person first. That was the last time they were in the room together. Then it was off to Japan 1336 and just after they returned to the TARDIS, they were taken onto the Game Station.

Oh, what he would give to go back to that moment. Lord of Time, yet he was powerless to reverse the time he most desperately desired to.

The Doctor climbed onto his side of the bed and just stared at Rose's empty spot. He didn't remove his boots or leather jacket. He felt vulnerable enough without removing his armor and he had no intention of staying long anyway. Just a moment, a few moments. He just needed this, needed her, anything he could.

It was a very rare thing for the Doctor to cry. It was not that he didn't feel profound emotion; it just rarely took the form of tears. When it did, the moment didn't last long. He'd cried more times in the few years following the Time War than he had in all his life prior to that. It was the same after losing Rose. There were quiet moments when the tears came, but he quickly pushed on to something else that required his attention. But here, in their bed, the Doctor broke. Restraint was released completely, not limiting him to a few sorrowful tears, but letting everything pour out. He clung to her pillow and wept, sobbing with abandon. Rose's name slipped from his lips. His Rose. Nothing hurt more than the loss of his precious Rose.

He let it all out until he'd exhausted himself, and then he just laid there, still holding on to Rose's pillow, her scent still tickling his senses. He'd exhausted his grief for the time, but in the wake, his anger began to grow. The reason for all of this, for his suffering and all of Rose's, was Bad Wolf. The Doctor still didn't know what it was or how to find it, but he knew where to start. He didn't care if the TARDIS didn't want to land on Ahnier. He was going to force it, no matter the risk. He'd faced his grief. Now it was time to release his wrath. The Bad Wolf would not go unpunished.

* * *

Though the Doctor meant it when he swore to himself that he'd land on Ahnier 'no matter the risk,' he still took some time to look for the safest point for his attempt. He probed here and there and the TARDIS was quite clearly against it, even going as far as to shock him when he tried to engage flight. Digging deeper, he saw why. There was a shield around those points, not around the planet, but connected to the Time Vortex. If the TARDIS tried to travel through those points, well, it'd be painful for both him and the TARDIS. Except… The Doctor looked closer and saw that there  _was_  a safe place to land. There was a window of three days and limited to the village he'd visited before, where Rose's father had tricked him into taking her as an infant. And the man would still be there now. This window was nearly twenty-seven years after the last time he'd visited. If he wagered a guess, it coincided with Rose's age. Had Rose never left Ahnier, at this date in time, she would be exactly the age she was when she died. This wasn't coincidence. This window was an invitation. The Bad Wolf wanted to see him.

Fine by him. Better than fine. Fantastic.

As soon as the TARDIS landed, the Doctor ran a scan. With as powerful as the Bad Wolf was, he hoped he'd be able to track it and maybe get an idea of what he was dealing with. However, the TARDIS was unable to run the scan. In fact, the TARDIS was unable to perform a number of functions. The Doctor would have been more concerned had he not been so determined. In order to dismiss unease and caution, he pointedly ignored anything that might stimulate those responses. Though the lights in the console room may have dimmed, the Doctor denied it completely. He didn't check to see if the TARDIS was still fit enough to make an escape because he refused to believe it might be necessary. He could handle this well enough on his own. Without a hint of trepidation, the Doctor strode out of the TARDIS. He didn't need the TARDIS to find the Bad Wolf. The people of the village would have far more information. Time to meet the neighbors. And he knew exactly who he wanted to speak with first.

The TARDIS was parked in the exact place it had been the first time he'd visited, on a hill at the edge of a field of low grass, just off the side of a packed dirt road. From there, he could see a large portion of the village and even pinpoint the house he was looking for. The streets were quiet and nearly empty in the early morning, but the few people that the Doctor passed openly gawked at him. Most residents were likely awake at this time, but it was still early enough that very few had left their homes. The Doctor was grateful for this. He had no patience to deal with anyone that might approach him.

All of the mud brick houses had tall, smooth sides, the buildings constructed around a small courtyard at the front of the property with walls that afforded them complete privacy. Around the doorways leading into the private courtyards, some homes had decorations set into the wall: tiles, carvings, or raised lines made of the same material as the wall. The Doctor glared at the doorway he stopped at, one of the largest homes, two-story, with one of the more elaborate decorations, proudly declaring "Most Honored House of the Bad Wolf's Blessing."

The Doctor did not ring the bell or knock, nor did he knock on the house's front door. He stood in the private courtyard and called out in a commanding voice, "Cassaun! Come out!"

It was a few minutes before he saw any movement, but then slowly the front door opened and a man's head tentatively poked out. The Doctor held a hard stare while he waited for Cassaun to fully emerge and face him. The man did so reluctantly.

"It's you," he said anxiously as he stood before the Doctor. "I didn't expect we'd see you again."

"You hoped you wouldn't, you mean," the Doctor corrected. It had been about twenty-seven years since Cassaun had seen him and much longer since the Doctor had seen Cassaun. The man had aged, now in his sixties with age lines, dark hair gone mostly grey, and sporting a neatly trimmed beard, but the Doctor easily recognized him. "I came to talk. I want you to tell me about Bad Wolf."

"O-oh… Bad Wolf. Right. Yes… Yes, Bad Wolf. We could talk, yes," Cassaun stammered. "W-what did you want to know?"

"Everything," the Doctor said seriously. "I want to see any information that has ever been collected on Bad Wolf. Any records, rumors, evidence… everything. So if it's not here, bring it here or take me to where it's kept. And no visitors. I won't tolerate anyone else."

"R-right. That's fine. It's all here. As it's the honor of my family line, all historical writings are under my care. I-if you'd like to come in…" Cassaun gestured to the front door and the Doctor accepted the invitation. Cassaun's wife, Rose's mother, stood off to the side, watching cautiously.

"The man from the stars has returned," Cassaun explained, "and wishes to learn of Bad Wolf. He wishes to see me in private. See that no one comes to call."

The woman nodded and Cassaun led the way to the other side of the L-shaped house and through a door that led to a small room outside the main house. The room was a shrine to Bad Wolf. There was a large mural on one wall of a dark wolf howling with swirls of gold issuing from its mouth and small tapestries hung on other walls with images of wolves and written blessings. Against the furthest wall, in front of a tall thin tapestry, was a large 3-tiered table. On the top tier was a carved statue of a howling wolf. The second tier had only candles, but the bottom tier littered with a number of small items: pendants, gems, strings of beads, and tiny bowls of powders and oils.

"Not just a prophecy then. You worship the Bad Wolf," the Doctor commented. His voice was even, but his scowl left no question of his opinion of the Bad Wolf.

"Well.. y-"

"Just get to it," the Doctor interrupted impatiently.

"Right," Cassaun agreed, walking over to the shrine. Once there, he sank to his knees and pulled out a key to unlock the cupboard doors under the lowest tier of the table. The Doctor hadn't paid it any mind.

Cassaun didn't look up at the Doctor when he spoke, focusing on the lock, but they both knew he wouldn't have faced the Doctor when asking anyway. "If I may, could I inquire about my-?"

"No," the Doctor cut him off firmly. "I didn't come to tell stories. I came to hear them."

"Right, of course," the man replied meekly. From out of the cupboard, he pulled a chest quite similar to the one that infant Rose had been hidden in. The Doctor stiffened instantly. Using another key, Cassaun unlocked the trunk.

"Stories and prophecies of the Bad Wolf go back more than 400 years, so some of the writings are quite delicate," Cassaun warned. "Most are well preserved, although a few have been lost or stolen in previous centuries."

The chest was opened and pushed in the Doctor's direction. He knelt in front of it to examine it closely. It was filled with a number of scrolls in various sizes, pieces of leather and some of cloth bore images and inscriptions also. The Doctor didn't even know where to start, but Cassaun stepped in to walk him through it. He was definitely an expert, selecting the scroll that went along with his explanation without hesitation.

"A little over 400 years ago, this village and six others witnessed a flash in the sky. It was in the dark of night, but the sky lit up like midday. The length of time that the sky stayed light was fiercely debated, but was generally accepted that it was between two minutes and ten. It was not long after that that the whispers began. People reported small whispers in the mind, some having odd dreams. When people started speaking of them with one another, they found that many had similarities. It was then that people began privately recording these dreams and they brought them together and they were examined by a group of respected individuals. One thing was repeated time and time again and those were the words 'Bad Wolf.'"

The Doctor had seen that there were many scrolls, but judging by the number of scrolls Cassaun had already showed him, there were more than he thought.

"The whispers and dreams became rare after Bad Wolf was found."

"Wait, what?" the Doctor cut in. "You found the Bad Wolf? And just what is this thing? Where is it?"

"It is a god or a spirit that resides in the sacred rock. We do not know the exact nature of it, but it has blessed our people and we pay homage to it."

"A rock…" the Doctor repeated skeptically. "And it's blessed your people how?"

"Prosperity. Our crops and livestock have been healthy and bountiful and our entire planet has known peace for over 400 years," Cassaun boasted.

"Good crops and healthy livestock for 400 years?" the Doctor challenged doubtfully.

"Well, not at all times…" Cassaun looked uncomfortable, but explained. "There were, of course, times of drought and famine and floods… but we discovered that which displeased the Bad Wolf. We made amends and were sure to give proper praise. So long as we're in the Bad Wolf's favor, we're blessed."

The Doctor rolled his eyes. The Bad Wolf might be powerful, but this distinctly sounded like people making up reasons for misfortunes. He wasn't even going to ask what 'making amends' meant. "Back to this rock then. You think the Bad Wolf is a rock?"

Cassaun looked insulted. "Not a rock, the Bad Wolf resides inside the sacred rock. In this, there is no doubt."

"'Kay, right, we'll get back to that." It sounded like nonsense, but the Doctor wasn't going to argue until he learned as much as he could. "What's this about me?" He couldn't bring himself to ask about Rose. He hoped she'd be addressed without him having to request it.

"The first mention of you was made about 300 years ago. There was telling of the stars crashing to the ground, of great destruction. If the falling stars could not be stopped, not a single person would survive. But the Bad Wolf gave assurances that a man would come down from the stars, a man both like and unlike us. This man from the beyond the sky knew the name of each star and would saves us from harm."

The Doctor rolled his eyes again, but then startled and stopped Cassaun from putting a decorated piece of leather at his side. He hadn't tried to keep it from the Doctor, had showed it to him, but Cassaun was moving so quickly through the scrolls that the Doctor was given hardly more than a glimpse. This one, however, caught the Doctor's attention. He'd been shown a few images, but this one was clear. It was not a generic picture of a man surrounded by stars. It was him. It wasn't a detailed portrait, but it definitely captured his likeness, even had his leather jacket and black trousers.

The Doctor released him and nodded. "Keep going."

"We did not need to be told that we would owe much to the man from the stars for his protection, but we had no idea what would be appropriate. What did one give a man from places beyond our knowledge?" Cassaun glanced at the Doctor and it revealed his uneasiness. "The Bad Wolf told us that there would be a woman from our people that we were to offer to you. We questioned for some time what this meant. Was she to be a sacrifice or a gift and how should we know which woman? What were we to look for? All this information came over time. People began fabricating false prophecy, too, so that made it even more difficult. But then the Bad Wolf began marking those that it spoke to. People went to worship at the sacred rock and came back with the mark of the Bad Wolf on their wrist, a mark that could not be duplicated.

"The prophecies that spoke of the woman referred to her as many things, but most frequently as the Bad Wolf Child or The Heart of the Bad Wolf. This woman would be selected by the Bad Wolf and would receive a special blessing. A little more than 200 years before my second daughter, Seshalin, was born, it was told that the woman would be in my family's bloodline. My ancestor was given the Bad Wolf's mark, an additional mark on his shoulder, and two small marks behind his right ear. The marks behind his ear were the natural birthmarks that the Bad Wolf Child would be born with. From that ancestor, some children were born with the special mark on their shoulders and that further narrowed down the line that the Bad Wolf Child would come from. I myself have one. It was my daughter, Seshalin, that was born with the natural birthmarks behind her right ear. We thought she would be grown before the time came for you to arrive, but it was only nine days after she received her blessing that you came. We meant to give you a woman, not a baby, but she was the one the Bad Wolf had chosen. Who were we to question the Bad Wolf?"

"Who were you to-?!" the Doctor snapped. "You were her father! More than anyone, you should have questioned! You offered your helpless infant to a man you didn't know anything about. A man you feared. A man that didn't even want her! And then you  _fooled_  me into taking her. Did you consider I might not find her? Because I didn't. She was locked away in that chest, in a storage room for thirty hours before I found her. She suffered and could have died because you didn't want to question the wisdom of a bloody rock!"

Cassaun's expression was a conflict of emotion. He was indignant at the way the Doctor challenged him, but there was guilt as well. Guilt was what the Doctor had wanted to see. At least he had felt some measure of compassion and responsibility toward his offspring. The Doctor wanted to continue telling him of his daughter's fate, out of spite and resentment, but there was more to learn.

"You mentioned her receiving her blessing. What was that then?" the Doctor questioned.

Cassaun still looked displeased with the Doctor's disrespect, but one look at the Doctor's face reminded him how wary he was of this man from the stars. They had expected a hero and the Doctor was that, but he also seemed quite grim and irritable, not what they had imagined. The first time Cassaun met him, the Doctor's mood didn't darken past irritable and frustrated, but Cassaun had still felt unsettled. There was a look about him that warned he was not a man to cross. Being close to the Doctor now, Cassaun felt more than just unsettled. There was not a look 'about him' that warned, it was a pointed look. The Doctor's mein was hard and threatening and one could feel the dangerous storm beneath the surface.

Cassaun composed himself and continued. "Bad Wolf had instructed that when the Bad Wolf Child was 16 weeks old, we were to lower her into the belly of the Wolf and it would be there that she would be blessed."

"Belly? What belly?" The Doctor's eyes were narrowed with suspicion.

"A-at the sacred rock, beneath the Wolf's shoulder..."

"Shoulder?"

"Y-yes... the sacred rock of the Wolf..." Cassaun pointed at one of the tapestries. The image was of some large jutting rocks at the base of a mountain that came together to form the head and front shoulder of a howling wolf. While the Doctor had been examining it, Cassaun had pulled out another scroll. The image on it was detailed and, if it was accurate, the rock was very much in the likeness of a wolf. In the picture, there were several people gathered around the base, some kneeling about the shoulder. It was much larger than the ridiculous 'rock' he had been imagining. The Wolf's shoulder was about twice the height of a man and the tip of the Wolf's snout looked to be about twenty feet high. That was if the drawing was to scale.

"There is a sealed covering over a hole at the Wolf's shoulder. No one has ever entered. Anyone that had ever tried to break the seal was severely injured. Most had burns, some became ill, and a few even lost use of the arm that had come into contact with it. We weren't sure how we would open it when the time came, everyone was quite fearful, but when it came time for the Bad Wolf Child's blessing, it opened easily."

"And you lowered the baby inside then?" The Doctor's words were bitter, but he withheld further comment.

"Yes." Cassaun unfurled another drawing. It was just like the last, but closer to the scene. Not dreams or prophecy, this was documentation. "We placed the baby into the sling and lowered her gently. We did not know how long the ropes should be. We lowered until the ropes went slack which was twenty-six feet."

The Doctor was boiling with barely suppressed rage. This thing had injured many and they put a baby - put  _Rose_  - down there, having no idea what could be inside it.

"Almost the instant after we stopped lowering, a golden light burst out of the hole. It was so bright that those closest shielded their eyes. We had to be mindful not to let go of the ropes. It lasted for a number of minutes and we weren't sure when we were supposed to bring her back out. But the light died away and we drew her out. I was quite terrified. She had stopped crying as soon as the light appeared, but she emerged completely unharmed. Changed, though. Brown hair turned light blond, dark brown eyes were lighter and touched with amber. She was truly the Bad Wolf's child then. It was expected that my wife and I care for her until you came, but she was the Bad Wolf's child."

"I've heard enough," the Doctor growled. "Take me to this bloody rock."

The Doctor was on his feet and Cassaun trembled slightly as he looked up at him. "W-why?"

"Because it's long since time I meet this damned beast."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are greatly appreciated. :)


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks again to ascballerina for the beta.

Either the time for people to venture out into village had come or the few people that had spotted the Doctor earlier had spread word about him. Either way, the streets were busier and he was getting a lot of unwanted attention. Before long, a crowd started to form, tailing after him and Cassaun. Most were muttering amongst themselves, some were trying to sidle up to Cassaun to make private inquiries, to which a troubled and twitchy Cassaun kept replying 'yes, the man from the stars' and 'I don't know.' Others in the crowd, people that had pushed to the front, started loudly calling out questions.

The Doctor stopped and turned suddenly to face them. "Yes, I'm the one that saved you from the bloody falling stars. If you don't want me bringin' them back down on ya, then leave me to my business!"

The crowd looked uncertain and then appeared to have different opinions regarding what to do. There was hesitation, but some of the bolder individuals quickly started after the Doctor again.

"Father, is there trouble? Are we in danger?" one man called out, coming up close to Cassaun. Unable to help his curiosity, the Doctor took a look at the young man, apparently Cassaun's son. Handsome, he'd admit, with dark hair and eyes that Rose had supposedly been born with. He looked to be in his early to mid-twenties, making him Rose's younger brother.

"I don't know, Rolan. He only wishes to meet with Bad Wolf," Cassaun hissed over his shoulder.

"He  _is_  here about the light then? Does he know what it means?" Rolan probed.

That got the Doctor's attention. "What light?"

"The one from Bad Wolf, just like in the accounts four centuries ago. It lit up the whole night sky like daylight. I mean it happens every few years and nothing comes of it, but it worries everyone still," Rolan explained.

"You failed to mention that," the Doctor told Cassaun.

"Begging your pardon, er... Sir... Sir Hero," Cassaun replied uncertainly, "but you did say you'd heard enough."

"The Doctor. That's me. Just the Doctor. And I suppose you're right; I did say 'enough.' Changed my mind. What's this light?"

"Well… it has happened every few years since you were here," Cassaun explained. "Before that, there was only record of it four centuries ago. We've prayed for explanation from Bad Wolf, be it assurance or warning, anything, but the Bad Wolf has been silent since the Bad Wolf Child's blessing. No whispers or visions at all."

The Doctor turned this information over in his mind. "Every few years, you said? Let's see if I can guess. I'd say the first time was probably about a year and a half after I left – two flashes just hours apart. Then two years later, six years later, then five, and five. Am I right?"

Cassaun and Rolan exchanged looks, Rolan seeking confirmation from his father. "Yes, the last was seven years ago, except that four days ago it happened again, much brighter than any of the rest. You have an understanding of what that means?" Cassaun asked hopefully.

"Yes. I do." The Doctor's tone was severe, his posture straight, and fists clenched at his sides. "That was the moment that Bad Wolf killed your daughter. Filled her with that golden light and wouldn't let her go. She burned alive from the inside out. There weren't even ashes left when the Bad Wolf was done with her."

Cassaun and Rolan looked horrified.

"B-but why?" Rolan asked in confusion. "If she was the chosen one, then-"

"The chosen one?" the Doctor scoffed. "Every time you saw that light, she was thrown across the universe, ending up on a planet she didn't know. She'd get to know people for five or six years, then they'd all die and she'd end up somewhere else. She saw people she'd grown to love get slaughtered in war and crushed or drowned in natural disasters. That was her blessing. And for what? It was so the Bad Wolf could turn her into a weapon. That's what the Bad Wolf wanted. She wanted a weapon to destroy an entire army. That was the chosen one's fate. When Bad Wolf was done with her, it didn't let her go; it killed her. Bad Wolf killed her."

"But where were you?" Rolan wondered aloud. "Wasn't she supposed to be with you all this time?"

The Doctor turned and seized Rolan by the shirt. " _I_  didn't know what the hell was going on! A baby was  _smuggled_  aboard my ship and I was expected to  _keep_  it? You don't know me. None of you have a clue who I am. My life is dangerous. Those 'falling stars' of yours was an easy day for me. My life has no place for a baby and I knew nothing about Bad Wolf. I gave the baby to a family that would keep her safe,  _not_  shove her into the hands of a mad man. She didn't start traveling with me until last year. It was not  _my_  fault for the suffering she went through. Bad Wolf had planned this whole thing,  _knowing_  that I would give the baby to someone else. You want to blame someone? Then blame your merciless, inexorable god."

The Doctor released Rolan who staggered back in shock. But the young man was relentless and jogged to catch back up. "So if you know what happened, that it was because… Well, the light was because of the Bad Wolf Child's death… what are you here for?"

The Doctor didn't stop walking, but fixed his eyes on Cassaun. Cassaun had felt it already, but this was confirmation.

"I'm here to kill the Bad Wolf."

"What?!" Rolan exclaimed. He looked around wildly. Though they still had a couple dozen people following them, none of them were close enough to hear what the Doctor had said. "But… but…"

Rolan looked at his father, wondering his opinion on the matter. Though Cassaun was still obviously frightened, his expression was hard. "Can you? Will we suffer for your attempt?"

"Won't be an attempt and you won't be any worse off once it's gone," the Doctor declared.

"You can't know that!" Rolan argued. The Doctor didn't respond and Rolan became even more frantic. "I could stop you!"

The Doctor remained silent, and paused when they rounded a copse of trees and the wolf-shaped rocks came into view, not but twenty meters away. The Doctor strode toward it with purpose. He still didn't know what he was facing, but he didn't care. He had no way to prepare, so he wasn't going to try. It was reckless, but he had no patience for caution. He just had to hope he was clever enough when it counted.

Cassaun and Rolan followed the Doctor closely and silently, not sure what they should do or say. The rest of those that followed kept a respectable distance.

The Doctor nudged a small but weighty boulder with his boot. "This it then? This rock covering the opening?"

"That rock hides the covering," Cassaun corrected. "I told you that people who touched the covering were injured. We cover that with the stone in effort to prevent more injuries."

"Alright, help me move it then."

Rolan was shocked when his father moved to obey. "This is suicide!" he protested.

"If this is suicide, what's it matter to you? You don't like me anyway," the Doctor pointed out.

"I didn't say that. It's just that… you're provoking a god."

"You know how many places  _I'm_  worshipped as a god? The title's overrated. Alright, Cassaun, on three…"

The Doctor started counting and Rolan looked helplessly at Cassaun. "Father, do you really trust him?"

Cassaun waited to reply until he and the Doctor paused in their efforts. He was panting from exertion when he responded. "For twenty-seven years, I have asked why it had to be my daughter. For twenty-seven years, I have wondered about her, hoping her well and happy. People tell me I must be so honored, and I have been, but I have never lost the wish that it was someone else's child. Imagine if it had been you that suffered all these things that Seshalin did, or imagine your unborn child being destined for such things. All this time, I have worried about how the 'mad man' was treating her, but it turns out I should have feared the Bad Wolf all along."

"You believe him then?" Rolan's question was sincere.

"A man does not stare down an enemy with wrath such as his unless he has truly been wronged. He sought to protect your sister. He fights to avenge her. I have lost my faith in Bad Wolf. I place my trust in the Doctor," Cassaun declared. "Now gives us a hand with this boulder or be on your way."

Rolan was conflicted for only a moment longer and then rolled up his sleeves. The Doctor gave Cassaun a lopsided smile and then gave his count again. It took a few more good pushes, but they managed to fully reveal the 'covering' which the Doctor thought would be better defined as an 'access hatch.' It was thick, circular, shiny metal hatch that looked much like a sewer covering, except for the inset hinge and inset handle.

"Right then." The Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his jacket pocket and pointed it at the hatch. "As I thought," he said as he looked at the reading, "no danger to touch. The Bad Wolf's been expecting me."

"And it's not fighting you?" Rolan asked, his fear returning. "What if it's luring you in?"

"Might be. Won't stop me." With one strong jerk, the Doctor pulled open the hatch. It was no surprise to find it dark, but the Doctor had expected the air to be stale. Instead, cool, clean air wafted up from the darkness, carrying the light scent of… toasted almonds? Perhaps not, but still not what was expected. Though really, he wasn't sure what to expect.

"Right… probably should have thought of a rope," the Doctor realized. He didn't usually do much in the way of planning, but he should have at least thought of that. He followed Cassaun's line of sight when the man beckoned to someone in the crowd. It turned out to be his wife who just so happened to have a long line of rope with her.

"How did y-?"

"It was not hard to guess that you would want to enter the belly of the Wolf, Doctor," Cassaun told him with a weak smile. "I was not sure what to think of you or whether I approved, but I knew there would be no stopping you. I mentioned a rope to my wife as we were leaving the house."

The Doctor gave a small smile and nodded his head. "Good man."

As the Doctor and Rolan went about securing the rope, a handful of people from the crowd became concerned enough to approach and question. Cassaun told them that obviously, the Bad Wolf was allowing him entrance. Everyone, including Cassaun and Rolan, were anxious about the Doctor's intrusion, but nobody moved to stop him. Apprehensively, Cassaun assisted the Doctor as he readied to enter.

"I still doubt whether this it wise, Doctor, but I wish you safety and success," Cassaun offered. "I give my word, so long as the Bad Wolf does not strike me down, I will wait for you to emerge. You can trust that you will have assistance in returning to the surface."

"Er, thank you." While the Doctor genuinely appreciated the man's faithful assistance, the mention of the Bad Wolf possibly striking him down unsettled him. It sounded like the same religious nonsense in the shrine about the Bad Wolf blessing or cursing them with prosperity or plague, but there might actually be something to this fear. The Doctor cared nothing for his own safety, but what if something did happen while facing this 'Wolf' that might affect them? The Bad Wolf's light bathed the whole sky at times. If he provoked it and things went wrong, would the people be in danger? He didn't like that idea, but the Bad Wolf was too powerful to be left to its own devices.

"Right then. Down I go." It was tricky maneuvering down into the hole and even more difficult once the Doctor was hanging down inside. As he'd feared, there was no wall to repel down. He was forced to climb down hand over hand. Still, it felt safer than allowing anyone to lower him. He preferred to manage his own descent. Cassaun claimed it was only twenty-six feet to the bottom, and the Doctor trusted that, but twenty-six feet felt a lot deeper than it sounded. There was complete darkness on all sides and the light and sounds of voices seemed to dim before they should as the oppressive darkness and silence pressed in on him. Only halfway down, the voices above became too muffled to understand and the opening to the outside appeared much smaller and light rather faint. The Doctor wondered if he'd be able to see anything at all when he got to the bottom. His sonic screwdriver didn't make the best torch. He paused at the halfway point and strained his ears for any sounds from within the cavern… or whatever it was. Nothing. Not a sound.

When the Doctor neared the bottom, he felt around for the floor with the tip of his boot. When he came into contact with it, he dropped the last few inches. The soles of his boots made a 'thunk' sound rather than the 'crunch' of rocks that one might expect in a cavern beneath a rock formation. But neither would one expect to find a metal hatch leading into it. The Doctor had had suspicions and this confirmed it. The floor was flat and smooth, though a bit slanted. It was a solid, proper floor and he could sense without seeing that the walls were just as sturdy and uniform. He took out his sonic screwdriver to inspect further.

The small blue light did little to illuminate the Doctor's surroundings. He had to bend over to shine it closer to the floor. It was smooth and solid as he'd thought, an epoxy resin coating over what he suspected was thick metal floor. It was likely a spaceship then, and judging by the slight tilt of the floor, likely a crashed one. The Doctor straightened and held out his sonic screwdriver again. If this Bad Wolf, whatever it might be, was as powerful as it had demonstrated, what was it doing residing here? And if Bad Wolf was expecting him, just where was his greeting? He was about to call out, but another voice beat him to it, the soft sound of its approach accompanying.

"Wouldn't happen to have a banana, would you?"

The Doctor's breath caught and he froze on spot. Tentatively, he replied, "Rose?"

"What took you so long? It's been four days. You kinda had me worried." Her voice had a sort of forced lightness, attempting to hide the depth of her concern. She took another step forward, but the Doctor retreated a step. His sonic screwdriver was still whirring, providing a small measure of light. The Doctor's company was just outside its reach. Only a quick flash of colored fabric, red top and black bottoms, were revealed in the split second it took for the Doctor to maintain distance.

"Who are you?" the Doctor demanded. "Are you the Bad Wolf?"

"W-what?" the worried voice questioned. "Doctor, it's me. Rose. Wh-"

"Rose is dead," he declared coldly. "The Bad Wolf killed her. That'd be you then, wouldn't it?"

"The Bad Wolf didn't kill me," Rose stated in confusion.

"I was there!" the Doctor bellowed. "I held her as she burned!"

"Not burned," Rose answered quietly. "Well, might've hurt a bit, but not really burned. Displaced. I didn't die; I was brought here. Been here waiting… You said if I was ever displaced again, you'd come for me. I wouldn't even have time for a snack before you came for me, you said."

"Rose?" the Doctor asked in a broken, hopeful voice.

"Yes, Doctor." Rose took a tentative step forward into the light of the Doctor's sonic screwdriver. She looked exactly like she had on the Game Station, although, perhaps in need of a shower and some rest.

The Doctor was desperately hopeful, but still wary. "What about this Bad Wolf then? Where is it?"

"You're standing in her.  _This_  is the Bad Wolf – a TARDIS," Rose answered. "A crashed TARDIS."

The Doctor was utterly bewildered. "What?"

Rose slowly and cautiously reached out to him. The Doctor was just as wary as he let her place her hand on his forearm. She turned his direction a little to the right and then pointed ahead. "Bad Wolf is a TARDIS. She's been here for quite some time, a bit over 400 years. Been dying for over 400 years…"

The Doctor walked forward in the direction Rose had pointed him in and the light of his sonic revealed a broken console much like his TARDIS's first design. "A war TARDIS," he stated.

"Yeah, that's what she said. She somehow got past the time lock. Her pilots started to regenerate and died during the process because of the TARDIS's energy that exploded," Rose explained. "She let me remember some stuff this time, but that doesn't mean I understand it all."

"Rose!"

She was startled by the Doctor's sudden change and the fierce embrace he pulled her into. All doubts were gone. This was Rose, his Rose, still alive. He was completely overcome with emotion. There was intense relief, but it came with all the feelings he'd needed relief from. All the pain and grief, but here she was. He shook as a few tears slipped free, completely without permission. He held Rose tightly to him, his face buried against her neck. Rose was stunned, but slid her hands beneath his jacket and wrapped her arms around him, offering all the comfort and assurance she could. "It's okay, Doctor. I'm here."

"I thought you were dead," he whispered.

"Can't get rid of me that easily," she teased.

The Doctor snorted a watery chuckle and finally released her. "A TARDIS… so you had already been exposed to the energy of the Time Vortex as a baby. That's where all that time energy in your system came from."

"Yeah, Bad Wolf locked it all away in my mind, locked a bit of herself in there."

"What do you mean?" the Doctor asked in a disapproving voice.

"I was just a baby. Best I didn't remember anything until the proper time anyway. It had all been planned out so I couldn't change it anyway."

"Couldn't change what? What the Bad Wolf did to you?"

"Best explain it right," Rose decided. "Not that I really know or understand it all. This TARDIS came from the time war and crashed. Whatever was damaged in the crash caused her to be connected to the Time Vortex in a different way. It was constant exposure and rather unstable. She looked for other Time Lords and other TARDISs, but there was only one of each left. She knew how it all ended. TARDISs are more alive than I think you believe. Bad Wolf felt loss and she felt anger, too. All that was lost was because of the Daleks. She could see them at the Game Station, another Dalek fleet, and could see the potential destruction. She took it upon herself to stop them. Except she couldn't do it on her own.

"TARDISs have unimaginable power, but there is very little they can do on their own. They need pilots, someone to guide them and control their power."

"And she chose you."

It was clear that the Doctor was extremely upset by that, but Rose continued as though she was unaware. "She chose me because I chose her… or something like that. Circular paradoxes seriously do my head in. 'A' happens because of 'B', but 'B' happens because of 'A'… so there's no start to it? When I connected with her here as a baby, I told her to choose me for this, so a few centuries before that, we whispered to people and left clues for who should be chosen. So when they saw I was the chosen one, I connected with the Bad Wolf and told her to choose me. There's loads of those things in my life."

"Do you remember what happened when you 'connected' with Bad Wolf?"

"I'm not sure if it's a memory exactly or just understanding that the Bad Wolf gave me. An infant's mind shouldn't be able to process all the information that ran through my head, but the Bad Wolf protected me and guided me and gave me understanding. I saw everything. All that was and all future possibilities. She showed me, guided me, protected me, but I was the one that had to make it happen. A four-month-old baby with the power of a god, able to change anything to how I wanted it to be. Bad Wolf showed me what she wanted, requested it. It was a discussion, a path chosen by both of us. Using your TARDIS to expose me to the Time Vortex again so I could face the Daleks was one possibility, but not the only one. I know that's something that bothers you. I'm sure you feel used for your TARDIS, but that's not it," Rose ardently assured him. Her expression turned a bit guilty and bashful before she continued. "I saw you. That bit was me. I wanted to know you… go with you... I knew you wouldn't take me as a baby. I saw what it would mean, all the places I'd go, the displacement, the waiting… I thought it would be worth it. So the Bad Wolf helped guide that path, found places we knew you'd go and put me your path. Then we placed messages that would help you and me figure it out. She helped change my physiology to protect me from the time energy, which I needed anyway if I was going to survive that first encounter. But… well… I didn't know how things would go between you and me, the possibilities were too numerous to count, but if maybe I might be able to stay with you… We tweaked my DNA a bit so that I might be able to stay with you a bit longer. Also, for my traveling, she filled my head with languages. It was the only knowledge I was allowed to remember."

The Doctor's expression was unreadable, making Rose rather anxious. His tone was even when he sought further explanation. "You said she locked a bit of herself in your mind. In what way?"

"The TARDIS is alive. You mentioned her heart, her soul. It's not the time energy that you saw streaming out of the console. A TARDIS's soul is hidden inside that, a spark of life. That 'trigger' we talked about, that was the Bad Wolf herself. I carried her with me all that time. This box we're standing in now, functioned as a machine without conscious during that time. The Bad Wolf was with me, sustaining us both with time energy and striking us with a spike of it to displace me whenever it was time."

"That's what I saw locked in your mind. That's what's protecting your mind," the Doctor stated with certainty.

"Was. She  _was_  in my mind and protecting it. But like I said, she's done with me now. What we set out to do has been done. She's been dying for a very, very long time. She's managed to sustain life support and a few necessities for me while we waited for you to come for me, but once we leave… she's ready to let go." Rose was a little choked up at the thought.

"It's done? Not in your head anymore? No more influence?"

"No more," she affirmed. Still unsure of what the Doctor was thinking, she quietly offered, "You can check if you'd like. No wolf, no storm. Just me."

The Doctor could be hard to read at the best of times. Now, after stumbling upon her when he'd thought she was dead, after so many unexpected and profound revelations, and with his facial expression difficult to make out in the sonic screwdriver's faint light, Rose had never been more uncertain. His silence only worried her more. He'd been hugging the life out of her a few minutes ago. Could what she had told him changed things between them?

"If you're upset, I'm sorry," Rose quickly offered. "I really didn't know. It might have been me that did it, but I really didn't know. And what I chose… I was a baby. The Bad Wolf helped me understand what events could occur, but I had no idea what I might feel through all of it. Or what you'd feel about it. Not much life experience at that age, you know. I can't say it wasn't manipulative 'cos it definitely was, but I didn't know 'til now. All the time you've known me, I've had no ulterior motives. I just wanted to be with you. I love you. If I had known a-" Rose's rapid speech halted instantly when the Doctor took a step toward her. Her breath caught as she waited for him to reply.

The Doctor stepped up directly in front of her and cupped her cheek. His head tipped down until it touched hers. His warm tone of voice was comfort enough, but his words were the assurance she needed. "Do you really think I'd doubt you?"

"I, uh…"

"I don't need convincing that you're not malicious or manipulative. Never even crossed my mind."

"Oh… It's, you know… kinda hard to guess what you're thinkin' when you get all quiet like that. Makes a girl nervous, you know? Especially after all that." Rose bit her lip in embarrassment. She tried to glance up into the Doctor's eyes, but it was hard with their foreheads still touching and the Doctor's eyes were closed anyway. He felt her motion though and pulled back slightly.

"I might hafta work a bit harder to make sure things are clear then because I don't want you doubting me either." The Doctor leaned forward again and pressed her lips with a soft, lingering kiss. "I love you, Rose, and I thought I lost you. I'm only glad I have you back."

Rose gave him a small smile and added, "and that you won't have to worry about Bad Wolf anymore."

The Doctor's brow creased. "Not sure I like it being put that way. I understand what she was doing and it worked out for everyone in the end, but it was still dangerous and I don't like that she used you."

"She's no more malicious or manipulative than me. She only wanted to stop the Daleks, which was exactly what we were trying to do," Rose pointed out.

"I just told you that I understand. That doesn't mean I'm happy with her though. And being unhappy with her, being glad we don't have to worry about her influence anymore doesn't mean that I'm glad she's dying or anything. If I wanted people to die just because they upset me, this universe would be a lot smaller."

Rose shook with laughter and the Doctor smiled brightly for the first time in over two weeks. Both their smiles vanished and they whipped around suddenly when they heard something hit the floor. They stared into the darkness in the direction the noise had come from and then both looked up at the dot of light high above them. The Doctor, with his overworked sonic screwdriver, started searching the floor.

"Just a stone," the Doctor assured Rose, holding it next to the sonic's light for her to see. "Cassaun must be worried about how long I'm taking. Probably still worried he might be struck down by his angry god."

"Got friends up there?"

"One, maybe. Not sure friend's the right word. 'Accomplice' might be better. A much more reluctant accomplice beside him."

"Yeah, I can't imagine many would appreciate you setting out to kill their god," Rose teased. He hadn't actually said that's what he was planning to do, but it went without saying that that had been his purpose.

"I didn't exactly tell anyone but my accomplices. A crowd followed, but no one has ever gone into the belly of the Wolf apart from you. No one could even touch the entrance without injury. They likely think it's destiny or that I'm here to parley."

"Well, let's not leave them waiting. I'm ready to get out of here," Rose said eagerly.

The Doctor stopped his experimental tug on the rope and looked back at her remorsefully. "Yeah, I suppose you would. Four days trapped alone in the dark? I'm sorry, Rose. I really didn't kn-"

"You didn't know," Rose cut in to hastily offer reassurance. "I realize that. Pretty lucky it was just four days, and I wasn't sitting in the dark. The lights were on before you opened that hole, or whatever it is. When the lights went out, I didn't know what was happening. I heard movement, but I didn't know it was you until I heard the sonic. Like I said before, Bad Wolf has been holding life support and providing some necessities, like a water, meal substitute tablets, a  _toilet_. Not torture, but boring and uncomfortable and I'm  _dying_  to get out of here. So…?"

"Onwards and upwards! In literal direction. How confident are you at rope climbing?"

"Well, I've proven that I can cling to one for an extended period, but just how high are you talkin'?" Rose worried as she squinted up at the light.

"Twenty-six feet. If you're not sure you can make it-" The Doctor jumped back when another stone fell just beside his foot. "Blimey. I guess tuggin' the rope has made 'em more nervous."

"Why don't they call down? Or you call up?"

"They might be. This place swallows outside sound and light. They might be afraid to anyway. I'll holler up in a second in hope that they'll stop tossing things down on us, but back to my question: Can you climb it?"

"I'm really not sure…"

"Not to worry. I'll climb out first and then pull you up." As he spoke, the Doctor picked up the end of the rope and began tying. "Probably best I go first anyway. Cassaun could use the warning. Might have a heart attack if you popped up without warning. I told him the Bad Wolf killed you and that's a large part of why he's been helping. Suppose I should probably warn you, too, in case you don't remember. Cassaun's your biological father. Anyway, this knot I've made is secure. Just put your foot in the little loop, give the rope three good tugs, and then put your rope clinging skills to good use."

Rose could see the Doctor's smile in the glow of the small light and she could only nod in response. He'd said it all casually, like it was all trivial, but to her it was startling. Her father, her birth father, was up there. She couldn't remember him at all. She hadn't known what to think of him after the Doctor had divulged that her father had thrust her into the care of a stranger. By the sound of it, the man had done it because he thought it was right and safest for everyone, but it had still been a bit hurtful that he was so adamant to shove her off. But now, when he believed the Bad Wolf killed her, he was denouncing his god and assisting the Doctor as he went to avenge her? Which was just another thing she was trying to wrap her head around – the Doctor going to avenge her. With as mad as her life was, Rose felt she should really stop being so surprised.

Rose was sure that more than one person had been pulling her up, but when she got up to the open hatch, only the Doctor was there helping her out. She replied with quiet affirmation when the Doctor checked to see if she was alright. Her voice was distant as she was much more focused on taking in her surroundings. She was still squinting as her eyes adjusted to the bright morning light. She was able to focus first on a small group of two men and two women. She didn't remember them, not at all, but somehow she knew that they were her mother, father, older sister, and a younger brother that she'd never met. It was both exciting and uncomfortable to see them. The discomfort and uncertainty increased when a large roar of cheers suddenly broke out. With her vision back to normal, Rose looked out at an enormous crowd that was looking directly at her and cheering. She felt the Doctor sidle up next to her and waited for an explanation.

"The Bad Wolf hasn't spoken to them since you left. They think Bad Wolf has sent you back to speak to them on her behalf."

"Oh, brilliant," Rose deadpanned. Hitching on a pleasant smile, she gave a small wave to the crowd. "And what did you tell your accomplices."

"Small misjudgment and you were following me up."

"Small misjudgment," she muttered. "So what exactly am I supposed to say to these people? That-"

Rose stopped mid-speech and whipped around to face the wolf-shaped rock. At the look of horror on her face, the Doctor was immediately on guard and began to inquire. Before he could finish asking, the ground gave a great sudden lurch, causing many to stumble. Though not as violent as the initial shock, the ground continued to quake. Some people fled, but the majority of the villagers stayed where they were, shaking with fear, but too dedicated to their god to flee. Blessing or punishment, they would stand steadfast before their god.

Rose took the other approach and raced to the closed hatch, pressing her hands to it and bowing her head against it. The Doctor seized her arm and tried to tug her away, insisting with urgency, but when she didn't listen, he removed her with force, yanking her away from the collapsing monument.

Once a short but safe distance from it, Rose turned to watch again. The large rocks that had fit together as one were pulling apart and breaking, the wolf's great head falling to the ground. The rocks had formed during the TARDIS's original crash and she had taken her name from the formation. But without her beneath to support it, it fell to pieces. Rose had known that Bad Wolf was going to die, but she hadn't realized how it would affect her. She felt as though she was crumbling, too. As soon as the rumbling stopped, she ran back to the broken monument and fell to her knees again. The hatch was completely buried and so she knelt at the larger boulder blocking it, pressing her forehead to the ground. To anyone watching, she looked as though she was worshipping, but the Doctor suspected what was happening.

"She's gone," Rose wept, feeling the Doctor by her side. "She'd left, but now she's really gone."

"And it's quiet?" the Doctor asked softly. Rose had spent her entire life with the Bad Wolf in her mind and hadn't even known. It was just a part of her. He was sure there had been a lot of tears and adjusting when the Bad Wolf had left Rose's mind and returned properly to the TARDIS, but the presence hadn't fully left until now. It had still been a comforting presence in her mind as his TARDIS was in his mind. Now Bad Wolf was gone completely. Rose had lost something that had always been with her, leaving silence and emptiness. She knew she couldn't get it back, but her head was still pressed to the ground where the Bad Wolf once was, desperately seeking what she knew was lost forever.

Gently, the Doctor coaxed her up enough embrace her, holding her to his chest. He wanted to comfort her, let her know that he understood, to give her assurances, but words, in these types of situations, often failed him. Instead, he used hers. When he had explained to her the condolences of the Deitisans, condolences for the silence in his mind, her words, while not enough to heal, were enough to console. "You might not have what you did before - Bad Wolf, that connection - but that doesn't mean you're alone… There's me."

Rose did recognize the words and lifted her head to look up into his eyes. Unsure what to say, she put her love and gratitude into a soft kiss. The Doctor smiled warmly and rested his forehead to hers. She was always enough for him; he would try his best to be what she needed. An odd, powerful sensation swept over him and he pulled back to look at her. Rose looked just as startled.

"I didn't mean to," she said hurriedly. "I didn't know. I've never… I'm sorry."

"No more mental barrier. You're seeking," the Doctor acknowledged, rubbing his forehead. It was a bit more invasive than a friendly, mental greeting. Neither of them knew what her telepathic abilities were, considering she'd never been able to try them, but if that was a sample,  _accidentally_  breaching his mental defenses… they had things to work on. Or… maybe something to work  _with_. Maybe they could have each other to fill the silence. A bond. The Doctor shook his head. Ludicrous idea, that. Still, he might tuck it away for another time.

Climbing to his feet, he helped Rose to hers. Once standing, they finally returned their attention to the crowd. Nearly a hundred people, including her family, were all on their knees with their heads bowed to the ground as Rose's had been.

"Right…" said Rose. "Now what?"

* * *

Neither Rose nor the Doctor particularly wanted to stay on Ahnier, preferring to get back to the TARDIS after that emotional mess, but Rose felt it was necessary. She told the people that Bad Wolf had taken care of her and called her back because the Bad Wolf was dying. She had never had a religion herself, but she understood that it was important to some. She wasn't sure how the Doctor felt about her statement, but it felt right, and it wasn't a lie. She told them that the Bad Wolf might no longer be there, but she had had the ability to see everything, from the beginning to the end of time, and she could touch any point. She didn't tell them that the Bad Wolf would always watch over them, but would let them think what they wanted about that statement.

After the speech, again, she wanted to leave… but a part of her needed to stay just a bit longer. This was her birth family and the place where her life began. This family was even willing to act against their God to help the Doctor avenge her. She couldn't help her curiosity. The Doctor definitely made them feel a bit uneasy at times, but he stayed for the family meal, not willing to leave Rose's side.

When lunch was through, it was finally time to head back to the TARDIS.

"The TARDIS hasn't been the same without you, you know." The Doctor said it casually, but they both knew it was more. Beneath that, he was telling her it was miserably lonely and he was so glad to have her back. He just felt he'd been sappy enough for awhile and wanted to get back to normal. Rose could use that, too.

"Does that mean she's been shocking you a lot?"

"Some, yeah," he chuckled.

"Good. You probably deserved it," Rose teased.

"Oi!"

"Just joking. Although you two can be pretty rough on each other when you're moody," she said thoughtfully. "I just can't wait to be home."

"Not far, now," the Doctor assured her. "Only about-"

"One fifth a mile," they spoke together.

"I know," Rose reminded him.

"You still feel the TARDIS? Constant awareness?" the Doctor asked. He never really knew why she'd had constant awareness, but he had assumed it was because his TARDIS was always brushing along that fierce mental barrier she had.

"It's different now. Maybe not constant awareness, but constant comfort? If we use clothes analogies again… Wearin' clothes is just normal and comfortable. It's goin' around starkers that you're off, like you're constantly aware of what's missing. Just because it's not constant awareness doesn't mean I can't sense her as strongly if I want to. We, er, can communicate a bit better now, actually. Bad Wolf didn't want to let your TARDIS in until the right time. When permission was granted… Well, I was conditioned to have a TARDIS in my head. You call her semi-sentient, but I promise you, you can drop the 'semi' part."

"So… you're saying you can communicate… in what way?" the Doctor asked uncertainly.

"I'm sayin' you better watch how you act when I'm not around because the TARDIS can tell tales on you." Rose flashed him a mischievous smile with her teasing tongue poking between her teeth. "Joking. Sort of. I'm really not sure what it's like, yet. Still new. Not like talking between us, but stronger than what it was before. I can definitely tell where she is and she's already welcoming me home. Oh! You bought pastries with tzinshim filling!"

"Joking about her telling tales?" the Doctor muttered under his breath as he unlocked the TARDIS door. "What are you doing thinking about food anyway? We just finished lunch."

"Lunch was just alright, but even if it was fantastic, it's not dessert."

"Need dessert then? I know just the place.  _Better_  than just dessert. You and me, Rose, are in need of celebration." The Doctor was positively beaming as he moved about the console, readying them for their next destination. It was just like after the gas mask people – everybody lives!

"I wholeheartedly agree," she told him. "Dessert?"

"Yep!"

"Wine?"

"Yep!"

"Dancing?"

"Yep!"

"A private dance once we return home maybe?"

The Doctor looked up at her with a smoldering look. "Oh, yes."

"And then…"

"And then wherever and whenever you like. Your wish, Rose Tyler, is my command."

"Then we go find Jack."

The Doctor looked up again and his smile had fallen away. His brow was creased and he looked like he wasn't sure what to tell her.

Rose let loose a mirthful laugh. "He'd not dead. You really think I'd let that happen to him? Let him sacrifice himself to stop the Daleks? If you and I were getting out of there, so was Jack."

"Displaced by Bad Wolf? Are you sure?" the Doctor asked hopefully.

"Yep. Might take a bit of work to find where I put him… but you're clever, I'm a bit clever, and the TARDIS is extremely clever. We'll find him and have even more to celebrate."

"Then let's celebrate." The Doctor swooped Rose up, spun her around, and kissed her passionately.

Rose pulled back and stared into his bright blue eyes, searching him and giving him everything in that one look. "Thank you."

"For a kiss?" he asked, though he was sure she meant more.

"For everything. Keeping me, wanting me… loving me."

"I couldn't stop if I tried," he told her, stepping away to tend to the quivering and then quaking TARDIS. "If anyone's doing the thanking, it should be me. Not so easy to love, me. Though I would like to point out, the loving you and keeping you is much easier when you're around. Rule Number One is a very good rule."

Rose grinned. "No wandering off?"

With the TARDIS firmly settled at their destination, the Doctor returned to Rose and wrapped his arms around her waist. In answer to her question, he shook his head. "You never did understand. 'No wandering off' means 'stay with me.'"

"You should have said from the start."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the legend of the wolf child.
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read it and even more to everyone that reviewed. I really would love to hear what you thought of the conclusion if you wouldn't mind leaving a note.


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